Pull The Trigger
Chapter 11
-
Naruto comes home when it's already early in the morning. The sun is just about to rise and the air is wonderful and cool. The breeze clears his mind and right now he can't believe what he did a few hours before. He can't very well blame the heat, or even Neji's gleaming eyes, that would be an excuse, that would be lying.
He walks up the courtyard and avoids looking at the barn which must be just a dark outline against a blazing sky of fire and gold right now. He hesitates before going inside the house. He's filled with the very normal and teenage fear of being caught by Iruka, sneaking in a five in the morning. See, he's not all alien, he's just a boy.
In his room he pulls of his shoes with his eyes closed and falls down on the bed with a long sigh. He sleeps almost instantly.
-
It's almost noon, gym-class, and the summer sun is burning straight overhead. Naruto runs laps just like the other boys in his class. Sometimes he casts longing glances at the players in the middle field, they're playing baseball. While one of the teams sits on the ground and laughs and looks at sky and one by one try and hit the ball, the other team stands aimlessly in the field, hands at their sides, waiting for a ball to bounce their way per chance.
His teacher is a fucking ass for making them run laps in this weather, Naruto thinks. He can barely feel his legs and his eyes are ablaze with a white-hot pain. He hasn't been sleeping properly.
In front of him, because he's lagging behind which is not usually the case, he sees and hears people talking between their breaths. He knows the whispers are all about him. He's careless.
Sasuke has lapped him already and is well out of sight and Neji is playing baseball. Naruto feels a little foolish at times. This whole situation is like some funny movie, him trying to hide his relation with the two people who hate each other the most. It sounds cliché, he could write it down and get it published. This drama in his life is not at all what he wanted. He misses everything. Giving in though would be bad, weak, and Naruto has decided that he wasn't going to be weak anymore days ago, when he picked himself together.
He tries not to think about him anymore. It's working fine, better than he thought it would. That makes him sad again. What will it take for him to forget entirely? Does he want to?
A pain explodes on his nose and he is brutally brought back to reality for a second before he falls backwards on his head and loses it again.
When he wakes up from the blackness, he's only to be blinded again by a violently blue sky. Around him are the curious and shocked and amused faces of those who've seen him get hit by the baseball, and those who haven't, but who'll hear the story in a minute.
Naruto brings his hand up to his face and feels the stickiness. He looks at his fingers and discovers that his nose is spouting blood like a geyser.
'Fuck.' He manages to say, with his hand hovering in front of his face, tasting the bitter substance.
His nose hurts too much to touch. The audience breathes a sigh of relief and disappointment as they discover that everything is fine. His sports teacher wrestles through the crowd and looks at him with an awkward accusing look. It's obvious who's fault he thinks this is.
'Oh, shit. Um, you can go to the infirmary if you want.'
Naruto rolls his eyes, if you want… His teacher looks around and scowls. He sure isn't going to take the boy. Imagine leaving his class.
'You there. Take him to the nurse.'
There's some retort but Naruto can't hear it and the sun and the audience are still obstructing his view.
'You swung the bat, it's only fair. Come on, quick, he's bleeding all over the field.'
The crowd splits up and there's a face, but he can't see who it is, because he's looking directly into the sun. A hand grabs him by the arms and lifts him up. He can see now that it's Neji. His legs won't move but the other boy drags him off, like he's a felon being taken away to prison. When they're out of hearing distance Naruto manages to croak out in in a high and angry voice:
'You hit me with a friggin baseball?'
Neji, who's walking two steps in front of him looks over his shoulder and says:
'I'm pretty good with a bat. You know I could have made the team.'
It's amazing how he can keep a straight face.
The nurse is not there, as always. She spends her time doing drinking games with the principle, or so they've heard. Whatever the case, Neji props him down on a bed and goes through the cupboard looking for gauze or tissues or anything to stop the bleeding.
When he's back at Naruto's side he's got a bag of ice cubes a well. He hands him the cotton to put in his nose. Naruto winces as he tries to push the gauze up his nostrils carefully. He's almost done when Neji pulls back his head and does it over, proper this time and it hurts like hell.
'Fuck! Sadist.' Naruto growls as he yanks his head out of the way and takes the ice from him which he presses to his nose with care.
