Bastila dodged the chunks of debris Nihilus hurled easily. She scrambled behind a pillar. While it had been an easy dodge, the shock of just how powerful Nolin was caught her off guard.
"Whats the matter, Bastila?" Nihilus called out, senses scanning for her. "Bit off more than your Jedi training would allow you to chew?" He slowly floated over to the support pillar he'd seen Bastila dodge behind.
"It's not too late Bastila. The Dark Underlord welcomes all willing to spread the gospel of the Dark Side. With your power, he would easily make you an important lieutenant."
"Of course he could," Bastila replied. "But then what use would there be for you?"
As long as Force Users know the freedom of the Dark Side, conflict between ranking members would be unnecessary."
Her response was mocking. "Keep telling yourself that. You're starting to sound like you actually believe it."
"The Jedi would make us all follow their ways if they could. Sure, they talk about the importance of democracy and a free society-but for others. Never for themselves or those like them," Nihilus stole a look around the pillar.
Bastila was gone.
Cursing under his breath, Nihilus lowered himself to the ground and began stalking around the great chamber. Juhani's screaming reached a new pitch as she writhed on the desk.
Bastila decloaked from her Keto-inspired illusion as she kicked Nihilus in the face, causing him to tumble to the ground, smearing the bloody wards he had drawn on the floor.
He got up, rubbing his jaw. "Deception is a Sith weapon. Are you certain you are a Jedi?"
"Yes. I never said I was very good at it. But I'm sure I'll get better," She replied, reactivating her lightsaber and guarding with it.
"Keep telling yourself that. You're starting to sound like you actually believe it. Why did you not attempt to kill me?"
"I don't want to kill you. I feel responsible for you. This does not have to end in blood."
"It is curious you did not have time to offer that choice to my compatriots before you butchered them. You're good at the whole hypocrisy thing, if nothing else."
"This is your last chance, Nolin. If you say no, you'll force me to destroy you."
"And go to Prison?! You think I don't know they'd give me the needle or the gas chamber?" he spat, reactivating his blade. "Unarmed prophets have always been destroyed, whereas armed prophets have succeeded. I could never stomach things going back to the way they were, with the Agency too scared to do anything with what they have instead of play fortune teller or doctor!"
She stared at him, and pity entered her gaze. "Don't you see?" she asked gently, "You've succeeded. Things can never be as they were. They'll never go back to the old way of doing things. Never. They know the power of the Force now. That knowledge isn't going anywhere. Don't do this. Think of your daughter. She probably thinks of you as her knight in shining armor. Tomorrow she'll fear you as a monster hiding behind a skull."
"Projecting a little bit, aren't we?" he chuckled, angling his blade for a thrust. "I know of you through our bond, Shan. Don't compare me to your failure of a father. He had an incredible power to assert his will over others and he chose to hide like a craven animal from the one person who could have helped him attain everything he could ever desire."
"You don't know what my father went through. Power can be its own curse sometimes," she retorted. "As I'm starting to find out."
"Power? A Curse? Exactly how a Jedi would think. And exactly why I could never stand being one ever again," Nihilus answered, confirming to Bastila once and for all that he was beyond her help. "Die."
Bastila shut off one end of her blade to better parry the set of vicious vertical blows he tried against her guard. She patiently dodged a shien style strike at her hips by back flipping away from him, and retaliated with a wave of her hand that knocked his feet out from under him. He sprung up, flinging his blade low at her feet and forcing her to jump. He caught her in mid air with a Force grip and chucked her into a pillar and then slammed her hard into the ground. she staggered back up, spitting blood out as the lightning flashed outside the glass windows.
"Is this the best you can offer?" he laughed, recalling his lightsaber to his hand. "Your Jedi ways place too much constraints on your power."
"And your arrogance places too many shortcomings in yours," she retorted, eyes glowing bright orange. "Shove your lightsaber through your head," she hissed in her echo voice.
Nolin merely chuckled again. "You cannot beat me simply by commanding it Bastila. I know what I know from you, remember? That means I know how to defend against your petty tricks."
Bastila frowned. There was no choice now.
"Knowing how to defend yourself is one thing. Actual success at the defense is another. Tell me, Have you learned so much from me that you can now defend yourself from Aleema Keto's tricks?" She asked, concentrating.
