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A shadow of my former self
The darkness seeping
Through invisible layers
Not at once air tight as before
The cracks have become a nuisance
The chain-mail pierced by the seething and unwanted
Naked my chest lay bare
Grasping to be robed once more
Urging onward the threat of unwanted emotion
Craving the once cold exterior
Praying to go back to mindless misery
To the comfort of the subconsciously barren
-AC
Santana's POV
I'm so damn worried about Britt. What the hell was that dream about anyway? I have dreams like that where I wake up screaming and it's from scars of he past, so Brittany had to have been hurt by someone. And who the hell is this Jermaine dude she was yelling about? I wanna find him and kill him. What's one more person's blood on my hands right?
Man, how can me, a murderer, be good enough for someone like Brittany? What was I thinking getting involved with her? She's just gonna get hurt around me like Santos did. Well, it's too late now I think I'm falling in lo-
No not the L word. Fuck that. I can't love her, my soul's too empty for love. That option was taken away from me the moment my bitch of a mother dropped me on a pedophile's doorstep. The only people I can truly love are my family. Quinn and Santos, no one else. Everyone else either gets hurt by me or hurts me. Ah fuck it, lemme call Holly and get this batch right.
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"Holy shit! I did it Holly! I did it!"
I run around the lab ecstatic that I just got the batch right. And it's ten times better than Tom and Jerry.
"Snort this shit Holly, it's like an instant orgasm, I think I literally just came, several times."
Holly walks over and takes the straw from me, leans down near the pile of powder and inhales. Soon her eyes bug out of her head, and I know she agrees with me.
"Damn kid, I didn't think it was possible but this shit is better than T and J. The student has become the teacher."
She puts her palms together and bows to me like a Karate master.
"Yesss! Now I just gotta talk to Ty and set everything up so me and Santi can get the fuck outta here. I gotta call Britt and tell her to gather everyone at her house for a second opinion."
"Speaking of Britt, I hear you're dating now."
Suddenly I get bashful, like where the fuck does this come from?
"Yea," I say wistfully. "She's amazing."
"Watch out for that one Lopez, she might seem all bubbly and innocent, but that chick's got some major baggage."
"Who doesn't?"
"Alright S, but don't say I didn't warn ya."
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Sam's POV
"Evans! Go bring that piece of shit downstairs his dinner."
"I've never been down there Butch. What door is it?"
"Third door on the left."
I go down the steps and into the dingy basement. Whoever this person is I kinda feel bad for them. No one but rapists and killers deserve to be in a dump like this. I balance the tray of barely edible food on my right hand and open the door with my left. What's in that room is purely tragic. There's a Hispanic boy, no older than 16, chained to a chair bolted to the floor. He's bloody and shaking and for some reason I want to help him.
"Hey kid, I got some food for ya."
He doesn't answer me so I keep on talking.
"I don't know why you're here but you don't deserve to be treated like this, and why are you shivering? It's not cold in here at all."
Finally he lifts his head and decides to speak to me. He looks familiar but I just can't place his face.
"I-I'm dope sick. Hudson forces a needle in me and gets his kicks out of watching me suffer."
"Wow. He's a sick fuck."
"Why are you working for him then?"
Good question.
"I gotta support my own habit." I tell him while pulling up my sleeve to reveal the track marks littering my arm.
"You're an idiot. I used to work for him too. Now look where I am."
"Fair enough. Here let me uncuff you so you can eat."
I go over and take the cuffs off and loosen the chains a little so he can be more comfortable. He immediately reaches in his pocket and pulls out a very familiar bag of Tom and Jerry, sprinkles some on his fist and snorts it.
"How'd you get the good shit in this dump?"
"My sister makes it. She saw what Finn was doing to me and gave it to me so I could try to control the withdrawal. I promised her I'd never get into H, and I didn't plan on it, but Hudson just fucks everything up."
I'm baffled. His sister makes it? Doesn't Lopez make this shit?
