Hey there stranger
Introduce me to danger
Can you come pull my hair?
Beat me until I bleed
Make the outside mirror my insides
Please it's the only thing I need
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Sniff.
Brittany wakes up looking around for the source of that fucking tapping. Within moments she sees Santana sitting on the edge of the bed with her back towards her, leaning over the end table.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Sniiiifffff.
Brittany reaches out her hand to touch San's bicep while calling out to her "San?"
The brunette whips her head back and forces a smile at her girlfriend. "Morning." She whispers.
Brittany flicks her eyes to the alarm clock squeezed between liquor bottles, ash trays, and empty baggies. She sees it's barely 9AM. Since when do any of us wake up before at least fuckin noon? She thinks to herself. Brittany also ponders the dark circles under her girlfriend's eyes. Has she been up all night?
"Babe have you slept at all?" Britt sits up in concern.
Santana clears her throat and forces a smile worthy of an award while turning back into Brittany's view.
"I slept." She hasn't slept. At all.
Brittany knows she's lying but decides not to press it. That's when she notices one huge sandwich bag of coke and another with heroin. She cocks her head to the side and sees lines of both on the table behind Santana.
"Speedballs?"
Santana's starting to get pissed off. She doesn't want to be questioned on anything. It's not like Brittany woke up to her doing something she never did like shoot up. She needs to hit something.
"I'm gonna go work out." She concedes and turns away from Brittany, does another line, and walks out of the bedroom without looking back. Brittany doesn't know whether to be pissed or worried.
Santana walks into the bedroom turned personal gym, and closes the door gently behind her. She walks over to the closet across the room and pulls out some work out shorts and a sports bra.
The tight stretchy shorts grip and rub the fresh cuts on her left thigh but she likes to feel the sting. She foregoes wrapping her hands before attacking the punching bag in the room. The girl stops momentarily to pull her hair back with the hair tie around her wrist.
Hair now, sufficiently out of the way, she really goes at it. The small woman throws upper cuts, jabs, and hooks over and over again with the ferocity of an animal. The cuts on her knuckles from punching Finn start to split open but she welcomes it as a plus. Blood starts to leak from her fists and imprint on the punching bag but she's far from done.
Sweat beads from her forehead as she grunts and growls while hitting the bag harder and harder. She can barely breathe and everything hurts but that was her goal. She wants to feel pain.
Brittany slowly opens the door to the work out room and leans against the door frame. She watches her girlfriend destroying the punching bag with her back towards her. Brittany is definitely worried and even more so, when she sees blood slowly dripping down her left leg as San pivots to punch differently.
"San." The girl keeps punching. "San…Santana!" The Latina grabs the punching bag to still it and looks back at Brittany expectantly as to say; Why the fuck did you yell at me?
"Why's your leg bleeding San?" she says while pointing to said leg.
Santana doesn't answer she just looks down at her leg. Bringing her left hand up she extends her pointer finger and glides it along the trail of blood up to where it originated. She then swipes the blood off of her finger and onto her shorts, without a word. She notices her cuts peeking out of her shorts and dares to look at Brittany.
The blonde has a knowing look on her face mixed with sympathy. Santana doesn't like sympathy. She feels like she doesn't deserve it. She wants pain.
Without a word she turns and starts punching again and then stops but still doesn't turn back. "Don't. Just don't give me that look or say anything. I know ok? I know." She states through gritted teeth before returning to the bag.
Brittany just turns around and leaves, she knows San's not going to talk about anything like this.
Santana meanwhile keeps punching. She can predict everything that would have come out of her girlfriend's mouth and she doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want pity or even admiration at this point. Frankly she wishes someone would just beat the shit out of her. She craves to be punished. She needs to feel that pain.
Sometimes it feels so good to be so low. To reside peacefully in the filth. She needs someone to treat her like shit and fuck her like it means nothing. It always comes back to this. Santana needing some sort of masochistic punishment to release everything she's feeling, to mix plain and pleasure with humiliation.
Usually she'd just find a random chick, or even a guy who's willing to pay to beat the shit out of her and spit on her existence. But she's dating Brittany.
