Disclaimer: Haven't you learned yet?

oOo

My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity. I replied: No, we all seem to enjoy it. -Anonymous

oOo

Six months later—December.

"So…" Sakura said, hanging another ornament on the tree. "A brother, huh? Is he cute? Because I've got a friend…"

"Wouldn't know," Sasuke said, handing her another ornament. "Besides, I think someone has dibs."

"Oh, too bad," Sakura said airily. "And how's Naruto?"

"Depressed," Sasuke reported. "Still. The holidays don't seem to be helping, and he's just not getting better. He does everything he's supposed to, a nice change, but… he's not himself."

"I remember," she murmured. The last time she had seen Naruto he had been pale, lifeless, going through the motions of life without any sign of vitality or interest. To think that he was still like that after nine months… he must have really loved Hinata. With her gone, it was like there was a hole in Naruto, a space where Hinata should have been but wasn't.

Sasuke was not much better. He had been piling work onto himself over the last few months to give Naruto breathing room, and it showed in the purple rings underneath his eyes and the lines around his mouth. Things couldn't go on like this, Sakura knew, not for much longer.

The only positive factor was that Sasuke had finally agreed to go out with her, after months of pestering on her part, and she had put them firmly in the long-term relationship category for the last two weeks.

"Almost done?" Sakura asked, forcing cheer into her voice. The rest of the house was already decked out in garish style—red, green, and gold with every available surface eaten up in tacky figurines and wreathes—and Sakura couldn't help but love giggle every time Sasuke flinched as he caught a grinning Santa Claus out of the corner of his eye. Apparently, it triggered his killer instinct.

"All done," Sasuke corrected, straightening with a groan. "I never knew decorating was hard work."

"I make it hard work," Sakura assured him, dumping a few extra strands of tinsel on his head. He scowled darkly at her, advancing slowly.

"You are going to regret that."

"Am I?" Sakura asked innocently, batting her eyes. "Because your brother is due in about twenty minutes and you still need to put that box away, get the tinsel out of your hair, and rouse Naruto. And um… yeah…"

Sasuke used that smile that made Sakura's stomach do repeated back flips, and pulled her close. "What was that?"

"Something about something that can probably be done later," Sakura said, and kissed him.

They surfaced for air twenty minutes later when Sasuke panicked at the sound of knocking on the door. He checked his watch, and Sakura only just barely managed to stop him from making a mad dash to the door.

"Hold on!" she hissed, brushing the tinsel from his hair and tucking his shirt back in. "Okay, okay, you're decent! I'll get the box and Naruto. Though there's nothing I can do about your lips being all kiss swollen…"

"Thank you," Sasuke breathed quickly, ducking his head for another short kiss before he took off for the door.

Sakura took the time to pull herself back together and hide the box in Sasuke's room. She checked on Naruto, but he was snoring on his bed and she decided to leave him to it. Let him have some pleasant dreams a little while longer.

Sakura came back to the living room, already tacking a polite smile onto her face to greet Sasuke's brother and his PA. Really, who brought their PA on holiday with them?

"Sakura," Sasuke said, looking relieved. "Come here. This is Itachi and Anko."

"Hi!" Sakura chirped, beaming at them. Sasuke's brother was just as beautiful as he was, with the same dark hair—though longer, shadowing his eyes—and Itachi's eyes were lined; he had pale skin, creepily similar to Sasuke's own. She had prepared herself for the shock by looking at a few pictures, and was very gratified that her breath didn't stop in her lungs.

"Hello," Itachi said, in a voice so deep it sounded like it started from his toes. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Yup," a woman agreed, her hair pulled back into a spiky ponytail with a grin like a shark. "A big pleasure. Of course, the bigger pleasure was for Sasuke to unglue his mouth to come answer the door so that we didn't die of cold."

"I don't suppose you've ever heard of a doorbell?" Sasuke snapped. "You could have used it."

"And rob me of the chance to embarrass you? Not likely, Baby-cakes," she said.

Rude! Sakura thought, part outrage and part mortification. Who treats a host like that?

