Hi all. Ok, wasn't as quick as I said I'd be but still quicker than usual… heh… that's bad isn't it.

Thank you so much romantiscue, nomanslandvicki, Night'sBullet, xteenuh102593, Saints amoung Angels, dailyangel and Lacuna Lily, you're all fantastic and deserve much love, hugs and cookies.

Hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Years and that '09 brings much good stuff to all :)

Now, on to the beginning of the end… (ominous? :))

Masked Happiness

Chapter 23: Riding Out the Storm

Sakura woke with a start as a fat raindrop broke apart on her nose, ricocheting onto her cheeks and splashing her face with the surprisingly large amount of freezing water. Looking up from the ball she'd curled into for warmth she could see that the clouds had finally started to unleash the rain they had somehow held onto through the night. Sakura was grateful for it; she didn't need a sleepless night in the rain on top of everything else... especially on top of a roof.

Gaara was still sitting next to her in the same position he'd been in when she fell asleep. She thought it interesting that he never complained about aches and pains, even though his must be worse than hers. At least she'd slept through hers. And was paying for it now. She popped her shoulder as she rolled it in its socket, trying to relieve the persistent pain that stubbornly refused to be rubbed away.

Standing and stretching her legs she thought about how she was going to tackle today's activities. Training. Just what she needed, heavy exercise. Then again, sarcasm aside, she knew she would need to be prepared before she could take on her demons. One demon in particular. It was then, in the darkness of a sunless morning that Sakura realised she had dehumanised her father to the point of making him like any other enemy. And with every other enemy she had faced it had been her or them and they had fought it out to the death, or at least until there was a retreat of some kind with someone coming out more than a little worse for wear. She had assumed that that would be the only way to fix this mess. She had assumed that she would have to defeat him. Kill him.

But he was her father. Despite the memories, the bitter emotional baggage she had always had to carry around with her whether he was there or not, presumed dead or not, he was still her father. She was sickened that she could feel nothing. Or was she being naive? Should she be assuming the worst? Should she take him out like any other enemy for her mother's sake? Should it really be that simple?

Her head was reeling as she absent-mindedly packed all of her belongings into the small mass of blankets and pillows and bundled it into a corner of the rooftop for later. The rain was barely falling, it couldn't even be considered a light shower as it was too sparse still, but Sakura knew it would pick up through the day and her bedding would be soaked by the time she needed it again. She looked down miserably at her belongings. She was not looking forward to tonight. There was a very good chance the rain would last for days and she had nowhere else to go. She refused to go to Kakashi for help. She wouldn't go to Naruto. Sasuke wasn't worth considering. It would just be a very cold, wet night. After a very long day at training. She sighed. 'I've done this before,' she reminded herself miserably, 'all those times, all those missions... but... at least I'd had a tent'.

"Morning." She turned her head to look at Gaara. She figured she must have been getting too used to his company; she hadn't really paid much attention to him since she woke up. She looked up at the darkened sky.

"Really?" She asked dully. Gaara looked at her and then her small bundle of belongings.

"They're going to be saturated by tonight." Sakura huffed. He could be extremely unhelpful at times.

"I know."

"So why are you leaving them there?" They were getting into dangerous territory now. She couldn't answer that question because she didn't have an answer that wouldn't give too much away. And if she wasn't going to accept help from Naruto, Sasuke or Kakashi, she definitely wasn't going to accept it from Gaara. She may trust him enough to allow herself to fall asleep beside him but she wasn't about to let him into her past - anything private enough that she hadn't told her team she wouldn't be telling him either.

She simply looked at him expressionlessly for a long moment, before picking up the items she had set aside from the rest of her bundled up things – her four kunai and her water flask. The rain was already getting heavier, now able to be classified as a light shower and small darkening spots decorated the top layer of her blanket.

She moved to the edge of the rooftop and looked down, ready to jump. "What are you doing today?" Sakura asked absently as she stared at the ground, her back to Gaara. It was because of this that she missed the strange look he was giving her.

