Pull The Trigger
Chapter 6
-
The house is big, unlike any he's seen before, but in this neighborhood it doesn't really jump out. All houses here are big, with large lawns stretched out in front of them with bushes and plants that flower beautifully in the summer and spring. Now there is a feint layer of ice on the grass. It shimmers in the light of the lamppost.
In the city everything was lit up and it was never really dark but here, at night, everything is pitch black. Sasuke noticed it in the car, looking out the window. This absence of annoying flickering light bulbs soothes him in some ways. So when finally, he's pushed up the driveway by a persistent Kakashi he doesn't feel as nervous as he's supposed to be.
'Don't worry, they're a very nice family. They've had kids like you before, I think the last one left about a year ago. His name was Kimimaro, I think that he even still visits sometimes.' He says trying to get him to relax.
Sasuke doesn't need it. He's calm. He's got faith. They will be a normal family, smiling mother and quiet dad, one loving daughter. He's got absolutely nothing to fear.
Kakashi rings the bell. It only takes about a few seconds until there can be heard some movement on the other side of the door. In the meantime Sasuke inspects the Christmas holly pinned to the wood. He can see that there is some red glitter sprayed on there as well, then it opens and he's met with the two pale blue eyes of a small woman.
She's got brown hair that curls a little at the ends. Her face is broad with a plump mouth, she still looks very young although there are some wrinkles that grease the corners of her eyes. She is the sort of woman that ages beautifully. Mrs. Haruno.
'Hello, you must be Sasuke, please, come in.'
Both Kakashi and he are hauled into the hallway by the woman's hospitality. She takes their coats eagerly while calling for her family to come downstairs as well.
'I hope it wasn't to cold outside, we've a fire going in the living room! My name's Suki by the way.' She says as she leads them through a door on their right.
The room is very cozy, a brown leather couch adorns in the far corner, in front of the open fireplace a large man stands with the evening paper still in his hand.
'Welcome, please sit down!' He says, sounding exactly like his wife.
He smiles and his broad face crinkles up in such a way that his eyes stretch out. When he laughs there is flicker of golden teeth in the back of his mouth.
They talk for a long while, to Sasuke and Kakashi, not expecting any responses really. Just when Kakashi scrapes his throat and mentions the papers do they break up their rant. They excuse Sasuke, tell him that he can go inspect his new room if he'd like. Up the stairs, first door on his right.
In the hallway Kakashi briefly says goodbye to the boy. He smiles a little clumsily and shakes his hand. Then he gives him a phone number to call whenever he would need any help. Sasuke takes it all and tries to smile but he fails. He really does appreciate everything that has been done for him though, and he likes to think that Kakashi knows that.
The stairs are made of wood and they creak just a little. It's quite a new house. The walls are beige and custard, decorated with black and white picture frames and other fancy photographs. With a duffel bag full of clothes thrown over his shoulder he climbs up to the second floor. The walls grow warmer in color now but he can't really see in the half dark.
Then there's a sound of a creaking door and Sasuke almost bumps into a pretty girl. She startles at first. Her hair is pale pink and her eyes are a soft green, almost fading to blue, sort of like a pond in the summer.
'O, I'm sorry.' she says, tender, little voice.
Sasuke nods. He has to continue down the hall but now the girl is standing in his way. She realizes it and quickly steps to the side.
'I'm sorry.' she says again, laughing at herself a little.
Sasuke enters his room and drops the bag to the ground. His bed is covered in dark blue sheets with a white woolen spread over it. The carpet is yellowish. There's a sober little desk and a few pictures here and there and one rather large bookcase. It's not a bad room at all.
Sasuke turns around to finds that the girl has followed him in. She walks over and sticks out her hand for him to shake.
'My name is Sakura. I know yours is Sasuke.'
Sasuke takes the hand and mumbles 'hello'. But then he turns and starts to unpack his luggage. Sakura stays for a moment, not really knowing what to do. After a little while, Sasuke's already starting to feel uncomfortable, she turns around and leaves, but not before saying:
'We'll be good friends in no time!'