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Santos is in the room next to the one Santana's currently in destroying a punching bag. He has seen this side of his sister after the incident with Ricky. Even being only 4 he can still remember the darkness rolling off of his sister. The bruises and cuts she would come home with were horrifying to the young boy. He doesn't know why she needs to feel pain to release her emotions but he knows it started with Ricky beating her.
After a while of dealing with pain she started to welcome it as a way to deal with all the shit in her life. And this became her only way to deal.
Santos doesn't want to see her back in that dark place. She seems all together but he knows his sister is one false move from slipping through the cracks.
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Santana bursts into her bedroom to find Brittany sitting on the bed, right where she hoped she'd be. Santana grips Brittany by the collar of her shirt and pulls her to her feet. She then grips the blondes face in her hands and smashes their lips together desperately. The two kiss for a few minutes before Santana pulls away and speaks while holding Brittany at arms length by her shoulders.
"I really like making love or whatever," She flicks her hand in the air dismissively. "But right now," She looks Britt dead in her eyes. "I want you to put on that strap on, and fuck me, deep and hard."
She releases the blonde and walks over to her drawer and pulls out the strap on. Turning back to Brittany with an air of desperation, she pleads her case.
"Take all your anger out on me from the past week, or past forever. Whatever you need to tap into to be able to hurt me, do it." She grabs her girlfriend's hand and looks into her eyes. "I need you to do this for me."
Brittany understands this feeling very well. She likes pain too, but not to the extent Santana does. Santana actually needs it and she needs to do this for her. She figures since she's still sensitive and can't get the same treatment as San, she might as well give it and release it that way.
Brittany takes the strap on from San asking only, "Safe word?"
Santana looks up and smirks mischievously at the blonde.
"Blue."
Without a word Brittany grips the Latina's bicep hard and forcefully pushes her to the floor onto her hands and knees. She stands up and takes off her shirt and shorts leaving only her bra and panties. Britt then fastens the strap on around her waist.
She walks back over to Santana and slaps her ass hard causing the Latina to grit her teeth and become wet in the same motion.
"Where's your hair brush bitch?" Brittany yells menacingly. Santana only got a preview of this the first time they fucked but this is ten times more and she loves it.
Without looking up Santana speaks. "It's in the bathroom."
"Good now get undressed and bend over the side of the bed by the time I get back." She sneers while walking away.
Santana quickly takes everything off and assumes the position.
Brittany comes back and stands behind the other girl while the rubber dick brushes her ass. She crouches over Santana and grabs her ponytail releasing a grunt from the girl.
The blonde takes the wooden hair brush and spanks her own ass with the implement to test it out. Santana hears this and snickers. Only Brittany would smack her ass first to see how it feels.
The blonde on the other hand doesn't think it's too funny and brings the back of the brush down hard on Santana's bare ass.
"Ughhh" Santana grunts.
"Not so funny now, is it?"
Brittany keeps bringing the brush down on the other girl over and over again until her arm becomes tired and San's ass is cherry red. She throws the brush down and grabs Santana's hair again and smooshes her face into the mattress. With the other hand she harshly enters the brunette from behind with three fingers.
Santana spasms and grunts at the sudden penetration.
"Ugh. Hit me you fuckin' bitch." She sneers at Britt.
Brittany slaps her hard across the face several times before pulling her by her hair onto the floor.
"Fuck you, you stupid bitch!" She kicks Santana in the ribs. "Talk back to me and see what fuckin' happens!"
Santana smirks triumphantly. She wants to really piss her off.
"Oh please, you can't hurt me, you fuckin pussy!"
Brittany grabs her by the hair and punches her in the face. Santana smiles back at her while licking the blood coming from her lip.
"Let me treat you like the useless bitch you are."
Ahh, humiliation, San loves it. Keep it coming.
She puts Santana's body into position on all fours and situates herself behind the woman. Brittany reaches forward and slams San's head into the ground.
It hurts but San loves it. Brittany then forcefully shoves the fake dick into her from behind while still holding her face onto the floor. She lets go and slaps the brunette in the face hard while slamming into her. Brittany grabs both of her girlfriend's hips to plunge deeper inside of her.