Nihilus guarded as Bastila became six Bastilas, each moving and surrounding him in a different manner.
"Ah...the knowledge you absorbed from the Sith spirit...I...haven't processed it all fully...but I'm sure now is as good a time as any to learn."
"I'm sure it will be an informative experience," the Bastila's all said at once, all their eyes glowing.
"Don't you see Bastila, you are almost a Sith right now. If you would just allow yourself to fully embrace the Dark Side, you could be as strong as I am now. Stronger even."
"As my father once learned from Darth Kitsun," one of the Bastila's said, thrusting for his torso. "There's no such thing as a free lunch."
He parried, only to have her rush her head through the guard and bash him on the face with her forehead. His head snapped back, and he stumbled backward.
"That wasn't even the real me," the Bastilas spoke. "Your mind believes an injury occured, therefore your body conforms to your minds' preconceptions."
Nihilus roared, directing his draining power at all of the Bastilas present, firing lightning at the same time, the deadly arcs passing through each of them-but not hitting the real one at all.
The illusion passed-and revealed the truth of what happened.
While the fake Bastilas had occupied his attention with a possible attack, the real Bastila had undone Juhani's bonds, smashed the window and leapt out to the courtyard below.
Cursing at how she had played him, he ran to the broken window, just in time to catch Bastila, running with Juhani in her arms.
"You've traded the tiger for the dragon. Nothing more," he spoke, leaping out and lowering himself gently to the ground with telekinesis. "Perhaps I'll let my master play with you for a while."
Bastila ran, as fast as she could with Juhani. The Cather, with more densely packed muscle, was heavier than she seemed. She almost slipped as the rain pounded the open courtyard, flowing into drainage ducts.
She had to find some way to get that evil creature Nihilus had put in her out, or she could well be lost to the Dark Side forever, and saving her friend's soul was more important than any victory over a Sith Lord.
She stopped just before she had reached the second building in the complex, dropping Juhani in shock as a flare of darkness more powerful than any she had yet encountered blossomed in the Cathar's body.
The ground Juhani had landed on started to smoke and turn black. Though she knew it was illogical, Bastila could have sworn she smelled sulfur for a split second.
Juhani's eyes opened, two deep, solid pools of black, she smiled, licking her lips with an impossibly black tongue. She floated up, righting herself in mid-air and landed, turning to Bastila, who slowly backed away.
"Why hello, Bastila! Officer Nolin's told me so much about you!" the dark dead thing in Juhani's body spoke jovially in her voice. "Let's get out of this rain, shall we?"
With a flick of her wrists, Bastila found herself totally immobilized, suspended by the Dark Underlord's power.
Whistling, the Underlord dragged her in mid air by a crook of her finger, heading into the second part of the complex that housed the records and evidence lockers.
Without even looking the Underlord pinned her gently against a wall next to a file cabinet. The Underlord pulled out a seat and sat down, crossing Juhani's legs.
"What a long day it's been, huh. Of course, it was a long five years trapped in that wreck, with only corpses to keep me company," The Underlord spoke casually. "So, I hear you're from a parallel universe also! They serve Corellian Whiskey there? If you don't mind me saying, you sorta look like a scotch person to me."
"Get the hell out of my friend's body you wretch."
The Underlord used Juhani's face to frown. "Ah," it spoke. "To business."
It paused, gathering its thoughts. "I'm not evil, Bastila. I just do evil things for a good cause. All for a good cause. If anything, I'm a revolutionary. A freedom fighter."
"Really?" Bastila sneered. "They must have your face on a t-shirt or something."
The Underlord rolled Juhani's eyes. "If only..." it trailed off."I have worn many faces. Exar Kun. Darth Revan. You-at one point. The list goes on. Long ago when the Order first conceived its tenants, other Force Users knew they would eventually be forced into endless servitude if the Order's teaching left their academies. So they created me. Invoked me-every time."
"Hearts and minds campaign. Gets you every time," Bastila muttered. "I'll never join you."
"If I had a credit for all who said that to me," The Underlord joked, making Juhani's face smirk. "You're on the verge of embracing it right now. The power of the Sith flows through you, opening your senses. Don't be like your father was, Bastila. Don't discover freedom and run away from it."
Bastila's head lowered, a feeling of despair etching itself into her mind. How could she win now? The thing in Juhani had her cold. And the knowledge of the Sith she had absorbed from Keto was becoming harder and harder not to embrace.