-
The following days Sasuke has to learn to adjust himself to the Haruno's lifestyle. It's like he suddenly has to tune in to the real world. One where he's always safe, where he can do what he likes, where people ask him for his opinion.
There are some things he is supposed to get used to, eggs in the morning, polite conversation, a girl like Sakura, and of course prayer before dinner. That's right. He didn't see it the first time but there is a dark, wooden cross on the wall in the dining room. It's sober and subtle but draws your attention inevitably.
When Sasuke first replies that he's sorry, he doesn't know any prayers Suki says: 'Oh well, I guess we'll teach you then.' and then she smiles so sweetly that he actually feels bad. At that little moment he wishes that he knew prayers, just to please her. She good at that. Playing the maternal type, making him stutter and not know what to say. He's never had a mom, well he did, but that was a long time ago.
Sasuke also discovers that Sakura watches him a lot. She can't seem to focus her eyes anywhere else. She does it unnoticeably of course, to her parents. They encourage her to take him to the shops for groceries, and show him around.
She does take him to the woods one day. It's large and open and just next to their house. The trees are mainly birches, tall and pale, reaching up to the dreary skies. People go running over the dirt roads in the early mornings, but in the afternoon and certainly in the evening, the forest is deserted.
-
Not many days after that Sakura brings over her friend Ino for dinner. Sasuke's seen them the day before too. In front of the house, in avid conversation. He could practically hear their squeals. So this evening, at dinner, he keeps his reserve.
Ino is tall and gorgeous and she knows it. Platinum blond hair and icy, blue eyes, luscious lips and a flirty smile. It's the sort of smile that's just that teensy bit more daring than, for example, Sakura's, and it would make any other boy's heart go wild. (Possibly not only the heart).
But Sasuke is already hopelessly addicted to another kind of smile. One that's not flirty but sweet, and that can change into any other kind smile: mischievous, exulted, suggestive, provocative. It's a talented one, that has the diversity to show even pain and suffering. Up until this day there has only been one person who owns a smile such as this and he goes by the name Naruto.
Dinner is, as always, magnificent. The food at least, conversation is poor. Sakura is not herself, she's flushed and she drops her fork more than once. Ino can not stop grinning.
When they're done they asks to be excused simultaneously and run up to Sakura's room in a fit of giggles. Sasuke stays behind and does the dishes.
-
His first day of school comes gradually closer. Sasuke feels more anxious than he's ever felt in his life. Perhaps that's because this is the only chance he'll get at having a normal life. He's got to make the impression of a healthy, undisturbed, albeit a bit moody teenage boy. Good luck with that.
It's the end of the Christmas holidays for Sakura as well. She's promised to make sure he fits in. She's already told him about all her friends and how they're going to love him. Suki glows with pride when she hears her daughter tell him this.
The school itself is nothing compared to his old public school in the city. It's about three times smaller, situated in the pleasant part of town, next to a primary school with a jungle gym and everything. The building is watermelon colored.
Sasuke gets off the bus and lifts the brand-new backpack on his shoulder with a slightly awkward face. It was a gift from Suki, she threw his old one out. Suddenly he starts to feel a little panicked, he looks frantically for Sakura, afraid to have lost her in the crowd. Then he feels her touch on his arm. She was sincere about helping him get a good start at school. She's probably done the same with the last foster kids, Kimimaro, was it?
Her sweet voice calms him down a little. She accompanies him to the registration office, sorting out things like his schedule and locker although he can hear her friends call her name. She waves at them but doesn't leave his side.
Since he failed part of the admission tests for this school (Blame Naruto's blue eyes in the afternoon extra classes) he's been held back and forced to repeat the year. That means he's in the same class as Sakura and Ino, who are year younger than he is. Sasuke doesn't really mind. At least he knows some people in his class, at least he gets the chance to go to school again. Anything is better than wasting his time away in Juvie, where the level of education was so poor that it actually felt like he was getting dumber. Of course it was hard to concentrate there. People had already given up on half of the kids.
