hello all... anyone? hehe its been a little while since i last updated (hahaha) but at least this one is full of cuter things... more sasu/saku-ness, sorry for those who dont like that, and next chapter is already being written so hopefully there are a few people still interested in this fic, even after so long (and im very sorry bout that, forgive me?)... and sorry if i seem quiet (is that the word?... morbid?) - bad news today, ignore the mood of the authors notes and focus on the somewhat cuter mood of the chapter :)

thanks to nomanslandvicki, Merridaine, angstar54, xteenuh102593, dailyangel, DotBrokenWings (hehehe very sorry for the lateness to you especially... dont kill me? :), Akiiya Uchiha, Lacuna Lily and Night'sBullet for reviewing last chapter... i hope you read this one too, though i hardly deserve the ongoing support :)

this ones dedicated to daily and maria, both of whom have affected me greatly, your friendships were, are and always will be very dear to me :)

Masked Happiness

Chapter 20: Just One More Thing

"'Why what?'" Sasuke repeated dumbly before frustration and incredulousness coloured his tone, "'Why what?!'"

Her answering smirk nearly took his breath away and several thoughts went through his head at once, 'She smirked at me! That's my move! Who does she think she is?! How can she take this so lightly?'

Sakura could see his frustration and watched it grow with a small smile. She knew he didn't really care. So she wouldn't either. And who knew annoying him could be this much fun? To think, she had been missing out. Knowing it would incense him further she adopted an innocent look and an unknowing tone of voice.

'I don't know what you mean,' she said, trying to look politely curious, her smirk giving her away. Sasuke glared. 'This is far too much fun' she thought as her smirk grew.

'You do not need me to spell it out,' he growled, still glaring at her and wondering when that had lost its effect. She seemed completely unfazed by the daggers he was sending her way. He didn't know it was because she had so recently faced worse. He really hoped she wouldn't continue this, he wasn't sure he was able to spell it out for her. His stomach was already clenching and unclenching around the moths; he really didn't think he could add images of her hurting herself and bleeding everywhere to the mix. He was surprised that he felt so affected by it all, by her, by the situation. He shouldn't be. He wasn't usually. He should be keeping his distance. He had just forgotten why.

'You're right.' she said. Her tone startled him because she said this in the same way she had been talking before. He looked at her suspiciously. Then she continued. 'I don't need you to spell it out for me. So why were you panicking?'

She didn't need him to spell it out for her because she didn't intend on talking about it at all. His eyes rolled as her fought hard to resist saying 'I asked you first'. She read his thoughts from his reaction and smiled. Despite his frustration, Sasuke felt the moths assault his stomach again. She hadn't smiled in so long.

He shook himself quickly out of that train of thought, glowering at her, demanding cooperation with his eyes.

'I was panicking because I had just seen you covered in blood and falling to your knees in the middle of our lunch break.' He ground out between clenched teeth. He then realised what he had said, what he had admitted, and instantly felt the rush of blood fill his cheeks before her reaction drained it straight back out of his face again and his eyes widened.

'That was it?' she said disbelievingly before letting out a shaky little laugh of relief. 'And to think, I mean, you had me really worried, I thought it was something bad,' at his look of complete incredulity she rolled her eyes, 'no, really bad, you know, to have had you worried…' she trailed off shaking her head and smiling.

She sighed, blowing the air out in a small breath as she shut her eyes, still smiling slightly in relief, not seeing the frown blossom on his face. 'She wasn't worried. She was covered in blood, half conscious, staggering everywhere before collapsing and she wasn't worried.' He thought, still disbelieving, realising that she must have been through worse. Done worse to herself. The thought deepened his frown as she lay with her eyes shut, oblivious to the reaction she had caused as her earlier and ever-present exhaustion started setting in once again.

'You don't think that what you did was worth someone worrying?' He asked her quietly after a moment, voice empty of emotion as he watched her reaction carefully. If she wouldn't answer him straight out he would just have to dig for the information. He had no intention of letting up either. He'd get the answers; he'd make sure of it.