Could she give in? Could she leave Juhani to a fate worse than death, forced to look out of her own eyes forever as the Underlord committed what would no doubt be atrocity after atrocity against this galaxy, operating under the delusion it was some sort of savior AND using her body to do it? If she embraced it, could she control it? Could she use such power for good?
As she was experiencing these doubts a strange feeling suddenly washed over her.
She had almost forgotten this particular emotion as the memory associated most with it followed.
It was the day before she had left her home on Talravin. Her father, Anton, loomed ever clear in her memory. A tall handsome figure with salt and pepper lining the sideburns of his dark brown hair, cut in a military fashion. His skin was fine like hers, and he had laugh lines around his blue eyes. He was dressed in an olive drab shirt and a pair of slacks, having never quite freed himself of a military need for personal grooming and discipline. They had been walking the beach as the sun was setting. Bastila had jumped up and down the whole way as they stared at the blue Talravin crabs making their way across the beach.
She had watched her father stretch out his hand, doing one of the strange magic tricks he liked so much and one of the crabs had lifted off the ground, flaying a bit before it somehow realized it wasn't in any danger.
Bastila had marveled as it floated in front of her, eyes staring fixedly at hers. She petted its hard shell for a little bit before her father magically released it, letting it scurry back into the ocean. Then he held out his hand.
"Wanna see another little magic trick?" he asked, in his light timbre of a voice, stretching his arm out into the sun. Bastila, who had been sternly warned never to look into the sun by her mother, had shielded her eyes as he pulled something out of the sky and handed it to her.
It was a tiny transparisteel box with a necklace attached to it. Inside glowed something bright and yellow, yet smooth and small like a glass shard.
"What is it, Daddy?" she had asked, grasping it in awe.
He rubbed her hair, messing up her mother's attempt to comb it that. "A little piece of the sun, sweetie. Just for you."
He held her hand the whole walk home.
The tears came out of Bastila's now brightly glowing pink eyes as she faced the Dark Underlord.
"I love my father," she said gently. "I love him. And that love is worth more than anything you could ever offer me."
Bastila broke free of The Underlord's grip, causing the surprised thing to make Juhani back away as Bastila gave a swiping motion with her hand.
The Dark Underlord made Juhani scream as it was flung out of the records building back into the rainstorm as the entrance exploded, Bastila following closely as she stepped over the rubble. Utter calm flowed through the padawan, along with love.
"Get out of my friend now," she demanded quietly, "Get out of her or I will MAKE you get out."
The Dark Underlord made Juhani rise, still smirking as it made Juhani activate her stone lightsaber.
"I'd like to see you try," it replied with her voice.
It screamed making its host corkscrew through the air as it tried to drive the lightsaber deep into Bastila's chest-who had already dodged by flipping over Juhani and blasting the Underlord from behind with a Force Push, back into the building before catching the Underlord in mid-air and flinging Juhani into Bastila's waiting fist. The Underlord tumbled to the pavement, knocked senseless for the first time in a long time.
The Underlord made Juhani rise, shrieking as it vomited shadows from her throat, which took an indistinct shape of a humanoid holding a sword. They surrounded her.
"The freedom of darkness itself protects me," the Underlord made Juhani proclaim.
"You are but a charlatan and a mere puppeteer, acting through proxy," Bastila spoke dismissively, calling forth her lightsaber from the building. "Do your worst."
The shadows struck, but Bastila spun her double-saber effortlessly, blocking solid, strong strikes and turning them aside in the same instant, shutting off and reactivating either blade any time she wished to let strikes miss her blade completely as the mass of shadow warriors ganged up on her from all sides, trying to skewer her. She blocked them all, her blade passing through their bodies and causing them to disperse.
When she had dispersed the final shadow, she held her lightsaber in front of her.
"Is that your best?" Bastila wondered out loud.
The Underlord made Juhani grin and opened her mouth skyward.
Lightning flooded out of her throat, shooting up into the sky. Bastila suddenly dodged multiple strikes from the clouds above milliseconds before they could hit her, until she was finally using her lightsaber to block the heavens itself.
"You are strong but I am stronger. You are but a child at the Force. I have been doing this before you were even a notion in someone's mind," the Underlord bragged.