He was lucky to get out. It didn't take very long, his case was reopened, examined and eventually it was decided that he was a special case, and that it was self defense, shooting his brother, so he did not belong in there. Dealing with foster care is only a small price to pay. He has two years of high school to go, then he can do what he wants, work for himself, get a car and drive away, far away.
Sometimes he dreams of going to the big cities, not the one he came from but perhaps Wave city, hot and humid, the city that never sleeps. He can almost see those lights when he closes his eyes.
But now is not the time to do that. Not in school where everybody is rushing to class and bumping into each other. After the first and second lesson Sasuke is glad to find out that he understand the subjects. Nothing has changed much since last year. During lunch things do not go as smoothly.
Sakura waves him over to sit with her at the table. Ino is on her left hand, whispering things in her ear as he approaches, that almost makes him want to turn around again. But where else will he sit, right? So he clenches his teeth and endures it. He meets Sakura's other friends:
The first he notices is Shikamaru, a boy with a sharp face and piercing eyes. They shake hands a little uncomfortably. Shikamaru seems to be the sort of guy weary of strangers. He moves his fingers almost lazily when he talks and the sarcasm in his voice flows so natural that one would suspect he was born with it.
The second one who shakes his hand is Choji who is chubby but very social. His smiles are big, his teeth are straight and white, they sort of make up for the lacking physique. He is very present, at the table. He jokes and laughs with everyone.
In front off Choji sit's a boy with a fur coat and his elbow in a sandwich: Kiba. Kiba grins like a wolf and instead of shaking his hand like a normal person he insists on slapping it with a lot of show, like they are in the backstreets of New York sealing a deal. Sasuke dislikes him immediately.
Lastly he notices a girl with short black hair. Sakura introduces her as Hinata at once, as if answering questions for her is only normal. The girl smiles weakly in his direction but does not meet his eyes, or anybody else's. They are focused on the table and on her sandwich. She is rather small but is naturally bigger than Sakura and Ino. She is wide around the hips and chest but it's all covered up by the oversized sweater she's wearing. After her introduction everyone goes on talking. It seems like she is easily overlooked.
Days pass by quickly after that but one afternoon, just after lunch Kiba invites him to come over to his house later. Shikamaru and Choji are going to be there too, they are going to check out whether the water in the lake is warm enough to swim in. Sasuke thinks not. He goes anyway, maybe to please Sakura who has been trying so hard to get him to feel welcome the past days.
-
In the morning it had been quite cold, but the sun had come out early and was gradually warming the earth.
As Sasuke leaves the school gates he's already trying to come up with an excuse. He knows he said yes, and he knows that it isn't going to kill him, but he still flinches when people talk to him, he still can't smile. Suddenly he's awoken from his thoughts by Kiba's harsh voice who calls him over.
Too late now, they get on the bus together, Kiba's is just two stops after Sakura's, so she sits next to him in the crowd. Her eyes are on him all the time, cautious and concerned. She's more like a mother than Suki sometimes. When the bus stops and she has to get off she reaches out and squeezes Sasuke's hand. Then she nods goodbye to the others.
For the next two bus stops he stares out the window and feels the tingling in his hand, the one Sakura squeezed. He closes his eyes slowly, the noise drains away and the images blur. The warmth is comforting and the blue skies reminds him.
Choji shakes his shoulder.
'You awake? The is our stop.'
Outside Sasuke realizes that they're just at the other side of the forest. It's a visible a green line behind the houses and roads. Dogging cars and bicycles Kiba crosses the street to where presumably his house is. It only takes them about eight minutes to walk there. He lives close to the forest in a single, two story house. The dirt driveway is littered with junk, mostly chew toys for dogs and rubber and plastic.
'My dad likes to mess around with the car.' He says to Sasuke alone, for an explanation.
There's one dog on the porch, she lies there like she's molten to the ground, large, white and hairy. Three others come running out of the front door as soon as they hear Kiba's feet grind the little stones of the driveway. One of them is white like the one on the porch. The other two are just as big but brown, and of no apparent breed. They jump up and down wagging their tails enthusiastically.
