Well I wasn't expecting such a strong response for this story; I mean wow all the alerts and reviews thanks lots. Now for the next chapter…

Chapter 3- The Walls start to crumble

Tony knew that he seemed distracted on the way to the crime scene, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't try to project the image that nothing was wrong. After all showing that something was wrong wasn't the DiNozzo way; it was a sign of weakness. The first hour or so of the journey was filled with his usual chatter, to which Gibbs had yelled so he kept quiet. Usually, Gibbs would allow for some sort of chatter on the way, of course telling them to shut up when the comments strayed in to things that he didn't want to be hearing. Anyone could tell that there was tension in the car. Maybe, it was just Tony feeling it though, McGee and Ziva seemed their usual selves. Or, they just didn't notice. Tony knew that Gibbs was watching him but he couldn't actually see what the looks were, he wouldn't have believed them anyway. Gibbs was sending angry but somewhat concerned looks to his senior field agent.

Gibbs was angry and concerned, and he didn't like it. He could tell that something was off with his team and he knew that it had something to do with Tony, but again he couldn't think of why. The team had seemed to be bonding recently, which had been hard to do at the start. They didn't know if they could trust Ziva yet. So when Ziva had invited them all over for dinner, he had seen the tension ebb away…Wait, they hadn't all been there. Tony hadn't been there. Maybe, that was what was wrong. Maybe, Tony had been jealous that he hadn't been invited when everyone else had. He vaguely remembered that Abby had felt a little guilty the day after they had gotten them back but he'd thought nothing of it. Why did Abby feel guilty? Did she know something he didn't? His anger took over the concern that had been building. Was Tony keeping secrets from him? He hated that one of his own team was hiding something from him. That led to not being able to trust them.

He seethed as he pressed the accelerator a little harder than necessary. Driving them towards a crime they knew nothing about so far, and away from anything that was familiar to them. Why Gibbs had decided to drive all the way to the crime scene was beyond any of them, maybe, he wanted to keep a close eye on his team. After all, it had only been a week or two since the shipping container incident. Nope, he wasn't letting them out of his sight for a little while longer.

Tony was silent for the remainder of the road trip. Again he found him self hoping that the others would care enough to ask him if he was okay, or anything that would show they cared. And again, he found that they remained in their own worlds oblivious to him actually being quiet for once. He found that the more they seemed not to care the more he found himself retreating in to the dark little hole in his mind; this caused the ever optimistic persona to be forced out. Almost like a protective wall. He wanted to stop with that, he really did, but nobody would stay around him if he showed who he really was. They would think him weak and kick him to the curb. Not that they hadn't done that anyway with their exclusion of him from their plans.

Staring intently outside he tried to find something to take his mind off his wonderings, anything that could take his mind off the fact that if something went wrong on this case then it would be his fault. Everything was in the end anyway, just like his father had said. Anything bad that happened was his fault. He knew it, everyone knew it, and even his team did now. His so called optimistic façade was crumbling around him in the presence of the people who had hurt him. He needed to build his defences back up but he couldn't, not anymore. He had been surviving for so long on hopes and dreams of a life that he projected but never actually believed he would get. His father had taught him that. Dreams were for weak people and weak people weren't to be associated with the DiNozzo name. Maybe, this was why he always seemed to be getting all those 'lessons' from his father. He was weak. He deserved it for not being the son his father had wanted. Just liked he deserved not being included in his 'friends'' plans, he would have only wrecked it anyway.

It scared him that the team would be so close to him for the next few days, if they saw the after effects of some nightmares they would laugh and tease, he deserved that too. That is what he did to them; he teased and played pranks on them. He only meant to make them stronger, but they didn't know his motives, which he supposed was his fault too. It's not like he told them he didn't mean it in a malicious way. So why, when they teased, did it look like they meant it? Was he deluding himself thinking that they were his friends from the start? Was he alone again?

Of course he was, his own family had made sure of that. He was truly pathetic now. He was weak for thinking he ever had anybody. Anybody that he got close to ended up dead or they would just up and leave when he needed somebody to care just a little. He truly was alone. Again he became mad at thinking his was worthy of anyone's care. He knew that his control was slipping; he needed to pull himself together. He wasn't this weak. Was he? Of course he was though and he was only now starting to see it.

Thinking back, he tried to grasp at happy memories, anything that could pull him out of his stupor. When he had done a good job in the past he might get an approving look from Gibbs, but that was when Kate was there. Was he to blame for her death too? Now, anything he did was expected of him. Even when he had had the idea about tracking the low-jack on the vehicle that Gibbs had shot up when trying to get the kidnappers of Zach's father the other month. Gibbs had said well done to McGee, thinking that it was probie that had done it because it was technology related. He could never have thought of that, he was just an ex-cop who apparently was only good for leg work. Sure, they had all cared when he had been beaten up while on the undercover op with Ziva. Had it just been an act? Was he losing his investigator skills? Could he tell if they were lying to him?

Yeah he was lying to them, telling them everything was okay when it wasn't but that was his protection from getting hurt again. He would live in his own world if he could, but now he couldn't ignore the doubt and the fear that festered within him. In some way he wanted them to push him and ask what was wrong but he knew that if he told them it would make things awkward and they wouldn't know what to say. The silence would speak for it's self and he would run. Run with only a glance back, because this time it would mean leaving Abby. Abby was the best friend that he'd never really had, he didn't want to hurt her by leaving, but he could no longer see staying as an option. Even Abby hadn't fought in his corner when it came down to his exclusion from the dinner party.

Again this thought lead to the feelings of disappointment and even guilt at hurting someone else. He would only have himself to blame. He felt guilty for many things already, surely one more thing wouldn't make it worse. Would it? He would disappoint Gibbs if he left. But Gibbs could replace him easily, even if Gibbs had called him irreplaceable at one point. Tony wasn't sure what to believe anymore. His doubts and fears were crushing his last hope of a normal existance. How much longer could he really go on like this?

Upon having reached the crime scene, Gibbs' anger had abated somewhat. He had to concentrate on the case for now, he could speak to his agent at the hotel later, and that was if Tony was willing to speak. There were two things bothering the older agent; one Tony had actually listened for and change and stayed quiet, and two all Tony had done for the remaining part of the journey was stare aimlessly at the countryside surrounds out of the window, looking a little lost. Of all the looks he had seen cross Tony face, he had only seen that one once before on that damned rooftop. He needed to get to the bottom of this and quick before Tony decided to run. He just hoped that the case wasn't going to be the cause of his agent running and that it wouldn't take all of his time. Time that he knew Tony needed from him. He usually didn't get involved in his agent's personal lives but for Tony, the friendships and his job were Tony's life. Tony didn't have anyone else to fall back on.

TBC

Well what's going to happen now that they are at the crime scene. I do have a question to ask, I have another story planned about Tony's past that could be worked into this one but I am not sure whether it would be too much for the story line. So should I combine the two and create a somewhat involved and big story or keep them separate. Thanks for reading and please review.