Okay so I decided to split the stories up, the other is called 'Best Forgotten', and is up to chapter 2 at the moment. I hope you all go look at that if you haven't already. So here is the next chapter for this one.

Fighting to live and not give up.

Over the years the feelings of worthlessness had been built upon, until finally, anytime he did have a problem he wouldn't seek any help, not thinking himself worthy of the trouble he would cause them. It hadn't just been the actual words of 'You're worthless', it had the actions too. Mostly he had been ignored as a child, his own family not caring enough to even notice him. When he wasn't ignored he was told and shown what a disappointment he was. He wasn't sure which was worse. Did he prefer the 'lessons' over being ignored? Did he deserve the lessons for not being the son his father had wanted?

Somewhere along the line, through all the lessons he had found his reason to live, reason to fight. At the time it had been so he could get out of the control of his father and show him how he wasn't a screw up. Now, he fought to please Gibbs, he wouldn't freely admit that he sees Gibbs as more of a father than his own was, but it was true. Even trying to please Gibbs, it wasn't enough to keep going anymore, anything he had done recently hadn't pleased Gibbs. Maybe, Gibbs would want him gone.

He'd decided long ago that he would not give up until he got what he wanted, but what he had wanted then and what he wanted now were different. He wanted a normal life, one with people who he cared for and would care for him. Before NCIS he hadn't found that, elsewhere he had only found judgment. He had left when the judgement had gotten too far and made him feel excluded. He wanted NCIS to be his last stop, wanted it to be his hope, and it had been at the start. But, he of all people knew how fragile hope was.

Realising that the car was slowing down he got in to work mode, his best act yet, even if he did say so himself. Upon arriving at the crime scene Gibbs gave out his usual orders and the team got to work.

The crime seemed to be straight forward enough; some trace evidence was collected and bagged. Any statements were taken. Common to all was the fact that the petty officer had seemed to have been having a few problems recently, though none were forthcoming as to finding out why. Tony taking his own initiative and using his well know charm, started talking to a very nice looking neighbour. She had heard the petty officer speak of someone else in his unit, apparently they hated each other.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted, Tony flinched a little at the tone. It was similar to that of his fathers when he was just about to be taught a lesson. Tony smiled a little nervously at the neighbour and walked back towards his boss.

"Coming boss!" he called back. He tried to avoid the glare sent his way from his boss and also, tried to ignore the smug smiles of his team mates. He struggled to let the hurt the looks caused go.

"You ready to actually work now." Gibbs growled. Gibbs whished he could take the comment back as soon as he saw the look of hurt cross his agents face. His agent's response worried him, it sounded almost submissive.

"Yes boss." With that Tony started to walk away. Gibbs sighed and gave in to the gut feeling that Tony may have been working, even though it looked like he hadn't been.

"Tony?" Tony stopped for a moment at the use of his first name, "Did you get anything from the neighbour?"

Hope sparked within Tony again, maybe Gibbs did need him a little, only he could get anything and everything out of a witness with an ease that other agents envied. Gibbs saw a twinkle return to his agent's eyes, he was shocked to find that he hadn't even noticed it had been missing until its return. If he really thought about it, the spark had been missing since Tony being excluded. Was he that much of a Bastard for not noticing that one of his own agents wasn't happy? The fact that it was Tony made him feel guiltier. Tony was like a son to him, yet he seemed not to be able to show it as freely as with Abby, maybe, he needed to change that.

"Yes boss, it seems that our petty officer wasn't getting along with one of the others in his unit. I got his address too; I could go check him out if you want." Tony asked with a little joy coming back into his voice, maybe, he could do something useful. Gibbs took too long to answer, doubt creeped up on Tony, Gibbs didn't want to send him, he'd only mess it up anyway. He was sure of it. He didn't even know why he bothered to hope anymore. "You know what boss…ah… never mind… it was a bad idea anyway…I'll just get back to work." Tony sighed, his eyes not reaching his boss's worried ones and started to walk away.

Gibbs was momentarily shock at the level of insecurity he could see in Tony. In all the years they had worked together, he didn't think that he had ever seen such a lost look in the younger man's eyes and heard such vulnerability in his words. He had seen glimpses in the past but not as much as now. Usually it had been after a particular hard case or something had happened to the younger agent while on a case. Gibbs had the feeling that this damage had been done a while ago and over the space of years, but it was so easy to believe that Tony had had the perfect life with the way he acted on the surface. Had he really seen the real Tony DiNozzo? Gibbs cursed in his mind and tried to find something to salvage the current situation. Before Tony ran.

"Tony?" Gibbs waited for Tony to turn back, what he didn't expect was for the younger man's head to drop as if expecting some punishment or accusation. Something in his gut was screaming at him to fix this but he didn't know how. What was it Tony had said about the case? "DiNozzo, go question that other guy, see what you can get out of him," again his gut was telling him to say more, but what more could he say, "Good job, DiNozzo."

With that Tony's head turned sharply around looking for any sign that his boss had been joking, finding none, he gave Gibbs a brief genuine smile. He couldn't believe it though, could he? Gibbs could just be acting like he cared, after he left surely Gibbs, Ziva and McGee would be laughing about it. Laughing at the joke that he was, the failure that he was. His smile wavered a little. He headed out of the crime scene and towards the address he'd written down earlier.

Gibbs sighed as he watched his agent go, he was cursing all the people who had put all the insecurity into his agent, but he wasn't any closer in figuring out who it had been. He noticed that Ziva had been watching the little interaction. He could see in her eyes that she too had noticed the change in Tony, but Ziva being the one that had actually hurt him, left it to Gibbs to try and fix. He needed Abby, she would know what to do, she always seemed to know what everyone needed as did Ducky. But, they weren't here, so he would have to try his best. He knew that he hadn't a chance in hell to fix everything wrong with his agent, but he could at least start…

TBC

I know it was a short chapter but the next will be longer Hehe at least Gibbs wants to help now but will Tony let him and is Tony really safe going on his own to that persons house?