Naruto would have loved this, Sasuke thinks as two wet muzzles dirty his trousers and hands. He likes dogs, he just doesn't appreciate them slobbering all over him. Kiba laughs at Sasuke's pained face and grabs the dogs by their collars to pull them off.
'They won't bite.'
'They will drool.' Sasuke replies, annoyed.
Shikamaru laughs but Kiba and Choji don't get it. Kiba enters the house with just one foot and shouts that he's home. He gets an answer from inside but the sound is muffled.
'My sister's home from college. She's studying to become a vet. You've never met a person more rude than she.' Kiba mutters as he stalks through the high grass covering a path towards the garden behind the house.
Behind his back Choji whispers something to Shikamaru and they laugh. Both seem totally familiar with the house and surroundings, obviously, he's been told that they've knows each other since they were five.
The garden is very large but the grass is in a poor condition. Unlike the Haruno's perfectly manicured lawn this lot looks like it's been mauled by four bears. Patches of dirt and stones and more doggie toys litter the grass. In the back there's a tree with a playhouse in it. Like someone has bought one of those plastic cottages and hung it up in the tree using tape and rope.
The three boys in front of him pass it without paying it any attention. They pass through a hole in a barbed wire fence. Choji holds it open for Sasuke, considerate as he is. On the other side of the fence is a field and another dirt road and a shed, a little garage more likely. Kiba crosses the road and kicks open the door of the garage. He enters and starts rummaging around.
Shikamaru waits outside with his back to the wall and Choji starts collecting bottles and cans that have been dumped at the side of the road. He places them on the fence, even spaces between them. Sasuke watches him uncertainly. He's not quite sure what he's doing, but he's got a bad feeling in his guts.
Finally Kiba exit's the garage, a heavy bundle in his hands. He drops it on the ground and kneels beside it. The others do the same, only Sasuke stays standing, awkwardly. Kiba folds away the cloth and reveals what's inside, three pistols. They look very old. Not at all like that only gun he's ever seen, that one was shiny, bright, inviting and oddly full of hope.
The only one who notices his discomfort is perhaps Shikamaru but he doesn't say a word. Choji and Kiba fight over which gun they pick, of course Kiba wins.
They take place a good distance away from the fence. Choji aims with his one eye closed, mouth pursed up in concentration. He moves around a bit, trying to get the best position. It all looks a little fake to Sasuke. Like he's just playing some childhood game about pirates and cowboys. The gun could have been a toy gun and it wouldn't have made a difference.
Kiba grips his weapon, differently, with both hands and positions himself straight in front of the targets. His eyes go fierce and his mouth pulls down, it's scary how much he changes he in just that one second. He fires four shots, hits two cans. Choji fires five and hits none.
After the silence is restored Kiba regains the old dimple in his cheek as he laughs, exulted, all his tension has drained away, been shot away. He glances over his shoulder, behind him where Sasuke has closed his eyes for the shots.
'That felt good! Now you have to try. Come on.'
He throws his gun to Shikamaru who only catches it because of reflex, then he moves to pick up the third and last gun, the oldest looking one in the bunch, and stops in front of Sasuke.
'It's not gonna bite you.'
He looks down at the pistol, refuses to grab it. Kiba sees his hesitation and throws his arm over his shoulder, as if they've known each other for years. He leads him forward, positioning him in front of the fence. Kiba is tall and broad, he's very hard to ignore.
'Please just shoot it once, you'll love it.'
He pulls out Sasuke's hand, which feels hot and not like his own. He drops the gun into his palm. The gun's heavy, not as heavy as his brother's though but this one feels rough in his hand.
Sasuke places his other hand on it, like he did the first time. He lifts it halfway, doubting. He hears the boy behind him sigh in his ear and flinches, almost violently when Kiba lifts his arms and hands with his own to aim at the bottle on the far right. The presence, the body looming over him, touching his shoulder makes his heart beat more rapidly, and not in the way Naruto makes it.
