I spent the next day wondering how Levi had lived before he met Hanji. It seemed like an awful life he had had.

I still hadn't come to term with the fact that I was gay. So I tried to watch as much porn, which included girls, as I could. But as the time went I couldn't see the appeal. So instead of denying my sexual orientation I tried to become more okay with it. I looked up a lot of stuff on the internet.

How anal sex worked and stuff like that. I even tried to touch myself around my ass, while I was masturbating. It was okay and it did feel good. But I wondered that if I were to have sex with a man, would I be bottom or top?

For once, my parents were actually home, which only made me in a bad mood. They had demanded that we would have a nice family dinner.

We were all sitting around the dinner table; Mikasa, mom, me and dad.

"How did you do on your English test?" My dad asked.

Great, he's never here and still manages to remember the only test, which I actually suck at. He's probably just guessing that we had a test, we have tests every week.

"Fine. I got a C." I knew both that he knew I didn't do well in English, and also that that was why he asked.

"Jean comes over later. Is that okay?" Mikasa asked

Firstly it was always okay that Jean came over, secondly she just asked to try to stop my dad from scolding me. He never actually scolded Mikasa, she did too well in everything and she hated herself for it sometimes. She felt that it was her fault he always was mad at me, which was a ridiculous thing to think.

"Oh really? That's nice, of course. When?" My mom jumped onto the conversation, but dad wasn't done

"Only a C? I thought you went to school to become better. Are they making you dumber is that what it is?" he looked angry at me and continued his rant "What about you Mikasa, are you getting any dumber, what did you get on your last test?"

Mikasa flinched and looked down in her plate "I got an A" She felt it as though she were betraying me.

"Ohh, so it's not the school. It's just you who're and idiot. Sometimes I think Mikasa is my biologic child and not you."

He kept going on about how incompetent I was. Both Mikasa and mom looked down, no one dared talk back when he first started.

Later I was lying in my bed, when Mikasa came in. Jean hadn't come over, she hadn't wanted him to see her sad. She was always miserable, whenever I had had a fight with dad.

"I'm sorry Eren" She stood in the door with her blanket over the shoulders

I shook my head

"No, it's not your fault" I moved further into the bed and, clapped the spot next to me.

She understood and came over to lie next to me. We had always done that as kids. Whenever she would have nightmares about her parents, if we had had a fight and were sorry, or if, just as now, our dad had been really mad at either one of us.
It always calmed both of us down.
It was nice lying next to someone, who was just there. It was moments like this I thought of how much I loved her, have thankful I am for having her in my life. I trusted her 100 %, we would always be there for each other.

This would have been the perfect moment to confess and tell her I was gay. I don't know why I didn't.
Perhaps because it was so personal and such a new revelation to myself, I couldn't. or perhaps I was afraid she would judge me, despite that I knew she wouldn't. I guess I was just scared.

"It's been long time, since we did this" I said instead.

We were both looking up on my ceiling, which had a few remaining luminous stars I had had as a kid.

"It is, it's a good thing though"

"It means life is getting better"

I thought about it for a moment and said, despite not believing it "Perhaps you're right"

We fell asleep lying next to each other, like we had done so many times as kids.

When I woke up I didn't feel like staying in the house, so I walked over to Armins. It's been a while since we had just hung out. I spent most of the day there, but at dinner time I decided to leave. I didn't feel like having both lunch and dinner there, even though Armin asked.
I didn't want to go home either, so I went for walk. I walked for a long time. Thinking about everything that had happened.

At some point it started getting dark and I thought that I should head home.

Faith had it, that I met Levi.

"What are you doing in this neighborhood, brat?"

"Fuck off. I'm not in the mood for you today" I really wasn't.

"You ever in the mood for me, baby?" He blinked and pursed his lips in a kiss. Why did he always do that, the blink thing?

Crap, I thought. I had giving him exactly what he wanted. I really didn't want to deal with him, and that probably made his day. More fun to play with me.

I rolled my eyes and made it clear that I intended on leaving.

He stepped in front of me, put both hands on my hips and pulled me closer.

His head came closer and I was sure he was going to kiss me. In the moment I both wanted him to kiss me and I also wanted him to leave me alone.

He did not kiss me, though. Instead he licked me, from the tip of the ear, along the jaw line and down the neck. I was panicking, there we people on the other side of the street, I had seen someone just before I had seen Levi.

I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him back.

"You have some willpower after all, I thought you might have been easy. What a pleasant surprise"

I just looked annoyed at him and said "You're really an ass, you know that?"

I walked away from him, didn't look back. I turned around a corner and saw that the guys I had seen on the other side of the street stood there.

They looked up when I walked by and made me want to run back the way I had come.

They whispered and pointed at me, until one of them spoke "Hey, was that a guy you were kissing back there?" He looked threatening.

Shit, they had seen Levi's attempt, to what exactly? To seduce me?

I didn't want to answer so I just kept walking, which was the first mistake I made.

"You don't want to answer? Is it because you're a fucking fag?"

Normally I would have punched him, but they were 3 guys, all both stronger and bigger than me. I kept walking, which was the second and worst mistake I made.

They attacked me. I don't know what the problem is with guys like that. Some people are just too aggressive.

I ran, back the way I came. I just turned the corner when one of them grabbed me by the neck.

He held me as the others took turns to punch me. As they beat me up I thought of how they lacked creativity, they kept shouting the same 2 things with each of their punch; "Die fucking fag" and "Fucking Homo".

I was thinking about the fact that this was what Levi had told had happened to him in his senior year.

"Hey!" a voice suddenly yelled, I tried to look at where the voice came from, but couldn't. I got a hit in the head and passed out.

The next thing I remember is me sitting in a moving car and Levi driving.