"Wait, you sister is Santana?"
"Yea, why?"
"She's dating my best friend, Brittany, holy shit what a small world."
"Yea. How is she? My sister?"
"I guess as good as she can be with her brother in here. She never even said anything to me or I would have been lookin' out for you this whole time. Why do they have you anyway?"
"Long story short, I wanted to get outta the game and focus on school, Finn didn't like that. He found out my sister made the best dope in Kenso and kidnapped me to bribe her to make it just for him so his empire has the upper hand."
What the fuck? This is some fucked up shit. Poor San, she's so helpful to the people she cares for it must kill her to not be able to help her own damn brother. I gotta fix this.
"That's fucked up dude. I'm gonna try my best to help you out though. Here I got two bags on me you can have. I'll try to make sure you don't get sick, until you have to kick when you get outta here. And you will get out of here, I promise."
"Thanks man, what's your name by the way?"
"Sam," I put my hand out for him to shake it.
"Thanks for bein' cool Sam, I'm Santos."
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Santana's POV
"Yo Ty what's good?"
"Everything's good now that I got yo' fine ass in front of me Lopez. What do I owe the pleasure?"
I playfully slap him in the arm. This dude is too damn much. But I'm happy he's sweet cuz I'm about to make him a very rich man.
"Very funny. But on a serious note I wanna talk to you about somethin' can you come take a quick ride with me?"
He nods his head at me and signals one of his underlings to come cover the corner until he gets back. We walk to my car and I can't keep the smile off my face. Phase one of operation "Get the fuck outta the hood" is commencing.
"So Ty I got a business proposition for you."
He looks at me in anticipation urging me to go on.
"I know I don't need to tell you this, but just to make sure, keep this shit to yourself. "
I look around while we drive like someone could be there listening even though I know it's impossible, that's why I took him in my car in the first place. Street smarts kids.
"Ok get the fuck on wit it girl."
I turn the corner before saying what I have to say.
"I finally perfected a new batch, and it's better than T and J. I want you to be the only one to have it. I want your empire to knock Hudson's on it's ass. By having dope that's better than his, people will flock to you, and in turn by you selling my shit you get 35 percent of the profit."
"Ok, but why me? You could've asked any nigga in Kenso to do this."
"Because, Ty, you're the only trustworthy guy in this shit town and you have the crew to match. Now I got a kilo worth of bags already cut out if you're down?"
"Alright Lopez it's a deal" He shakes my hand as we pull into an alley. I pop the trunk and pull out my new baby.
"What's it called?"
"Blue. It's my girlfriend's favorite color."
"How romantic, who you datin'?"
"You might know her she lives on your block, her names Brittany."
He smiles this goofy ass smile at me and I'm like "what the fuck what did I say?"
"My two favorite ladies are datin' eachother, and I'm bout to take Hudson down, I think I might just do the Charlie Brown right here in this alley."
"You know Britt?"
"Yea that's my baby B. She's been buying from me for like 5 years now. When she was broke and dope sick I would help her out and then she would try to pay me back more than she owed me. Such a sweetheart, and damn she's fine too. Get ittttt!"
"Yea that's my girl. But here's the shit, lemme know what people think. And remember you didn't get this from me, say some Asian lady in China Town made it or some shit. But thanks so much Ty, you have no idea how much you're helping me. When I get outta here Ima give you my formulas so you can get off the streets."
"You're helpin' me too ma. I got you."
After that wonderful meeting I decide to drop by Britt's and surprise everyone with my new baby. I knock on the door and Sam opens it with a smile, but then his smile falls and it worries me.
"Hey Santana can I talk to you before you go get Britt? It's important."
I look at him with worry and go sit on the couch anxiously tapping my foot.
"I don't know if you knew this, but I work for Hudson."
"I didn't know, but go on."
"Well today they told me to deliver food for a guy they kidnapped. It was your brother San. Why didn't you tell me Hudson had him, and why he had him?"