Apparently, Itachi was thinking along the same lines as he laid a hand on Anko's arm. "Stop," he ordered quietly. Anko glanced at him, shrugged, and pinched his cheek.

"Sorry," she said to Sakura. "I didn't mean to offend you. These boys just need to be reminded of their… imperfections sometimes."

Both men bristled—imperfections? As if they had imperfections—and Sakura changed her opinion; this woman could be a lot of fun.

"Now where are we sleeping?" Anko demanded, picking up three huge duffel bags. Itachi tried to take one, and without even looking Anko stamped on his foot to squash the notion.

Sasuke showed her to the guest bedroom—one room. Ah. That's why he brought his PA with him!—and Sakura was left alone with Itachi to make small talk.

"Are you the buffer?" Itachi asked, shrugging out a thick black coat and laying it over his arm.

"Um… sorta…" Sakura admitted. "You two seem pretty terrified of each other."

"Mm," Itachi agreed. "Sibling rivalry when we were younger."

"Okay. Well! Come in and sit down! Would you like something to drink?"

"Water, if you would."

"Sure."

Sasuke found her in the kitchen. He looked deeply annoyed, and didn't even need an invitation to wrap his arms around her waist and lean his head on her shoulder. "I'm going to kill the she-witch," he announced grimly. "There's no way I can take her presence for a week."

"You'll be fine," Sakura lied. "I'm sure everything will get smoother as the week goes on…"

Sasuke grunted, obviously not believing a word of it, and Sakura patted his back sympathetically. "Come on, we can do this. Ask them how their flight was."

Itachi and Anko were deep in quiet conversation when Sakura brought the drinks out, and Anko looked thoroughly chastened by the time they broke it off. Itachi accepted the drink graciously, and Anko managed a smile.

"How was the flight?" Sasuke asked after a moment.

"Very good," Itachi said. "Smooth."

"Long," Anko added miserably. "And does Itachi splurge on first class? Certainly not. I thought I was going to shoot myself the seventh hour in. There was this kid to our left who had 'It's A Small World' stuck in his head and seemed to think getting it stuck in everyone else's too was the way to go."

"I don't think the poor boy will ever recover from the scare Anko gave him," Itachi said, shaking his head.

Sakura laughed, and Sasuke joined in a beat behind. The brothers were studiously avoiding looking at each other, finding great interest in everything else.

Oh no, we're not doing this.

"So Anko," Sakura said. "The flight was long? Would you like a chance to freshen up?"

Anko paused, obviously trying to decide whether or not she wanted to be offended, before catching on and nodding vigorously. "Oh, yeah, definitely. Will you show me where the bathroom is? I'd love the chance to chat with you some more."

"Of course," Sakura beamed, and the two of them fled the room before the boys could make a desperate announcement to come after them. They both looked panicked, and Sasuke actually shifted to follow after her.

"You two talk," Sakura ordered. "We'll be right back."

The horror on their faces—had she just suggested they do the T-word?—was comical enough that when Sakura turned the corner she traded an evil grin with Anko.

"Oh, I like you," Anko said, nodding appreciatively. "That was brilliant!"

"Thank you, thank you," Sakura said. "Do you think we should check to make sure they don't kill each other?"

"Nah."

oOo

"So, Naruto?"

"The same."

"That's good."

"That's good?"

"Not good, but not bad. He's not dead, which is good."

"Oh, yeah, right, that's good. And Anko?"

"The same."

"That's bad."

"Very."

"Are you two… close?"

"…Yes. She decided a few years ago that we would be… and so we are."

"Ah."

"And this Sakura girl?"

"The One and all that."

"Good, good to hear."

"Yup."

Itachi took a sip of water, and then put it aside with a sigh. "I apologize. This is awkward, and I shouldn't have offered."

Yeah, well… Sasuke thought. It was true. The whole idea had been one neon invitation for uncomfortable interaction, and Sasuke had been dreading it for months. At first, he had thought Naruto's insane personality would be enough to keep things normal, but then Naruto had gotten so quiet, so reserved… couldn't be counted on to sort out Itachi and Sasuke's problems when he couldn't handle his own. But still, Itachi had offered, and that was a start.

