AN: This chapter is dedicated to my best friend, who let me borrow pieces of her life. :)
Chapter Five – Solace My Game
Even buried in an avalanche of tedious paperwork, Spencer Reid was happy. Genuinely and unequivocally happy.
The entire team wondered aloud what could possible cause the young agent that normally loathed being bogged down in paperwork, be so content. Morgan was persistant, constantly finding the time to pester Reid, to find out what caused that smile of his to be so incandescent. Every time, Reid would shrug and his grin would grow a little wider.
Only he knew his happiness was borne from his plans for the night.
After work, after every last T was crossed and every I dotted, would be his first official date with his new girlfriend. He did not view their drunken night in Albuquerque as their first date, nor was the breakfast the next morning. Tonight he would begin the true courtship of Austin. And the part that was most mind-boggling was that they would be over six hundred miles apart on their first date.
The idea had been conceived at some point in their week-long, multimedia conversation. It had been Austin's creation, and the simple genius of it was awe-inspiring. Dinner and a movie. Had there not been this considerable distance between them, this penultimate date probably would have been on the agenda. And as Austin said, "why should the distance stop us from acting like any other couple?"
And so Reid was excited. She had the night off, he wasn't on a case. Tonight he would order in some takeout, watch some movie on cable, talk to Austin all night. It was enough to put the most unerasable smile on his face.
He looked down at his watch, and reveled in the fact that he was just two hours from going home.
--
Spencer1123 has signed on
ProbablyPlightless: Are you there?
Spencer1123 has signed off
ProbablyPlightless: That's a no.
Spencer1123 has signed on
ProbablyPlightless: Computer problems?
Spencer1123: I think I solved it.
ProbablyPlightless: Good. :)
Spencer1123: Why can't we just talk on the phone?
ProbablyPlightless: Because I've probably burned through January's long distance minutes
already. Besides, this is what Char and I do every once in a while.
Spencer1123: Okay. You'll just have to suffer through any technical difficulties.
ProbablyPlightless: Is your takeout there? My stomach is growling.
Spencer1123: The doorbell just rang. Hold on.
ProbablyPlightless: Holding on...
Spencer1123: Alright. Thanks for waiting.
ProbablyPlightless: Thank God!
What are you having?
Spencer1123: Pineapple chicken curry.
You?
ProbablyPlightless: Cooked up chicken tettrazini and a glass of red wine.
Spencer1123: You cook?
ProbablyPlightless: I am a woman of many talents, Spence.
Spencer1123: Like coming up with creative usernames.
ProbablyPlightless: :P I created this a little while ago. It's a song lyric that effectively
described my state of mind at the time. Besides, Austin1234 was taken. :P
Spencer1123: It's my name and Fibbonacci's sequence (well, the beginning of it.)
ProbablyPlightless: Oh. Then it's very fitting. :P
Spencer1123: So how's work?
ProbablyPlightless: Alright. We hired a new bartender, who is actually pretty competent. Maybe I'll get more nights off. ;) How's the food?
Spencer1123: It was very good.
ProbablyPlightless: Was? You're done?
Spencer1123: Yes.
ProbablyPlightless: Did you eat it, or just inhale it?
Spencer1123: Unfortunately, it's a learned behavior. When you're on a case, you eat fast and whenever time permits.
ProbablyPlightless: Oh.
Spencer1123: If you want, I can
ProbablyPlightless: It's fine. I'll just hurry up.
Spencer1123: :)
ProbablyPlightless: Look at you!
You're warming up to this AIM chatting!
Spencer1123: It certainly grows on you. Just don't expect any LOLs or whatever jargon one uses.
ProbablyPlightless: That's okay. Rome wasn't built in a day either.
Okay, I'm done.
Spencer1123: Shall we start the movie, then?
ProbablyPlightless: Sounds like a plan.
Spencer1123: I rented this documentary about Stephen Hawking's theory of Everything. I think it might be available on instant play...
probablyPlightless: Um..
Spencer1123: I'm kidding.
ProbablyPlightless: Oh. :) Alright. I'm flipping through the guide right now...
Ooh! The Philidelphia Story is on!
Spencer1123: What channel?
ProbablyPlightless: TCM
Spencer1123: Okay, I am queueing it up right now...
ProbablyPlightless: You are in for a treat, darling. :)
Spencer1123: I'm sure I am.
–
The conversation seamlessly sailed through the film and into the early hours of the morning. Even when his exhausted eyes would droop shut, he couldn't tear himself away from her. It had been the easiest, least nerve-wracking date he had ever been on. The space between them had not impacted their communication. If anything, it helped him gain confidence.
That night helped him realize that Austin was the perfect girl for him. And Reid was falling for her.