Neji doesn't move, all of a sudden he's too close. It's not safe. Naruto looks up and meets those storm coloured eyes. He feels so incredibly tired and hurt. He doesn't want to deal with Neji's foul moods, or even worse, the ones in which he seems to lose all inhibition. He wants the pain to stop.
Neji bends down and presses his nose in Naruto's neck; It's awkward because the latter's hands are still holding the ice to his nose, they're in the way. Hands go roaming over his body, down his sides and over his thighs.
'Neji…' Naruto sighs.
The voice comes as a surprise altogether. Since when did this name become such a familiar thing to say, in such an intimate way.
'What happened last time was mistake.'
Neji halters for only a second, then he continues on, all the more determined. He kisses a line from his ear to his mouth and just as they are about to lock lips, Naruto turns away his head. He looks at the floor, lashes covering the blue underneath and hopes with all his heart that they can just pretend it never happened.
Neji takes a step closer, he's between his knees now, the heat is uncomfortable.
'You know he won't have you right?'
Naruto swallows audibly. Yes, he's aware of that, all too good.
'If not him then no one.' He says and it's the absolute truth.
It doesn't mean that he wants him back, or is in love with him even, it just means that if not Sasuke, then no one. It's as simple as that. He feels as if there's still a bond, still, and he can't break that. Only Sasuke can, and he tried it already.
Neji lifts his hands up to his face and turns his head so that he has to look him in the eye. It's all too forced, not real. He presses their lips together anyway. Neji doesn't mind things being forced. His whole life was scheduled and studied. He lives a conscious lie.
It's then that the most horrible thing happens, and you can blame fate or god or whatever you want to call it, but really it's just a coincidence of the nastiest kind. One of those that you can't believe because it's just all together too fucking stupid.
Sasuke walks in. His gasp is loud in the silence and his indignation sucks all the air away.
The two locked together separate immediately, and in Neji's case, he flinches to the other side of the room.
'Speak of the devil.' He says after, to calm himself mostly because he's still getting his heart to beat slower.
It doesn't take long before Neji leaves, shamefully maybe, but it doesn't show. It's only Naruto and Sasuke, only them, always. Just staring at each other's eyes, screaming silent words and confessions. All those things that you can see on somebody's face if you look hard enough.
'Neji?' Sasuke says in the voice of the cheated wife and it suits him perfectly.
Naruto stays dumb.
'You're fucking Neji now?'
Naruto looks up and he sees the hypocrisy of the situation which gives him courage.
'I think you should leave.'
'But he's a dick! He doesn't care about you!' Sasuke shouts.
Why is it that Sasuke's words can hurt him so? Why only his?
'Evidently nobody does. You showed me that.' Naruto replies and his voice is dangerously soft.
'He's an asshole.'
'This might come as a shock to you, to you weren't really considerate either. We all come with our faults and virtues, I know that best of all.'
He's slowly getting his breath back and after all those weeks of not talking to anyone his voice is foreign to him.
'What are you saying?' Sasuke asks, it's obvious he doesn't want to understand.
'I'm saying that even though you hurt me, fucking badly, several times, I was still prepared to be with you..' Naruto's voice grows louder as he gains confidence with every word he says.
'But I guess that's just me right? If love's for fools and idiots than I must be the stupidest person to walk the earth because I loved you, with every single part of me.'
Sasuke can't breathe. He hears the words and he feels horribly guilty. He also can't get past the fact that Naruto is using the past tense, so he says:
'Why would you leave me then? Why with Neji?'
'You prick,' Naruto whispers, 'you selfish bastard. You exhaust me. You think that it doesn't hurt me. You think I'm too fucking thick to understand right? Well every time you bring me down it takes bloody effort to get up again. You know, maybe this time I'll stay where I am, on the ground, in the gutter where you left me.'
Because no words are said after , there's only the harsh silence that rings in both their ears. Naruto leaves. He puts down the pack of ice softly and gets of the bed. He passes Sasuke, who feels the breeze that smells of him, without even looking at him, without saying a word.