At least, that's what Sakura kept telling him.

"No," Sasuke managed. "I'm glad you came by. We're just not people that… talk like other people."

"Right. There's that."

Sasuke nodded his head, sucking on a tooth. Itachi shifted on the couch, straightened his tie.

"You wanna watch TV?"

"Gods, yes."

oOo

Another Two Months after That.

"It doesn't snow here!" Hinata cried horrified, burying her face in the couch. "I thought we decided on Siberia next!"

"Texas is my home," Tenten reminded her, fiddling with a knife. "To me, snow in winter is weird."

Hinata shook her head in horror, burying her face into the cheap couch cushions. "Texan hippes. Who ever heard of such thing?"

"Is this going to become a monthly rant? You've already bemoaned the lack of snow in Christmas, January, and now February. Just let it go!"

Neji watched the exchange silently from half a mile away from the house, reading lips and expressions with ease. The truck Naruto had insisted he rent trundled loudly beneath him, the engine snarling at every punch of the gas pedal. The small cabin the two women were staying in was older, but well maintained with a cache of weaponry tucked into the available space the army might envy. A lot of it was very obviously illegal, and the woman—this Tenten—seemed to proficient in every single one of them.

Tenten would be the threat, Neji could already tell. The woman was all lean muscle and hair-trigger reflexes. Her hair was almost permanently up and out of the way—in the most ridiculous two-bun style Neji had ever had the misfortune to see—and she tended to almost always have some kind of weapon in her hands. He had so far seen her fondling a katana, a Sig Sauer, a whip, and now a large knife. Her clothes were practical, designed for both easy movement and protection, and her eyes had a hardness to them he had only seen on war veterans.

Hinata looked better, but only just. Tenten had squeezed his cousin into the same type clothes, but Hinata had obviously taken extra pains to make them prettier and stylish by adding a scarf and some color. Her hair had been cut painfully short, but the exercise was mostly in vain from the long bangs framing her face. She had cleaned a gun earlier, with a shocking amount of proficiency, but hadn't touched it since. Instead, she had opted for burying her face in the couch and complaining about the weather.

Hinata had never complained before.

There were also a few other changes, smaller but more painful. Hinata looked pale, drawn, as if the life had been sucked out of her and replaced by sleepless nights and a forlorn resignation. It hurt Neji to see her like this—hurt the new, softer place inside Naruto had insisted on putting in—and Neji felt guilt clawing at his gut. Perhaps if he had told Naruto sooner, while they were still in France…

He shook off that line of thought, and put the car in gear, letting go of his Byakugan. Naruto had forgiven him for that, he might as well forgive himself. There was no point in worrying over it now.

The mushy part inside curled up in shame.

Neji rolled his eyes and put the car in park in front of the house, turning off the rumbling engine. It was strangely warm for winter in Texas, but nippy enough Neji had opted for a light coat—something nice, something quasi expensive to balance out the horrible shoes Naruto had forced on him for his trip.

Sneakers, really? Who wore those?

His back popped as he walked to the house, and he managed to make it within twenty feet before the door slammed open and Tenten stopped onto the porch, Sig Sauer raised and pointed directly at him. Not at his head, he realized a moment later, but significantly lower. He resisted the urge to protect himself in some way.

"Let me guess," Tenten said, taking the safety off the gun. "Neji Hyuuga?"

"Tenten Rosen," Neji acknowledged, inclining his head politely. "I would like to speak to my cousin."

"Neji?" Hinata squeaked from inside. She scrambled to the door, the handgun trembling in her tiny hands. "Neji!"

"Go and pack, Hinata," Tenten said, her voice gentling as she addressed Hinata. "He's not as you knew him."

Neji was impressed she had picked that up. He had thought buying color contacts with pupils, tying his hair back, and covering the mark on his head would be enough to throw her off, make her think he was human.

Hinata had the same kind of contacts as he did, he noticed. He wondered how she had managed to get her hair cut. Every time he tried it just grew back.

"But, Tenten…" Hinata said, lowering her gun. "It's Neji."