--
Another week and a half passed blissfully for them. His voicemail and email inboxes were filled with reminders of her. He found himself in the dark of a Denver hotel room drawn to his computer screen, going over old emails and being mesmerized by her words...
So on my way home from work, the ever-allusive "Please go away" song started playing again. I have heard this song countless times, and I love it, but I CAN'T find the song title or artist!! I'm getting extremely frustrated. I need to solve this, for my sanity's sake!
I'm off to consult the ever-helpful Google. Wish me luck...
XO,
~Austin.
Turns out, when you mishear the lyrics, it makes it impossible to find the accurate lyrics. In my defense, the way its sung "please go all the way" sounds like "please go away". I was searching with innacurate data... Anyways, my empty-handed searches are finally vindicated! It's "Go All The Way" by the Raspberries. Just so you don't have to suffer as I have.
Hopefully your case ends up being as easy to solve as mine was... ;)
Stay safe!
~Austin
I've been tossing and turning all night, a futile attempt at trying to fall asleep. Not even awful infomercials can coax me back to sleep... :( So now here I am, banging away at my keyboard, drinking some delicious Earl Gray tea and listening to some Judy Garland. I'm not sure if it's the sleep-depravity talking, but her music reminds me of what's right with the world. Even with all the poverty, greed, and evil in this world, there are still a few pure things. And Judy's music just embodies that purity, I think. It's just simple and good and virtuous, you know?
To answer your inevitable question: no, I have not been drinking. ;) This tea is not spiked, I promise.
Not sleeping well gives you lots of time to think about things, as I'm sure you're aware of. Like right now, I am thinking about how dusty the picture frame sitting by my computer is, and how as soon as I'm done typing this email, I am going to to attack it with a dust rag. I'm thinking about how far away you are. I'm thinking about how much danger you might be in, working this case. My mind is racing. No wonder I can't sleep.
Argh. I'm going to go get some more tea... maybe that will help.
I miss you too!
~Austin.
It only took two mugs full of Earl Gray, listening to some beautiful Judy Garland renditions, and your phone call to get me to fall asleep. And yet, here I am at nearly six in the morning. Oh well. I have the day off. I'll catch a nap later.
!!! I think I just saw a mouse.... yuck. Excuse me while I stand on the table and scream girlishly....
I'm so tired. Work is slowly draining my life force. Not to mention my noisy next-door neighbors, and tempermental landlord who won't stop calling me a hussy every time I see him. I swear I'm going to snap and strangle someone with one of the knit sweaters I just bought. (on sale!) I'm getting a headache--whether it's from annoying landlords or what, I can't tell.
I'm off to get some ice cream and try and get in a better mood. :P
Miss you lots,
~Austin.
February came, bringing a new whirlwind of emotions for Spencer Reid. Careers and life began to interfere, and they could no longer find time for a ten minute chat, let alone any date nights. He became dependent on voicemails and emails as his only real chance of communicating with her. If an email was the only chance he could connect with her, he would take it every time.
Then the week a day before Valentine's day, for the first time in what felt like forever, he would be having a real date—as real as dinner over the phone could be—with Austin.
The team's early flight and her sacrifice of a Saturday night shift freed up enough time for her to talk him through cooking. Normally the neophyte in the kitchen, he found himself being walked through Tortilla Espanola. In between instructions, they chatted about everything and anything. He was just so at ease listening to her smooth voice on the other end of the phone—he never wanted the conversation to end.
He cradled the phone against his shoulder, and stirred the onions cautiously. In between cooking instructions, he had managed to let slip he had gotten her a Valentine's present. Originally planned as a complete and total surprise, he was simply trying to keep the gift's identity a secret at this point.
"Okay, is it yellow?" Her questions were getting more and more stochastic as the conversation unfolded. And yet, it was completely possible that she had already deduced the gift and was just playing games with him.
"No." He held back a laugh, well aware that laughter would potentially give away more details.
"Can I wear it?"
This time he wasn't so lucky—laughter escaped readily from his lips. "I hope you don't." The idea of wearing a webcam as any type of accessory was enough to make him laugh.
"You have no idea how nice it is to hear that." Her voice was soft and smooth, and he could just imagine the luminous smile lighting up her face. Still, what exactly was the thing that was so nice for her to hear? I hope you don't? She quickly clarified, "Your laugh. I miss that."
He smiled to himself—he wasn't the only one longing. "I miss you."
"I miss you too." For a second, he hoped that she truly missed him the way he missed her.
And the tone of her voice suggested that it was true.