-
Both of them know that now, whatever they had is over. To Sasuke, it's obvious that Naruto has moved on, and, although it pains him to say, not even with that much difficulty. To Naruto, it's clear that Sasuke wants nothing more to do with him, he was the one who broke it up the first time, and after the unhappy incident, he knows for sure, that Sasuke will never want him again. They needed a second break-up, they were that tangled up in each other. Really, it was just a mess.
It comes with closure, of a sort, pain and comfort. It's a curious mix.
Naruto tries not to see Neji anymore, but he's tenacious. For some reason, he always seems to know where he is, and that he's alone. Which in itself is not really impressive, Naruto is always alone these days. They say some things and Naruto gets angry only once. They fight but it's not like he imagined.
So only a few half-meant punches are thrown and eventually Naruto allows himself to be wrestled to the ground, where he slumps and closes his eyes and breathes harshly. They're in the forest. It's almost night. He's just come back from work. Surprisingly, it's a little cold. Although both of them feel very little of it, so close to each other.
'You know, I was serious when I said that if not him, then no one.' Naruto whispers in the dark.
'I won't love you, I don't.' He says because he wants to get that out of the way, though it's also a sort of defeat.
He is not ready to start something new, least of all with Neji. But the contact, however, the mutual heat and the intimacy, he can replace, right?
Neji says nothing and gets up with a new energy in his limbs. If you could see his face you'd know he's smiling. He holds out his hand and pulls Naruto up. They walk away, down the path. He's won tonight.
-
The smell of stone and heavy incense and stuffy draperies surrounds him. There's also something like old people and death, but Sasuke's not familiar enough with those scents to recognize them. He turns his head and sees the flickering sea of candles that warms a tiny corner of stone. When he closes his eyes the flickering is muddled and the light become little spots, little orbs, of yellow.
Sasuke likes churches well enough. They're large and lonesome and for some reason he feels himself at home. He doesn't know why he didn't think of going before. He's here now to pray, he thinks. Unlike the others, who cast down their eyes and rest their chins on their chest, Sasuke raises his eyes to green and blue that falls gently through the coloured windows. He takes a breath and closes his eyes.
He wanted to go to confession but it seems silly now and he hasn't got the guts. He doesn't believe in spilling out his deepest, darkest secrets to some complete stranger who'll only judge him in his petty human way, after having said he won't. People come to churches to get judged and forgiven by god right? So why would anyone bother with a man, sinful like themselves?
Sasuke is not a catholic. Nor is he protestant or Jewish or Mormon or Muslim. He does sort of believe in god. He believes in right and wrong, and he does like to think that in the end evil will be punished and good will be rewarded. If some unknown entity, call it god, is the one dealing out these punishments and rewards than so be it.
He talks to him. He asks all sorts of things.
'Was I righteous?'
'Did I do good?'
'I don't feel so good, is that normal?'
'Is it punishment?'
'Do you care?'
'Sasuke? We're going, do you want to stay longer?'
He opens his eyes. It's Sakura. She went with him when he asked her what the shortest way the church was. He feels grateful, because if she hadn't come he'd probably have been here until tomorrow. It's a little addictive, this praying. He's always been a thinker, Sasuke. Most of the time he thinks to much, and too different, so he gets mixed up with the voices in his head. He should learn to be more stable. He should learn to make those several voices just one.
-
The light is bright. Neji's snoring peacefully. He can. He locked the door. Naruto tiptoes around the room and picks up CD's without really looking at them. He's bored, a little. Outside, through the open window he smells lavender and grass and he hears the obnoxiously loud chirping and singing of birds.
He's never been in his room in the morning. Everything looks different in the light. It's spotless. When it's dark there are the shadows and the puddles of clothes left on the ground, but in the morning, it looks like everything has been washed away. A beach, cleaned by the waves of the ocean.
Naruto shakes his head and laughs soundlessly at his strange thoughts. In bed Neji turns and sighs. Naruto would love to sleep as good as him. He remembers he used to. Now he's become an early bird, and no matter how late or early he goes to bed, he wakes with the dawn and is exhausted.
He knows that Neji does not want him to go downstairs and meet his family. That's out of the question. But Naruto decided he is boss of himself and he won't stay up in a room like a good puppy just because he's told to do so. He turns the key and unlocks the door to the hallway.