He could somehow tell that a small part of her mind wanted her to jump, but not just to leave the rooftop. To leave everything. It was in her stance. And the way she hesitated. Deciding. However, he chose to give her the benefit of the doubt. Whatever it was she was going through, she had put up with it this long and she had had plenty of opportunity to do that already. She'd have to know by now that had she decided to jump with no intention of living through it, he would stop her. If only to find out why. So he stood and watched her hair toss in the wind, wisps of pink in the air as he looked for any signs that might give away what she was thinking.

"Training, just like you." He answered quietly, easily. He wasn't, but it didn't matter as long as she thought he was.

She hummed though he couldn't tell whether she accepted his answer or not, before jumping. He almost reacted - almost - before noticing the muscles in her calves tense imperceptibly. She would land and she would be alright. He frowned ever so slightly. Things were taking too long, plans moving too slowly. She needed help and he could do nothing. For the moment he could do nothing. He wouldn't go against orders, no matter how much he wished he could. There was too much at stake.

He was about to leave before noticing Sakura's little bundle of blankets with her things - all of her worldly possessions as far as he could tell - wrapped inside. The corner of the blanket was already dripping. Rolling his eyes, Gaara leant and scooped up the bundle, working a short detour into his plans for the day.

She had been right the night before. He had a house, an apartment where he was staying. It would be stupid to leave her things out here to get wet. He was vaguely curious as to whether or not he would extend to her the same courtesy after a day of training in the rain. Or if she would take him up on the offer. Such interesting developments.

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Sakura walked slowly behind Sasuke and Kakashi as Naruto ran ahead. They were on their way to lunch at Ichiraku. And they were all extremely thankful for it. The morning had been horrible. They had all, by some strange quirk of fate, managed to get to the bridge on time - even Kakashi - and because of the somber mood the weather had set, they had walked to the clearing they usually used in silence. The morning had consisted of Kakashi giving them an activity - sit-ups, push-ups, target practice and anything else Kakashi could think of whilst simultaneously reading - and a number of times to do said activity.

It had been awhile since they had last trained and Kakashi clearly felt the need to reacquaint them with the term 'hard work'. This meant that the morning mainly consisted of roughly four hours of slipping and sliding in the mud whilst trying to support themselves on limbs shaking with fatigue after only half that time. Surprisingly Kakashi had stayed on the ground with them, instead of up in a tree, though his nose never left his orange book. So, not so different than usual really.

Naruto had, as always, beaten them to the ramen stand and was halfway through a bowl by the time Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi had caught up, the three of them wearily taking their seats beside him and ordering.

They were all exhausted, mud-smeared, sweating despite the coolness of the rain they were drenched in and the weather was making them all feel miserable. It didn't help that they all received dirty looks for the mud they were dripping on the stools and bench top. It was one of those days, Sakura thought, that was just supposed to be horrible in every sense of the word. The type of day that just has to be ridden out.

The ramen was hot and spicy and warmed them all considerably. Especially Naruto, who had three bowls to everyone else's one. Sitting next to Sakura, Sasuke noticed that underneath the mud and sweat and rain, she seemed pale and clammy and that her cheeks were flushed. He hoped it was just the exertion and not a fever.

He remembered looking after her too vividly. Remembered her being sick. Remembered her tiny, breakable frame draped around his toilet bowl and knew that he never wanted to see that again. It seemed stupid because of its sheer impossibility, but he still held onto the hope that she would never get sick again. Nevertheless it haunted him. It was an image he saw all the time, he couldn't seem to see Sakura the way she was now. He only saw the way she had looked that night. He knew he had to do something.

He glanced at Kakashi who was on the other side of Sakura. Sasuke's eyes continued roaming but when he registered the expression on the older ninja's face Sasuke looked again, staring at him. Kakashi was watching Sakura. Feeling Sasuke's eyes on him Kakashi looked over the pink head between them and there was a question in his eyes. He wanted to know why Sasuke was unabashedly staring at him, his eyes asking 'what's wrong?' It wasn't hard for the copy-nin to sense something was.

Sasuke didn't have an answer he thought was sane so he shook his head slightly and shot a quick glance down at Sakura before returning to his ramen, his message clear enough to the copy-nin. 'Later.'