"Mmm," Tenten replied, utterly unconvinced. "Make me feel better, and go pack. We were going to leave soon anyway, remember? I'll keep him here for you."

"Hinata," Neji said, taking a step forward. Tenten's finger twitched over the trigger. "Hinata, please, I just want to talk. Can't we talk?"

Hinata looked torn, tears prickling at her eyes and her gun dropping from her hands. She scrambled to pick it back up, and her chin trembled as she did so.

"It's the way he walks," Tenten said quietly, not taking her eyes off of Neji. "He's different. Please, trust me."

Hinata was trembling, and Neji took another step forward, reaching out a hand toward her, wishing he could help her somehow, someway…

But Hinata's eyes grew wide, and with a muffled sob she turned and dashed back into the house.

"What have you done to her?" Neji demanded, his hands curling into tight fists. "She wasn't such a mouse before this! You've hurt her, you've—"

A shot rang, and Neji's eyes grew wide as a bullet whizzed just past his ear.

"No talking," Tenten ordered firmly. "Put your hands up."

"You—"

Another shot, this time at the ground just beside his foot. "Hands. Up."

Neji gritted his teeth so hard it hurt, but he raised his hands.

Domineering, ridiculous, stupid female, he seethed internally. It had taken him weeks to track down Hinata, another week to convince Naruto he should go alone to face his cousin, six hours of driving to get out to this flyspeck town, and then another two hours sitting in his car observing them and planning his approach. Now all that time, all that effort, was literally being blown in his face by a G. I. Jane with an attitude problem.

He was forced to stand there with his arms in the air for half an hour, listening to the sound of things being packed quickly but perfectly while Tenten stood on the porch, attention not wavering for even a second, keeping the gun trained on him.

"How did you find us?" She demanded finally as an engine started from the other side of the house.

Neji pressed his lips together in disgust, making it very clear he would not be answering.

Tenten didn't seem bothered and only once she heard the crunch of gravel as their car was pulled around did she advance, not coming even close to his range.

"Don't find us again," she ordered quietly. "Next time, I won't ask before I shoot."

With that, pain exploded in his thigh and Tenten jumped in the truck brought around and squealed away from the house.

Neji cursed as he crumpled, and cursed again as he forced himself to stand and hobble over to his truck. The bullet had gone clean through, hadn't hit any major arteries, but would probably scar. He wrapped his shirt around it, tied it off, and took off grimly after the dust trail already settling on the road.

His thigh throbbed with pain as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Naruto. "Naruto? Yes, it's me. It went worse than I thought—"

"Are you hurt?" Naruto demanded. "You sound hurt!"

"I'm fine!" Neji snapped. "They're running, coming in your direction."

"Got it. Go to the hospital."

"I'm fine!"

"Neji?"

"What?"

"Go to the hospital, or I'll have Granny take a look at you."

Neji paused, and with a snarl hung up the phone.

He went to the hospital.

oOo

"That did not go well," Tenten announced as Hinata accelerated down the highway and wove around the other vehicles. A car was following them, but he didn't have much chance when compared to Hinata. Her Byakugan made her an excellent judge of space, and she didn't have to waste time looking to pull over. She saw each movement seconds before it even happened, and by the time the blue Camaro had pulled into their lane she had already switched in front of a white conversion van filled with six creaming children.

"You shot him!" Hinata snapped, losing their pursuer by peeling off the highway and onto the streets. The red Mustang that had been following them shot past, and Hinata felt a tug to follow after the car.

Naruto was in there. She had caught a glimpse of him as she drove, desperate determination in his blazing eyes, but she had tried not to look at him since. It hurt, tore something inside of her to see him.

"It was a flesh wound!" Tenten insisted. "Just to keep him from following us. Take this on-ramp."

Hinata obliging pulled onto the ramp, moving seamlessly into the flow of traffic out of Texas and toward Mexico.

"Your cousin is smoking by the way," Tenten added conversationally. "Although you would think I had asked him to take Atlas's place the way he glared at me."

"Pride," Hinata squeaked, wishing she had never heard the term 'smoking' applied to her cousin. "He has it. Lots of it. Um… I'm sorry. You think Neji is cute?"