He steps out, shoes in his hands, and walks soundlessly down the stairs. The house is huge and white. There are pictures on either side of him, black and white photographs or giant colourful pieces that could be people or just stains. There is also one family picture.
A woman, tall and graceful with thin lips and large eyes. She smiles mechanically. Two older men that look alike. They must be brothers. Then there's Hinata, whom he knows from school. She doesn't smile. She looks rather surprised. In front of her is the smallest girl. Black hair, grey eyes, obviously a Hyuuga. She smiles and although she's young, there's something of a woman in her face. She's going to be very beautiful one day. On the far right is Neji. He's almost as tall as his father, one of the two men, and he looks serious. It's a great picture of him. Really.
Then Naruto hears a door shut in a room on his right. He flinches and starts for the front door. He's lucky to find it oiled and soundless. He wants to cross the beautiful lawn and does it barefoot. Just when he's almost at the end of the driveway, where the little path runs, between the high fence and the hedges, and with the tennis courts on one side, he hears his name.
'Naruto?'
Silently cursing he turns and sees that it's Hinata. She wears a brown skirt and a white top. She's barefoot, just like him. She wears ugly, yellow gardening gloves and holds several stems of a plant in her hand.
'What are you doing here?'
He looks at her pleading. Don't make me say it. Realisation dawns on her face sooner than he expected. Maybe she's not as stupid as everyone treats her like.
'Oh.' She says, and the way her mouth forms that tiny little O is adorable really.
He doesn't know what to do. He can't very well turn around and walk away. He likes Hinata. She's been kind to him. She plucks at the leaves in her hand and they fall in the grass one by one.
'You know, I like you well enough to let you, but, you're not good for him. Neji is not sick, he's just special.'
Her voice has grown louder. She's confident now. There are maybe five metres between them and her eyes are those of a weary guard dog. She likes to protect those she loves.
'If you hurt him, or if you're only playing, then you can't come here anymore. He's fragile.'
Naruto suddenly has the urge to smile. Here he is, on the Hyuuga's thousand dollar lawn, being told by Neji's tiny cousin, that Neji is fragile. It's absurd. Deep in his brain though, Naruto realises that what she says might be true. He also realises that in that case, it might be too late. Who ever thought Neji was playing with him, who ever thought that he was the victim, is wrong.
Naruto nods.
'I'm sorry.' He says, and turns to walk back home.
-
After that Naruto doesn't see Neji anymore. Well, he does, but not because he wants to. At school they never talk, so that's fine, and Neji doesn't show up at his house, so he's relatively safe there as well. When he's at work though, in the evening, and when he walks home, that's usually when Neji shows up. He's never in the same place twice and he always wears that victorious, arrogant little smile on his face that tells him he's just playing a game that he's winning.
It's getting pretty fucking complicated, keeping away from him. However, Naruto wouldn't be Naruto if he just said: 'okay, I give up, I don't want the trouble, I'll go home with you.'. He doesn't want the trouble, but he'll take it because he's not just a puppet, and he has his own sense of dignity, and he has a choice.
He chooses to be alone, for Neji's sake and for his own, and because Hinata asked him to. Ever the altruist.
-
The day approaches when Naruto's class prepares to leave for the long awaited school trip. It's just before school finishes. Exams and tests have passed and everybody's elated. For three days they'll be staying in a hotel in the mountainous woodlands north of town. They're going kayaking and hiking, for the sake bonding and learning about nature, and for giving those students that usually can't afford to go on a trip, the chance to feel what it's like to have a proper holiday. Naruto's grateful…
When he arrives at school and sees the large white bus that's supposed to drive them up to the camping ground, he shivers. He doesn't look forward to sharing so small a space with people who'd rather leave him by the side of the road. He also doesn't like the prospect of having to be closer to Sasuke than he can help.
Of course Sasuke will still be angry with him, he thinks. It's not such a big problem because it'll only help him achieve that goal he set for himself, break with all people. A break from Sasuke. Anyway, he's eager to forget all about him, because these periods in between are the worst. Either be with him, or be unaware of him. That's how he'd wish it to be.