She opened her eyes slowly and the smile turned sad for a moment and then fell altogether, making Sasuke's heart fall slightly with it.

'I don't think that what I did was worth you worrying.' She said evenly and with the slightest hint of condescension, as though she was explaining something that was so blindingly obvious he shouldn't have needed to ask.

They fell back into silence again, Sakura's eyes falling to the bed in front of her, grateful that her mind, for once, was blissfully empty. Sasuke continued to watch her, wondering what she was thinking as he watched her face for even the smallest movement that might give away her thoughts, though none were forthcoming.

The silence dragged and there was no change in either of their expressions. That is, until Sakura's stomach grumbled. It wasn't a loud sound, more like a pitiful whine from a dying animal, but in the silence it was deafening and brought both of them back to reality and the slightest of pink tinges to her cheeks. It was only a faint reflection of her usual blush and it quickly faded from her pale skin leaving her pallid once again.

Sasuke quickly considered Sakura's recent behaviour and the state she was in when she walked into the classroom that morning, as well as her drastic change in weight compared to only three days before. His eyes studied her face, especially the hollow look of her eyes as they slowly rose to his. They looked shadowed and haunted as they had begun to sink into her head slightly. He frowned.

'When was the last time you ate, Sakura?'

His tone left no room for argument and she bristled at the authority in it.

'As if this is any of his business! Stupid, stuck up, stubborn… oh… bitchy again… and… I am hungry… I think… when was the last time I ate again?'

He watched her face change slowly, contorting with anger before turning thoughtful and finally showing her slight frustration and he realised three things. His natural cold and expressionless disposition was working against him in this situation – he would have to coax her into telling him the things he wanted to know and would have to change tack to do so. He also realised that not only was she getting tired, and quite quickly too, she also had no idea of when she last ate.

He was finding this ability to read the emotions on her face like an open book extremely useful, as it told him so many things she wouldn't openly say. And Sasuke was nothing if not resourceful.

'Sakura,' his tone purposefully soft, 'have you eaten today?'

She looked at him strangely and he figured he probably knew why. He was never this gentle when he spoke and it made her suspect him. That hurt. It wasn't so long ago that she would have melted on the spot had he spoken to her like that. Now it only made her suspicious because it clearly told her that he wanted something… even though he did in a sense as he wanted answers, but that was beside the point.

Her thoughts had finally kicked into gear and she wondered why he wanted to know her eating patterns, but she simply couldn't think around the fatigue that fogged up her mind any longer. So instead she shook her head. She instantly wished she hadn't as she felt a sickening swish in her mind and closed her eyes to wait it out.

After a moment, when her head had cleared somewhat, she opened her eyes again and saw that Sasuke was watching her just a closely as before, looking slightly concerned.

'Ok,' he said even softer than before, and in the new haziness surrounding her, Sakura realised that she actually liked the sound. 'Do you remember if you ate yesterday?'

He watched her face scrunch up in thought as she tried to remember, clearly having trouble through the fatigue that this conversation was adding to, and something in his chest fluttered annoyingly. The corner of his mouth turned upward slightly as he thought of a single word he never would have thought he'd use… even in his mind. 'Cute………… what the hell?!'

Instantly a scowl twisted his features as he wondered where that word had come from and why, why had he just associated that word with Sakura. Why was he doing all of this? Why did he need the answers he was seeking at all? The possible implications were huge and he refused to examine them right now, it wasn't the time he reasoned.

Sakura looked at him and saw his frown, wondering what she could have done or said in the last few seconds to cause it, forgetting for the moment that she didn't care anymore.

'Sasuke?' She murmured uncertainly. He looked at her. The suffix he had grown so used to was more noticeable now in its absence and he realised he cared. He also realised, too late, that he was frowning at her and his face instantly softened.

'Sorry, just thinking. So did you remember?'

Sakura knew he was changing the subject and that clearly something was bothering him but she couldn't think any further than that so she instead turned her head, about to shake it, before quickly vocalizing her answer instead – she wasn't about to shake her head again.