They finished their meal in peace, none of them in the mood to openly talk. Sasuke thought about what Kakashi may or may not know about Sakura and her recent state of mind. Kakashi wondered what was wrong with his raven-haired student and worried about his pink-haired one, wondering where he went wrong to have two of his three become so withdrawn - wondering why they felt the need to turn away from him and not to him. Sakura considered the finer points of her plans for the evening, the train of thought stemming from something as innocent as needing a change of clothes. Naruto sat, downing his fourth bowl, and considered what flavour to have next.

Each of the three genin had to hold in a groan when Kakashi decided they needed to get back to training. Naruto was unsuccessful. Evidently Kakashi had had enough of torturing them, so the afternoon was spent sparring - more enjoyable than drills at least.

Kakashi also seemed a bit tired, taking some time to get back into old habits. He 'watched' the alternating one-on-one matches from above, from behind an orange cover. Sakura fought Naruto, slipping and sliding in the mud and trying to use it instead of letting herself be hindered by it just as Kakashi had taught them the day before. She was glad now that she had paid attention, though at the time it had seemed like her focus was a little excessive as she blocked the rest of the world out while studying tactics.

As Naruto fought Sasuke, Sakura watched from the sidelines and took notice of the things she should and shouldn't do if she ever found an answer to the questions she had posed herself earlier that morning. Could she really go that far? Did she think of him as her father enough to stop herself from killing him? Should she? Where was the line between personal weakness and becoming a monster? She knew she needed those answers before she could do anything, she needed to know where she stood, or else it would be a chink in her armor and he would destroy her.

When Sasuke came at her, slower than usual to give her a chance to focus, Sakura met him kunai for kunai and they picked up where he and Naruto had left off seamlessly. Sasuke and Sakura fought mechanically, both using textbook moves, nothing varied and neither trying to win or outdo the other.

Between the whirling movements of their bodies, in the flash of their kunai Sasuke could see Sakura covered in blood, Sakura shaking on his bathroom floor, Sakura in his bed, Sakura not waking up. The last thing Sasuke wanted to do right now was fight Sakura - he had been trying to get her to see that for days - and Sakura was too far away, cornered in her mind as she planned for her evening and tried to find answers to the unanswerable.

If Kakashi noticed their lack of imagination he didn't mention it. After a time, Naruto picked up the fight, giving Sasuke a break. Standing to one side and watching as Naruto did the same thing he had - not going easy on Sakura but not pushing her either - he wondered if they had all noticed. If they were all worried.

He shot a glance up at Kakashi and found the copy-nin's piercing eyes already on him. Kakashi and Sasuke would be having a talk later and they both knew it.

The sparring continued until they all felt drained and Sakura felt irritated. She had forgotten, while she had been fighting, that she would be tired afterwards. She wasn't sure whether she could risk her plans anymore, not feeling as fatigued as she did. Looking down at her mud spattered clothes and thinking of training the next day she knew she didn't really have any choice. She just hoped that maybe he wouldn't be there and she could postpone whatever encounter they would end up having.

She knew it was unavoidable, inevitable, but surely it didn't have to happen today? She hoped she could get lucky. Maybe he wouldn't be there tonight? Her face stayed fixed but inside she scoffed. Since when had she been lucky?

The term 'life sucks' didn't really sum it up well enough in her opinion.

With a few words - none very imaginative - Kakashi dismissed her and Naruto, keeping Sasuke back to 'discuss his use of tactics'. Sakura was too tired to care about why the simple statement sounded so full of meaning. She wasn't too tired to notice the way Sasuke stepped in front of her, stopping her from leaving.

"What?" Sakura asked bluntly. She was more than a little preoccupied and didn't feel like taking the time to be polite. Sasuke ignored the lack of manners, he'd been ignoring his own for years.

"Are-" Sasuke began then hesitated. He realised the stupidity of his unspoken question as much as Sakura did. 'Are you okay?' seemed a little redundant whichever way the situation was looked at. Sakura arched an eyebrow. "Are you still angry with me?" He asked quietly instead.

