A/N: What previously had seemed to be the last chapter has turned into several, so rest assured that this isn't the last one. I'll try to update the coming chapters soon so you won't have to wait all too long. :) Enjoy!
Chapter eighteen) Feast
There was of course talk about what exactly had caused Loki to gain his magic back again, but it all came down to the fact that Loki had used his mortality. He had selflessly risked himself for another, not to regain his powers, but just to save Tony. The act of sacrifice was just and so, Thor, King of Asgard, had redeemed Loki's powers, making him a God of Asgard once more.
However thankful Loki was for having been given the options to save the Avengers, mostly Tony though, meeting with Thor was certainly something he wasn't looking forward to, nor had he actually taken into account that this were to happen when he redeemed his status. He knew of the decision that would be laid before him by Thor – What would happen now? - but was fighting with the proper response to the offer. He could not show weakness like that, could he? To tell of Tony and his relationship was simply to ask for problems. On the other hand there was the fact that Loki was far too passionate to grant anyone the opportunity not to take their relationship seriously. That included that Thor would simply have to accept that he'd found love. Loki was of no true importance to Asgard and would probably not be thought highly of at any rate, so there was no point in his return.
"Loki," Thor spoke, in that knowing tone, a smile breaking onto his face. Loki looked him over, before his eyes turned to stare at the ground and a small smile in reply forced on his lips too. He would allow Thor that much of an insight into his emotions. "I'm proud of you, my brother." At that the smile fell, but he did not snap in reply, or react aggressively like he would previously have done. He simply returned the gaze, acknowledging Thor's words, though not fully accepting them. Exactly like one would expect the God of Mischief to respond.
"I know what you are going to offer me, Thor," Loki spoke, quite diplomatically, as his voice remained calm. Not the faked calm, the true calm.
"Before you answer me," Thor spoke, interrupting whatever Loki was going to say. "First, however, I think we should feast."
"Feast?" Loki asked, eyes raising somewhat. The other Avengers were gathering and he figured that as much as he feared for the awkwardness that a feast would bring along, he couldn't deny that it was probably a good idea. He would simply have to play his part well. Social occurrences such as these had never had his preference, but they were the perfect opportunity to seal friendships. He knew he still had a long way to go with some of the Avengers, after all...
He hadn't been told that the feast would be at the Tower, which he had learnt to call 'home', which was strange, for he never found himself being able to call anything home and thus, the feast was more comfortable. He knew all of the Avengers would stay all night, for they had their own rooms, but he didn't mind, as Loki was the only one who had a room on the same floor as Tony, not that they would be using that tonight...
All of them were dressed neatly, even Tony, despite how it was his own house, had suited up (in the non-superhero sense of the word) and to Loki's opinion looked fantastic. Thor had lost the cape and wore garments fancier than the ones he usually did, neater, too. The clothing was obviously Asgardian. Both Barton, Banner and Rogers wore a suit and Romanov appeared at Clint's arm in quite a beautiful looking dress. And for Loki? He just rid himself of his armour.
The problem, however, was not that Loki was afraid he'd have nothing to say, but that he wasn't given the chance to say anything. He felt an outsider per default and especially amongst the group of people that had forced him to step down not too long ago. It was bound to get awkward at some point... yet Loki tried to stay hopeful and tried to imagine this working out, but he had the awful sense there was no way.
For the moment Tony and he were alone in the room Loki had claimed his, but it would only be a matter of minutes before they'd need to leave and join the rest.
"It'll be fine," Tony reassured, but Loki would have none of it.
"You do realize that they probably all still hate me more than they like me, right?" Loki said, wondering if Tony had actually thought this through at all.
"I'll get the drinks out and they'll forget their worries in no time," Tony said.
"Half of them don't even get drunk, Tony," Loki replied, with a sneer and Tony had been about to give him a stern look, when a smile accidentally broke free. "What?"
"You called me Tony."
"Well yes, that's your name." But Loki knew just as well as Tony what it implied that he'd called the Engineer by his actual name. It meant that they were, at least to Loki's subconscious mind, equal. It meant that Loki trusted him enough and that Tony allowed that. "Can't I just stay here?"
"You're acting like a child, now, come on." A kiss and a tug on his arm and they were out, Loki only silently protesting, but containing himself once they were in view of the others. Clearly a tantrum was not what he wanted to be caught throwing. No, he needed to come across decently, possibly even witty, but most of all he simply wished to earn some of their liking. Respect would follow, possibly, but that wasn't what it was about. That was merely a distant dream, despite the fact he still felt above every one of them, in some kind of way. Loki knew perfectly well he'd blow the opportunity before he would get to respect, but for now he could dream about it. He could dream about being with Tony forever, even when he knew it wouldn't last. Nothing ever lasted, after all. These clearly weren't the thoughts he should be having right now, though.
