Down in a dirty ditch
I follow thee
Encapsulated by filth
Yet comfort is the emotion
The grime is great with you
Brittany's POV
I can't seem to shake this feeling of dread washing over me. I thought I was done with being used and beaten by men. I thought it was all over. It seems like I'm running and no matter how fast or how long I sprint I get nowhere and I'm dragged down by the filth.
It seems the cards I was dealt in life were destined to be repeatedly folded on the table. No wild cards or aces to help me win the game. I can't complain though, I have a sexy girlfriend who would literally do anything for me and I love her like nothing else in this world. I don't wanna spread my foul mood around though so I decided to go home after visiting the club.
I spoke to Artie and Holly and when I'm ready to come back I will be bartending instead of stripping. It's less money but I feel better behind the bar than on the pole. With what happened to me 3 weeks ago I'm not entirely comfortable with men looking at me. I don't even wanna breathe their same air if I don't know them.
I open the front door to the last thing I could ever imagine seeing on my couch. Quinn is on top of Puck butt ass naked riding him while he slaps her ass. I cough awkwardly in shock and they both stop and look up at me. Without moving or even attempting to hide herself Q tries to play off the situation.
"Uh hey Britt. I thought you were staying at Tana's?"
I find it funny she's trying to talk to me while Puck is still very much inside of her. They both seem casual like it's normal, which I don't mind cuz me and San would probably do the same thing.
"Nope and now I'm glad I didn't, I think a little blackmail is in order." I laugh at their shocked faces. "I'm just fuckin with you guys, I'll leave you two to get off, but you," I point to Quinn. "Have some explaining to do missy."
I turn and leave laughing until I get to my room and the demons in my head start to make themselves known. Drugs. I need to get high that will help. I rip open bag after bag but my mood doesn't change. The only difference is that now I'm sad and fucked up.
The images of that cold basement won't leave my head. It's like there is a tattoo on my brain and I just want to burn it off. As I lay down my elbow bumps into my stuffed unicorn and seeing it immediately breaks the dam behind my eyelids and the tears flow like a river newly freed from it's confines.
I lay down on my bed squeezing Kali with all my might as my tears cascade down my cheeks and wet the white fur of the unicorn. I can't believe this has happened to me again. Am I just a body that men think they can beat and rape whenever they please? Thank God I'm gay because even if I was attracted to men I don't think I could ever trust one enough to be in a loving relationship.
Deciding not to think on it any longer I sit up and cut out some more lines while I wipe the evidence of tears from my face. Quinn walks in without knocking like she always does. I hope my face doesn't lead on how miserable I actually am.
"Hey B do you have a straw…" She trails off.
"Yea I got one in my end table." I see her looking at me funny. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You... You've been crying Britt. What's wrong? It's not Santana is it?"
I shake my head no quickly.
"No, she's perfect."
She comes over and sits on the shitty mattress with me and puts her arm around my shoulder.
"Now tell me what's on your mind other than my hot body you got full view of earlier." She winks at me.
I groan and decide to tell her cuz she's not going to leave until I do and if I lie she will know. She's like Yoda or some shit.
"I…I just feel." I try to swallow down my tears. "I feel like all the shit that happened at Finn's is digging up feelings from when I was younger." I put my head in my hands to hide the tears that managed to break free.
"I think it's time you told me your story B."
I shake my head no. "Only if you tell me yours first."
I'm completely and utterly shocked when Quinn tells me about her parents and the murder she witnessed. I'm kind of proud when she tells me how many bitches she beat up in Juvie. How can such a sweet person come from so much violence? I always thought there was something behind those green eyes, something deep and dark hiding there. Her and San are my fuckin heroes. She trails her fingers over circular burns that mimic those on parts of Santana's skin. Yeah I was beat too but at least he didn't leave me with scars that I was forced to look at everyday.
"Go on, tell me your tale of misery." She laughs trying to hide the extreme seriousness of the story she just told me.
"Ok…"
Q lays down and opens her arms for me to lay on her chest. I tell her the shortened version of everything much like she did for me. I can feel her flinch at certain parts of the story. She squeezes me tighter as my tears drip on to her T-shirt.
"Have you told San how you're feeling?"
"N-No. I don't want her to think I'm some weak broken mess of a person. She's so strong and I don't want her to leave me because I'm pathetic." I move closer to Quinn and flinch when a sharp pain comes from my ribs but I ignore it.
She lifts my chin up and looks straight into my eyes. It's kinda scary.