Both of Sakura's eyebrows shot up. She hadn't given her emotions much thought. Especially her emotions towards Sasuke. Then again, his question reminded her that she should be. "Why didn't you fight back?" Honestly. She pondered for a moment and Sasuke looked a little confused. He'd thought it was a fairly straight-forward question.

"Yes and no." She said eventually. Now he looked more confused.

"What kind of answer is that? Are you or not?"

"I should be." And suddenly he looked almost... sorry. She hadn't meant to lay a guilt trip on him. Not too much. "More no than yes." She added and while he stood looking vaguely baffled she stepped around him and walked away.

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The rain had let up a little but it was still steady and Sakura was dripping wet, the mud that had dried and started flaking during the sparring sessions was once again wet and mushy. It felt disgusting.

She didn't know why she had wanted to take some of the apology out of Sasuke's eyes. She didn't really even want an apology from him. When she considered everything in her life, all the good and bad, what he'd said seemed irrelevant. She was trying to make sure he never found out why his statement had affected her so much, she could hardly then be angry with him for it.

The anger had run its course anyway. She had been furious - and miserable - because of the memories it had brought up, because of her weakness in them, but now she had more important things to worry about. She had to focus. Her resolve was strengthened by the mud covering her in large splatter patterns from head to toe. She was making another trip to her house in a few hours. She needed a plan, possibly one involving a little more detail than last time. Be quick may not work twice.

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"You're worried?"

Kakashi's voice startled Sasuke but he didn't let it show. He was still looking at where Sakura had walked away and hadn't been expecting Kakashi to be right behind him moments later. Sasuke turned his head, casting one eye over Kakashi but staying silent.

"About Sakura." Kakashi needlessly elaborated. Sasuke didn't even bother to nod but Kakashi knew the answer. It seemed they were all worried. He knew Naruto was worried as well. He doubted anyone else knew that, but he was the copy-nin, nothing got past him.

"Do you know what's wrong with her?" Sasuke asked after a moment as he turned to face Kakashi fully. It took Kakashi a long moment to answer. As much as he wanted to help Sakura, as much as they all wanted to, he wasn't sure how much to tell Sasuke. They were a team but that didn't mean they shouldn't be able to keep their private lives private. Kakashi had been in many teams in his lifetime and already he knew almost as much about the lives - past and present - of team 7 as he did his first team.

On the other hand, Sakura was in trouble and he didn't know how much he could do alone. Not since she had closed herself off from him. He didn't know how much Sasuke knew either.

"No. Not really. Do you?" Sasuke could tell Kakashi wasn't telling him the truth - not completely - but that his question was serious. It required the truth. Sasuke wished he had a better answer.

"No, I don't. She..."

"She what?"

Sasuke wasn't sure what the best thing to do was any more. What the right thing was. Did Sakura's need for help surpass the trust she had clearly placed in him by letting him take care of her. Letting him see her arm. Her neck. Her vulnerability. How much did Kakashi know? Did it matter? Sasuke took a deep breath, hoping Sakura wouldn't hate him for this. Wouldn't hate him more.

"She hurt herself. The other day. I took her home with me and patched her up, but it's not just that. She hasn't been okay for a while. Has she talked to you?"

Kakashi sighed. He knew Sakura was lying to him - it had become kind of hard to believe her when she said she was fine lately - but he hadn't thought it was bad enough for Sasuke to have looked after her. It reminded Kakashi of when he had needed to patch her up. He wondered how long they had before she wasn't able to simply be 'patched up' anymore. Before she was too broken to repair. No matter how much Sasuke may have played down the situation, he had told Kakashi the truth. He supposed he owed it to Sasuke and to Sakura to do the same.

"She has. Not willingly, but we've talked. A while ago something similar happened, it sounds a lot like what you did for her. I suppose you've seen her arm?"

Sasuke paled a shade but nodded resolutely as he replied. "I suppose you've seen her neck?" Kakashi looked confused and Sasuke closed his eyes for a brief moment. Sakura would kill him.

"What's on her neck?" Kakashi's tone was sharp and left no room for anything but an honest answer. So Sasuke gave him one.