'No, I didn't eat yesterday. Or the day before that. I honestly can't remember the last time I ate.'

She was clearly getting worn out from the conversation now; they had been talking since she woke up. Her eyes were half lidded and her voice growing quieter every time she spoke. Sasuke could also tell it was getting harder for her to think because she had lost the angry edge to her words and with her last statement came an apologetic look. She thought he was angry with her for not knowing. She cared.

He thought for a second about using this to his advantage to find out more about why she had acted the way she had for the past few months, but as soon as the thought entered his mind he shoved it away. As if he could do that. He stopped mid-thought. He could do that. He had always been able to do that. To anyone. No matter what. Taking advantage of a situation was something he had never shied away from. So why now?

He came back to reality to realise that Sakura's eyes had closed completely, and he could have hit himself. This simply wasn't time for inner monologues and turmoil. He needed to regroup. And make some food for her.

Sasuke had been systematically checking on Sakura all day, so often he had lost count. He was out of his depth here, never entirely sure what he should be doing. As a result he hadn't gotten much done between thinking about Sakura's situation, deliberating what he should do about it all and checking on her to make sure her sleep remained undisturbed.

Upon leaving his room and after their conversation, he had walked aimlessly around his apartment, not knowing what to do with himself and not realizing at the time that he had a huge splash of blood across his chest and stomach. He had decided eventually and as though in a daze of his own that he would make them both some food, but after preparing to cook something special he remembered how long it had been since Sakura had eaten and he thought better of it. He knew her stomach would be sensitive – 'like the rest of her' he thought wearily – so it would be better to go for something simple. He decided this as he watched her from the doorway, as though he was soundlessly asking her opinion. She remained oblivious. He frowned as he noticed her shallow breathing. It seemed almost painful.

He had then gone back to the kitchen to prepare some rice, thinking of simply making plenty of rice balls and some tea – simple enough that it shouldn't upset her stomach but by making a lot, he thought, he could also try to help her put some of that weight back on. She seemed very uninterested in her health, so he would just have to make sure it was taken care of. Make sure she was taken care of. The latest thought had automatically sent him back to check on her again.

Having assured himself once again that she was ok for the moment, he had been heading to the kitchen but stopped mid-stride and changed direction. Heading to his bathroom he instantly pulled off his shirt. He had forgotten about earlier events but as soon as he remembered he realised he couldn't stand the thought of being covered in Sakura's blood any longer. Turning on the shower he undressed quickly and stepped into the stream of hot water. Too hot, but he didn't care. He wanted to boil away the feeling of her blood on him. The idea made his stomach twist and images appear in his mind. Memories not a day old of Sakura, in his arms, bleeding. He hoped he never saw that again.

He knew the probability that he would was enormous. They were shinobi. It would be stupid to think otherwise. But he would expect it then. Out in the forest somewhere, fighting enemies. It wasn't even that, he reasoned, even that was too naïve. It was the fact that when it came down to it, he expected things like that to happen only when he could be there to protect her. And finally he had the answer to the question he had been asking himself. This was why he needed to know the reason behind why she had done what she did to herself. Why scars littered her arms and why she didn't care that she lost consciousness from blood loss, fatigue and starvation through their lunch break. He might not be able to protect her as much as he was slowly discovering he wanted to, but this he could do. He would help in the ways he could. He couldn't stand the thought of being covered in her blood a second time.

He realised he had taken longer than he had wanted to in the shower and that Sakura could have woken from the sound of the running water, but when he checked, she was still very much asleep.

Having made a very simple meal of rice balls and a pot of green tea which he hoped would relax her a bit and allow her to heal; he put the food on a tray and carried it into his room. Sakura was exactly as he had left her so many hours before, dead to the world, looking peaceful and ethereal with her pink hair haloing her pale face. He was loath to wake her but she needed to eat. She could always sleep again afterwards. The thought made him momentarily pause. Did he expect her to stay with him? Thinking on it he realised with a slight shock that he wouldn't mind; he would be happy to keep an eye on her. But instantly he wanted to reject this side of him, the side that cared (especially to this degree) and it made him think again of the implications of his feelings. With is personality, way of life and future ambitions, were any kind of feelings he had the right thing for either of them?

