You guys have no idea how sorry I am for making you wait for so long. Months. I know. It's embarrassing having to admit it, but life has thrown so many things at me these past few months that writing has been the last thing on my mind. I still feel like it's not an excuse but I promise I will catch up and make it up to you.
So here's chapter 17. Some of you might have already given up on this story, but I promise you I haven't. Summer's come so that means I will have more time to write.
On a better side note, though, and I'm sorry for bragging, I met the lovely Dianna Agron three days ago :)
"Are you gonna cut your hair any time soon?" Lea asked while she ran her fingers through blonde silky locks.
"Why you don't like it?"
She let out a short laugh, "I like whatever hairstyle you're sporting. I'm just curious."
She had sat on Dianna's lap after having finished getting ready for their last day in Paris. It had hit her while she was in the shower. They had been away from home for a month already. They had spent a month together; away from everyone they knew, and it had been only three weeks since Dianna had asked her to be her girlfriend. Lea felt like it all happened so fast, though she knew she wouldn't have had it any other way. She felt like it was yesterday that she had found Dianna sitting on the beach in the middle of the night before she confessed her feelings for her and everything fell into place. It still felt a little surreal sometimes, she mused, that she had always paid attention to everything Dianna did; not in a stalkerish way obviously, but in the way that someone who was in love did. In the way that can be obvious but subtle at the same time, where they watch from afar with a small smile playing on their lips. She would always try to find Dianna even if it was in a studio crowded with actors, writers and producers. And the funny thing is that she did remember catching Dianna looking at her with that small smile adorning her face but not once did she remember thinking that it could have been more than just platonic affection. She also remembered how the blonde would look down sheepishly just as her cheeks tinted a faint shade of pink. Some other times they would share a wink or send a playful air kiss at each other. She still smiled at those memories. And thinking about it now she felt like maybe she was so worried about her own feelings that she never thought about the implications behind Dianna's own smile and glint of her eyes.
"What are you thinking about?" Dianna asked, effectively getting Lea out of her head. She had set her copy of Pablo Neruda's 100 Love Sonnets—she made a mental note of buying another book because by now she was sure she was able to recite a couple of poems by memory. Not that she minded though—before her arms went up to wrap themselves around her girlfriend's waist.
"Just how we've been away for a month and it doesn't really feel like it." She replied with a small shrug.
Dianna hummed before burying her face on the crook of Lea's neck. She could smell the faint scent of vanilla body lotion that her girlfriend used as she started to nuzzle the soft skin she found there. It was only a few moments later that Lea started to squirm away because the nuzzling had become more of a tickle attack.
Dianna laughed and pulled back with a grin on her face. "It has gone by too fast if you ask me." Then again when you're having a wonderful time, it goes by even faster, she considered. "But we still have four more stops and two months for ourselves." She finished.
Lea smiled down at her and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. She honestly felt like they were on their honeymoon; the only difference being that they got together during the trip and not months or years before it, and even though she knew that they were in the stage of a relationship where everything was bliss and joy she also knew that the moment they stepped foot on L.A. ground their bubble would be burst. They would have to deal with producers and press trying to stick their noses into their private lives. Or maybe—and this was something that she dreaded but knew it could be a big possibility—, they wouldn't have to deal with the press at all because the Studios would make sure to get them both PR's, and just the thought of seeing Dianna walking down the street with a handsome guy in hand, having to look happy and maybe even having to share a few kisses here and there made her feel her heart drop.
"Hey," Dianna nudged her this time as Lea snapped out of her thoughts. The brunette looked down at her from her position on her lap and saw a frown on her face.
She usually found it amusing and even endearing when she caught Lea lost in her own head, but lately she had noticed that she would get quiet the moment they started talking about going back home. "Are you alright?" She asked.
Lea's first reply was in the form of a peck on her lips. It helped at least to remove the frown she knew she had on her face. And if she was being honest, she also melted a little at the action and the way Lea looked at her.
She always did.