He stands apart from the crowd, smiling over his shoulder at Iruka, who offered to drop him of. He'd like to go get on the bus first, choose a quiet spot and close his eyes, pretend to sleep. The fat bus driver holds the cigarette firmly between his lips while he takes over Naruto's bag and with a shamelessly careless manner throws it into the luggage compartment. Then he goes back to smoking the cigarette.
Naruto gets on, the bus is empty and hot. The seats are orange and stuffy and they smell faintly of the hundreds of others that have sat in them before, that and vacuum cleaner. Naruto sits down in the second row because he knows all the popular kids will sit in the back, and the others as close to them as possible. His teacher will sit in front, though he'll read a book, most likely, and will not try and engage Naruto in any conversation. Not if he remains as quiet and invisible as possible.
Gradually the bus fills. Sakura, Ino and Kiba and Shikamaru fill the back. Ino takes up two chairs, as she dumps her huge, pink purse on one. To his great relief, she's saved Sasuke a seat and waves him over as he gets on the bus. They don't look at each other. Naruto looks down his window and observes the faces of all those waving goodbye. His vision blurs and he forces the sounds out of his ears until everything hums and nothing is clear anymore. Then he feels someone standing next to him and his teacher speaking through the microphone.
He says something about assistance, and Naruto doesn't really pay attention, but then he hears Neji's name and his eyes fly open. He looks up shocked as hell. Neji stands in the aisle and holds up his hand in greeting to the rest of the bus. Then he turns and he looks at him in that way again. That vicious, conceited little smile.
'I think I'll sit here.' he says.
-
After a four hour bus trip they arrive at the campsite. There are several small wooden bungalows and two larger buildings, spaced about five hundred metres away from each other. The two clearings are separated by shrubs and trees. The two buildings are rented separately for large groups of people. The cabins are for couples and small families only, but they're empty now as the holiday hasn't started yet.
The site is surrounded by tall trees, evergreens mostly, but the odd beech pops up here and there. They're fragrance is heavy on the hot air when Naruto gets off the bus and looks around. He's pissed, to put it mildly. He's fucking annoyed. He had hoped to lose Neji at least for the three day of the trip. He'd looked forward to the peace.
But now he's there again, his presence hot and demanding, standing next to him. Naruto doesn't know what he expects. Why he came in the first place, although he's betting it's not for the extra credit.
He wanders away from the group a little and stand alone, his arms crossed tight over his chest.
'I'm not sleeping with you. I won't.' He says, quietly, to himself.
The sun breaks through the cover of the clouds. For a moment it lights up the place and it looks nice and new in the sunlight. The buildings are white and the grass is a violent shade of green. Then the clouds push through again and everything is grey and dreary.
They settle in in the left building. The bedrooms are made for three, so that puts Kiba, Shikamaru and Chouji together instantaneously. Unfortunate for Naruto, it puts him with a stoic boy called Shino, and yours truly.
Sasuke seems just as displeased with the arrangements as him and he throws his bag on the floor and drops on the bed silently fuming. Naruto is used to his moods and knows he's a sulky kid sometimes, so he ignores with almost no guilt or questions. He doesn't know about Shino. Doesn't really care. It's not his problem that Sasuke's making himself look like a grumpy seven year old.
They eat lunch together on the grass outside, which Naruto likes. There's a strong wind blowing high above their heads, but they're sheltered by the trees. He eats the sandwich, (cheese, cucumber and tomato) and strolls around the forest edge. His eyes are unfocused, on the ground mostly, and he's just dreaming. Then he hears a strong voice in front of him. He stops.
The dormitories are on his right. He walked all the way around the campsite and now he's on the other side. It's slightly smaller, this clearing, but with the same white one-story building in the middle. There's the leftovers of a bright yellow jungle gym, and beyond that, people are playing soccer.
It's the orange uniforms that make him realise. He looks around and his suspicions are confirmed as he sees a couple of guards, (wearing the familiar blue uniforms) stand of to the side, smoking a cigarette, keeping an eye on the boys. He can't help a wide smile flash across his face, though it falters a little as he scans the faces anxiously. If this is what he thinks it is then…
When he finally sees the tall, thin body and that red hair he discovers that his breathing is frantic and he's almost crying. He runs forward and he doesn't really think about the guards anymore, or even the logic of the situation. He jogs to a stop a good couple of metres away from him. Gaara turns around, having heard him coming.
