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Chapter 31: Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

Julie walked into the kitchen carrying some groceries. She'd dropped Stephanie off with Taylor and Mikey at another friends and it was the first time she'd been alone in a week. She took a deep breath.

"God, I miss you Dad," she whispered. She put the groceries away.

"Hey," Jimmy walked in and dropped a suitcase. She looked at him. "What?"

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I um," he said. "I don't have class on this week, and I don't have a shift at the hospital, so I thought I would come up for a few days." She nodded. "Did you not want me to?"

"I think that Steph and Mike need to get used to how things are going to be," she said. "And you showing up randomly isn't that." He frowned.

"It isn't?" He said. She shook her head.

"No," she sighed. "It isn't, since you're moving to Baltimore in a few months."

"Who says I'm going to Baltimore?" He said.

"Last I checked that's where Johns Hopkins is, isn't it?" She shrugged. He groaned. "I am not letting my family stand in the way of your dreams, Jimmy, not again."

"Julie if you think that I regret going to USC with you for even a minute you are dead wrong," he said. "Do you really think you're the only one who got something out of that decision?" She sighed. "I got three NCAA soccer championships, a hell of an education and the fuck away from my father and brother!" She swallowed. "I got four years of you, without anything in between us." She looked up at him as he put his arms around her waist. "Don't you remember how happy we were?" He kissed her softly.

"That was a long time ago," she whispered. "A lot's changed."

"Yeah," he said. "But the one thing that hasn't changed, in ten years Julie is how we feel about each other." She pressed her head against his chest. "Let me back in, honey, please?"

"I'm not ready," she said. "I'm just not. He's gone, and I'm still adjusting to that."

"I know," he said. "I understand." She nodded. "But don't push me out. I just want to be a part of your life again, whatever you need right now."

"OK," she said. "You don't mind the separate bedrooms thing?"

"No," he shook his head. "I mean, I don't love it, but I get it." She nodded and wiped her eyes. "And if I decide to do Mass Gen or the hospital in Portland that applied to that's my decision OK? You didn't ask me to give up Johns Hopkins, just like you didn't ask me to go with you to USC."

"OK," she nodded. He kissed her softly again. "And we can do that? Whenever you're here?"

"Separate bedrooms I can deal with," he said. "But not kissing you, that's asking way too much." She smiled.

Kelly rolled over and stretched hearing the door to her and Scooter's bedroom open.

"Hey," he said and sat down and kissed her.

"Hi," she whispered. "What time is it?"

"Like 3:30," he shook his head.

"You were editing this whole time?" She asked. He shook his head.

"No," he sighed, "I was with Janet." She nodded.

"How's she doing?" She whispered.

"Not good," he sighed. Kelly nodded as he lay down and she buried her head in his chest. "She asked if she could talk to Rick."

"God," she mumbled. "You pointed out that,"

"Rick isn't a divorce lawyer," he laughed. "Yeah, I did. My mom's going to freak. You know how much she loves Janet. And even though those two have always been the black sheep,"

"Vanderbilts don't get divorced," Kelly said. Scooter nodded. "God, I just can't believe she slept with Emily. I mean, every since the whole Janet likes girls too thing happened, they've flirted, but, God."

"I know," he whispered. "God, she's fucked half my family now, do you realize that?" Kelly laughed. "How was your day?"

"Good," she said softly. "I missed you though."

"I missed you too," he said. "God, but I'm doing the best work I've ever done Kel."

"Mm," she said, snuggling and starting to fall asleep.

"You want to go to sleep don't you?" He laughed.

"Mmm," she cooed, "yeah, but maybe you can be home tomorrow?"

"It's Connie's first day of school," he said. "Claire said that if I even text her she'll pass me off to Bonnie." Kelly laughed.

"Good," she said. "You're all mine then."

"Go back to sleep sweetheart," he said softly.

Tammy sighed standing in front of the large canvas she'd bought. She stared at the mixed oil paints and took a deep breath and then closed her eyes. She opened them again and started painting. She hadn't used the images in such a long time. She painted for hours. It felt like a minute had passed when she pressed her palms against her forehead. She looked outside, the sun was coming up already. How had that happened? She looked at the canvas. The scared girl was sitting in the top branches of the tree, and giant versions of the rabbit and duck's shadows covered everything. She shuddered. Her paintings had always shown how she was feeling. She picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello?" Dave said, picking it up and stretching.

"Hey," she said. "Are you back in the city?"

"Um, yeah," he said. "Tammy?" He asked.

"Uh huh," she said. "I finished." He smiled. "Look, you don't have to come over right away, but if you can get over here at some point."

"No, I'll be right there," he said. "Do you have coffee and breakfast food? I'm staying on the boat so I've got crackers and Ovaltine."

"Yeah, I can make coffee," she said. "Thanks." She sat quietly waiting and staring at it. It was good, she knew it was good. But how good? She couldn't judge that, she knew Dave could. She stretched, pressing one hand behind her neck. She closed her eyes.

"Tammy," she opened them and Dave was there.

"Hi," she said. "What do you think?" He looked at it. They stood quietly.

"It's really good," he said. She smiled. "You should know that I already have a lot of buyers already interested, just because you're doing work again." She laughed.

