And I don't want the world
to see me
Coz I don't think that they'd
Understand
When everything's made to
be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I jump on my bed, thankful for the warmth and I sleep, ive been up for three days but only really one (same date, more time.) practicing to transfigure a t-shirt into a ball gown.

I look at my finished product, the dress is gold, sparkly at the top and long flowing at the bottom, stupid effing thing.

Urghhh, I have spent the last hour logging in all the time I have spent going back and I have estimated it up to another three months in the past one month.

Now all I have to worry about is waking up on time.

Bright light wakes me up and I curse who ever opened my bed curtains, the bastards.

I sit up and ginny is sat crying at the end of my bed "Ginny what's up?"

"My hand, it hurts so much."

I look at her hand and see the inscription Weasley's are scum.

I see red and drag her down to snape, I didn't even care that my pj top was only a belly top and I was wearing short or the looks other people have given me.

I get to the dungeons and draco spots me on my way to snape's room, he wraps ginny in his cloak and walks with us, I guess he still cares huh?

KnockKnock... No answer KnockKnock... KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK

"WHAT!?" Comes a ruffled looking snape, I look at him shocked because he is topless and even more so when a pair of tanned hands wrap themselves around his waist.

"Baby don't be mean, whats up kids." Says the red headed woman from behind him.

I look at snape "Ginny needs a potion, the toad got to her."

He nods and walks away to get it leaving us and the woman in the doorway "Your Leanne aren't you? Severus's kid."

"Severus isn't my dad but he does take care of me." She nods "He has a heart of gold if you only bug him enough to let you in huh?"

I nod and she smiles at me, I return it but leen is starting to freak out in my head That stupid stupid boy, what on earth is he thinking?! Woah leen chill out, its only a girl.

No you don't understand Leanne, not yet, oh you are going to be so upset you poor girl.

Eh? N...Nevermind just focus. Oh kay?

Snape comes back and puts the blue liquid on her hand, the cut has gone and It hasn't even scarred.

"Thanks sev, Its nice to meet you ...?"

"Leigh, Leigh Glass."

"Well its nice to meet you leigh." We shake hands and I go, snape looks worriedly at me but I just smile so he knows I approve.

Ginny and draco got to talking so I just left them to it and walked off to find something to do and decide to make another dress, a more casual one.

I walk to the room of requirements and take my top off.

I point my wand to the top and it turns green, I then make it longer and more flowy at the bottom which is above the knee.

I make the dress a one shouldered dress and add crystals down the side, it looks so girly.

I feel so tired after that and I look at the clock, one in the morning, shit.

I put on the dress and walk up to the common room, I close the portrait hole quietly and turn around to see harry laid on the sofa, ron on the chair and Hermione sat at the window, all asleep with Hermione covering the Dumbledore's army names list.

Were they waiting up for me? Probably but I don't want to wake them, they look so peaceful.

Leen why were you so upset that severus was with leigh?
Ah I cant tell you, sorry.

I walk down to my room, frowning at that comment.

Why? Because I just don't, you will understand when your older.
When I'm older? why does my age matter in this?
It just does trust me.
Fine yeash don't tell me!
I haven't.
Shut up.

I sigh and laid down on my bed, I guess she could be angry that I had a crush on him, which he probably knew, and she believed seeing him with leigh would upset me.

But she's nice, and yeah I do like severus but I know I'm too young for him and I'm not his type, with my white hair and fat body, which I rather like, I'm a size 16 so what? I like to eat, sue me!

Anyway I wasn't fed much as a kid so I respect food as a thing that keeps me energetic and healthy rather than that malnourished skinny ugly little girl I was.

He is so together and straight forward, he is so brave.

I sit up, I have a fantastic idea.

I stand up in class and make my way to the stage, this lesion is special, your parents got invited and you were made to write your own song about them.

Snape looked rather uncomfortable, terrified at the prospect of a song being wrote about him, especially by me.

I grin, narcissa is sat next to him, her formal face on and she catches my eye, I wave and she smiles and waves back before the face comes back.

I see draco and he looks at me nervously "Hey, your mums out there." He smiles "Yeah I know, she wrote to me last night and said she was gunna turn up and I had to scramble to write a song for her and I just hope she loves it."

"Its going to be difficult to impress Severus but I think he is going to be ok."

Well that was that, we were ok again.

I am literally first one up because I'm one of the talented ones but even I was scared, not that I let it show.

I'm in my gold dress and I smile as I make my way to the stage looking at the back of the room because flitwick put up a big mirror so you can watch yourself be the best you could be.

Angels lift you off the ground
I've got shadows weighing me down
Still you believe, you believe in me
I wish I could feel that way

You can trust so easily
I can't give you all of me
Still your holding on when you should be gone
I wish I was that brave

You go to fight for love like a soldier
I wanna run away
You're never scared to walk through the fire
I wish I had your faith

I turn away knowing my heart could break
I'm so afraid to fall and surrender
I'm not brave, I'm not brave

Keep my guard up constantly
Stop this pain from piercing me
Now I don't know how, how to put it down
I wish I was that brave

You go to fight for love like a soldier
I wanna run away
You're never scared to walk through the fire
I wish I had your faith

I turn away knowing my heart could break
I'm so afraid to fall and surrender
I'm not brave, I'm not brave

I'm not, I'm not brave
Still you believe, you believe in me
I wish I was that brave

You go to fight for love like a soldier
I wanna run away
You're never scared to walk through the fire
I wish I had your faith

I turn away knowing my heart could break
I'm so afraid to fall and surrender
I'm not brave, I'm not brave
I'm not brave, I'm not brave

I finish and I look to the seats in front of me, he left, as I was singing he had just gone.

He better have a good reason for this.

I walk off of the stage and out of the door in search for him, I walk to his room but hes not here so ill wait for him, surprise him if you will.

I look over to the cabinet and realize I still have the lock on it, oops.

I unlock it and pull out the nearest bottle, Vodka... It looks like water.

I unscrew it slowly and try some, burns a bit but its really nice type of burn, right in my chest and I slowly drink some more and more until its empty.

I put it back in the cabinet and stand up...OH SHIT.

Ouch I just straight fell back down, im a little woozy now, is this what drunk is? I don't like it.

I throw up on myself and it just carries on and on until I think i'm gunna die.

I lay on my side and close my eyes. URGHHH No good, I feel like i'm falling.

Ker-thunk, I hear the door open and close and I feel myself being picked up and severus trying to talk to me, but i cant hear him, I cant hear anything.

Am I dying?