The Underlord was suddenly screaming as the lightsaber that had been protecting Bastila suddenly channeled the lightning in Juhani's direction, hitting her dead on, and flinging her into a wall.
"I don't need to be stronger," Bastila replied casually, walking up to the crumpled body of Juhani. "Just smarter."
A yell from behind made Bastila whirl and duck at the same time, Nihilus, having at last grown concerned of his masters vulnerability, had decided to intervene. Bastila casually slashed him across the chest with one of her saber blades, a flesh wound more than anything.
"I will not allow you to ruin everything!" he shouted. "My master WILL bring order to this galaxy whether it likes it or not."
"Nolin," she spat, a mixture of contempt and pity in her voice. "Shut up."
Nolin rushed forward in pure hatred, slashing and stabbing at her guard, his pride refusing to allow him to surrender. Bastila did not meet his powerful blows head on, instead, deflecting them with almost casual spins of her weapon. Several times in the melee she twisted through his guard and let his face walk into the point of her blade, stopping him telekinetically before one could connect with the other and then flinging him backward, just to let him see that the fight was no longer a fight. She turned aside his bolts of lightning , blocked his attempts to drain her. She was on fire today. Finally, she pulled him toward her with the Force, too fast for him to react, and slammed her tattered shoe into his jaw, shattering the mask he wore before chucking him face first into a wall.
Bastila turned around to focus on the Underlord, who had just started to make Juhani's limp frame stir.
Bastila focused her will on the thing in Juhani's body.
"You cannot destroy me without killing Juhani," the Underlord turned, gloating with Juhani's face. "Can you really kill your friend?"
"She knew the risks. And you are NOT my friend," Bastila hissed, throwing her full will against the thing in Juhani.
The Underlord screamed mightily through her, it's own will immense, but the strange emotion Bastila was using to fuel her power was totally outclassing its own strength. Juhani's body flailed and jerked listlessly, desperate to keep its new host, desperate not to go back to existing as a mere presence, when the gospel of the Dark Side needed to spread.
Finally it had no choice. It left Juhani, a dark, black cloud that hissed out of her eyes and mouth, taking the form of a shrouded figure with cold spheres of white fire for eyes. Thunder crackled in its ethereal form.
"I am the freedom of the Dark Side!" It shouted in a multitude of voices without truly having one of its own. "I will liberate all who feel the Force. Through conversion to its beauty or through DEATH!"
Bastila knew that simply focusing brute strength would not be enough to truly destroy it. Spirits like the Underlord were far too powerful for that. The only way was to do to it what you did with any Force Specter: Convince it that it no longer had any reason to remain in the world of mortals.
And the only way to do that was to make it experience contentment.
Bastila's eyes glowed pink. Aleema Keto's teachings had to be used one final time
Bastila stealthily slipped inside the thing's mind, not daring to venture any further lest she allow it to sense her intention.
She focused on the thing it wanted the most. And she made it concentrate on that one thing.
It saw legions of Force users, forever and totally free from the "shackles" of the Jedi. It saw the last copy of the Orders code being thrown into a fire; it saw a mass of lightsabers held in many hands, all red in color. It saw the Dark Side spreading order and freedom-
And for the first and only time in its existence, felt truly, totally, and utterly at peace.
It was so at peace, it did not notice the chains that bound it to constantly return to the mortal realm slipping and breaking off, too content to realize its thoughts and memories were melting into oblivion
Its last thought, before dispersing forever, never to reappear and trouble others again was And its all thanks to me.
Bastila dropped to her knees from the exertion as she felt it disappear into the Force, tricked into its destruction by her will and Aleema's teachings.
She dragged herself, legs like lead weights, over to Juhani's inert form, using what was left of her strength to feel for any life.
She gasped in relief. Juhani's life-force was weak, but there. It seemed the Underlord had been bluffing. That or Juhani was a fighter, and had been fighting for her life the whole time. Bastila liked the second notion.
"We did it, Juhani," Bastila gasped. "We won."
Much of the fighting had ended in the agency's favor when Bastila walked out with Juhani in her arms, telekinetically holding Rae Nolin in front of her. She unceremoniously dropped him at the feet of the victorious survivors.