"I didn't know it was any of your fuckin' business Sam!"
I get defensive and go to stand up but he gently grabs my wrist and pulls me back down.
"I'm saying this because I want to help Santana. I know the shit you're in and how awesome you are and I just wanna make it better. Santos told me how Finn's been shooting him up. He was on the last bag you gave him so I gave him 2 of mine. I also convinced Finn to let me be the one who brings him his meals and shit. I can be an inside man for you San, you deserve to have your brother back."
I sit back bewildered at Sam's words. No man has ever wanted to help me without getting something from me. So what the fuck does he want?
"Why are you so willing to help? What do you get out of this?"
"Nothing, I'm just doing the right thing for once."
He's so sincere with his words I can't help but believe him. I should let him in on my plan. I tell him all about the new batch and how Ty is going to be the only seller. He agrees to keep an ear listening to Hudson and his goons, and since he has the keys, as soon as we have enough money Sam will unchain Santos so we can flee to California.
"So yeah, that's the plan."
"What about Britt?"
"If she wants to come she can, but Santi is my blood and my first priority, ya know. I would love to have her there but that's her choice."
"I can dig it San."
I go into my backpack and pull out a perfect bundle, 14 bags of pure heaven.
"Here's the new shit. I swear you're gonna flip shit when you get a taste of that."
I turn towards the steps and make my way up to B's room. I see Quinn in passing and we hug and keep going. I finally make it up those three damn flights of stairs and question whether or not I should quit smoking. But then I think, better not, it can't be any worse for me than the heroin. I knock on the door and when Britt opens it, to say she was excited would be an understatement.
"Tana! I'm so happy you're here I was just thinkin' about you."
"Would what you were thinking involve me being naked?"
"Mayyybe. But come in babe."
Babe I like the sound of that. It's sounds so much better rolling off her tongue. I tell her of my plan and the new batch and how Sam is helping with Santos. I'm so excited life seems to finally be going in a positive direction.
"So when we move to Cali you're welcome to come, but if not I understand, you're whole life is here."
"San there is nothing more that I want than to leave this city and everything involved with it. Yea I'd miss my friends but I'd be gaining so much more if I left."
She looks sad so I lean over and kiss her, trying to transfer my happiness through my lips. It's getting heated pretty fast and I'm about to take Britt's shirt off, when I hear Quinn scream. It has to be a loud scream for me to hear it all the way up here, even with the shitty thin walls. I pull away from Britt and in the same motion take my gun out of my back pack. I throw the bag onto my back and barrel down the stairs. Quinn has her hands up and a guy in a ski mask is pointing a gun at her. I jump down the last three steps and shove Britt behind me while raising my gun up to this jackass.
"Put the fuckin' gun down ass hole!"
Quinn turns to see me a relief floods her features. I can't see Britt but I can tell how scared she is by how tight she's gripping the back of my shirt.
"Fuck you cunt. Do you even know how to use that gun? You're like 100 pounds that shit's gonna knock you backwards!"
He laughs, that motherfucker laughs. He must not know who the fuck I am and the fact that I stabbed a man to death before I was even a teenager. I'm about to speak but then movement in the living room distracts the man and I take my opening. I quickly run up to him and kick the gun out of his hand and across the floor to where Quinn picks it up and now points his own gun at him. But no I'm not done yet, he had a gun to my sister's head.
I kick him square in the balls and when he hunches over I hit him in the back of the head with the butt of my gun, causing him to drop to the ground. I straddle him and proceed to bash his face in with all my might.
"You. Punch. Tried. Punch. To rob. Punch Punch. The wrong. Punch. Bitch!"
I black out after that point and don't remember anything until I feel a hand on my arm and hear Britt calling my name.
"San! You're gonna kill him stop! Santana!"