"I can't say. Really. If you haven't seen it, if she hasn't told you, then it's not my place to either." Kakashi was about to object but Sasuke continued, "I only saw it by accident and I still don't know how much she hates me right now for it. It's obvious she needs help with something and if I tell you anything more then she won't be able to trust either of us. What's more important?"

Kakashi was both irritated and impressed by Sasuke's answer. For all his curiosity and guilt, he had to admit that Sasuke was right; Sakura's trust would help them resolve the situation far more than the answers to those questions would. And if they were right, they would find them out eventually anyway but they needed Sakura's trust, otherwise they couldn't do anything.

"Does Naruto know?" Sasuke asked after a long moment.

"I think he suspects. Hard not to."

"It is Naruto." Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes. Kakashi looked reproving but there was an amused sparkle in his eyes.

"I think Sakura needs to have someone who doesn't know as much as we do. She knows how much we know about her but I doubt Naruto is able to do more than speculate and Sakura knows that too. It might help her talk to him if she needs the help that badly."

As much as Sasuke wished he could be the one Sakura would go to, he knew Kakashi was right. Then again, it didn't mean Sasuke couldn't be there for her anyway.

Sasuke moved to walk away but paused, "Was there anything else?"

"No," Kakashi said as he walked past Sasuke. Before Sasuke lost sight of him, he called over his shoulder, "like I said, tactics."

Sasuke smirked and decided to head into the village for dinner - the rain was stopping and it was a fairly nice night - but was interrupted halfway there.

"Hey Teme!" Naruto's voice carried through the still evening air and Sasuke wanted to hit the blonde. It wasn't too crowded on this particular street but an audience of one person was too many, let alone the dozen people who had heard that. Sasuke debated walking away like he hadn't heard but he knew Naruto's voice could get louder so he ground his teeth together and turned. Naruto quailed slightly at his furious expression but it didn't stop him. "Hey," he said when he was within acceptable conversation distance, "what did you talk to Kakashi-sensei about?"

"Why's it any of your business?" Sasuke said as he continued walking with Naruto now beside him. There wasn't any venom in the words, they weren't even particularly cold. Sasuke was going soft. Naruto fought the smirk off his face.

"Its not I guess. Just interested." There was a long silence as they walked companionably through Konoha's streets towards the busier part of the village looking for some food. It was a comfortable silence and Naruto felt a little euphoric at the thought of having such good friends, of being such good friends with Sasuke. Of having so many precious people who, amazingly enough, found him precious too. It was a silly thought, and he wondered why it made him feel so happy in its simplicity but he knew he could never take any of his friends for granted. These moments - he thought to himself as he looked up at the brief patches of stars amidst the obscuring, marble clouds - comfortable evening walks with a friend; that's what it was all about. Sasuke noticed Naruto's grin.

"What?" Sasuke noticed that Naruto's curiosity was rubbing off on him and he wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"Hmm? Oh, just a nice night, that's all."

"Uh huh." Sasuke murmured. As they passed each house and storefront windows were being lit and doors closed and locked, evening turned into night and the darkness descended. Sasuke watched, curiosity mounting, as Naruto's face fell a little while he stared fixedly at a door that had just been slammed shut. "What now?"

Naruto looked distracted for a moment, like he hadn't heard the question. In truth his train of thought had led him somewhere else, to a memory.

He hadn't fixed Sakura's door.

His first thought was that she would kill him. Then he realised that she hadn't asked him about it for days, that's why he hadn't thought about it for days. But surely she couldn't have forgotten. It was the front door to her house after all. Naruto wondered what that meant. Of course he had noticed her behaviour lately. This put a new spin on the situation.

The only conclusions he could come up with after a long moment were either that she had gotten the door fixed without him - unlikely, because she would still be angry with him about it whether it was fixed or not - or that it no longer mattered. She wasn't staying in her house anymore. It was the only possible conclusion. Given her appearance recently he wasn't all that surprised, but it made him wonder where she was staying if that was the case. And why she hadn't just asked to stay with one of them. Sasuke's voice sliced through the heavy fog of contemplation and Naruto blinked, coming back to reality.