Revan had managed to get back into somewhat good graces with the investigators, saving several of their lives as they helped clear out the area surrounding the facility. Most were still giving him the cold shoulder however. Carth and Mira cheered when they saw her, battered and bruised, but in good health otherwise. Canderous and several other Mandalorian survivors fired their blasters into the air as they spotted her. Jedi Police Speeders cruised through the air, surveying the damage. The storm had passed and the stars were showing in the pre morning sky.
Bastila signaled a few Jedi medics and set Juhani on a hover gurney, where they set to work.
"Union military is gonna be here soon. What are we gonna tell 'em?" a female Twi-Lek Jedi agent asked.
"Tell them the truth-how you tell it is up to you," Bastila answered.
This Dimension's version of Vrook strode up, grabbing the nearly unconscious Nolin by the neck, in a full white business suit.
"I say the first order-o-business is stringing this prick up on a noose!" he proclaimed.
Bastila held out her hand. "Vengeance is easy. Mercy is what is truly a challenge. Especially when the person in question seems to deserve so little of it. The Dark Side can corrupt even the most noble of us. And that is the lesson you should take from this as you catalog the bodies of your fellow officers, as your remember the ones you killed who used to be friends. Vengeance," she said holding Nolin up with her mind. "Can easily turn you into him."
She unceremoniously dropped him again in front of a now silent Vrook.
After a moment, Vrook exhaled. "Book this little weasel and get him from my sight."
Two agents approached the inert figure, hefting him up and fixing neural restraints on his wrists. "Rae Nolin, The Agency is charging you with multiple counts of murder, sedition, high treason, and multiple violations of the Force Sensitivity Act-"
Nihilus burst free, lightning charging between his fingers, spittle flying from his mouth he turned to direct his terrible wrath towards Bastila who was more than prepared for his attack.
Before he could do anything, he let out a screech as a yellow lightsaber shaped like a rectangular cube pierced him through the spine. He fell forward, dead.
Bastila got a look at who had made the fatal strike and tried to keep her mouth from dropping. She failed.
It was this dimension's version of her. She wore a brown jumpsuit with white, steel toed boots. Her face was covered in a large angular metal version of the domino mask that was part of this agency's style, much like the mask Rae had used before his fall. Her hair was done in a long stringy ponytail.
"Aye, boyo, you shoulda excercised yer' right to remaining silent and what not," she spoke in an accent unfamiliar to her counterpart.
"Good looking out," was all Bastila could say to her masked doppleganger. She stared at Nolin's corpse sadly before departing down the steps of the precinct.
Juhani had spent the pre morning hours in what was left of the Precinct Infirmary. When she first opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Bastila sitting next to her on a folding chair.
"I take it we not dead?" Juhani asked. "Because if this heaven...it could use fresh coat of heaven paint."
Bastila chuckled, chin resting in her hands. "Glad to have you back. Do you remember anything?"
"Do I want to?"
"Probably not."
"Ah. Just as good then," Juhani replied. "Pity we came here on business. Would have like to stay. To explore. Too much we saw yet not enough." She stared at the outside window across her cot, watching the sun break the horizon. "You think anything like this ever happen to us again?"
"It's a crazy world. Why not?"
"I hope so," Juhani replied quietly. She spotted someone tall, bald, and wearing a deep red business suit with white pinstripes, a iron grey silk scarf around his neck and partially covering his jaw. Alek smiled as he held something in each of his hands.
"You'll probably be going back soon, so Revan wanted to give you something. He held up Bastila's old, single bladed lightsaber, and Revan's mask. "The machine is still set up and ready to go at Revan's apartment at Qel-Droma arcology. He left some other things there also for you to take back."
"How is he?" Bastila inquired, trying not to focus on how much he looked like 'her' Alek.
"Well..." Alek began, scratching his head. "We won, but The Investigators sure as hell aren't happy. We know how the Force works now. You know that old saying 'Ignorance is bliss'? I'm...I'm starting to understand it."
"It's not all bad. There are many mysteries, many secrets, many of them wonderful."
"Most of us don't feel that way. Most of us just want to forget and hope this whole thing blows over. The other agents...they didn't want these powers. It's strange...most of them weren't even curious."
"A Jedi must ever be seeking knowledge. It is a habit you shall have to learn," Bastila replied coolly.
Alek was still frowning. "There is such a thing as knowing too much," he spoke uncertainly, handing her the items and walking away, his hands shoved in his pockets.