"Why wouldn't I be, love?" Well okay, she was a little worried about going back home and what that entailed, but they still had two months together; she knew she was being a little dramatic and so there was no point in worrying Dianna as well. Besides, why should she worry about things that she didn't even know were going to happen in reality? They were all possibilities, of course, but she also knew that the both of them could keep their relationship in secret for as long as they had to without having to pretend seeing someone else in the business. Because God helped her if she had to "date" Cory; she loved the guy but there was just no way that she was going to be craning her neck longer than the usual hours of shooting.
Actually, no. She was not going to let herself consider who she would rather fake-date when she was sitting on the lap of the only person she would always rather be with. It wasn't fair.
So she changed the topics.
"You told me last night you wanted to go to the bohemian side of the city, right? What was the name? Mont… something?"
An amused smile played on Dianna's lips before she conceded, "Montmartre… yeah."
Lea grinned. "Alright then, are you ready to go?" She stood up without waiting for an answer and ruffled Dianna's hair.
Right! Her hair!
"Wait!" She took a step back and looked at Dianna's amused and bewildered expression. She smiled. "You didn't tell me what you were going to do with your hair."
"Are you sure you're alright?" She questioned again. She had stood up and placed herself in front of Lea before gently grasping her hands with her own.
"Yeah, why?"
"Because I had already told you I was going to wait until we got back home to cut it. I even told you I was thinking about dying it, but I'm not sure yet." She tilted her head; the frown taking place on her face once again. "I thought you had heard me."
Lea cringed internally. It made her feel guilty that she hadn't been paying attention to what Dianna was saying, the reason being that she was too busy torturing herself with thoughts of what going back home would mean to their relationship.
"I'm sorry, baby. I was just distracted." Lea muttered; her head falling and her bangs successfully covering her eyes.
"Hey no, it's fine." Her hands went up to cradle Lea's face and lifted it up until she could find the brown eyes she loved. "I just want to know if something's bothering you." She kissed her forehead and heard a sigh escape through Lea's lips. "You know you can trust me with anything that goes on in that pretty head of yours, right?"
Lea found nothing but love swimming in Dianna's eyes; adoration that could be seen by the fickle of hazel eyes and the tenderness of their gaze. In that moment, she needed no more. She shook the doubts and the questions plaguing her mind out of her head and smiled a real content smile. She needed no more than the company of the girl standing in front of her
She placed her hands over Dianna's and replied, "I'm fine, princess.", and sealed it with a peck on her lips.
She meant it this time. Next to Dianna she would always be fine. So she smiled until the worry in Dianna's eyes dissipated and tugged at one of her hands. "Are you ready to go?"
Dianna nodded. She just hoped that she could help with whatever was going through her girlfriend's mind, even if she didn't know what it was.
Lea loved Montmartre for two reasons. The first one being that there was art in every corner. Bistros and cafés that were small, yet enormous in exquisiteness. The scent of coffee and pastries could be smelled as they walked by and the faint sound of Italian opera that could be heard coming out of a Parisian balcony. The second one being that she could see Dianna enjoying this place with every step she took.
She was sure she had never seen Dianna take so many pictures in one afternoon. Whether the camera was sneakily directed at her and she would only notice after the blonde had already taken the photo, or directed at the streets—deserted or filled with people—, the landscapes or the artists gracing the city in a way that only they could. Lea was enthralled by the beauty of it all as much as she was by Dianna's contagious excitement. It was delightful just to watch it; the big smile brightening her face and the lightness of her steps. It made Lea want to pull her heart out of her chest and place it on Dianna's delicate and loving hands.
It was how she knew she was madly in love. She craved to see everything through Dianna's eyes; find the beauty in even inane things; cherish the small things and simply live life with the carefree that Lea had learned she had in every cell of her body.
She let her lead the way for the rest of the afternoon, stopping by the numerous paintings that were being sold by men whose passion for art could be noticed even by the clothes they wore. They wandered around the place, not walking together but never drifting completely apart. Dianna could always find Lea only a few feet away from her looking at different paintings and stopping by to look at the ones that caught her eye.