The wind stops blowing in his ears until there's just his heartbeat and labored breathing. He so hot, boiling, can't think straight. There is a voice in the air. Telling him slowly: shoot.
So without the strain on his mind, without the shield he always throws up whenever his thoughts lead him to something he doesn't want to think about, Sasuke pulls the trigger, shoots the cans.
Shoots Itachi.
Five times. Twice in his head, twice in his heart and once through his nuts, until the face isn't smiling anymore.
Then he wakes up from the daze. Suddenly the sun shines too bright for his eyes and he drops the gun like the metal burns. Kiba's still standing behind him but there's some space between them now. He says:
'Wow, you're quite the marksman, Sasuke.'
Choji whistles through his teeth as he inspects the targets that have all shattered to tiny, sharp little pieces on the grass. Shikamaru observes them from his place in the shade of the wall. His eyes are set on Sasuke. There is something on his mind. He's perceptive enough to notice the inner turmoil and the distress.
Sasuke turns around, he can't believe what he's done. This was a finished chapter in his life. He should not have brought it up again. He starts to walk away from the field, down the dirt road towards the forest. He hears himself say:
'I've got to go, be home for dinner. See you tomorrow.' It's not his voice.
Choji stays behind, puzzled, Kiba doesn't says anything. It doesn't seem like he's all too worried.
If this is what normal kids do in their free time, I don't think I'm meant to be one, Sasuke thinks to himself.
-
Sasuke never goes home to Kiba's anymore. He's afraid that he won't be able to hold himself together next time. At lunch the threesome he shot bottles with don't say a word about his behavior. Kiba doesn't because, frankly, it doesn't seem like he remembers it, Choji doesn't because he hates to bring it up, and Shikamaru doesn't want to go through the trouble. He doesn't dismiss it though. It's always there, in his eyes.
Sakura seems to have noticed it as well. She asks him once what they did together that afternoon. Sasuke lies. She doesn't ask anymore. She also doesn't push him anymore. Perhaps she's finally realized, accepted that Sasuke doesn't want to be popular, particularly. He doesn't need to hang out with other people every afternoon.
Sasuke goes running in stead. It's something he's been doing for a while now. When the forest is emptiest, in the evening and in the very early morning, he wears his old clothes, puts on the worn tennis shoes Suki's given him, and goes out running.
-
The forest is gorgeous, completely quiet. It's not yet blossoming, because it's still too cold for that, but ice is melting and the drips of the water contribute to the magic.
That's what Sasuke thinks as he races through the trees. The dirt under his shoes makes no noise as he passes over it in a steady rhythm. Sasuke runs, controlled and to fast to keep up for long.
The trees are blurs and colors. There is no sound of birds whistling, just the wind in the leaves, and his own labored breathing in his ears. In stead of stopping when it starts to hurt he pushes himself. He keeps going. The gasps for breath transform, his lungs ache, they scream for rest. He doesn't stop.
Then his breathing turns to sobbing. He skids to a halt on the frozen ground. The steam coming out of his mouth condenses in his face, it's cold. He tastes blood, spits, and sees blood. A dark stain on the earth.
Around him there are some rotting leaves left from the fall, but most of it has been blown away, or it has already decomposed. It's supposed to turn to spring soon. The branches are still empty though, there is no sign of new life, fresh buds.
Sasuke controls himself. Hands on his knees, getting back his breath and composure. Shutting his eyes hard and forcing himself to stop acting like such a fucking kid.
Then he walks again. The strain in his legs feel wonderful, it's so good to feel a proof of hard work. Gently he calms down. This is what he needs after two days or so in the hospitable house of the ever-so-hospitable Harunos. He needs to unleash himself at least once, because he's restless and he doesn't know why. Doesn't want to admit it.
-
Because of his social absence at school he's one of the last that hears about the new help Iruka has hired, possibly he is the last to know it. Iruka is one of the local farmers. He keeps a few cows and some chicken but earns most of his money growing wheat. He's got a large piece of land and expensive equipment but he lives alone, and work is hard. To ease himself of some of the more trivial burdens he's hired a boy to do them for him. Or so Sasuke's heard.