As Tony stepped closer to Banner to ask him a few things Loki was left to stand awkwardly at a distance of the group. It was therefore only logical that Thor would step towards him, having noted his little brother's insecurity. Even after having spent so much time apart, living entirely different lives, Loki couldn't deny that Thor was best at reading him, when he wasn't trying too hard to hide it.
"This isn't awkward at all, why would you think so?" Loki muttered once Thor was close enough for him to whisper so he wouldn't be heard by the others. Thor chuckled at that.
"I can imagine you must be feeling out of place, but then again, you have always been brilliant at that part, haven't you?"
"If you are seeking to pick a fight, I suggest you wait with it until we find ourselves alone and you won't embarrass yourself in front of... your friends."
"In other words;" Thor replied, "you do not wish for me to embarrass you in front of those you wish would accept you as one of them."
Loki looked up at Thor in a way that told him that Thor couldn't know anything about this, but that only implied to Thor that his words had been correct. Everyone was already involved in conversation, though Rogers, which he should start thinking of as Steve, was alone, looking around the place in an amused manner, despite how he must have been here several times. It seemed that both he and Thor could never get used to the otherworldliness of the Stark Tower.
Thor soon guided his little brother towards the currently lonesome Captain and the two of them sat down near to him, Loki sitting the furthest away, as he would. "How are you enjoying yourself on Midgard?" Thor asked Rogers, who smiled a little in return. "The change must still be strange to you."
"I'm getting used to it, at least, I'm being forced to," Rogers replied, smiling at Thor. It was logical that Thor felt a connection to Rogers and Loki could relate to it. For years on end he'd put himself above anyone, so much he would never even consider relating to anyone. How could he now just change that? One thing at a time, Tony being the first. "I'm starting to understand the inside jokes, slowly."
Thor let out a soft laugh. "I have a lot of things to catch up on. A lot of the humour these days seems to originate from either the television or the internet," Thor spoke and Loki found it mildly entertaining to hear Thor speak of things like that, though was still way too nervous to say anything.
"I think it's a matter of building up some sort of knowledge of movies and shows, but there are so many that I'm not sure where to start," Rogers replied. Thor nodded to that, clearly knowing the feeling and Loki had to admit, he knew it too. The only difference was that he didn't actually care to understand Midgardian humour. He was perfectly okay and satisfied with his own sense of humour. He would certainly ensure that Tony would come eye to eye with it often. He wouldn't be the God of Mischief if he would keep it all to himself, after all.
"What are you thinking about?" Thor asked him suddenly and he looked up, realizing his thoughts had trailed off. He looked up into Thor's eyes, who clearly knew he'd been contemplating things he shouldn't be. He was getting really bad at casually hiding things from Thor while simultaneously wanting to be liked by everyone. He could be the icy being he'd always been.
"I was merely contemplating my next move," Loki replied, lightheartedly. He let his eyes flick to Rogers, who didn't seem to like the sound of his words, which caused him to snigger softly, which probably didn't help the distrust he needed to overcome.
"You better have some dignity, brother," Thor spoke. "It is unwise to put to the test these bounds, when you have not yet sealed them properly."
"It is not your place to worry," Loki replied. "Have I not shown where my alliance lies?"
"You have," Thor spoke, probably sensing the tenseness that would soon possibly corrupt them, which meant they would be wise to cease their bickering, before it would get out of hand. "Yet, I do not trust your minor tricks, especially not with magic at your disposal."
"Ah, but you like them!" Loki said, realizing that now he had his magic back he had the entire world of trickery at his command once more. He could truly do anything he wished, within reason of course... boring. That was certainly a good thing and a brilliant thought. "You would not possibly deny me of what is in my nature, would you? That would be denying me, Thor. And it is my trickery that saved us, prior, so you should concede."
"I will not allow it," Thor replied. "But that does not mean I will not find it... amusing." At that Loki laughed, though he realized that Rogers had been listening in and didn't seem as pleased with the outcome as the two brothers were.
"I actually think Loki should be made to use his magic for important causes only," the Captain spoke. "He should not use it for personal gain, when it is clear he has bad ideas on his mind."
"Trust me," Thor replied, "even without his magic he is the best trickster all of the nine realms have ever known."
Loki, of course, took that as a compliment. He and Thor shared a look that made him think a lot of when the two were younger and they still played pranks together. If only Thor hadn't shadowed him, their relationship could have remained somewhat similar.
The conversations in the room all went on when Barton looked up and turned to Tony: "What's the idea for food?"
The short notice of the 'feast' had left them with a lack of idea for food, though that didn't seem to bother Tony so much. "I'll go and get some food now. I'll need Loki to carry it all back, though. That's what you get when you're the noob." Loki obviously didn't get the reference, but took it with annoyance anyway. However, any reason to get away from here was a good one. "How big is everybody's appetite?"