---
The rest of the night went perfectly. Conversation did not falter in the least bit. To his complete and total dismay, his cooking was not a complete disaster. He believed this to be a result of a great tutor, but she insisted that there was some natural talent hidden deep in that crowded head of his. Neither phone battery died. He had made the right choice in movie, suggesting a classic musical that coincidentally happened to be her favorite. She exclaimed happily at the end that she would be singing in the rain in homage to how happy she was.
In all, it was the best night he'd had in a long time. He was happier than he'd ever felt.
That next morning, the first thing he wanted to do was call her. Even if it was just to hear her voicemail greeting. Last night had once again hooked him on hearing her voice, and he was going to indulge himself if only for a few seconds.
It rang once, and he fought the urge to hang up.
It rang a second time. Was this too clingy, too needy?
He expected a third ring and was surprised to hear Austin's voice uttering the greeting. Yet it sounded nothing like the vivacious, warm Austin he had spoken to last night. This Austin sounded tired and ailing.
"Are you alright?" She sounded unwell, and that made Reid's stomach tie itself into Square knots.
"Singing in the rain seemed like such a good idea at the time..." Her laughter was marred by a sniffle. Perhaps this was flu? Or a cold? "I think I caught something."
He frowned—while he realized that illness was simply unavoidable, a protective part of him wished she wouldn't be subjected to any misery. "You should go back to sleep. The immune system…"
"Thanks." She sounded agitated. Was it the threat of a statistic causing her to be exasperated? "I'm going to hang up before I throw…" Her sentence was abruptly cut off by the violent sound of vomiting. Reid winced at the sound, and contemplated what to do next. She was in no condition to be talking on the phone, and expecting her to end the phone call would be selfish.
So with her best interest at heart, he hung up and carried on with his Saturday.
–
Another day passed without word from Austin. It was difficult for Reid for countless reasons. His greatest fear at the moment was becoming that clingy, desperate figure he feared. His newfound confidence was cyclical, and he found himself on a downturn.
But simultaneously, he hated the distance between them. He wanted nothing more than to go over to her apartment with a bowl of chicken soup and care for her. He felt useless, knowing that she was under the weather and he
In a moment of indulgence, desperation forsaken, he opened his email and began typing.
To: Austin
Sent 2/8/09 at 9:04 am
Subject: No Subject
I wish I was there. I know how miserable you must be, and if it were possible I would take that misery away from you.
I'll spare you the statistics on flu-related cases, and just tell you that I hope you feel better soon.
~Spence
--
No sooner than he had pressed the send button did he realize if she were as ill as his imagination had visualized her to be, it would probably be some time before she would be checking her email. Her voicemail seemed a more viable option. He grabbed his phone, and was not surprised when it went straight to voicemail.
"Hey Austin, it's me, uh, Spencer. I just realized that you probably won't be checking your email if you're sick, and I just wanted to make sure you knew I'm wishing you well. I mean I want you to get better, not that I'm wishing you well in your illness..." He cleared his throat, realizing how awkwardly that last sentence was phrased. With a sigh, he tried again. "Feel better soon. I miss you."
Desperate for a distraction, he buried himself in the pile of newly-purchased books and waited for his phone to ring.
--
He waited three days before he tried calling her again. This time it rang four times before it went to voicemail, and he wasn't entirely sure if it was a relief or made him even more concerned. Still, he left his message.
"Hi, it's Spence. Sorry to bother you. I was just checking up on you, wanted to see if you needed anything. I know I'm not there, I'm here in Virginia. But I was just thinking about you all day, and I needed to calm down the part of me that never seems to stop worrying." He cleared his throat. "Call me if there's anything I can do."
He just wanted to hear her voice, make sure that she was alright. It would be the only thing that would calm his nerves, and help him regain his confidence in their relationship.
Tom Petty was right—the waiting was the hardest part.
AN: First, I must apologize for the long wait. It's inexcusable, and I hope all of you lovely readers will forgive me for it. I will do my best to make the next update faster, but I make no guarantees.
Next, I hope you don't mind the format of this chapter. I struggled with this one for a while, which was a contributing factor in the delay. I'm sorry if anybody feels betrayed by the glossing over of the first month of Reid and Austin's relationship. I promise that there's a reason for it.
In case you were wondering (which you clearly were. :P) Austin's username on AIM is another Bon Iver lyric (shocking, right?). And when I began this story, it was the working title. In fact, the folder where I save these documents still bears that name. Interesting, right? Oh, the "please go away" mystery that Austin mentioned earlier was a true story for me. I finally solved the mystery as I was writing this chapter.
Finally, I adore each and every one of you readers/reviewers/alert-ers. You make my gray skies blue. :D Please continue making me happy.
More soon! The plot will thicken… Dun dun duuuun….
~Iwillbetherewhereyouare