Santana has tears running down her cheeks, slowly and silently releasing everything she's been holding in.
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Santos is in the backyard having a catch with Quinn when he hears it.
"Hit me you fuckin bitch!"
He looks over to Quinn knowingly. After hearing grunts come from the window out of his sister's mouth he notices Britt's voice.
"Fuck you, you stupid bitch!"
He winces at the angry words spewing from the both. Santos actually had to give it to Brittany he didn't think she had it in her. He tosses the baseball back to Quinn. He's glad Brittany does have it in her though because it's better San gets this from her rather than some skanky chick or even skankier guy.
"Oh please, you can't hurt me you fuckin pussy!"
CRACK!
He knows Santana just got punched in the face. He also knows they don't really hate each other; it's just what they have to do.
Quinn finally speaks up. "Ti I don't want her going back to that place in her head." She throws the ball back.
Santos catches the ball and takes his glove off before sitting on the grass in the tiny backyard.
He looks down and picks a few blades of grass out of the ground before commenting.
"I know Q, but this is what she knows, and who am I to take her away from that?"
Quinn doesn't answer. She knows her little brother is right. She just wants to help San in a way that doesn't involve punching her in the face. She hears the sound of glass breaking and looks up to the window.
"Shut the fuck up!" Comes billowing from Brittany's mouth.
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Santana has a bruise on her jaw and a bloody lip but she wants more. While Brittany's fucking her hard against the wall she tightens her legs around the blonde and pushes her deeper inside her pussy while reaching up and yanking Britt's hair.
"I thought you were gonna hurt me? Or are you just a pussy ass white bitch!" She sneers.
Brittany growls and spins Santana around while still holding her, and slams her into a framed painting on the wall. The glass shatters against San's back and she lets out a growl.
"Shut the fuck up!" Brittany yells and starts fucking her again but chokes the Latina this time.
She sees Santana's eyes roll to the back of her head in a mixture of pain and pleasure and knows she's close. Brittany carries her back to the bed and tosses the smaller girl onto it like a piece of trash. She brings the latina's ankles around her neck and continues pounding her pussy.
"Not so tough now, are you bitch?" She yells while slapping the brunette over and over again and pumping into her.
"Ughh fuck!" She growls and bucks her hips harder into the blonde. She feels herself getting close.
"Cum bitch. Cum now!"
Santana starts spasming and gritting her teeth.
"Ughh Fuck, I'm comin'."
Brittany reaches forward and tugs her hair one last time while San comes undone.
The blonde pulls out and without even letting San recover from her orgasm, she drags her onto the floor by her hair. She kicks her in the ribs and walks away while uttering. "Take a fuckin shower."
Santana meanwhile recovers from her aftershocks with a smile and tears. She feels so much better even though every part of her hurts. She's proud of Brittany. Not one of her past girlfriends would have done that for her. She's glad Brittany truly understands. She's happy Brittany knows all of her darkest thoughts and still welcomes her with open arms.
Santana finally gets up and half limps to the shower finally feeling like the weight has lifted.
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Santos is shivering on the couch as he hears the shower turn on. He thinks back to her picking fights and letting the other person get hits in on purpose. He has his sister's face memorized when she would come back from the corner with Quinn. She would have a black eye and an empty smile. Kind of like the one she's sporting now as she limps into the living room holding her side.
"F-feel better?" He whispers out shivering and in pain.
Santana snaps her attention to him just now realizing he was there.
She puts her head down embarrassed that her brother had to hear that. She's really not used to him being here again yet.
"Yea. I do. Sorry about that."
He waves it off and that's when San notices the sweat glistening on his head and the paleness of his skin. She rushes over to him and scoops the boy into a hug while sitting on the couch.
"Dope sick huh? I know it sucks," she squeezes "but by the third day it gets better, I promise."
Santos breaks down into his sister's arms crying. She rocks him back and forth trying to calm him a little. She knows this feeling and it's the worst pain and discomfort she has ever been through.
"Shhh calmarse hermano." She whispers brushing her fingers through his hair.