His face remains absolutely passive for about a second and then he frowns. Naruto bursts out laughing. He's just realised how much he has missed that little frown.
'Naruto?'
It comes from his left and he doesn't have the time to spin around before he suddenly has his arms full of delighted, laughing Haku. He pulls back, smiling and shaking his head, as if he doesn't believe it.
They disentangle and step apart, though Naruto's hands are still on Haku's shoulders. He looks over his shoulder at Gaara, whose frown has gone now, and is replaced by the tiniest, pleased little smile. Naruto steps up to him and laughs a little breathless. It's always confusing being around Gaara. He feels like a kid again.
The latter, bridges the last distance between them and takes his head between two warm, rough hands, and plants a kiss on his lips. 'You're mine.' Is what he means by that. Not in a romantic kind of way, (although maybe just a little) just in a protective, friendly sort of way. Naruto blushes and smiles again. It feels like he can't stop doing that and he shakes his head, feeling a little stupid. His jaws are beginning to ache.
'I can't believe it.'
'I missed you guys.' Naruto says warmly.
He takes Haku's hands in his and holds them tight.
'Outside wasn't nearly as fun without you.'
Haku smiles.
'You're a liar, but I missed you too.'
They sit down on the jungle gym and talk for a long time. On the field the soccer players quit their game because of the stifling heat and take shelter in the deep shadows of the trees. Kakashi comes over to them and he greets Naruto as an old friend. His eyes are gentle. You can see that he's glad to see the boys leave the facility and turn out okay.
'I look okay' Naruto thinks. They don't know about Sasuke, or Neji. I wear a great mask. Suddenly being happy takes a lot more effort. Haku notices.
'What's wrong?' He asks, soft voice, brown eyes.
Naruto looks at the ground. Now he's sad, about everything really, but mostly about not being happy. He wanted to be happy for Haku, who'll be discharged very soon now, and for Gaara, who may never will.
'I'm sorry.' He says.
'I'm just in a little trouble these days.'
He tells them about Neji, and how it was insane and stupid to sleep with him in the first place, and how he's prepared for the consequences. Haku listens intently, but Gaara gets up halfway through the story and lights a cigarette. Just as Naruto wonders why their not asking about Sasuke, Haku poses the question.
'Does this mean you and Sasuke aren't together?' His voice is solemn, because he already knows the answer and it's killing him.
'No. We're not.'
-
The rest of the day is spent resting and lying about in the sunlight, trying to get a tan. When the sun begins to set Shizune, the school nurse who came along, comes to find Naruto. Dinner is ready and they've been looking for him. She looks a little surprised to find him with the felons, and smiles a little uncomfortable. Naruto smiles back and reassures her that really, they won't bite.
He says goodbye to Gaara and Haku and walks back with her. While they walk back he asks her if it would be possible to give him the day off tomorrow, to catch up with his old friends. Shizune doesn't quite know what to do. She didn't like the redhead, he gave her chills, and although the smaller boy seemed sweet enough, it was obvious enough to see he is different from others. However, tolerant and truly kind as she is, she promises him to discuss it with the other teachers.
In the cafeteria everyone's eating already. They're spread out over two long tables. Naruto tries for an inconspicuous entrance and slides in next to Hinata, on the very edge of the table. He holds his tongue and eats his dinner.
They stay seated for what feels like forever. Naruto plays with his food and looks away. He sits on the very edge of the bench to keep from touching Hinata. He has a strange sort of admiration for her now. He'd rather not touch her, because, whatever…he'd soil her or something. Naruto doesn't really know why himself.
Then his geography teacher raises his voice. He's a nice guy, really gentle and patient, but he's not so clever when it comes to reputation and social conduct.
Really, he should have kept his mouth shut about the juvenile delinquents taking up residency in the neighbouring building. He should have talked about the hiking tomorrow, or the fucking bike ride. Instead he tells them all about being tolerant and calm, and how he'd rather not have them go near the adjacent camp. Then he addresses Naruto, and tells him that sure, of course he'll be excused tomorrow. Right after breakfast, while the others go out to pick up the mountain bikes, he can visit his friends if he'd like. And then he looks at Sasuke and says that he, of course, is allowed to do so as well, since they know all about his history.