Her current situation also made him think of her parents. He tried to remember what he knew of them, fragments of past conversations, introductions, memories; anything he could grasp at seemed to swirl out of reach in his head like wisps of smoke. Finally he remembered a time he had caught a glimpse of Sakura at the markets one morning with a woman so alike and affectionate to her that she could only have been her mother. He then focused on memories of her father.

Something vague in the back of his head told him that her father had been a shinobi and had died… no, disappeared a long time ago. Sasuke had researched past missions in an effort to ready himself for shinobi life amongst other things and vaguely remembered the results of that particular mission. Her father had disappeared along with his teammates. Not died, but disappeared. It was mysterious at the time but the hype had long since worn off and nobody appeared interested in it anymore.

Not even Sakura, Sasuke mused, as he placed the tray on the ground next to the bed and sat gently on the edge, next to the comparatively tiny lump under the blankets that was her body. She had cocooned herself in the blankets, her face small and pale amidst the soft fabric and Sasuke wondered if her sleepless nights were due to uncomfortable bedding. He doubted it but he had no idea of the true reason. It was just one more thing he didn't know about her.

He wished he didn't have to wake Sakura but at the same time he knew how painfully thin she had become and wanted to fix it. Still, she looked so comfortable and warm in her sleep, unconsciously opening up more than she ever would when awake as her naturally trusting personality shone through while she dreamt.

Hating himself for it, Sasuke reach over slowly and loosely grasped Sakura's shoulder before squeezing lightly. In the softest voice he could ever recall using he almost whispered to her.

"Sakura, time to wake up Sakura" He felt a sense of relief at seeing her eyes flutter open and simultaneously wondered why. It almost scared him to think that some part of him hadn't expected her to wake up, though considering the way she was looking lately it wasn't unreasonable.

She stared at him silently through vague, unblinking eyes. He began to wonder if she was actually conscious.

"Sakura? How are you feeling?"

She continued to stare and he could feel the worry beginning to eat away once again at his steadily fraying nerves; he had worried too much today. The thought made him sigh inwardly. Eventually she blinked.

"Hi." She said in her quietest, smallest voice. The ghost of a smile graced Sasuke's features.

"Hi." He replied, his smile becoming slightly more apparent, "I made you some food, figured you might like something to eat considering how long it's been since your last meal."

His voice was still his own, unemotional and monotonous but there was a warmth to the silky sound now. She was slightly surprised at how much he was talking, especially when she didn't feel in the mood to talk at all. Her first thought upon waking up was of her mother and father; both completely different subjects, both causing enough anxiety to make her instantly shut down for a few minutes when her body couldn't take the stress.

She broke out of her reverie to find Sasuke staring at her with more open emotions on his face than she could ever remember seeing there (one emotion had always seemed like too many for Sasuke), until she remembered the situation before she had fallen asleep. He was being so good to her. She didn't deserve it at all. When she answered with a tiny voice and a one word reply she wondered vaguely if that was the reason he said so little as her tired eyes struggled to stay focused. She suspected it must be a combination of physical exhaustion from lack of sleep and fear as well as the fatigue her starvation seemed to cause.

Sasuke had realised, from watching her face and from experience that when someone didn't feel like speaking, sometimes the best thing to put them at ease was for someone else to do the talking for the both of them. He wasn't sure he would be able to do it, he hardly bit out more than monosyllabic responses and only when forced, but he'd try. He ignored the slowly shrinking voice in his mind that asked him why he was.

"So," he continued in his softest, smooth voice "I've got some rice balls and some hot, green tea if you're interested." He felt almost weird saying the words, especially the last part of the sentence. If ever he had said "if you're interested", he was sure he had said them either angrily or in his usual monotone, giving the words a completely different meaning. He still sounded monotonous but both Sasuke and Sakura recognized the underlying hint of something else. Kindness? Concern?