He grips her shirt tight. "It hurts Santanita, le duele."
"I know it hurts baby boy, I know. Let's get you into the shower. That always helps me when I'm dope sick." She stands up and drapes his arm around her shoulder. "Just sit on the bottom of the shower and let the water calm your muscles."
She gets him up the steps and into the bathroom where he sits on the toilet seat while she turns the shower on.
"You know where B is by any chance?"
Santos smiles knowing she's ready to show love now after getting her ass beat.
"Yeah, she's dancing with Q. Go. I know how to shower Tana." He shoos her.
"Fine but come get me if you need anything, even if it's just a hug."
She ruffles his hair and shuts the bathroom door behind her. She knows tomorrow he's going to be begging her for a fix and she's not looking forward to caging that beast.
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"Don't even think about going down there yet."
Santana freezes with her hand on the basement door when she hears Quinn's voice. Oh fuck. She thinks.
Santana turns back to her sister with her arms crossed against her chest. "And why's that Q? This is my fuckin house."
"Don't play dumb with me Tana." She steps closer. "I heard too. I'm pretty sure the neighbors thought there was a domestic disturbance."
She gets closer and closer to Santana with each word.
"I can't believe you had her do that." She shakes her head. "And the sickest fuckin part is that it helped her too cuz she's just as fucked in the head as you are."
Santana is seething and flexing her fists at her side.
"Fuck you Quinn. You don't know shi-."
Quinn gets right up in Santana's face
"I know that you shouldn't need to be punched in the face to feel something! You shouldn't have to hurt to release emotions you can't name!" She steps back shaking her head.
"Like…God Tana I basically listened to you telling your girlfriend to beat the shit out of you while she fucked you!" She starts pacing the floor while Santana stands silently boiling over with anger.
"And she did it. Brittany fuckin did it!" she throws her hands up. "What about what just happened is ok?"
Santana backs Quinn up against a wall. She pulls her arm back and with all her might she punches through the drywall right next to Quinn's head. Quinn gasps and slaps Santana hard across the face.
"This isn't the first time we've been in this same position Santana!" Q looks to her right towards the newly formed hole in the wall. "This isn't the first time I've had a fuckin hole in the wall right next to my head! And certainly not the first time I slapped the shit out of you."
She pushes Santana away from her.
"And it's not gonna be the last. But I love you Tana. You're my only family," she wipes away a tear. "and that's never gonna change, but it's a shame you don't love you, as much as me and Ti do."
Quinn sees Santana's lip quiver a bit and pulls the brunette into her arms. Santana breaks instantly.
"I-I just... I only know pain Q." She sobs. "I don't know any other way!"
Quinn's now sitting on the floor with the Latina in her lap, rocking her back a forth. "This is one way Tana."
San looks down at her hands shaking her head "Am I …am I a monster Q? I have 6 people's blood on my hands."
Quinn grabs San's face in between both of her palms and looks her straight in the eye. "No, don't go to that place, you are not a monster." She says sternly. "Yes those 6 people are gone but they also hurt the only people you love. They're gone for good reason. Any one of those people would have killed you or anyone else without a second thought Tana."
"Ok…Alright." She sniffles and stands on her own again. "I'm gonna go find B." She turns around and swiftly opens the door to the basement. Before leaving she turns around and whispers, "Thanks Q." and barrels down the steps.
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Santana stands in the doorway of the dance studio and watches her girlfriend twirl and jump completely at peace. She smiles and decides it's time to stop being a creep.
"Hey baby." She says shyly looking at the floor.
Brittany twirls around with a smile before it drops upon seeing her girlfriend's puffy eyes. She swiftly walks up to Santana and pulls her into her arms. "What's wrong Tana?"
She sniffles before laughing a bit. "I'm fine now that Q slapped some sense into me." She laughs again. "Literally. Like she always has."
She brings Brittany's bruised knuckles to her lips and kisses them
"I'm sorry I made you do that."
Brittany tilts her chin up and kisses her. "You didn't make me do anything. As much as we're different, we're the same person inside Tana."
"Blue."
Brittany slaps Santana's arm playfully.
"You can't use the safe word for conversations San."