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Disclaimer: I realise that I didn't put it in last chapter so here it is now. I don't own Big Time Rush.

Warnings: Talks of rape.

Chapter 2

Logan sighed and let his arms fall to his sides. They had been trying to get into James' room for the past half hour now. All they could hear from inside the room was James crying but he was slowly controlling it and calming down. Carlos tried the door again.

"Open up James. Were here for you through thick and thin. Just let us in." The last part came out as a whine but James either didn't hear them or didn't care and Logan thought the latter.

"Come on. He'll come out when he's ready." Kendall stated, walking back to the living room where Mrs Knight and Katie were sitting down, silently eating lunch.

"No luck?" Mrs Knight asked as the boys sat on the chairs in defeat.

"Nope. He didn't say anything. We heard him crying though." Kendall told his mother.

"I wonder who died to get this much of a reaction out of him." Logan stated.

They lapsed into silence until they heard James' door open. They each held their breath only to hear James opening and closing the bathroom door then the sound of the shower running.

'I hope he's ok.' was the thought going through everyones minds.

James groaned as Kendall shook him again.

"James wake up. Gustavo wants us in to be at Rocque Records in an hour and a half."

"I'm up I'm up." James muttered and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He stood up and grabbed went over to his chest of draws and picked out a pair of black jeans and a white top. Before Kendall could say anything, James was pushing him out of the room, saying that he needed to get changed.

The door shut behind Kendall leaving him standing there in confusion. James didn't usually care if they were in the room while he changed. He shook it off and walked into the living room to have breakfast.

Kendall shook his head at Logan and Carlos' questioning looks.

"He didn't give me a chance to say anything before he pushed me out of the door." Kendall told them, while sitting down.

"Give him time." Mrs Knight told them, "He just lost someone in his family, he's bound to be shocked but soon he'll tell you guys who it was."

The car ride to Rocque Records was silent which was strange because the four usually didn't shut up. Logan was driving and Kendall called shotgun so James and Carlos were stuck in the back. James was staring out the window, letting his eyes drift over the landscape but not really seeing it. He was in his 'deep thoughts mode' as Carlos put it.

Carlos kept on glancing at James every few minutes from the side of his eyes and Kandall and Logan were looking into the cars mirrors. They desperately wanted to help their friend but they couldn't unless he told them something.

Logan pulled into the car park at Rocque Records and Kendall, Logan and Calros went to open their doors before James' voice stopped them.

"Wait." They all turned around to face James. He took a deep breath in and gave them a shaky smile. "I guess you guys are wondering who died huh?"

"Yeah." Kendall answered even though it was a rhetorical question.

James looked up to meet their eyes before he looked down to his lap.

"It was mum." James stated, feeling tears come to his eyes. He didn't want to look up to see the looks on his best friends faces. "Dad," He took in a deep breath, "He said that mum had been stabbed and r-r-raped. She was killed."

Kendall was shocked to his core. Mrs Diamond, dead. No it didn't seem possible. What was even worse was that she didn't die from normal circumstances like age or a illness. She was stabbed. Killed. How could anyone do that to her?

Logan couldn't keep his eyes off James, praying that what he heard was a lie. Hoping that James would look up and say that it was a joke and that he got them. But he didn't. James kept his focus on his lap. Logan took in a shaky breath. Mrs Diamond, it couldn't be true. It just couldn't.

Carlos felt his mouth drop open. Who would want to kill her. Sure, she scared basically everyone who she ever met but that didn't give anyone a right too kill her. Carlos just didn't believe what he has heard. He reached out and put his hand on James' bicept for comfort.

It was silent in the car, everyone trying to process what James had just told them until the silence was broken by James' phone ringing. He grabbed it out of his pocket.

"Its Kelly." He told them, wipping his eyes to dry the tears that he shed.

"Hey Kelly." There was a pause, "Yeah were coming inside now, were sitting in the car. Ok bye."

James hung up and looked to his friends where they were still trying to process what James had just said.

"Come on guys. Lets go." With that, James undid his seatbelt and got out the car. Kendall, Logan and Carlos scrambling after him. Logan locked the car and the group of four headed towards the building.

James sighed. He was getting sideways glances from his friends even more now. That was the reason why he didn't want to tell them.

They headed up the familiar orange and white hallway, James in the lead and the other three behind him.

"Dogs!" Gustavo yelled as soon as they walked into the studio. "What took you so long?!"

James smiled faintly, "Nothing. Our alarm didn't go off and we woke up late." He silently applauded his abilty for the quick lie that came to his lips.

Logan and Carlos shared a look while Kendall stared at James. Why didn't he want them to know. Looking at him now, James looked like he hadn't slept a wink last night. He had dark circles unde his eyes and seemed paler than usual.

"James is lying." Now everyone turned to look at Kendall. Logan and Carlos nodded their heads approvingly while Gustavo and Kelly looked at him with questioning looks. James shook his head. He didn't want Kelly or Gustavo to know. Not just yet anyways. "Last night James got told that his mother was kil- had passed away." Kendall stopped himself before he said 'killed'. "It was a pretty rough night."

Gustavo looked at James to see if what Kendall was saying was true. He was staring at Kendall then he turned to look at Gustavo and Kelly.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine. I'm ok. So come on, lets start practicing."

"It's fine? Your mother's dead and you want to work?" Kelly asked in both sympathy and confusion and James barley heald back a flich at the bluntness of her statement.

"Look, I just want something to get my mind of it so I'm going to do my music stuff now. I don't care if you want to give me a day off, I don't want it. If I did, then I wont be able to stop thinking about it." James stated angrily and stalked off to the sound booth.

He didn't mean to snap at them but every time that he was left with his thoughts all he could think of was why. Why did his mum have to die? Why was she stabbed and raped? Why would anyone want to kill her?

He was going crazy, his mind coming up with images of Brooke Diamond laying a poodle of her own blood with puncture wounds all over her body. Her body cold and her unseeing eyes staring straight up to the ceiling with pain and fright still locked in their depths.

He needed some way to distract himself. And the only way that he could think of was music. If he threw himself into his music and studied night and day on the lyrics and dance moves, then he wouldn't think of his mum.

He would be able to get through this. But maybe, looking up all of his feelings inside wasn't the best way to do it. One day, it'll have to all come out.

AN: I hope you liked it. So please review.