The blonde stopped by a few canvas hanging from a wooden board to look at a certain one. The first thing that caught her eye was the colors in the painting. The ocher, reds and yellows from the autumn sunset were captivating. The cream colors from the French buildings and the simple shadows of two men sitting on a table by the street, playing chess and drinking coffee. The second thing she noticed were the small details with which he painted the buildings, the small pieces of chess and the cups of coffee, but the generality with which the two men were created. They looked like shadows more than anything; like men who were once sitting there whole and complete but were slowly fading with the passing of time. Only the two of them were sitting on that street and that, too, captivated Dianna. She could feel the silence, the peaceful and quiet atmosphere that accompanied those two men in their afternoon chess. She wondered if they knew each other; if the painter meant for them to be two life-time friends or if they were two strangers who had managed to find their ways onto the same small coffee table one afternoon.
"That is one of my favorites." The painter had watched her intently for a few moments and he could see how much that one painting had captured her attention.
Dianna turned to look at him. His white beard was scruffy but his green eyes were kind. She guessed he was around his fifties and his French accent wasn't as prominent as she had expected. She glanced at the painting once and tilted her head curiously before smiling back at him. "Why is that?"
She noticed hesitance flash through his eyes before he scratched the corner of his chin with worn out fingers. The infinity of colors he had used to create his art imprinted already on his skin like scars of won battles.
"Well, I painted it a couple years ago. For the closest friend I ever had." He nodded at the painting. "Those two men in there? That's us. Every afternoon we drank café and played chess. For years, it was our thing. I painted it for him because he was sick… lung cancer." He scratched his chin again and casted a longer glance at his painting, "He died before I could give it to him."
Dianna's breath caught in her throat but before she could say anything the man flashed her an honest smile. "It's fine, young lady, I appreciate your condolence, but it's not necessary anymore." He pointed at the sky, "I know he's better up there."
In that moment she felt a smaller warm hand entwine with hers and she felt herself become much lighter. She looked at Lea's brown eyes and kissed her forehead before turning back at the kind painter. "You're right on that part," She smiled. "And you should also know that he's looking out for you."
The man laughed, "I'm sure he is. He always said he would."
"Why are you selling it though? I figured you wouldn't want to sell a painting with so much meaning."
He relaxed in his chair and crossed his legs. "Because what is the point of becoming attached to it? I painted that out of memory; therefore my memories are all I need. I remember him every day, when I walk down that street; when I drink café ; when I see a game of chess. I don't need a painting to remind me of him." He tapped his index finger to his chest, "He's already painted here." He smiled.
Lea had just caught the ending of their conversation but that didn't stop her from smiling endearing at him. Whatever it was that they were talking about, she knew it had a lot of meaning.
"And also," He continued. "Because he would haunt me down if I painted something and didn't try to sell it." It lightened the mood instantly and both he and Dianna laughed. Lea grinned. "Now, young lady, is there any other painting you or your lovely girl here are interested in?"
Dianna looked at Lea but she only shrugged and let her choose. She beamed and then pointed at the painting. "I'd like to buy that one."
Somehow they had managed to take their time to go all the way up the hill of Montmartre. After Dianna had formerly introduced herself and Lea to the man—Antoine— and bought the canvas for a lower price even against Dianna's protests, because, according to him, two girls as beautiful and kind as them deserved a good price deal just for that. They both blushed at his comment, but thanked him profusely. After that Lea had left them both to say goodbye since she figured they had already made a connection that she knew she hadn't.
Antoine had taken his old thin brush again without looking as he nodded at Lea's retreating back. "Honeymoon?"
Dianna giggled nervously and glanced at Lea. She was enthralled with another painting, looking at it with a serious inspecting look as if she were trying to solve a puzzle just by looking separately at the pieces.
She shook her head. "Not yet. This is just a vacation trip". It made Dianna curious and almost wanting to go and see what had her so interested. When she looked back at Antoine he had a small knowing smile on his face.
That's when it hit her. She felt her cheeks grow warm and she knew they had turned a tint of pink. Did she really just say yet? If Antoine's expression was any indication she was fairly certain she did.
He grinned. "I see. I wish you the absolute best then. And take care of her; I can feel the love aaaall the way from here." He finished with a suggesting wink and ushered her back to Lea, his brush close to leaving a trace of blue paint on his still fresh canvas. "Now go. It was nice meeting you, Miss Dianna and your lovely girlfriend, too. Enjoy the rest of your stay in Paris and if you ever come back don't forget to pay a visit." His smile came off easily; just as his kindness.