"Yeah, maybe it'll get Emily and Craig back together and it'll save your marriage." She said. He laughed.

"I think it's beyond saving," he shook his head. She looked at him. "How are you doing?"

"Taking it one day at a time." She shrugged. "I miss him, a lot."

"Look at you," he said, and pushed her hair behind her ears. "Steve's a moron."

"Yeah," she said. "Thanks." She sighed. "Do you want to come upstairs? The food's all up there."

"Sure," he nodded and they walked upstairs. She started brewing a pot of coffee and got some eggs out of the fridge. "So what happened?" She looked at him. "I thought you guys were doing well?"

"We were," she said. "Things were back on track at least, but then Julie's parents, and he just pulled back. I couldn't do it anymore." He nodded. "Have you talked to Emily?"

"Just once," he said. "And it wasn't so much talking as me yelling." She nodded. "I don't know, I should have known, I mean for years Janet was restless and unhappy."

"She loved you," Tammy said. He nodded.

"I loved her too," he whispered. "I just don't think I can forgive this." She nodded. "I'm proud of you, for starting your work again. It couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't," she said. "And Dave, I've been doing my work."

"I know you love design, Tam," he said. "But your talent," he ran his hands through her hair, "you're a painter."

"Dave," she whispered pulling back. "I think you should," he kissed her.

"Do you understand how long it's been," he said. "I wanted you, the innocent little girl who wanted to see the Met, the feisty young woman who worked in the gallery, you, now," he kissed her again. She pushed him away and stood up.

"You're married," she said. "Dave, you mean a lot to me, I care about you, but I can't,"

"My marriage is over," he whispered, walking over to her. "Look me in the eye and tell me you've never thought about it." She swallowed. She thought about late nights setting up installations at the gallery, or long days choosing photo layouts for RDC. Of course she'd had moments of wondering what it would be like.

"I can't do that," she whispered. He nodded and kissed her again.

Eva looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. She was wearing a plain black dress that Tammy and Kelly had sent her because she was starting at Paxton Day School in the morning.

"Hi sweetheart," Rick said walking in.

"Hi Daddy," she whispered. He sat down with her. "Shouldn't you be helping Mommy with the babies?" He frowned.

"Eva," he said. She looked at him. "I know this was a really hard summer for you."

"It wasn't that hard," she said softly. He looked at her. "You were gone so much!"

"I know honey," he said and hugged her. "And maybe, because of the baby and helping with Eddie and everything Mommy and I sort of forgot that you're not quite all grown up yet." She nodded. "But we're really excited about you starting Paxton."

"I'm excited too," she said.

"And I wanted to give you this," he said and handed her a small package.

"I don't really want a present," Eva said. "I just want you to be here." He sighed.

"It's not just a present," he shook his head. "Open it." She nodded and opened the paper. She swallowed looking at the simple diamond pendant in a black velvet box.

"What is it?" She asked.

"This," he said softly and fastened it around her neck, "was your Nana's." Eva touched it. "Before she died, she gave it to Kelly. And after the wedding, Kelly gave it to me and Mommy, to give to you when you're old enough, and I thought that after the whole tough summer thing, you deserved it now."

"It was Nana's?" Eva said and looked at her father. Rick nodded. "Are you going to give Bella some of Nana's jewelry?"

"Probably someday," he said. "But not this necklace, which Nana wore everyday, until she got sick." Eva touched it again.

"Aunt Tammy said that I was the best thing to ever happen to our family," Eva said. Rick laughed.

"The summer that you were a brand new baby," Rick said as his oldest daughter snuggled her head into his chest, "was the first summer that Grandma and Grandpa got married, and we all lived at the big house to take care of you, while they were at their honeymoon. That was when we started acting like a family."

"Everyone?" She said. "You and Mommy, and Uncle Jimmy, and Aunt Tammy, and Aunt Kelly and Uncle Tommy, and Uncle Steve and Julie, and Diane and,"

"Well, OK, not everybody," Rick said. "And Steve isn't your uncle. And Tommy hadn't met Diane yet."

"Daddy," Eva said. "Steve is my uncle. Mommy said I could call him Uncle Steve, and that you just don't like him because you're a big snob." He laughed.

"Go to sleep princess," he kissed her. "You have a big day in the morning."

"OK," she bounced out of bed. "I love you Daddy."

"I love you Eva," he stood up and walked out.

Tammy groaned as Dave pressed into her.

"Oh God, Dave," she whispered as he kissed her neck and finished. He rolled away and they lay quietly. She rolled onto her side and he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. He nibbled on her ear and she giggled.

"Do you have any idea how many times I dreamed about you calling out my name like that?" He whispered. She smiled.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," she said.

"I should go," he said, as she rolled over and kissed him.

"Really?" She said. He nodded.

"I've gotta get the gallery open," he said.

"Right," she said. He ran his hand through her hair. She shuddered feeling a strand get caught on his ring.

"I'll call," he said. "This was nice." She nodded.

"Yeah it was," she said softly. He got out of bed and got dressed.

"Bye," he said softly and kissed her.

"Bye," she whispered. She quieted and watched him go. Suddenly a part of her clicked and she realized what she'd done. She started to cry.

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