A little insight to Jake's head in this chapter, not really that exciting but necessary and vital to the rest of the story. I'll try and upload another chapter tonight/tomorrow the latest. I know I leave it quite long sometimes…

You'll have to deal with any typos / grammar {sorry} Just improvise if somethings wrong..

Disclaimer: I own nothing (just the plot)

RENESMEE

I fell asleep but I couldn't stay asleep. I kept tossing and turning, it was so horrible, I felt so lonely without Jake. I reached over to my bedside to check the time, it was almost 3am. I decided to swallow my pride and go get Jake. I got up of bed, my head was killing me, I had such a bad headache, it was always worse for me when I got headaches because I rarely got them. Ugh.

I tiptoed down the stairs and true to his word Jake was on the couch asleep, he looked way too big for the small couch. If I wasn't feeling so rubbish I would have laughed.

I approached him quietly and tried to shake his arm but he didn't really respond.

'Jake' I said quietly. Still no response so I shook him harder 'Jake! JAKE' he opened his eyes looking startled. He blinked a few times and then his eyes focused on me, 'Ness, what are you doing?' he said sleepily.

'My head's killing me, and I erm… can't sleep'

He sighed heavily, yawned and got up, walking towards the kitchen and I sat down on the couch. Yep, he was definitely still mad at me and I wasn't exactly proving that I was mature enough or ready for any kind of physical relationship yet. Damn I was pathetic; I couldn't even deal with a headache without disturbing other people. I didn't know which pills to get or how many to take. That's what you get when you have a family that do anything and everything for you 2/7, I've never had to lift a finger.

He came back with a glass of water and two pills and handed them to me without a word. I took them from him silently and he stood up watching me and then took the glass back from me.

I hated this awful silence, but I wasn't ready to admit I was wrong because I don't think that I was in the wrong.

When he came back he sat by me.

'Are you okay?' he asked gently turning to face me, and then he stroked my face. Maybe he wasn't mad at me anymore but he was probably just concerned because I didn't feel so good.

I just shook my head.

'Come on, you need to go back to sleep' he said getting up and putting his hand out to me, I took it and we went back upstairs.

'I take it you want me back in your bed?' he said smirking when I sat down in my bed. I just nodded and he got in. I leaned in close to him and he wrapped his arm tightly around me.

'I don't want you to be mad at me' I whispered.

'I'm not mad, just try and go to sleep Ness, I'm here now.'

I closed my eyes and fell asleep quite quickly.

JAKE

I listened to Nessie breathing in her sleep; the sound brought such comfort to me. I pulled her even closer to me.

Yes I was still annoyed, but not at her, I could never be mad at her personally, even if I wanted to. I was just annoyed at the whole situation; I mean she wasn't even 17 yet. She always wanted to rush into things that I know she isn't ready for yet.

Not to be mean but she didn't even know which pills to take for herself when she had a headache. It was a good job she had the family she did and myself because I shuddered to think of her out in the real world fending for herself. I mean look where it got us last time, when she decided to run off.

I still honestly don't think she knows just how much she means to me, she is everything and every decision I make is in her best interest but she just doesn't see that yet.

I realised I hadn't spent much time with Nessie lately and that just wasn't right. I needed to make sure she came above everything else; I needed to be with her when she needed me. It was probably because I hadn't spent much time with her that she suddenly felt this need to start a physical relationship, probably thinking it would bring us closer but we didn't need that to bring us closer.

I wasn't like most guys; I didn't want Nessie for sex.

I'm not saying I didn't want to, I mean of course I wanted to, she is the love of my life but I wanted to when I think she's ready and right now she just isn't.

It's was valentine's day soon and I needed to do something special for her, I had been a lousy boyfriend these past few months and I was determined to put that right because Nessie wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my everything, my reason for existence, the focus of my life, the reason for living.

I had briefly thought about this and I was gonna go on a vacation with her, we needed to get away from all of this stress going on and just get some time to be completely alone together. I'd already got the seal of approval from Bella and Edward, they knew she'd be completely safe with me but with Nessie's latest motives I wasn't so sure that was a good idea anymore. After all, although my will was strong, Nessie could probably persuade me to do anything at all if she really wanted to and I'm fairly certain she'd take full advantage of that if we were alone together.

I started to wonder back to my life before Nessie, a much duller, simpler time. The days where I had a crush on Bella and I hated Edward's guts. I never dreamed I'd be holding their daughter in my arms now, loving her with everything in me.

I thought back to when my days were completely free yet I never felt free. I had nothing to do but I felt weighed down, I wondered how on earth I used to get through each day without the presence of Nessie. I used to think that imprinting was a curse, something that was unnatural and horrible but I didn't realise how amazing it was until I'd experienced it for myself. Imprinting on Nessie is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Every day I get to spend with Nessie is a blessing; she brings meaning to my life, a purpose. I know other people see Nessie's flaws, but to me she is flawless, she is completely perfect, there is nothing that I'd change about her. Well maybe there is one thing, that pesky ability to turn emotions off but even that's sorted now. When we spoke with Nahuel when Nessie went into that state of utter silence and wouldn't respond to anyone he said that the ability to switch emotions on and off will end when she reaches full growth. That's what happened to all of his sisters. Let's just say, it's a vampire/human hybrid's version of a human teenage girl's hormonal/puberty years. Crazy right? But anyway I was ecstatic that it would eventually stop, Nessie with no emotions was the worst thing ever. It was like she was just her shell; I hoped she wouldn't do it again before she reached 18.

I knew all of this thinking was unnecessary, it was just to block out the thing that had really been bugging me and the one thing that was really on my mind. Yeah, the sex thing.

When Nessie wants something, she'll eventually get it no matter what it is. Even as kid I used to give her anything she wanted, despite Bella or Edward saying no. I don't know why it was bothering me so much but then I suddenly realised. It was because I felt guilty and I know I shouldn't but I still did anyway. It's not what your thinking, no I hadn't ever had sex with anyone before. Since Nessie was born I had no interest or desire in any women whatsoever and before that I was just a kid who had a crush on Bella. But a part of me was creeped out whilst Nessie was growing up, it's as if I was waiting for her and that kind of creeped me out because she should have a choice and it was weird if I'm being honest so I did have some kind of sexual interaction with this girl down at La Push. I don't even remember her name, how bad is that right? I didn't have sex with her, I had no desire to but I did do stuff with her. She did absolutely nothing for me and I just wanted her gone. I don't even know why I did it, I guess to see what it was like but now I couldn't regret anything more. Nessie should have been my first everything. When I kissed that girl there was nothing there, no spark, no chemistry, no love, no nothing but with Nessie it was everything. Each time I kissed her, I felt like my heart had gone to paradise and back down again, I loved her so much. More than anything, I could never live without her. I also felt bad for the kiss with Bella. I know that Nessie knew about it but she didn't talk about it, I think she tried to pretend it just didn't happen.

Just then Nessie turned in her sleep and that disrupted me from my thoughts, maybe it was my turn to go to sleep and stop thinking.