This only fueled Sakura's gratitude and the slowly growing sense of guilt that his actions were creating in her. But her emotions were unstable and kept changing without warning. The feelings she felt now, the ones that told her she didn't deserve anything at all, seemed to have been increasing in the last few days. Especially since the addition of a stay-at-home dad, she reflected bitterly. She pushed it to the side of her mind for later reflection. Her increasing hunger and ever-present exhaustion made it hard to think. It also broke down many of her defenses and she had once again forgotten that not only was he not supposed to really care, but that she wasn't supposed to either. He was drawing her out of her shell and neither had noticed.

Sasuke noticed how she had momentarily spaced out and waited patiently until she tuned back in. It was to be expected with the stress her body had been put through that her mind would be unfocused. It amazed him slightly that she was as lucid as she was; he hadn't given her enough credit over the years. She was stronger than he realised.

Her eyes flickered and he knew she was focusing on him again.

"Would you like some tea first?" he asked softly, keeping his voice low, "you'll need to be careful not to eat or drink too fast or else it will make you sick."

At her small nod and after the tiniest hesitation, Sasuke gently helped Sakura into a sitting position and held a cup of the warm tea up, supporting her hands with one of his as she shakily held it and sipped once before drinking deeply. It was only a small amount but it still surprised Sasuke at how fast she finished it.

Wordlessly putting the plate of rice balls on top of the blanket which now lay flat on the bed between them, both Sasuke and Sakura took one. Sasuke hadn't eaten yet, wanting to wait until Sakura had. He was hungry by now as it was dinnertime and they had both missed lunch, but Sasuke knew Sakura had missed many more meals than that so he ate absentmindedly whilst keeping a careful eye on her. She ate dejectedly, though a little quick for his liking. She only took a few fast mouthfuls however before she stopped.

He lowered his food as well, watching her warily. She sat for a moment as though deep in thought. In reality she was just getting used to the feel of eating and having food inside of her again. It felt a little strange after so long, like a heaviness settling over her stomach. It wasn't comfortable. She noticed that when she brought her food back up to her mouth Sasuke followed suit, still watching her. If she were any less tired she knew she would have felt self conscious but as it was she just took another small bite and chewed slowly.

She tried to hide the first twinge of pain she felt with the rice ball, holding it slightly higher to cover the unavoidable wince. The twinges began to spread through her stomach though, until she couldn't hide the pain and it betrayed her, unfurling across her face. Sasuke had noticed the first twinge and had expected as much – she hadn't been taking care of herself for so long and she hadn't eaten in days. What he didn't expect was for her to double over in pain, haphazardly dropping the rice ball onto the plate where it fell apart, the white crumbling away. She quietly hissed.

She was thinking of the most recent situation to cause her pain. Him. He had held her up by her neck; she could still feel the constriction in her chest and had found it harder to breathe ever since. She wondered if that would go away eventually. He had also done several things to make her stomach twist and turn. Her body had shut down due to pain and fear then, leaving her unconscious, and the stress and exhaustion was culminating quickly now into something altogether worse than the bruises she had continued to hide from Sasuke with the now wearing make-up.

She hadn't eaten in so long that her body was rejecting the simple food which in all honesty she knew she had probably eaten too quickly in her hunger.

Now she sat, doubled over with her eyes tightly shut and her arms twisted around herself. She tried vainly to stop the pain and the increasingly uncomfortable sick feeling that was spreading through her, making her shiver and sweat simultaneously, as a single tear squeezed past her lashes from the discomfort.

Sasuke noticed her face turning the most alarming shade of white and swore to himself quietly, before half pulling and half lifting Sakura from the bed and steering her towards the bathroom, her continuous shaking shot through her entire body and alarmed him more. Once there, she emptied the infinitesimal amount of food she had actually consumed from her stomach forcefully. The cup of too quickly drunk tea tinged with the slightest bit of crimson went with it as her body's convulsing weakened until only her stomach muscles were left to feebly spasm. With nothing else in her, she tried to stop retching, knowing that only blood and the fluids her already dehydrated body needed would come up now. The cold tiles of the floor made her shiver even more.