By the time they had made it to the top of the hill of Montmartre the sun wasn't as high anymore, the wind aimlessly moved a few leaves on the ground and the cacophony of the city was now a faint sound that you needed to pay attention to catch. There weren't many tourists on that area since not many decided to go all the way up after already having walked so many Parisian streets, but Dianna and Lea had the time. Or at least that whole day.
They stopped once and sat on the bench of a park. They weren't really tired but some rest wouldn't do them any harm. Lea was the first one to sit, tugging at Dianna's hand and then letting it go so that she could keep her dress from rolling up. She loved how proper Dianna could be, and how graceful and how delicate she carried herself. Not only with the dresses she wore; casuals or night gowns; Dianna herself moved with an effortless elegance that Lea had not seen in many people. She guessed others were right when they compared her to Grace Kelly.
She rested her head on Dianna's shoulder for a while and let silence sink in while she fidgeted with the ring on the hand resting on her thigh. Her fingertips traced the small diamonds, feeling the slight roughness against her tender skin before she moved on to the soft and pale knuckles. She took her time going through the four knuckles that were facing her, stopping on the third one; Dianna's middle finger. She felt the scratch before she saw it, a very tiny, red and still mildly open cut right above her knuckle.
"What happened?" She asked without looking up.
"I hit my hand against the coffee table when you were still in the shower." Dianna muttered.
Lea chuckled but brought her hand up to her lips and gently kissed the tiny wound like a mother would to her son's scratched knee.
"There, there, my love. No more crying." She recited while she gently patted Dianna's knuckle with two of her fingers.
She laughed. "Thank you, mom."
Although instead of letting go of her hand, Lea entwined their fingers together and placed them over her lap as her head fell safely back on her shoulder. It amazed her how safe she could feel just by having Dianna's hand laced with her own. They were always comfortably warm; the perfect size for her small hands. Their fingers were long and slim and Lea vaguely wondered if Dianna could be a good piano player. She figured she could. Those fingers could definitely move as fast and agile as they wanted.
A giggle bubbled in her throat but she swallowed it. She'd have to leave her dirty thoughts for later.
They later found themselves standing in front of a very picturesque wall after having sat in the park for a few more minutes. Dianna had spotted it from the bench and asked what it was. Lea's only response was to go check and see from up close.
So there they were, looking at a blue navy colored wall fully made of tiles that had symbols and words painted in white along with red splashes scattered around. Lea had simply no clue as to what she was looking at although she was almost positive that they were all different languages; she just couldn't find any that she recognized. Finally she spotted a 'ti amo' engraved in cursive somewhere around the middle.
A hand… okay, so she figured that was sign language.
Russian, maybe… Arabic…. Greek?
She felt a finger nudge her ribs and she squirmed as Dianna pointed at a spot on the wall. "Te quiero."
Lea tilted her head. "I still don't get it though…" She really didn't. Either she would find symbols or letters put together that just didn't make any sense to her.
"It's the wall of I love you's." A foreign voice came from her left and made the both of them turn around in curiosity.
A girl stood there, with a Canon hanging loosely from her neck. Her hair was shorter than Dianna's and tinted a dark brown. She had a loose tank top and tight jeans and Lea decided she didn't like her the moment they met each other's eyes. There was something in there; a trepidation that made Lea's blood boil and her stomach churn. The problem was that it wasn't directed at her, but at Dianna. The girl's gaze glanced at Lea but lingered on her girlfriend; hunger filled eyes ran through her body and it took Lea everything in her not to leap at her and claw her stupid eyes out.
The girl stepped closer, tucking her hands into her jeans' pockets. "It has over three hundred declarations in two hundred and fifty languages. They all mean I love you." She was British, Lea noticed. She usually liked their accent but at this moment it was just something that got even more on her nerves.
The explanation peaked Dianna's curiosity. "Really? Who made it?"
The girl cocked her eyebrow smugly and looked at her. Lea didn't let go of her hand. And Dianna would never notice the real reason why.
"Well, I believe it was made by a man called Frédéric. He collected the phrase in notebooks, going from door to door of embassies and neighbors. Arab, Farsi, Hebrew… He managed to make an art piece out of one single phrase." She finished with a smile that most people would have considered charming but it didn't work with Lea. She knew what was really behind that smile and she didn't trust it one bit.