"Now you listen up cuz I'm only gonna say this once. She would love you if you had one leg and half a face." She pauses to let that sink in. "And San might just be the most broken out of all of us. She just hides it and that's even worse because she takes all the pain out on herself. We're all broken in some way or another but what matters is that we find someone whose broken pieces match our own and fit together to make us whole."
"Can you sleep in here with me tonight?" I ask hopefully.
"Of course Britt."
"Did you shower cuz I don't want jizz on my sheets?"
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POUND. POUND. POUND.
Santana stands in the shower with her forehead against the tiles of the wall, pounding her fists over and over again. She's so stressed about her brother going to school again in the morning and worries if he's going to get in with the same wrong people again. The salty tears mix with the water running down her face in the shower. The Latina needs her girlfriend to hold her but is too stubborn to admit it.
Finding her fingers pruney and the water turning cold, the brunette decides to get out of the shower and head into her room. She grabs a pair of boxers and a Pink Floyd shirt from her dresser before she pulls out the safe from under her bed. There's a good 10,000 bucks sitting on top of bags of drugs. She wishes the money would multiply on it's own so she didn't have to keep her family in this shit hole any longer.
Santana decides on speedballs because she really doesn't plan on sleeping at all until she takes Santos to his first day of school in the morning. Line after line helps her replace the mask on her face to look more blank than anguished. She didn't even realize the time when she launched off her bed to vomit into the trashcan by her end table.
Her body heaved and shook as it tried to expel all the drugs in her system. Santana didn't think twice about it, you get used to throwing up when heroin is involved.
Santos walks into the room and notices his sister hugging the trashcan sitting on the floor dipping off. He doesn't think any less of her because she's an addict. Unlike a lot of people her moral fiber hasn't suffered because of the dope. Santos sits down on the floor next to her and pulls his big sister into his lap.
"San you don't have to be strong for everyone all the time."
Her body becomes alert at the sound of his voice and the vulnerable territory she's been brought into. She wipes her mouth and goes to brush her teeth while throwing a pair of baggy jeans over the boxers she's currently wearing.
"I can take the bus San it's no big deal."
"No I'm good let me drive you on your first day."
They drive in silence to the public school and Santana is nervous as fuck. She knows this is best for him but she kind of wishes he would just go to school online or get his GED or some shit. Too much stuff goes on in Philly public schools. To and outsider everything seems all young and innocent but really the kids that roam the halls get into just as much shit as the adults on the block.
"You got everything? Your books, pens, money for lunch?"
She's been nagging him all morning like a nervous mother sending her kid off the kindergarten for the first time and he's starting to get annoyed.
"Fuck San you're acting like I never been to school before."
She looks down embarrassed and puts her blank look back on her face.
"To me it feels like it. Here's 3 bucks for the bus."
Santos leans over and hugs her before getting out and walking into the front door of the high school. She takes a deep breath and makes her way home where she can numb herself even further.
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San gets home and immediately grabs her safe and a bottle of Jack before sitting on the floor between the coffee table and the couch. She takes out a blunt and guts it straight on to the floor not giving a fuck how much of a mess the discarded tobacco will make. She breaks up the weed and lays it into the hollowed out cigar. San then takes out a bag of coke and a bag of dope and sprinkles some of each on top of the weed.
Some xanax bars catch her eye as she's putting the rest of the weed back into the safe and she decides to pop a couple of those too while she's at it. She doesn't even know why she feels like shit, she just does.
Santana sparks the blunt and turns the TV on. Spongebob is on the screen but she's too lazy to change it. As the blunt diminishes so does the bottle of whiskey she takes gulps of straight out of the bottle. There's bags, ashes, cigarette butts, and puddles of whiskey spread out over the coffee table by the time the third episode of Spongebob rolls around.
The brunette is getting increasingly angry every time Plankton fails to get the secret formula for Krabby Patties. She's also upset at how mean all the other characters treat him.
She takes another chug of the bottle before mumbling to herself,
"he jus wans fwiends guys." Her bottom lip trembles and the weepy side of her drunken state comes barreling down on her. She starts sobbing as, once again, Plankton gets caught and shunned by everyone.
Puck walks in to see the disaster they once called a living room. He's been selling for San on 5th and Allegheny even though she begged him not to for fear of him getting hurt or arrested. He needs the money though ever since his former employer burnt to a crisp at his hands. Santana looks over to him when she notices his presence and her tears continue to flow.
"It's…it's just that he tried s-so hard to get the formula and everyone hates him." She sniffles. "B-but he really just wants f-friends ya know?" She takes another chug of the bottle.
