Chapter 18- Optimistic Failure

The drive to the warehouse they had been directed to, was silent, tension remained between the agents. A tension that had been there, Gibbs noticed, since before this case started. Had he not wanted to get too close to the team after loosing Kate that he had ignored them, ignored that they hadn't been getting along. Shaking his head, he looked out for the address of the warehouse.

Storm clouds were brewing; a low rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance. Fallen leaves whipped around the car as the pressure dropped and the wind picked up. The drops of rain started to fall as they reached their destination.

Moving swiftly out of the car, the team went through the warehouse clearing it room by room. They'd split up for the moment to cover more ground. Gibbs kept Tony close and sent Ziva and McGee the other direction.

Sneaking looks at the younger agent through the dimly lit corridor, Gibbs tried to read Tony's expression but found that it was unreadable. For the first time since everything had gone to hell, Gibbs actually thought that Tony had snapped himself out of whatever nightmare he seemed to have been in. Maybe, it was getting back to the job. But maybe, like before, it was a carefully constructed mask, just to make him believe everything was okay. Maybe, Tony created it to make himself believe that everything would go back to normal. Gibbs could only hope that he wouldn't let the younger man down again.

Having systematically searched all but one of the rooms, Ziva and McGee showed up at the other end of the grimy corridor.

"You find anything?" Gibbs asked. Shaking their heads in response, Gibbs signalled Tony to follow him to the remaining door. While Ziva and McGee kept an eye out, backing them up. Gibbs heard Tony take a deep and what sounded like, calming breath before Gibbs Kicked the door open and Tony entered.

As their eyes adjusted to the light within the room, they saw Hughes and the unknown victim in the centre of the room. The victim, another male petty officer, was knelt down with a gun pointed at his head. Hughes looked up, directly into Tony's eyes, sneered, and shot the weapon.

The shot echoed around the sparsely box strewn room.

Then two more shots and the bad guy was down.

But then so was the one they had come to save. Their actions too slow, their information not being found quick enough. The teams hope that saving the person would help Tony in some way, shattered and scattered across the damp floor of the warehouse along with the blood of the person they hadn't been able to save.

Tony was so close he could feel the blood spray lightly falling upon him, which meant he'd been too late, he'd…failed, again. To come so close to proving them all wrong, that he could do something right, that he wasn't a screw up that would end up in the gutter. Then to have it snatched away like taking candy from a baby. It was cruel yet simple. He'd failed.

As the body of the person he had meant to be saving hit the ground, Tony turned away, swaying a little, from the scene forever engraved in his mind and simply, walked away. Away from it all. The bad guy was dead, the case solved, there was nothing more to be done. Not by him anyway. He didn't want to hurt them all but he could no longer protect them either, he would simply have to leave…

…Someone stopped him.

Who, why? He wondered, but couldn't focus. He felt strong hands grasping his shoulders but couldn't comprehend anything but his failure. Nothing else, he didn't deserve anything now. Not after this.

A blurred image of Gibbs came before his vision but he couldn't look him in the eye, all he'd see was disappointment. He knew it. For some unknown reason disappointment was worse than being glared at, worse than being shouted at. It was deeper than angry looks, deeper than anything else. Disappointment was the knowing that you hadn't done something like someone expected you to do, that you hadn't lived up to their expectations of you.

But maybe, sometimes, the expectations were too high. He wanted to scream and shout at the unfairness of it all, but didn't have the energy remaining to fight for his place anymore. Too much to live up to. Even if you had tried you'd still failed. Like nothing was good enough for them. Therefore, simply inevitable. Already failing before you'd even started to try. But hadn't he already accepted that when he was younger? The finality of it seemed to consume him, dissolving any hoped he had latched on to.

But then, what else did he expect. He was Tony DiNozzo, the eternal and disappointing screw up. Always had been. Always would be. Nothing he could do now would change it, so he may as well leave before he had to hear the words. As long as he didn't hear the words then maybe, knowing you were a disappointment wouldn't tear at the fabric of his being so much. He could still hold out for some semblance of hope that he'd never have to hear the four simple words. Which when separated didn't seem so bad as when put together in that certain, and what seemed like a predetermined order.

Gibbs could only watch in horror as his agent swayed, started to walk away and then upon stopping him, completely shut down. One moment Tony had been full of his usual effervescent energy; moving from room to room with ease, as if he wasn't injured, the next, nothing. Just staring forwards, not seeing anything more than what was going through is mind.

Both McGee and Ziva had rushed in at the sound of the shots, upon seeing what lay in the room, they both cursed silently. This wasn't something they needed, not now. They knew that this could very well be the last straw for their friend. Moving towards the bodies, they started processing the crime scene and called Ducky, knowing that he would be needed and that hopefully Gibbs could get through to Tony while they worked.

"Tony! Damn it, DiNozzo. Look at me." Tony just continued to stare through him, as if he wasn't there. The look though, was something else. So bleak, maybe afraid switching to blank every so often, not settling on a certain emotion. He could feel Tony trembling a little in exhaustion, fear, he wasn't sure. He hated to shout at Tony but nothing else had worked, not touch, not seeing him right there in front of him. Nothing. Not even soothing, quiet, and compassionate words. Tony just continued to stare

Gibbs had tried everything short of physically shaking the despondent, desolate look out of his agent. Even a head slap hadn't worked and Gibbs was growing desperate. Ziva and McGee watched on in concern, they'd thought the hidden looks of loss and the desperate words in that house where Tony was bleeding out were bad, but nothing compared to this. They too wanted to shake Tony, make him see them, make him feel something. Rationally thinking it had only being going on for the last five minutes, but it seemed like for ever. Such change from the normal Tony DiNozzo they'd gotten used to, they found they hated a still and silent Tony.

Giving into his urge to shake his agent, Gibbs felt Tony's whole body tense more, tighter than a coil but then pained green eyes settled on his own. Tony's body still trembled in his grasp but he was no longer simply looking through Gibbs.

"Come on Tony, let's get you outta here."

Tony didn't speak in response, he simply just allowed Gibbs to take him away. Gibbs probably wanted to fire him but not with the others watching. But at the moment, he just couldn't seem to care, nothing was right anymore. He deserved it. All of it.

As Gibbs led Tony away from the scene, he heard the words that he didn't want to hear from his agent right now. The tone disillusioned and defeatist, barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry, I failed."

Then, before he knew it, the tension running through Tony's body drained, then Tony collapsed. The only thing stopping Tony's head from hitting the ground on the way down was Gibbs' strong arms catching him.

A muttered 'oh my' alerted him to the fact that Ducky had arrived. Ducky didn't need to be called to be at his side, checking over his agent. Gibbs could only hope that it was just exhaustion that caused Tony's collapse…

TBC

Well I hope you all liked the twist. I did warn you it was coming hehe thanks for reading and please, please review I know there are lots of people reading!!! Thanks so far for previous reviews.