At first he thinks nothing of it but Ino's words stir up something inside of him. Hope?
'Ah, you should see him Shikamaru, he's got the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen.'
Ino's been talking about him since first hour. Her face is all shiny and she smiles all the time.
'Yeah, whatever, I hear he's freaking felon, your prince charming.' Shikamaru responds.
Ino hits him in the shoulder.
'He is not a felon, alright?! Besides even if he was, he's free now right? So that means that he's an ex-felon.'
Choji laughs and Shikamaru slaps himself on the head. Why is he even trying?
'So an ex-felon is acceptable?'
'One with eyes like this one? Always.'
'How old is he anyway.'
'He's our age, I've seen him when my bus goes past the field in the morning.' Choji answers this time.
'Doesn't that mean that he should be going to school with us?'
'But he works right? Maybe he dropped out? Anyway, he's probably like way more mature the you guys here, except for Sasuke of course.' Ino smiles at him sideways, still defending her new prince fiercely.
Sasuke makes use of the small pause. He tries to be subtle and casual, and asks:
'Do you know where Iruka lives, exactly?'
-
That night he dreams, the next too. In the morning he wakes up with clear memory of what he dreamed of. That's the problem, the pictures won't go away. Blue eyes haunt him, and every time he turns a corner he thinks he sees. Even when Sakura touches his hand or arm, it's like it's him.
It makes him feel crazy. It's absurd that after all this time it still makes his heart do back flips in his chest. The fact that he can't keep himself from growing warm and that he can't make his breathing slow down ticks him of. He is not supposed to be fucking dependant.
To rid his mind of the images he goes running more often, to the point where his body hurts, just so that at night he can sleep immediately.
-
One of the days short after that, it was a Wednesday he remembers, Sasuke accepts Ino's invitation to go with them to town for shopping. He doesn't particularly care for clothes or ice cream but it does help him to fit in. Besides it's not like they're going to eat him, and since Sakura's coming too Kiba won't pull a stunt like he did last time.
They get on the bus and three of them find places at the back. The rest has to stand. It seems like their entire school has shopping plans for that afternoon. It takes a good fifteen minutes to get there. Sasuke's used to shorter bus trips. When they get of the full force of the wind chills them to the bone. For a late spring day it's unnaturally cold. No ice cream then.
The little town is cozy, there is a park and lot's of green all over, it would have been very pretty in the summer. Now everybody rushes inside, café's and shops are packed. The girls split of to go to a clothes shop further down the street while the boys stick in the video store. They've scheduled to meet each other later in the local café/restaurant to have a late lunch.
Kiba drools over the latest games and controllers while Shikamaru inspect one of the laptops. Sasuke feels very out of place. He wanders aimlessly down the aisles, sticking to pick up a DVD here and there. He knows nothing. It only hits him then and there how unbelievably much he's missed. He lost his childhood, his adolescence. He is not as old as the boys in his class, older. He doesn't care for the same things. He wishes he would. Maybe he'll try.
Chouji behind him pushes one of the DVD's into his hands.
'This one was awesome. You should really watch it. It's about a crew on a spaceship who get marooned on a strange planet, and then at night the planet's monsters come out and attack anything that moves. There was…'
He keeps talking while Sasuke inspects the cover of the DVD. Suki has given him allowance last Saturday. 10 bucks. He's never earned money that easily. He could spend it, make Chouji happy.
Then Shikamaru appears behind them, Kiba by the collar, a pissed look on his face.
'Let's go you two, before Kiba starts breaking stuff.'
Sasuke buys the DVD.
After the video store the boys, not including Sasuke he just follows, decide to crash the local supermarket and buy food and drinks. This time it's Chouji leading. The supermarket it not as big as the ones just outside the city. Wal-Mart and such, but it's also bigger than the little local stores that Sasuke bought his food from back when he lived in the city.
Inside they all split up and in about three second he finds himself alone in front of the vegetables. He picks up a tomato just as to look busy. He's already spent all his money.