Puck doesn't answer and walks away to call Quinn to deal with this shit. If he called Brittany she would just act all tough and no one would get down to the real reason she's crying and he's pretty sure it's not about some damn cartoon character.
Quinn saunters into the living room to see her sister puking into a plastic bag that's not at all safe for liquid judging from the wet spot on San's leg under it. Santana looks up and cuts out lines for her and Quinn without a word.
Santana wipes her mouth and rips open all 14 bags in a bundle and pours the contents out on the table where there is an empty dry spot. Quinn goes easy on the dope while Santana goes full force. She does a line and then a shot and goes on like this for the better part of an hour before she starts to dip off and mumble.
"I'm just so stressed out Q. I'm a big pussy. Ricky was right I'm fuckin worthless. I mean look at me." She waves her hands around her body putting herself on display. "I should have taken that bad hit I gave to Clara. I'm just…oh god I don't even know."
The Latina crumples into herself and covers her face trying to stifle a sob from bursting it's way out of her. Quinn puts her arms around the small girl and tries to calm her down. She doesn't like what's coming out of her sister's mouth, not at all.
"You stop that shit right now Tana! You know that's not true. I think you need to take a few days to chill. I'll make sure Ti eats and shit."
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Brittany walks into Santana's room to find the girl laying on her bed crying while gripping her sheets with all her might. She picks up the notebook next to Santana and crawls into bed with her. The movement startles the Latina but when she looks into puffy blue eyes she knows Britt needs her just as much as she needs Britt.
They lay facing each other with bodies molded together hugging the shit out of one another. Santana breaks the silence first mumbling into Brittany's shoulder.
"It's gonna be ok, we're gonna be ok."
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Santos steps into the house whistling as he fingers the girls' phone numbers he acquired at school in his pocket. He notices Q sitting at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette and the air she gives off makes him worried.
Without looking up she speaks to him. "I'll take you to school tomorrow. Are you hungry?"
"What's going on Q?" He's worried someone died.
"San's taking a few days to herself."
Santos goes into the living room expecting to see his sister but is met with the sight of a drug addict's war zone. Bags and bottles litter the area along with cigs and blunt roaches. He grabs the trash can from the kitchen and starts to clean up the mess.
Quinn grabs him by the arm to try and stop him.
"Don't Santi, you shouldn't be the one cleaning this up."
Santos rips his arm away and continues his mission.
"She's always cleaning up my messes, it's about time I clean up one of hers."
Quinn goes to object but decides to join him because if she can't fix San she might as well fix the living room.
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Both girls have calmed down considerably by the time Santana sobers up enough to need more dope. She pours out another whole bundle on the end table to share with her girlfriend. Both girls decide to make a game out of it and go line for line. But, unlike last time, it's taking them longer to get to the point of complete obliteration.
Britt lights a cig and leans back against the bed while sitting on the floor next to Santana. The notebook catches her eye again and she picks it up and tests the weight of it in her hand. Santana notices what's in her hand and her eyes bug out of her head.
"Can I read one?"
Santana coughs awkwardly into her hand.
"I've never let anyone read them."
"Can I be your first?"
Santana thinks for a second before nodding. She feels naked and open like she never has before but she trusts her girlfriend like she never trusted anyone. Brittany flips open the book until one title catches her eye. Brittany begins reading but is quickly stalled by the use of complicated words, and with the lack of school years under her belt, she can't complete the poem.
"C-can you read this to me?"
San cocks her head to the side confused.
"Didn't you just read it?"
Britt looks down ashamed. "No I um, I can't read the big words. I never got that far in school."
San feels for her she really does and secretly curses that bastard that took her away from everything. She notices the poem in question and gulps before beginning to recite it.
The wind blows my hair
Tiny strings wiping in the breeze
I feel a hand on my shoulder
I smile, you're beautiful
I gaze upon the horizon
But nothing created on earth
Is more stunning than those eyes
So why waste time with the sky?
Why travel?
Your eyes bring me places
Unforeseen by mankind
To the moon and back and beyond
With one swift gaze
Your visual effects are nothing
Compared to what happens to my body
Just the thought of you
Makes my heart full and warm
An uncontrollable smile
I feel as if you were made for me to find
I hope someone like you
Can love someone like me
Because with out you sweet heart
Earth is obsolete
Brittany wipes a tear from her eye. She's never heard anything so beautiful in her life. She wonders if it's about her.
"San that was amazing. When did you write that?"
Santana tries to hide her blush. She feels like a pussy getting all mushy and shit but that's just the effect her girlfriend has on her. This is going to be embarrassing she thinks.