At the use of my whole name the outside world comes back to me and I look down at the bloody mess of a man who's ski mask came off at sometime between him trying to shoot my friend and me beating the shit out of him. He's conscious still but barely. I'm still shaking with rage when I turn around and see Sam and Britt staring at me with wide eyes. Quinn's just sitting on the couch with the guys gun in her lap smokin' a cig like it's another normal day. That's why she's my sister, she's just as badass as me. But Brittany looks scared of me and I immediately feel like shit. I grab my bag and put the gun back in it and turn to Q.
"Q. Hide all the shit in this house and call the cops to pick this dickhead up."
"Way ahead of ya Tana. Thanks by the way, you always save my ass."
Still shaking with rage I just nod and try not to meet B's eyes because I'm kind of ashamed of myself. Every time I get into a rage like that I black out and have no idea what the damage will be when I come back to reality. She finally comes closer and puts her hand on my shoulder but I shrug it off. I don't deserve compassion right now, I just terrified my girlfriend, I couldn't even control myself. If no one else was here I would have killed him. I know it for a fact.
"Are you ok San?"
"Yea B, I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
"Then stop looking."
With that I turn around and leave. My hands are covered in blood but I don't give a fuck. I get in my car and light up a cig and suck on the now bloody filter. His blood or mine? I don't know.
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"She'll be ok Britt, I've seen this side of San many times. She just feels ashamed that once she gets going she can't stop and she feels like you're scared of her now. But you were able to stop her with a single touch of her arm. I've never seen that. In high school she beat up a girl for calling her a Spic and two huge football players had to literally rip her off the girl and she was still throwing punches in the air. The girl ended up with three broken ribs, a broken nose, and a shattered jaw. The only injury S had was bloody knuckles."
"Holy shit. How does she do that when she's so little?"
Brittany is truly amazed at the power of the Latina. There must be so much rage bottled up in that little body of hers but for some reason she's not scared. She knows San would never intentionally hurt her.
"She can do it because she's been fighting through life ever since that bitch dropped her off in a box."
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Santana storms into her house, hands covered in blood, and immediately starts pacing the living room floor. Puck notices the state she's in and springs off the couch and grabs both of her shoulders to make the small girl stay still.
"What the fuck happened Tana? Are you ok?"
"Do I fuckin' look ok Puck! Someone held Q at gunpoint at the house and I beat the shit out of him but I blacked out again and almost fuckin killed him. Britt stopped me with one touch. One fuckin' touch! But when I saw the look in her eyes it made me so ashamed of myself." She bows her head down thinking about the fear exuding from Brittany. Her girlfriend isn't supposed to be scared of her. She thinks Britt will never want to see her again, and maybe it's for the best she doesn't.
"Whoa, calm down babe, calm down. You protected your sister and your girlfriend, there is no need to be ashamed of yourself. You hear me! No need."
"I can't control myself once I start hitting someone Puck. What if my rage comes out and I hit Brittany and I don't know what I'm doing until it's too late? I'm a killer Puck. I don't deserve any compassion or love, I should just set her free while I still can. Before she gets involved in anymore of my shit."
"First of all San, I know you would never hit Brittany. You know how I know that? It's because you care for her, extremely. And when you care about someone you do whatever it takes to protect them. Second, yes, you killed people. But you had to do it to protect your own flesh and blood Tana. That person, the one who sacrificed her own dreamless sleep for nightmares, isn't a monster."
Santana crumbles down to the floor in a heap of sobs and Puck sits down beside her and pulls the girl into his lap, rocking back and forth until the blanket of sleep drapes itself over her. He then picks her up and places her into bed making sure to keep her bloody hands off of the sheets. Puck retreats into the bathroom and wets a washcloth. Carefully he picks up one of Santana's hands and scrubs the crimson off, then repeating the motion with her other hand. Finally he pulls the covers up to her chin and tucks her in. Then kisses her forehead, and retreats into his room.
***The drama ball is starting to get rollin' let me know if you guys have any ideas crazier than mine. And thanks so much for reading, it means a lot =]