She saw Dianna turn to look back at the wall from her peripheral vision and she didn't know whether to feel relieved or worried at the fact that Dianna was oblivious to the way she was looking at her. She guessed it could be a combination of both.
"Pretty romantic, huh?" The girl asked. She was standing a few feet away from them by now and seemed to direct her question mostly at Dianna. It was as if Lea was an inanimate object; something that didn't need to be addressed or noticed and she had to admit that it stung.
It would be if you weren't here, Lea thought.
Dianna smiled politely at her. "It sure is." She glanced at the wall. "Do you mind if you take a picture of the two of us?"
Lea's smirk came out without a thought. Yet, the girl seemed unaffected.
"Of course!" She grinned.
The girl was as fake as a Barbie doll.
She cautiously took the camera from Dianna's hand and Lea noticed one of her fingers gracing Dianna's knuckles; right where she had planted a kiss not so long ago.
It made her furious.
Dianna tugged at her hand and got her out of her thoughts. It was the first time she had met her eyes since that girl had appeared and Lea felt a rush of affection so big it was almost ridiculous. She was looking at her adoringly with that small disarming smile, just like she always did, and for a moment she forgot all about the girl standing in front of them with her girlfriend's camera in hand.
She let herself sink into Dianna's arms that hugged her from behind. She felt safe again, and happy, and without a care in the world. A smile appeared unconsciously on her face the moment Dianna pressed her cheek against her own and her arms went up to cover the ones around her waist.
The girl pressed the button.
Even if she would probably always dislike the fact that it was that girl who had taken their picture she was sure she would look at it and mirror the smiles that she knew she would find in there, knowing how happy and in love she truly was.
"That was cute." The girl said monotonously. "How long have you been together?" She asked, handing back the camera to Dianna.
"Thanks… well, long story short we've been best friends for about three years but I asked her to be my girlfriend not so long ago." Dianna seemed proud of it and that made Lea's heart flutter. Only three weeks, she thought to herself. They both smiled.
She looked straight at Lea for the very first time, "You must have been over the moon when she asked you." She pointed out.
Lea arched an eyebrow. "We both were." She deadpanned.
The girl grinned before turning back to Dianna. "So you two are here on vacation?"
"Yeah, we took a few months off and decided to get out of the country for a while. What about you? Are you here by yourself?"
"Pretty much. I finished my studies in London but I decided to take some months off for myself before going back to face the real life. I had some money saved already and you know how easy it is to go from one way to another in Europe."
"It is! I wish it were that easy for us."
The girl hummed. "I'm Lisa, by the way." She extended her hand first to Dianna, who took it appreciatively and shook it politely.
"Dianna," She said. What followed was pretty much a simple hand shake but it didn't keep Lea from wondering if the gentle squeeze that girl did was just her imagination playing tricks to her already troubled mind. What she's entirely sure she didn't imagine, though, was the firm shake she received from her after she had coldly introduced herself. She knew it was a challenge, and even though she always enjoyed them, there was no way in her mind that she would have to compete in this case. It was ridiculous just thinking about it, having to fight for Dianna. Still, she squeezed hard, but not hard enough to make the girl cringe. An eyebrow raised, and she knew the message got across clearly.
"How long are you staying in Paris for?" The girl asked Lea.
"We leave tomorrow."
"Oh." She sounded slightly disappointed and Lea vaguely wondered if there was any way to drag Dianna out of this entire conversation and get going on with their day.
"Yeah, I know," Dianna lamented. "Paris is beautiful and these two weeks have definitely been magic." Her gaze turned to Lea and they shared a smile.
"Well, Beach House, if you know who they are, will be giving a small show at this bar called Le Motel close to La Bastille tonight at 8. I mean, you might not know who they are but if you're interested it'll be a cool place to go to."