Tenten laughed, and Hinata cursed the adrenaline high that Tenten must have been running on right then. "Yeah! He has the whole bad-boy vibe going on for him."

"I thought you had enough bad-boy to last you a lifetime."

"I've had enough evil-boy to last me a lifetime," Tenten corrected with a wink. "I'm sorry, are we having girl-talk while we race away from your evil ex?"

"I think so."

"Huh. Good time for it."

"I think so."

"Hinata," Tenten said, tone settling into serious apology. "I'm sorry about Neji. I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry… that we have to leave."

"A—are you—u kidd—d—d—ing?" Hinata stuttered. "I've b—been wanting s—s—snow. Montana is…"

"You want me to drive?" Tenten offered gently as Hinata began to sob. "Come on, scootch over."

Hinata pulled over, and Tenten offered a quick hug before they were off again. Hinata curled up in her seat, buried her face in her hands, and cried.

Perhaps the worst part was that she wasn't crying about Neji at all.

oOo

Naruto was somewhere in south Nebraska before he eased his foot off the gas pedal and let his speedometer lower past a hundred. His cell phone had rung almost constantly for the first day of his trip, but he had already known it had nothing to do with Hinata. Hinata was gone, again, and finally the phone had just stopped.

"Numb from the brain down," Naruto quoted to himself, staring out at the dead fields lining the highway. He was unfeeling and cold inside, and even trying to summon up anger or sorrow or hate hadn't helped. It didn't ease the anesthetized hole that had swallowed him up, and nothing else seemed to soothe him either. He had tried to joke at his pathetic angst, his pitiable depression, but no matter what he said or did the numbness did not change.

Hinata was gone. His sweet little stutter-bug of a goddess had run from him not once, but three times now, with every apparent intention of keeping it that way forever. He had screwed up, he realized that now. He shouldn't have tried to tamper with her memories, shouldn't have tried to force her to accept what she didn't want, shouldn't have become such a maniac over the last few months and just talked to her!

But he hadn't, and now she was gone.

Naruto wilted a little more at the thought, and glumly pulled over at a gas station to fill up. The bright lights of the convenience store shone out onto the cracked concrete posted with signs about beer and cigarettes. Normally, Naruto probably would have cleaned them out of their stock of alcohol and sugar, but tonight he leaned against his car and watched the numbers on the gas counter tick higher and higher.

What's in Mexico anyway that Hinata would go there? He thought, scuffing a toe of his boot. She could get hurt in Mexico, it gets rough down there, and she doesn't like the heat all that much anyway. Is she missing the snow? I bet she's missing the snow. It's all cold, my fingers are cold, Dalmatians…

Groaning, Naruto rubbed his eyes and shook his head. A tired ache hummed in his bones, and his eyes kept drifting shut. He probably shouldn't be driving.

A car pulled up on the other side of the pump, and Naruto swore when he realized who it was. Sasuke stepped out, buried his hands in his coat pockets, and gave Naruto a stare clearly saying that Sasuke had not been happy driving two states to chase Naruto down.

"I was coming back," Naruto muttered to the pavement.

"Before you hit the ice-caps?" Sasuke replied, voice mild. That was a very bad sign. Sasuke was always at his worst when he was calm. "Or the ocean, perhaps? Maybe you were just planning to drive on into Europe and down to Asia, see the sights for a month or two. I hear it's horrible down there. Oh, no, I've got it! You've just lost your mind!"

"Y—"

"I've been patient!" Sasuke continued. "I patted your head and held your hand and tiptoed around your wounds, but I am not going to do it anymore. You are coming back to New York right now, and you are going to apologize to everyone, and then you are going to do as you're charged!"

His stomach rebelled at the thought of going back to New York without Hinata, and he had to swallow bile.

"Naruto."

"I heard you," Naruto assured him. "I'll—" he swallowed again. "I'll go."

They both pretended his voice hadn't cracked on the last word.

oOo

Author's Notes: Finally we see Naruto! And Neji. :-) Also, the promised Uchiha Christmas has finally come to pass. Please review and tell me what you thought!