Bastila spotted someone she very much needed to talk to. Canderous Ordo marched into the infirmary like he owned the place, and strode up directly to Bastila.
"You Jedi surprise me. You ruthlessly cut down your former allies, and then try to bring the one who made them betray you in alive. An odd policy. One no Mandalorian will advocate."
"Canderous, about our deal...about my killing Revan..."
Canderous held up his hand. "Say no more. The battle has accomplished an even greater thing: It has damaged his reputation badly. No one trusts him now."
Bastila reached into her remaining pocket and pulled out a small datapad. "Here. The coordinates to his space factory."
Canderous took the pad. "I'm surprised you would betray him after deciding to spare him."
Bastila stared at him hard. "If there's one thing I have in common with your people, it is that I like to hedge my bets."
Canderous chuckled. "Don't we all." He tipped his hat to her and walked out of the infirmary whistling.
Juhani and Bastila had left the Precinct on a hero's exit, each wearing replacements versions of the outfit they had come to this dimension with, sans the mask, with the dozens of surviving agents cheering and throwing ticker tape at them all the way to the landing pad. Notably, Bastila caught on to the fact Revan had not been included in the proceedings. But she hadn't asked about where he was as Carth had personally driven them in an agency speeder and dropped them off by the giant hole Rae Nolin had made before escaping.
As the pair exited the speeder, Carth, still in his garish orange sweater that hurt Bastila's eyes called her over to him.
"I just gotta ask one question," he said. "When Nolin first started asking about the Force, you said something to Juhani to keep her from talking. What did you say?"
Bastila blinked, the memory coming back to her.
"I said to Juhani 'The road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions'. It was a lesson I myself should have heeded. I had good intentions, and so did Nolin. Goodbye, Captain Onasi." With that, she and Juhani turned and slowly walked up the steps of the ruined complex.
"Hey Bastila!" Carth yelled playfully before departing. "If you run into your version of me, tell him I said Hi!"
Bastila nodded, laughing as she watched him speed off into the sunset.
When they walked into Revans apartment, Bastila stared at the large oil painting in the golden frame.
It depicted a notable collection of Sith Lords at a table playing Pazaak under a bright light. Exar Kun was dealing the cards in a stylish vest, Naga Sadow was slamming back alcohol straight from the bottle as he sweated and Malak was trying to stare at Darth Revan's cards while Revan wasn't paying any attention except to oggle a passing Twi-Lek woman with red skin.
After spending the next three minutes laughing so hard she hurt her ribs, she noticed that next to it lay one more of this universe's curious decals, also painted in oil.
It was a depiction of her in brown and white lingerie, holding her double-saber over her head while riding a rocketship and winking with Juhani wearing and doing the same.
As a matter of fact, where was Juhani? "Juhani?" Bastila called out. "You better not have left without me!"
"I'm upstairs, thought I had let you get the laughter out of your system."
Bastila sighed. "You setting the machine up?" she asked.
"It already set up."
Bastila sighed and grabbed the paintings. There was no way she was leaving without these.
As she trudged up the steps, she heard Juhani speaking again.
"Say, Bastila, I been thinking we could go back anytime we want, right?"
"Why? You thought about seeing the sights more? Our masters must be frantic-" she said as she stepped into Revans bedroom. She dropped the paintings as she spotted Juhani.
"I was just thinking," she said with a coy smile as she lay on the bed naked, beckoning Bastila. "What happen in parallel universe, stay in parallel universe…"
Dantooine, universe 11-99.
Bastila had gone back to her assigned quarters, meditating on the events of the day atop her cot, recentering herself for the difficult trials still ahead.
She had passed through the fire and had resisted temptation. She had mostly given a truthful account of events while omitting others, such as sparing Revan.
Or absorbing the illusion techniques of a Sith.
Or using the power of Love to overcome the Dark Side.
Or anyone of a dozen other things that had happened that she would never, ever talk about.
They had let her keep Revan's mask, to remind her that her true task lay ahead for when 'her' Revan returned.
She stared at the mask, lit by only the blue moon shining outside and hoped that her Revan could still be reached. She would not, could not, fail.
She spotted the other thing they had allowed her to keep, the decal of her and Juhani. She thought once more of the strange journey and where it had taken her.
"But I wouldn't want to live there," she whispered, laying her head down on her cot and shutting her eyes.