Sasuke burns under the curious, judgemental stares of more than twenty pairs of eyes. Fuck. Naruto too, feels like smacking his head. He's empathic by nature and feels Sasuke's shame, although really doesn't understand it. He's thrilled to skip the tormenting exercise, and stay with Gaara and Haku.
After dinner Naruto leaves to his room, to get some sleep. He leaves Sasuke to answer the questions and deal with his own secrets and skeletons. When he's finally in bed and everything's quieting down around him, he allows himself a small smile to creep down his features, and pull at the corners of his mouth.
-
In the middle of the night (he hasn't got a clue of the time, but it's completely dark) Naruto wakes up abruptly. He lies still for a second wondering what woke him when he hears whimpering from across the room and mentally smacks his head as he realises who's making the sounds. He resolves to sleep through it and closes his eyes tight. However, the sounds continue, and although he hates to admit it, they tear at his heart.
Naruto sits up and swings his feet over the edge of the bed. The floor is cold. He immediately develops goose bumps. He reluctantly crosses the distance between Sasuke's bed and his. Sasuke turns in his blankets and sighs in the most pitiful way. His hands are close to his lips but Naruto can't see his face. He hovers over him a little, without touching.
'Hey' He whispers with a glance at Shino's bed, it's all quiet.
'Hey, wake up.'
It's not helping. He reaches out and touches Sasuke's bare shoulder, which has just peeped out from under the blanket. It's hot.
'Come on. Wake up.' He tries again, a little desperate.
This time with result. A spasm pulls through Sasuke's body and then he turns rigid. For a second Naruto thinks he's stopped breathing, but then the pants find a way out of his chest and he heaves with the pressure. He turns his face towards him now, his eyes big and scared, and glossy in the dark. Naruto makes to pull back his hand, but Sasuke clenches his wrist and keeps him rooted.
Naruto back begins to ache as he's forced to bend over. He shifts his weight and immediately the pressure on his wrist increases.
'-don't go.' Sasuke manages to bring, gasping the silence away.
He takes a moment to recover. He keeps breathing hard, but he looks a lot more sane now. Naruto sighs and sits down on the very edge of the bed, as far away as he can.
'You had a bad dream.'
Sasuke doesn't respond. Maybe he's forgotten it.
'I wouldn't have come, but-'
'That's okay.'
Naruto really wants to be in his own bed now. He'd like for everything to be simple. There are to many people in the world, too many opinions, and Sasuke cares about every single one of them. He sighs.
'What did you tell them? The others.'
'Nothing. I don't want them to know.' Sasuke replies, a little bit more aggressive than he meant for it to come out.
'It's nothing to be ashamed of you know. You didn't do anything wrong.'
Sasuke looks at him in the dark, eyes accusing.
'They wouldn't understand. And you don't either. I don't want their fucking pity. I want to get on with my life.'
Naruto shuts his mouth for a moment. This is the first time they talk in a very long time. He doesn't want to scare him off, besides, Sasuke's got a point.
'Does this mean you're not going to stay tomorrow, to talk to Haku I mean. You liked him, didn't you?'
Sasuke's quiet. He did like him. Does that mean he wants to talk to him? See him again? Include him in this new chance at a life he's got?
'No.'
They're both quiet. It's okay that he won't come. It's fine. He doesn't have to talk to anyone if he doesn't want to. Their eyes meet. Sasuke throws down his immediately, ashamed at being caught. He looks guilty. Naruto doesn't know what to do. He's not cold anymore, not really. He looks at the boy in the bed, through his eyelashes. Sasuke's looking a lot less sure these days. He used to walk around with the air of someone who could take over the world with his eyes closed, hands tied behind his back. He doesn't anymore. He's a little more quiet. He's afraid to look you in the eye. He blushes more.
'I'm sorry.' Sasuke says.
Naruto forgets how to breathe. For what? For not wanting to see Haku again? For breaking up with him? For saying those hurtful things he said? Next to him he hears Sasuke sigh and rest his head on his arms.
'That's okay.' He whispers.
