So this chapter's quite sad I guess but in order to make a story great you have to balance out the funny with the sad and with every relationship there is good and bad moments.
Oh yeah and I just wanna say Jake is gonna do something special for Nessie because Valentines day is coming up in this story and our scenery is going to change from Forks/LA Push as this is where a lot of this story has taken place… Maybe a little Nessie and Jake vacation *HINT HINT HINT*
Oh and I wanna say thanks for all the views! I've got like thousands and thanks to my new followers aswell (:
Again I'm writing these at night at about 12am so I'm not checking for typos/grammar. Just Deal ~~~
RENESMEE
Me and Jake had been together for about 2 months now but I didn't really see enough of him. Tanya's family had come to visit and that triggered a lot of Quileute boys to turn and being as Jake is the Alpha he had to explain everything to them and get them ready for their new lives. Also Billy has been quite ill on and off lately so there was that to worry about aswell.
I was thinking about this as he came up the stairs and into my room at about 11pm. I hadn't seen him since yesterday morning and I turned away from him when he came in. I knew I was being childish and spoilt but I was his imprint and he was supposed to make time for me. Sam was constantly with Emily and so were all the other girls with their wolves. I know that Jake is the Alpha but it's just so annoying. On the other hand though I was spending more time with Bella which was good and the rest of my family. The loneliness I felt for my mom had gone but now it had been replaced with an even bigger loneliness I felt for Jake.
'Ness?' Jake asked walking towards me and sitting down on my bed. He placed his hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off.
'Aw Ness, what's wrong honey?' he tried again but I ignored him and I heard him sigh. A few seconds later I felt myself being shifted and suddenly I was facing him.
'Ugh, you're so annoying' I complained.
'Ness, what have I done?' he asked softly looking me in the eyes.
'Go back to your pack Jake, I'm sure you've got lots to do there' I said miserably.
He looked at me for a moment, his eyes were gentle. 'Is that what's wrong Ness? I've been spending time with the pack? You know I have to, it's been such a stressful time'
'Yeah, I got it' I replied bitterly
He stroked my face lovingly 'you know I don't have to right? If you really want me to be with you all the time just tell me, you are my number one priority, forever and always, it's just I thought you were okay with it.'
There he goes again, guilt tripping me. He knows I hate to make him choose between me and his pack, I know it will always be me but I still always feel bad.
'I just miss you' I said, my voice softer 'we've been together for a while now and like we haven't even gone anywhere or anything, you don't even go to sleep with me anymore you just sneak in when I'm fast asleep and then you're gone when I wake up. Jake I just feel like you haven't made any time for me lately' I said, pouring my heart out and finally getting everything off my chest.
He looked appalled and suddenly lifted me into his arms, hugging me tightly. 'I'm so sorry Ness' he said quietly 'I feel awful, I just didn't even realise you felt this way, I've missed you so much aswell.' He lifted back a little to look at me 'you know what?' he said 'I'm not going anywhere without you ever again, you're going to be with me so much you're gonna be begging me to go away' I had to laugh at that one a little.
'I mean it Ness' he continued 'I need to be with you and you need to be with me, always.'
I smiled and he hugged me again.
'Did you want to go to sleep?' he asked after a while.
'Not now you're here' I whispered.
I was so love struck by Jake it was ridiculous. One look from him and my insides melted, how did I ever think turning my emotions off was a good thing? His brown eyes were warm and gentle and sparkling. His skin was amazingly warm, tanned, toned and muscular. His hair was short just the way I liked it. He was so beautiful and he was all mine.
I pressed my hand to his face to show him what I wanted and he smiled and pulled my face up and pressed his lips against mine gently. I parted my lips and deepened the kiss.
Every time he kissed me, my stomach went into tight knots. I didn't really know much about sex but I did know that I wanted him, all of him. The kisses alone did not satisfy me anymore, I wanted to be closer to him, I didn't feel like we were close enough. It was okay to think this way, my mom and dad were always at the main house most nights.
I lifted myself onto his lap and pulled him closer to me, deepening the kiss more.
My body felt so rigid, there was so much tension in the air, I could feel it but I didn't stop. I had one hand on the back of his neck keeping him closer to me and gently with my other hand I placed it underneath his shirt, tracing his abs and I heard him moan quietly. I knew he loved my touch on his bare skin but I also knew I had about 10 seconds before he pulled away and suggest we watch a movie or something. That was what he always did when things got heated.
Like I had predicted, too soon he pulled away, resting his head on my shoulder.
'Don't pull away Jake' I said softly 'I need you'
He lifted his head up and looked me in the eye 'Ness, I think you know what will happen if we don't stop, I think we need to hit the pause button.'
'No, we need to hit the go button and anyways so what? Who cares what happens, I love you, you love me, there's nothing stopping us.'
He didn't say anything; he just stared into my eyes.
'I just need to be close to you' I whispered.
'You are close to me'
'Closer' I insisted.
He kissed me again, and then put his forehead against mine. 'Ness, I don't think we should have this conversation right now' he said quietly.
'Why not?' I demanded
'Can we just drop it Ness, please' he said, looking slightly irritated.
What was his deal? 'I thought we shouldn't keep anything from eachother, this is something we need to talk about Jake!'
'I know, and we will, just not right now'
I was angry now, I got up off him.
'Every single time I try and get closer to you, you push me away! What the hell? We're boyfriend and girlfriend, you've known me since the day I was born, there is no such thing as 'too soon' with us, and we've been together for over two months and all you've done is kissed me, and you barely do that' I shouted.
He looked hurt, but he also looked annoyed and he stood up.
'What do you want from me Nessie? Do you want me to sleep with you? Is that what you're trying to tell me?' his voice was firm
I blushed. He was so outright and to the point. I was so determined to be strong and hold my own but suddenly I felt like a small child so I just turned my back to him. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. Ugh! Stupid, half vampire half human emotions, I was way too emotional that was my problem.
'Are you crying?' he asked, his voice softer. I didn't answer.
I felt him come up behind me and wrap me in his arms, I was still facing away from him.
'I'm sorry for raising my voice, please don't cry, I can't bear it when you cry' he said gently. I hurriedly wiped a tear from my eye.
'You made me feel stupid' I said, still annoyed.
'I didn't want to do that' he paused for a moment 'I just wanted to know if that's what you were asking me, if... erm, that's what you wanted' he finished awkwardly.
I didn't know what to say, I wasn't exactly thinking that far right now I just wanted him to loosen up a little more. But I wasn't ready to finish this conversation right now, I was tired and he had dampened my mood. I shrugged out of his arms and lay down in my bed facing away from him once again and he sighed heavily.
'I'm tired' I stated.
'I guess I'm not welcome tonight, I'll be downstairs on the couch, if you need me call me' he said and got up to leave, turning my light off on the way. I didn't even try to stop him.
He stopped by the door just as he was going.
'I do love you Ness, more than anything in this whole world, don't ever think any differently. I have my reasons for certain things and I will be more than willing to talk to you about these reasons soon but right now, I need you to drop the sex thing.' I cringed into my pillow.
'I just need you to know, I want you aswell, I want to love you in every way possible and I will soon but can we let this go for now? Please? I love you so much and I hate you being mad at me.'
'Goodnight Jake' I said sternly.
'Fine' he said just as harshly and thundered down the stairs.
I just cried.