As she was, Sakura felt like crying but was too weak to summon the strength to do so. Sasuke, supporting her so her trembling body wouldn't collapse wanted to. She began to feel the pull of unconsciousness and slipped gratefully into it, her shivers never ceasing. Sasuke had little warning when she suddenly went limp in his arms – again – and he was quick to scoop her up and carry her back to his room. He grabbed a bowl after finding her forehead quite hot despite her shivering and filled it with cool water before dipping another cloth in, wringing it out and placing it on her forehead.

If she had a fever it was only slight, but she was so weak and dehydrated that anything could quickly escalate and she felt hot enough to the touch despite the constant shaking that he briefly considered getting help. His first thought was Kakashi but all thoughts abruptly left his head when Sakura opened her eyes. He was losing count of the amount of times she had woken up in his bed that day. She must be getting used to it he thought vaguely, noticing with dismay that her reaction time was slower, though her sight seemed slightly clearer.

"Sorry." She muttered hoarsely, having spotted Sasuke. He gave her an odd look.

"Don't be stupid" he said softly as he changed the cloth on her head, discreetly feeling her forehead which was already cooler than it had been.

"I should go, I'm causing you so much trouble," she said quietly, her voice still scratchy.

He would have laughed at her had he not been preoccupied with being so concerned.

"It isn't your fault you were sick, and it's no trouble."

Now she could have laughed, though she was smart enough not to try it. He read the look in her eyes however and stopped what he was doing to look back into hers intensely.

"Really, no trouble."

He could tell she still dismissed what he said. He let it go and poured a cup of the now lukewarm tea.

"It will help your throat," he explained as he lifted it to her lips, her hands not bothering to try to guide it as they wouldn't be able to support any weight and the effort would have had them shaking, "it might also settle your stomach a bit… though, you might want to drink it slower this time." he added as an afterthought with a wry smile.

She only managed to drink half the cup, the few mouthfuls large enough to be tiring, though small enough not to exacerbate her stomach further. She slipped almost immediately back into sleep.

"We'll try eating again later," Sasuke muttered to himself, watching her slightly more restless sleep as her stomach pained her, causing her to wince every so often. Her breathing did the same. He spared a glance for her bandaged arm, noticing with no small amount of relief that despite the recent action her bandages had not come undone and that they wouldn't need replacing. He honestly hadn't realised how sick she really was. How fragile and breakable… how broken she seemed to be. It made his heart ache. He hadn't noticed. He had been completely oblivious to it all.

The thought made him wonder briefly if Naruto or Kakashi had any deep dark secrets of their own (that he didn't already know about). He guessed everyone did to an extent, he certainly had a few, but Sakura's was quite a bit more dangerous right now.

He replaced the cloth on her head with another, this time having placed his entire palm on her skin first to gauge its temperature and finding her only a little clammy. He hadn't wrung the cloth out as much as he thought and caught a stray drip as it trailed over her temple, down her cheek and finally down the soft skin of her neck. Brushing a cloth over the drip quickly, he was surprised to find a large amount of make-up come away from her skin with the fabric. He hadn't realised she was wearing any. Brushing the dampened cloth over her neck again and removing the last of the make-up he couldn't stifle the gasp that escaped him. The bruise in the exact shape of a large thumb print was unmistakable.

please ignore any of sasuke's ooc-ness - i find it hard to make people sound cold for some reason, but i tried :)

i should feel bad for leaving it there shouldnt i? at least i'll update sooner than last time, especially considering i have most of the next chapter written already. i would love reviews from anyone who is still the least bit interested in this story :) - like ive said before, i will definitely finish it, it just might take me awhile - reviews will let me know how much harder i should be working on it though... and they make me happy :)

and even if its to tell me the chapter was horrible or they are going to hunt me down and kill me (and leave suspiciously placed oreos at the scene :) i would really love to hear from you :)

thanks so much for reading, have fun :)