"Um uh, the night I met you."
Brittany smiles and kisses her with everything she has. She's flattered that the brunette felt the same way the moment they met. Brittany couldn't have wished for a more perfect girlfriend.
"I fall more in love with you as the minutes go by San. I never thought love was in my cards until I found you. And the best part is, you love me back."
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Brittany decides to stay over so her and Santana drive into Kensington to get the blonde clothes for the next day. They've tried the whole borrowing clothes thing, and yea, that works for pajamas but Britt tried on her jeans once and they rested above her ankles. So not sexy.
Santana parks in the closest open spot on the block and the two begin walking towards the house. They wave a quick hello to Ty who's sitting on the stoop as per usual. All of a sudden a shitty Cadillac rolls to a screeching stop and two men lean out of the car with 9mm handguns. They start spraying the sidewalk with bullets and Brittany dives on top of Santana and lays on top of the smaller girl protecting her from getting shot.
The car quickly pulls away after the clips in the guns are emptied. Brittany looks around to make sure all is clear and helps Santana up from the ground. The Latina looks up at her girlfriend in awe. No one has ever done anything like that for her in her life. No one has ever risked their own well being to keep her safe and it's a weird feeling.
"N-no one has ever done anything like that for me." She looks at Britt in a shocked stupor. "You could've died Britt."
The blonde looks at her with a sense on conviction in her eyes. "And I'd do it again."
The moment is ruined when they hear a shrill scream from a little down the block. They run towards the noise to see what's going on and see Ty laying there holding his stomach as blood rushes out.
Without even thinking, Santana pulls off her shirt, leaving her in just a black sports bra, and applies it to the wound to slow the blood flow down. Meanwhile Brittany calls 911 frantically.
Santana's scared out of her mind that her friend is going to die but doesn't show him that because she doesn't want him to freak out even more than he already is.
"Ty you're gonna be alright ok? You're too badass to die from a little bullet." She chuckles dryly. "You got any shit on you? I'm gonna hold it so they don't arrest you."
Ty reaches into his pocket and hands San 6 bundles and she quickly shoves them into her bra. Ty hears Britt talking on the phone with the paramedics and smiles.
"Is that my baby B over there?"
Brittany runs over and kneels next to her girlfriend on Ty's left side. She follows San's hand holding the shirt over his wound and is shocked by the amount of blood soaking through the cloth. Brittany grabs his hand and kisses his knuckles while rubbing her thumb over it trying to soothe the large man.
"Yea Ty, I'm here. It's gonna be ok." She's in so much shock that she can't even cry. She can't feel anything really. She notices blood on her shirt and figures somehow Ty's got on her.
Ty looks right into Santana's eyes before speaking.
"Take care of her San."
The ambulance pulls up and pushes the girls out of the way. They quickly go to work and load the man into the back of the vehicle and speed away. The girls run back to the car and Santana grabs an extra shirt out of the trunk before hopping in the drivers seat. She gets lost looking at the blood on her hands and zones out before she hears the sirens in the distance and turns the car on.
Both girls are in complete shock and don't say a word. They pull into a parking spot at the hospital and Brittany opens the door and runs towards the entrance before the car is even fully stopped. After telling the nurse Ty's name they wait for an hour while the bullet is being removed. Thankfully it didn't hit any major organs but he lost a lot of blood and was placed in the ICU.
Finally the doctor tells them they can visit him and they both rush into the room to see with their own eyes that their friend is still alive. Ty looks over at the sound of the door opening and smiles. He loves those crazy girls with all his heart and plans to thank them greatly for saving his life.
Brittany rushes over to him and hands him a teddy bear with a get well soon T-shirt on that she bought at the gift shop while they were waiting. "Get better Ty." No one notices the blood stain on her shirt growing in size. And from the shock Britt doesn't notice the pain she should be experiencing.
Ty chuckles. "You know baby B, from anyone else I'd be offended by this girly ass bear. But since it's from you I'll even sleep with it tonight."
Britt smiles at him while Santana tells him she'll take over the corner until he gets better. Seeing as that's where he just got shot, Ty doesn't like that idea at all.
"No San, I'll get my boy to do it I don't want you out there."
Santana's not taking no for an answer. "No offence Ty but you're the only person I trust with that much work and the only person I know who will actually bring me my money."
Britt's face suddenly gets stark white and she's seeing double. Santana's trying to talk to her but she can't hear anything. All of a sudden her view changes from the hospital wall, to the hospital ceiling, and finally to nothing but darkness.