The smells enter his nose, make him dream again. His mother making pasta in the kitchen. The buzz of the refrigerated area lulls him to sleep. He's calm now but very clear. Walking slowly with no purpose but lucid. He decided he likes supermarkets. Nobody cares for you, you're anonymous.
Sasuke's dreams are shattered in front of the instant noodle racks. Or not shattered, you could say that too. You could say that he just kept on dreaming the part where he bumped into the figure out of his past. Baby-blue eyes and a luscious, apologetic smile. Then Naruto recognizes him.
'Sasuke?'
He says it with such relief and adoration that it makes his heart stop in his chest.
'Naruto?' He says, and doubts his vision.
Dressed in a brown jumper over black faded jeans it's him. Full and real, delightfully present. Naruto smiles wide, he steps forward and immediately his hands ache for him. They're outstretched but halt in the air awkwardly. His eyes say: can I touch you? I want to touch you?
'What are you doing here?' Sasuke asks, he tears his gaze away, to the floor and takes a quick step back, because what if he does?
What if he lets Naruto hug him like they both want to? They'll be standing here until next Christmas. Forever holding on, not wanting to let go and lose again what lies dearly precious in their hearts.
'I work here. Not in the store, on the farm. I came after you.'
Why won't Naruto leave him alone? Not that he doesn't like it, he does, immensely. It's just painful, seeing him again, tearing open the wound, healing it, then tearing it open again. It burns. Why is he so special? He doesn't deserve, he's not friendly, he messed up, he's ungrateful.
'Why do you follow me always?' Says Sasuke, his voice breaking just that teeniest bit.
'What else am I gonna do?' Naruto replies, completely convinced.
Is this what he believes? That without him he's nothing? Would he actually die if they were apart? Can he not quit him?
'I'm not alone, I came with friends.' Sasuke says.
'Friends?'
This stings Naruto just a bit. At first it's funny, because come on, Sasuke and friends? Then he understands what it means. They can not be seen together. It pulls at his mouth but he can't let it get him down now. He's found him again. There is nothing that he wouldn't do.
'Yes alright. I need to see you again.'
Naruto steps over and Sasuke does the same, although unconsciously. He quickly but calmly tells Naruto his new address. It's clear he's not thinking, what comes after that? Are they supposed to meet a Sakura's house? Eat at her dinner table?
Naruto doesn't care, like a lot of times when real things matter. He just smiles.
That's when Shikamaru, Chouji and Kiba turn around the corner.
'Hey, did you get something?' He asks, and then notices a blond of medium stature with burning blue eyes.
'I'm sorry, did I interrupt?'
'No you didn't let's go.'
Sasuke turns around although it hurts to just leave like that. He stalks out the supermarket and hears Chouji say:
'Did you know that guy or something?'
'I knew him from when I lived in the city.'
'Well you should have invited him to come with us.'
'He not that kind of friend.' No he's not, much more.
'…you lived in the city?'
Sasuke says nothing. He's in a strange mood for the rest of the day, not bad really, just reserved, pensive, withdrawn.
-
Later that day, (he did not have to wait for long) the bell rings downstairs and Suki opens it. Sasuke hears her voice from at the door, polite surprise. He also hears the familiar sound of Naruto's mumbling. Immediately he climbs down the stairs and stops halfway, like he's just remembered to control himself. Suki turns and says:
'Will your friend be staying for supper Sasuke?'
Sasuke looks over at Naruto and their gazes meet. It seems as if that moment stretches too long, like it's obvious that they are not just 'friends' and that Naruto did not come over to 'play'. There is a tension in both their eyes, a sort of strained formality. Naruto nods faintly, so Sasuke mutters:
'Yes, if it's not a problem.'
Suki laughs heartily of course and leaves for the kitchen chatting about the large amount of food and the joy of extra company.
Naruto hesitantly climbs up the stairs after Sasuke, as always he's unsure in new places and never touches anything. His hands are kept consciously close to his body, he doesn't even grab the rail of the stairs. He averts his eyes and gnaws his bottom lip. Sasuke leads him to his room without saying a word.