Honestly, he'll forgive him always. For anything. Sasuke lifts his head. His eyes are incredulous and big. Does he even know what he was apologising for? Then he laughs and it's a little sad. Soft enough to keep the silence to themselves though. He leans forward and presses a dry kiss on Naruto's cheek, who closes his eyes to the sensation. Now he's got him. Now he would do anything.
'I'm sorry too.' He says with a breath on his tongue and a smile on his lips.
What comes next feels like a dream. Naruto turns his head to the side. Their lips already searching for each other. Sasuke is like water to his parched body, soul. He clings to him, soft and needy. Silent like two ghosts they breathe each other's breath and share a common relief at finally being able to touch again. To rediscover.
-
Sasuke falls asleep first. Warm and calm against his side. They haven't done anything. They remembered in time that they're sharing a room with Shino. Still Naruto feels wide awake and giddy.
He swings his legs over the side of the bed, bare feet on the cold floor again, and walks out the door, closing it softly behind him. When he looks up again, he sees someone's foot disappear just around the corner. Then it's quiet.
At night the white halls have something eerie about them. For some reason Naruto looks at their spotless surfaces in the dark, looks down the long corridor and thinks: asylum. He feels horribly indignant, walking here, a sharp contrast to the warmth and familiarity of the room he just left. Who was waiting for him, out in this corridor? He's not crazy yet right? Somebody was waiting.
The bathrooms are on his left. The door is just as white as the wall, he almost overlooks it. It makes a noise when he opens it, the whole building might have heard, and he freezes for a second. Everything remains silent. The dormitories are at the other side of the building. It seems Naruto can be quiet as a ghost if he wants to.
Inside there's the sound of dripping water and the wind howls outside. Naruto takes a leak and washes his hands in a basin on he other side of the room. He looks in the mirror. Sees a round face and tired, glowing blue eyes. He's not really handsome, or tall even, but Sasuke likes him and his kisses are like magic. His skin is bright and tanned, his smile wide and sincere when he flashes it in the mirror.
It's wiped clean off his face though as the shrieking door announces Neji who walks up to him, grave and fucking pissed. His grey eyes are cruel. He's out for violence. Some instinctive part of Naruto wants to cower away and hide in a toilet cubicle, however, he can't very well spend the night there. (He can, he'd rather not). So he doesn't budge and lift his chin, daring.
'You little whore.'
'Don't call me whore.' Is his retort.
Neji takes that last step forward and bridges the distance between them. He envelopes Naruto's shoulders in his hands, and pushes him backwards, into the wall. The latter let's out a gasp as his back hit's the cold surface and he raises his arms unconsciously, making ready for a fight.
'You're a slut. If this is the way that you treat the people who love you th--'
'You never loved me.' Naruto interrupts, his voice high and unstable, but he has to say it.
'You were never in love with me. I'm not an idiot. At most you were in love with us, Sasuke and me.'
Neji's face changes and for a second he's ugly. His mouth a sneer, lips stretched thin across his teeth. His eyes small and menacing. But only for a second though, and he doesn't deny anything. He grabs Naruto by his collar in stead, rips it, and punches him across the face.
Naruto, who was only waiting for it to happen, crashes against the wall for a second time, sliding down to the floor this time. The pain stings and bites, all over his face really, like he was hit by a tractor or something. His eyes well up and colours drift and flicker around the edge of his view. He holds his face with his hands, doesn't look up.
There's a tiny moment where he wants to get up and tear Neji apart, piece by bloody piece, until all that's left of him are these raw, torn bits of flesh. He fights the urge. Bile rises in his throat. He looks up and focuses defiant blue eyes on his opponent. He turns the other cheek.
For a second it seems like Neji is going to hit him again, in that tiny second, Naruto fears for his life. Then the moment passes and nothing happens. Neji unclenches his fist and looks at the ground. Suddenly he burns under the blue eyes on him, out of shame, out of passion. He walks out of the room.
Naruto goes back the desolate corridors some minutes after that. He hasn't looked in the mirror, he doesn't want to see his swollen face. He just wants to sleep, next to Sasuke preferably, but since that's out of the question, in the same room as him is fine as well.
-
Ugh, what a bitch to write. Anyway, the end is nigh. I just have to come up with an exiting ending. Having some ideas already.