Lea wasn't sure if she had heard her right. Nor was she sure if her eyes appeared to look normal or almost popped out of her sockets. She couldn't believe what she was saying. This girl, who had only met them 5 minutes ago and who was clearly interested in Dianna was inviting them to a show to, what? Enjoy the band's music? Pfft, she doubted it. Lea didn't even know Beach House, even if, apparently, Dianna did and was clearly excited. This is not going to be ending any time soon. She thought. This whole thing was unsettling to Lea. And the biggest issue was that she couldn't even say no to Dianna the moment she looked expectantly into her eyes. She would be the death of her; that much she was sure of. She only nodded and swallowed her objections. How bad could this go, anyways? She trusted Dianna, and it was just one night. After that they would never see that girl again.
"Great! I can give you the directions, then."
It didn't mean she had to like this.
She hated Beach House.
Scratch that, she didn't hate Beach House, it wasn't their fault that their music genre wasn't what she usually listened to, and it also wasn't that she was here, not because she chose to but because Dianna's eyes were ridiculously enough the only thing that made her nod yes at the request. She knew that if she hadn't wanted to come Dianna would have agreed, but really, she also knew how much her girlfriend liked these kind of gigs where she got to discover new artists and music so really, who was she to deny her anything?
So here she was; surrounded mostly by French people of her age, talking excitedly while Beach House prepared for their next song. She was going through the conversation they had had before arriving. Dianna seemed excited to see the band but as much as she tried Lea couldn't level up to her. She just wasn't thrilled to spend any time close to that girl.
"I'm just a little tired, baby, I promise."
Dianna was worried, but there was only much one could do when the other party refused to share what was on their mind. So she tried, by cheering her up and dancing and goofing around with her in their hotel room while they got ready to leave. It did seem to work for the most part, Lea laughed along and the sparkle that was usually there would reappear. She even took her out to dinner before they went to the bar because it still was their last day in Paris and she wanted to do something nice for her, so she made sure they enjoyed it; and they did.
She knew they had a great time, but once they had stepped into the bar and found Lisa mingling with two other people she felt Lea's mood switch from giggling to the recounting of a joke she had made to quiet and even somber at times.
And then she watched as Lea ordered one, two and three martinis and accompanied the last one with a shot of tequila. She was sneaky, somehow; she would order during the songs from afar, making a gesture to the bartender and Dianna would only notice when she was leaving and coming back with a drink already in hand.
"Just be careful, Lee." She had said once; around the second drink. She knew Lea was aware of her limit and so she decided not to tell her anything more but still keep an eye on her.
But when Lea came back with another shot of tequila and her fourth glass of martini while Dianna was still nursing her second drink she decided to stop her.
She carefully took the drink away from Lea's hand right before she was able to take her first sip. Dianna could see Lisa glancing at them from her peripheral vision but her attention was focused on Lea. Even when they would be talking about each other's trips Dianna would try to involve Lea into the conversation. It worked for a few moments before Lea found herself focused on something else.
She put the glass on the bar table and leaned on the edge of her stool before she grabbed both of Lea's hands with her own. She looked confused but Dianna pulled her closer so that she could be heard over the sound of the band and the chatter of the people around them.
"Lee?" She could sense she was already tipsy but at least she knew she had her attention.
"Yes?"
Lea knew she was tipsy.
She knew she had been notably quiet most of the night and she knew Dianna was worried. She wanted to kick her own ass for that. Dianna didn't deserve that because it wasn't even her fault. It was Lisa's damn fault—and okay, maybe her own, too, for not saying anything in the first place, but no one needed to know that— who had been trying to make conversation with her girlfriend all night wanting to get God knows what out of her, and because Dianna was so nice with really everyone that only led to the both of them having an animated conversation while Lea pretended to listen, smiled politely and then pretended to watch the band playing on stage.
And then she decided to really drink. Because one glass of martini wasn't going to do it and if she was going to have to endure being in the same room as Lisa then she might as well let alcohol run through her blood to numb her mind at least a little.
She knew this was childish. Like those times where she felt like she was forced to share her favorite toy with an obnoxious little girl and decided to rather stay silent until she was allowed to play with her toy by herself.
But she couldn't stand Lisa; her and her stupid British accent.
And perhaps she was imagining the whole thing but really, she couldn't help it. There had been very few people in her life that she had disliked the very first moment she had met them. It was something about their vibe; their energy that she felt unsettled with, and Lisa was definitely one of those people.