"Huh? Oh, just... thinking about food. Dinner. What do you want?" Sasuke didn't seem to believe him but after a moment he spoke;

"I was just going to see what was on offer. What were you thinking?" Naruto looked at Sasuke for a moment, seeing and hearing the double meaning in the words and the steady gaze trying to pry answers from him.

"I don't know, couldn't come to a decision. Guess we'll see how things play out."

"Hn."

So they walked through the streets and around the market stalls, both thinking and pondering and trying to find through their own memories what the other might know, what all the others knew. How much they knew. It was a losing battle.

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Sakura spent half an hour standing against the tree beside her house, feeling the cool roughness of the trunk against her back through her mud-covered clothes. She wasn't planning. She had a plan. She was convincing herself to go through with it.

Her plan was simple. Don't get caught. Of course it had been the same last time and so she'd decided to go in better prepared tonight. That's why she was also going to count. She would time how long it took her to go in and get what she needed so that she could hopefully minimise that time and give herself something to work with next time, holding in a groan at the thought of having to do this again.

She was also going to keep her weapons in more strategic places - instead of keeping the four she had in their holsters, two on her hip and two in her thigh straps, she had placed one down the front of her top, thankful that the knives were flat enough not to be noticeable; and one in her boot, equally thankful that they were short enough to not poke out the top when she walked - this way, if she was unlucky, at least he wouldn't expect the extra weaponry. She hoped he wouldn't. She had also thought back to the last time she'd been in the house, thinking of every single noise she had inadvertently made and the placement of every item she would need to retrieve to reduce her time in there.

It was all she could do. She felt as unprepared as she had been last time but at least she'd tried to cover her bases. She sighed, resting her head back against the bark. 'Tried' wasn't good enough. 'Tried' could get her killed. But it was all she had. As she fought to find the resolve somewhere inside herself to follow through with what appeared to be a fairly threadbare plan, she wondered absently when she had come to the revelation that he really would be aiming to kill her.

She wondered if it was true. Then again, just the possibility was enough. If she wasn't prepared for the possibility, she was as good as dead. She was grateful now that she was one of the smartest at school. If she wasn't, Sakura knew she'd be going in there without a plan. As it was, she had a chance. She hoped that would be enough.

Deciding that her resolve didn't matter as much as the rain which was steadily getting heavier again, Sakura moved to the window to her bedroom with no small amount of trepidation. She needed clothes. That's all. She just needed clothes and then she'd be back out here, safe again and wondering what the big deal had been. Sure.

It was harder than it should have been to open the window, the wood not wanting to budge. When it creaked a protest at her continued pushing and pulling she closed her eyes involuntarily as though to mute the sound. Of course it didn't work, but it made her feel better. Eventually she got it to open and immediately had to hold it still so that it didn't unexpectedly close again or open too fast and creak. All it took was a window to shoot down her plan, she thought bitterly. Be quick, be prepared and be careful. She'd blown them all already and she wasn't even inside yet. She was so screwed.

Sakura shook the thoughts from her head, they weren't helping her focus. Or her resolve, which was a little too non-existent for her liking. Very, very carefully, Sakura slipped one leg through the small gap she had created between the window and the sill, sliding herself through as quietly and as fluidly as possible. She was suddenly quite happy with her recent accidental weight-loss, it made a lot of things harder as she felt physically weaker, but it let her into smaller spaces and she was able to do things much less noticeably. It was probably more helpful to her now than her four kunai.

Her feet landed softly on the floor with a quiet thud and she padded slowly to her wardrobe, counting under her breath the entire time. It took her thirty four careful seconds to get to the wardrobe, twelve to open it all the way without it creaking, only six to find the particular items of clothing she wanted as she had thought ahead to where each one would be, twenty four to take each one out - only two changes of outfit, she had to be quick but she didn't want to have to come back again tomorrow - and nine to carefully close the door again with the clothes hanging over one arm.

It only took a second for her to register the sound of a footfall directly behind her. She didn't register the pain as something heavy was brought down on her head.

The previous eighty six seconds ceased to mean anything.

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Like I said, beginning of the end... or is it?... bum bum bum... hehe, i like reviews, they taste like chocolate...

thanks for reading and let me know if you want a faster update this time ;)

have fun x