Inside Sasuke takes place on the bed while Naruto prefers to lean awkwardly against the cupboard.
'You've gotten real polite.' He says finally, a little breathless.
'They're good people.'
'Aha.'
Both are silent again. It's as if after all this time that they've been apart they have to get used to being with each other again. It's much like it was in the beginning when there were always these uncomfortable sentences that were left unspoken but so obviously hung in the air. Sasuke wonders how the other has been. Whether he's been a lucky as him. Whether he also has to adjust. Whether he also feels so horribly out of place, uncomfortable, and unwanted as him.
'How've you been?' Sasuke asks.
'Fine. Iruka is sweet sorta. I can cook eggs if I want to, and he let's me sleep late on Sunday.'
Sasuke nods. They are both painfully aware of the want for more than just 'conversation'. Suddenly Sasuke's throat is parched.
'I've been thinking that it's been more than a month since you last slept with me.' Naruto says, and he approaches. For some reason, him saying those words is funny and comforting. It's so wonderful that his presence, blunt, direct and clumsy has not changed.
Naruto's eyes focus on his face, neck and below. They look a little distant, not very lucid. He licks his lips and opens them unconsciously.
On the bed Sasuke leans backwards. Like Naruto he's also noticed the fog in his brain and the suffocating heat in his body. Although he know's now that it's fine. He smiles.
It seems like forever, way too long for Sasuke, before lips finally descend upon his own. After lips, warm hands, and eventually a body between his knees. His hands automatically catch the blond by his waist, then encircle the presence closely. He leans back, almost bumps his head on the wall.
They have not changed. Everything is as it is supposed to be and better. Naruto still loves him, wants him really bad.
The movements after that escalate a little. Hands touch faces and lips and teeth wander with more desperation. Naruto has positioned himself on top. One hand holds the other down by the shoulder so that he has unlimited access to that perfectly smooth jaw line. Sasuke arches up automatically so that their stomachs are touching and the heat is shared. He's got his hand curving around Naruto's shoulder blades, putting his fingernails deep in the flesh.
There is some distant shouting from downstairs but of course neither hears, or if they do, they don't react; Nothing can seem to unglue them from each other. Only after 5 to 10 second does Sasuke's brain register, he was always the faster of the two, the footsteps on the stairs, light and fast coming towards his room.
With what must have taken all the willpower of the world he tears himself loose and pushes Naruto on the floor. He gasps at the exact moment the door opens and Sakura peeks in. She laughs and there is one dimple in her cheek.
'Dinner's ready'. She says.
Then she seems to notice Naruto, flushed, tousled and a little freaked out on the floor, and Sasuke mentally cursing, this house, place and family in a bed with creased sheets.
Naïve or wise as she is, she doesn't say a word.
When she closes the door Naruto emits an audible breath, then he blushes fervently and mumbles:
'sorry.'
'That's ok.' Sasuke barely replies, his voice a little higher than usual.
He scrapes his throat. What was that? When was the last time that he'd lost control over himself like that? He suddenly feels very tired, as if it had taken real physical effort to interrupt the… exercise before Sakura came in. Also, what kind of relationship to they have together? After more than a month apart all they can do is kiss and maybe more? He's never felt like such a slave to his emotions before. Curse puberty and hormones and love.
Naruto gets back on his feet and motions to the door.
'I'm kind of hungry. You wanna go eat now?'
-
Of course Naruto makes a fool out of himself at the dinner table, but a loveable fool. Suki laughs at him as he stuffs his face with her food and offers him more. Sakura's dad entertains them with stories about Iruka when he was little, everyone understands them but Sasuke. He's never met the man, for some reason, all the attention is on Naruto now. Like he's a planet and everything is drawn towards him. Except that he's more a sun than a planet.
Even Sakura herself is won over, and she never takes her eyes of Sasuke even for a little while.
He doesn't know if he should be moping or grateful.
-
Updated and everything. Now my back hurts :(