Chapter 13: Hidden Desires
Bella was lying on her bed when she heard tapping on her window. She looked over to see Edward there. She got up and opened the window, letting him in. "What are you doing here?" She asked."I came to see you," he replied.
She bit her lower lip. "I thought you said that you were only here to protect me?" She asked.
"I am," he replied.
"Then why are you here?" she asked.
He let out a sigh. "Can…Can I try something?" He asked. She gave him a quizzical look and Edward reached out, moving his fingers over her jaw. Bella bit her lower lip and he leaned forward a little, his forehead resting against hers. She felt the air get caught in her lungs, swallowing hard. Edward stayed still a little while longer before he leaned forward, kissing her softly.
Bella felt the electricity rush through her body feeling his lips against hers. This is what she was dreaming about for the last six months. She dreamt of so much more, but this was how she pictured how kissing Edward would be like. He pulled back much too soon for her liking. "I shouldn't have done that," he muttered. Bella bit her lower lip, her forehead still pressed against his.
"And you're still here," she answered.
Edward stared into her eyes and sighed. "You're the one human I could never hurt Bella Swan," he said quietly. She smiled a little. She rested her hands on his arms and tried to pull him closer but he didn't budge. "I should go," he told her getting off her bed.
"Don't," she answered grabbing onto his shirt.
Edward stopped and sat back down on her bed. Bella sat next to him, moving her fingers through his hair. "I want you here, with me," she said quietly. He leaned to the side, the side of his head resting on the top of her head. "Forever," she added.
"Don't request the impossible," he answered.
Edward looked into her eyes, his hands on her face. "Don't try to get me to stay here, I can't," he told her.
"Why? Carlisle is willing to welcome you home with open arms," she answered.
"Yes and with going back comes the consequence of signing over his life for execution," he told her.
She stared at him quizzically. "Bella, there are things that are impossible. Going back to my father's coven is one of them. Staying here with you is another," he answered. Bella held onto his hand, moving her fingers over his wrist.
"Why is it so difficult?" She asked.
"I won't be selfish and end your existence. Not when you have the chance of living a normal life," he replied.
"That want of living a normal human life ended the moment I found out my friends are vampires and my boyfriend is a werewolf," she told him.
He sighed, moving his fingers over her arm. "I won't do it, Bella, I won't. I'm being selfish staying here now," he answered.
"I don't want you to go," she whispered.
Edward looked at the bracelet around her wrist and sighed. "I love you Bella, always, but I love you enough to let you live a long and happy life with someone. As much as it disgusts me to watch him hold you and kiss you like he does," he explained. Bella rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
"And I love you," she whispered.
"And you shouldn't. None of this is right," he hissed getting up and leaning against the wall.
Bella sat on her bed with her legs crossed in front of her. "This is so hard, you have no idea how hard it is," he told her getting frustrated with himself.
"I can see how hard it is, it's hard on me too because I would give anything to be with you," she answered.
"Jacob can give you everything I can't," he told her.
"What if I don't want all that? What if I don't want the long human life? What if I don't want the kids and all that? What if it's not what I want?" She asked.
"Then you are the first human I have ever met that wouldn't want to live a happy life and have a family with someone," he answered.
Bella moved her fingers through her hair. "Why are you here?" She asked.
"Just because I am keeping my heart in a cage doesn't mean I can't stop myself from seeing you. I like watching you sleep. I enjoy hearing your steady breathing, the small mumbles in your sleep. I like seeing your smile, hearing your voice, the smell of your hair, the smell of your blood. You're addicting Bella I can't get away from you," he explained.
She stood up and walked over to him, her hands resting on his chest. "And I can't get away from you either. I am trying everything you asked, to live a human life, but it means nothing without you in my life," she answered. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers. "I love you Edward and I want to be with you," she insisted. Edward moved his hand over her back and pulled her a little closer.
"I just want to stay, right here for awhile. Not worry about the threat of James and his friends, worry that at any moment your boyfriend is going to be here. I just want to be here with you," he whispered.
Bella closed her eyes and tucked her head under his chin. She bit her lower lip and let out a sigh. Edward buried his face in her hair and closed his eyes as he listened to the soothing sound of her heartbeat. They looked up when there was a knock on her door. "Yeah?" She answered.
"Bella, Jake's here," Charlie called.
Bella turned to look at Edward to see that he was gone. She bit her lower lip and opened the door. "Thanks," she answered.
She opened the door and saw Jacob there. "Hey Jake," she greeted.
"One of your friends in your room?" He asked.
Bella sighed, forgetting that Edward's scent would be all over her. "Yeah, we were just talking," she replied. Jacob nodded, dropping the subject.
"Hi," he finally said and kissed her.
Bella kissed him back and held his hand as they walked to his car.
Edward was sitting in the tree outside of Bella's room and watched as she got into Jacob's car. He knew she saw him by the look on her face when she looked towards the tree. "You coming?" Jacob asked with a smile. He watched her get into Jacob's car and watched the car drive down the road. He moved his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh before jumping down from the tree. He had felt emptiness before, he felt it for years. This kind of emptiness could be the death of him if it were at all possible.
He walked through the forest trying to keep his mind off everything when he came to his usual spot. Edward stopped and looked around when he felt that someone was close. He sniffed the air and sighed. "Father I'm not coming back," he insisted. Carlisle was sitting in the tree by his son's small camp.
"I'm not here to ask you to come back again," he answered climbing down.
"Father, you can't lie to me," Edward pointed out.
Carlisle chuckled lightly. "Didn't work on you as a kid either," he commented.
"I'm still not coming back," Edward answered.
"I would like to know why you are so adamant about not coming back," Carlisle commented.
"I have my reasons, you just need to know it's to protect you," Edward answered.
The much older vampire looked at his son, crossing his arms over his chest. "And why would I need protection Edward? Do you think I'm unable to protect myself?" He asked.
"This is beyond protecting yourself, even you couldn't protect yourself from the danger I am protecting you from," Edward answered sitting down.
"Really? I am very interested to know what is so dangerous that it made you think that you are unable to come home," Carlisle commented sitting across from him.
"I have no home," Edward answered trying to make him go away.
Carlisle shook his head. "That won't work Edward, that won't work at all, because you do have a home," he insisted.
"You don't need to hear my reasons," Edward answered.
"If it deals with my life I think I do," Carlisle told him.
Edward growled a little. "You might be on your own but I am still your father and you will not do that to me," his father scolded lightly.
"Just know that if I come home you will be killed," Edward answered.
"How do you know?" Carlisle asked.
Edward closed his mouth, not telling him anything. "Edward, how do you know I will be killed if you come home?" He asked.
"I just know," Edward answered.
"I want to know how you know," Carlisle insisted.
"BECAUSE ARO TOLD ME SO!" Edward shouted before he could stop himself.
Carlisle stared at him. "Aro? What does he have to do with this?" He asked.
"Everything! Just everything!" Edward answered.
He got up and took off before Carlisle could stop him. "EDWARD!" He shouted after him. Carlisle stood there stunned and confused. "What did Aro do?" he muttered to himself. Knowing he wouldn't see his son anymore that night, he retreated back to his own home.