She just wanted to leave with Dianna. Leave for Italy, and forget all about this girl.
But she couldn't, because they were still in that bar and she was now trapped there with Dianna finally trying; wanting; demanding, just with her still sweet glowing eyes for her to tell her the reason why she had been such a prick for the majority of the night.
The guilt she felt made her throat close so tight she could barely swallow.
She closed her eyes and leaned in to rest against Dianna's chest. It wasn't until then that she realized how tired she actually was. She felt Dianna wrap her arms around her shoulders and she let herself sink in for a while. Maybe if she dissolved in between her arms she could avoid this whole thing, and yet she would still be able to be a part of Dianna.
Maybe.
Somehow.
She didn't even know what she was thinking anymore.
"Talk to me, love." Dianna knew it wasn't the best place to have a conversation like this, and maybe the fact that Lea seemed a little beyond her alcohol tolerance was adding it to the issue, but it was now or never, she figured.
"I'm tired." Lea mumbled against her covered chest.
She felt her let out a sigh. She pulled away but kept her hands on Dianna's waist. "Can we leave? I just don't feel like staying here any longer."
Her hand went up and rested against Lea's forehead, under her bangs. No fever. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yes, baby, I just feel like a headache is coming, and we have to be up early tomorrow, and my feet hurt, and… yeah…"
Dianna knew something else was going on, but she still nestled Lea's head with her hands. Maybe by the time they got to the hotel they would be able to talk about what was truly bothering Lea.
She kissed her lips. "Let me just go to the bathroom really quickly and then we can take a cab back to the hotel, sounds good?"
Lea nodded and kissed her back. She licked her lips at the same time that Dianna smiled down at her. A moment later and she was gone.
Having to deal with Lisa was something she hadn't contemplated before. The second Dianna had begun to make her way towards the bathroom she had seen Lisa walk to where she was left standing. She rolled her eyes; either internally or actually externally was something she wasn't capable of distinguishing. She hadn't really talked to her directly all night, she believed. She had avoided it. But now she had nowhere to go and so she stood straighter and waited for her to approach her.
"Where did Dianna go?"
Why did she care, damn it. She decided not to look at her yet. "She went to the bathroom. We're leaving after she comes back, though."
Lisa hummed and stepped closer so that she didn't have to raise her voice more than necessary. "You guys didn't have fun?"
NO.
"She did."
"Why didn't you?"
Lea turned to look at her completely and held her gaze. The alcohol in her blood made her feel bolder; she could feel it. "Because I'm not a fan of Beach House; in fact I had never heard of them. And because I don't exactly enjoy your company."
There, she said it.
Lisa laughed in response. Laughed. Whoever gave her the permission to do so?
"Why? Do you think I'll easily swipe Dianna off her feet and convince her of leaving you?"
Okay, she wasn't expecting such a blunt response. Lea's blood boiled but her voice remained stoic. She took a step closer. Lisa was a few inches taller than her, but she could have been three feet taller and she still wouldn't have cared less in that moment.
"Isn't it why you talked to us in the first place? Why you invited us to come, because you wanted to try and win Dianna over?"
"I'm just having some fun, you see. But really, Dianna leaving you will not be up to me." A smirk appeared on her face and she leaned in a little closer. "You think I don't know who you are? You're both celebrities. Once you go back to your dreamed life you will have to face the truth. You won't be together. You can't. Don't you see? Paparazzi everywhere; the press making comments; society invading your privacy. You won't be able to take it. Because it will be you or her work, and she will then realize that it is not worth it to lose what she had been wanting all her life for a girl who she had mistaken for the love of her life."
Lea couldn't believe what she was hearing. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't swallow, but she also couldn't stop herself from listening to the words that were coming out of her mouth. Those had been her fears, her insecurities; and this woman, who didn't know either of them at all, pretended to know that she did and dared to throw back in her face what she was most afraid of.
Lisa took a casual, cynical, sip from her glass and continued, "So you see, Lea. I'm not as mean as to make you believe I will go to the press and let everyone know about your… fling. I invited Dianna to come because she is hot, and you tagged along, but I also know it's almost impossible for me to ever have something with her. She's too far away and I don't do distance. I just wanted—."
She snapped. "How dare you say something like that to me? How dare you believe that you know anything about us!? Whatever it is that you see through the public eye is just a glance of what our lives actually are." Her voice had raised and she was vaguely aware that some people were watching them.
She didn't care. Even if Dianna appeared right in that moment, she wasn't going to stop.
"You don't have the fucking right to walk in and tell me anything about our relationship. You don't know us. You don't. And whatever it is that you believe will happen between Dianna and I is beyond your fucking knowledge, because I can guarantee you now that I will make sure I don't lose her."
"I feel sorry for you, Lisa. Because now I know that you will never have anything remotely similar to what Dianna and I have." She wanted to say so many things at the same time that she couldn't say anything at all. She also knew that if she didn't leave soon she would end up slapping her. So she shook her head at her and took a step away, for measure.
Lisa's only change in her expression had been a raised eyebrow, although the smirk had been wiped off her mouth.
"Fuck you, Lisa. I'm done here."
She turned around and walked away. She knew Dianna would find her if she only stepped outside the bar. She was shaking with fury and she could feel her eyes sting with unshed tears. Her chest constricted and she had to take deep long breaths in to calm herself down.
The cool summer air hit her with force and she doubled over at the sudden urge to gasp for air; a cooler, not so poisonous air.
"Lea!"
Dianna joined her seconds later with her jacket in hand. She had forgotten she had even been wearing one.
"What happened? Why did you storm out like that? Did Lisa say something to you? Baby, why are you crying, you're scaring me."
Lea ignored the rest of the questions and focused solely on one. She turned to her.
"Yes she did! And you know what she said?" She took two steps forward and faced her completely. They were inches apart. "She said what I've been so afraid of, Dianna. What I have been terrified of."
"Lea, what are you—"
"She said you would leave me. Because once we got to L.A. you would be forced to choose between your career and me, and really, we all know what will have to be, right?" She didn't know where this was all coming from, but she also didn't know how to stop herself. The words came out before she even had the time to process. "You will choose your career, Dianna, because we both know that it's what you've always wanted and you wouldn't want to throw it away just for this," She motioned between them with her hand. "I know what's more important to you and you don't have to say it, it's okay, we can just enjoy what we have right now and…"
She stopped.
She stopped because Dianna was looking at her in a way that she couldn't remember ever been directed at her.
She had hurt her. She could see it in her eyes, the way they shone with unshed tears in such an aching beautiful way. She could see it in the way Dianna's head shook slightly, not being able to—not wanting to —believe what she had just said.
Hell, even Lea couldn't believe what she had just said.
Lea stood there with her mouth agape with nothing else to say. Dianna frowned and looked at her.
"I don't know what hurts me more." She whispered. "The fact that you would ever believe that or the fact that you decided to keep it to yourself even when I have proved to you time and again that you could trust me with anything."
She shook her head and looked away for a second before continuing, "This involved me, Lea, and the fact that it seems as if you have made such decision for me already is ridiculous. I guess it's my own fault for ever trusting Lisa, but this hadn't been the first time you had thought about it." A tear rolled down her cheek but she made no effort to wipe it. It took everything in Lea not to do it. "This morning you were thinking about it and you decided not to tell me. You know I would have tried my best to comfort you then, but if it makes you feel any better now I will still say that us going back to L.A. will change nothing between us. It won't change the love I feel for you, nor it will be some kind of decision, because, Lea, me loving you is something I can't stop myself from doing."
She smiled bitterly and wiped her tears away. "Not that it helps anyways. I can't change what you feel."
Lea closed her eyes. The air felt cold against her now wet cheeks. "I am so sorry," She whispered. She had no idea what else to say. She was just tired, her mind felt numb and her heart felt so heavy that it physically hurt.
Dianna kissed her forehead. "It's okay," She whispered weakly, "I'm sorry too."
She separated herself from Lea and called a cab to get them back to the hotel.
They would fix it tomorrow, she thought. Today she had nothing left to say.
The ride back to the hotel was silent and they didn't share a word until they got to their room and settled an alarm for the next day.
The flight to Italy wasn't any better. But the sun still shone brightly and it was a new day.
They would fix it, Dianna thought again. They would.