The most replied with something along the lines of 'big', including Thor, which meant that Tony was going to have to get buckets and buckets of whatever he was going to get. Loki got up and left with Tony, the words 'thank you' lying on his tongue, but he didn't speak them. More to tease Tony now than that he was actually ashamed of saying it.
"What do you fancy?" Tony asked, looking at Loki. "I was thinking of getting shoarma, for tradition's sake," he said and Loki frowned, not so sure what they he was talking about. "After we brought you down, got shoarma," he said nodding and Loki looked quite offended. "Perhaps including you in the eating of shoarma would make quite a statement."
"What about Bruce?" Loki then asked, realising that shoarma wasn't vegetarian and somewhere over the past weeks, he'd picked up the knowledge that Banner didn't eat meat. Tony then stopped and looked at him, nodding.
"You're starting to think of others already, good," he smiled. They had taken the elevator and now were on their way to the garage; a part of the building Loki had not yet seen. "Now, Loki, welcome to my girls," he spoke, switching the light on that lit up the entire garage, showing a vast amount of card. He grinned and led Loki over his silver Audi A7.
Upstairs, just after Tony and Loki had gone they had fallen silent and they all seemed to be thinking of exactly the same things. "So, Tony and Loki?" Natasha then proposed, looking around everyone. They nodded a little, frowned, then nodded more. "Do you think...?"
Again a silence fell and they all looked at each other. "No... right?" Clint spoke, but his voice sounded in no way convinced.
"Maybe they just found a really good friend in each other," Bruce spoke, who certainly knew more on the matter, though knew that both Tony and Loki wouldn't appreciate everyone finding out. It would be a matter of time only until they would. On the other side, leading them to the truth might help them out a bit.
"But this is Loki we speak of," Thor started, "Loki doesn't make friends."
"Nobody said that it was easy," Natasha told him, raising her eyebrows. "It sounds strange to me, but it looks like nothing else. Loki sacrificed himself to save Tony," she said, frowning a little.
"It could have been a trick for Loki to get his magic back," Rogers then spoke, clearly not buying the fact that Loki indeed was on their side entirely.
"Redemption of magic cannot be a selfish act," Thor explained.
"Tony didn't like him staying at SHIELD," Natasha stated.
"The way SHIELD treats people is sickening," Bruce replied. "And like I said, I believe they found a friend in each other."
Little did they know that Tony had Loki sprawled on his back over his Audi down in the garage, rubbing his hands over Loki's torso below his clothes, kissing him firmly. All Loki did was grasp Tony back and wrap his arms around his hips to bring him closer. He already longed for the feeling of having him inside, so close to him. He truly couldn't wait until they were alone again that night and he could show Tony, with his magic, who truly was boss.
"Still, the way Tony behaves around him is strange," Natasha spoke, looking sideways at Clint. "He's like a puppy, running after Loki everywhere."
"Loki does possess the charms of an Asgardian God, of course," Thor spoke, to which Natasha raised her eyebrows
"And the danger of a criminal..."
"Maybe Tony finds that exciting," Clint joked. Steve was wisely keeping himself out of the conversation, for he truly didn't find it important, nor near to entertaining. There wasn't much that he found entertaining, after all. "Just hope he doesn't get all smoochy with him."
"I think they just get along quite well," Bruce spoke, stepping down from the counter to sit down in the living room with them. "Anyway, Tony is very picky with his friends."
"Yes, that's what worries me," Clint replied. They all knew Clint didn't like Loki in the slightest. In fact; he hated Loki a lot.
"You should grant him a chance," Thor spoke, looking at Clint.
"I feel little for that," Clint replied, quite bitterly, though also far from interested. He simply didn't want to discuss this any further. It even seemed like he thought less of Tony because of him spending time with Loki the way he did. Of course, that was very childish, but out of all of them, Clint had all the right to be angry with Loki for what he'd done.
"I didn't know Tony had a liking for men, though," Steve then spoke, that being a pretty logical thing to say, for none of them actually did.
"Just because they've lived together, doesn't mean they're suddenly...," Clint made a gesture with his hands to imply involvement, the look on his face even showing that he was slightly disgusted. "I really don't want to thi-"
"Maybe when Pepper left him he changed his mind," Natasha spoke, turning towards Clint, slapping him lightly across the arm. Natasha wasn't keen on Loki in the slightest, but she trusted Tony enough to have good judgement, this time.
"I don't think you just change your mind like that," Bruce laughed softly, shaking his head as this conversation really was silly. It was none of their business.
"Where my brother finds love is none of my, nor our, area to comment on. We should be happy for him that he has found one who accepts him the way he is," Thor then spoke, to which they all went silent. He had quite the point there.
"I wonder what Stark is getting. There are many foods of Midgard I have not yet tried. I'd like to try them all, of course!" Thor smiled with an enthusiasm only he could show.
"It's taking them quite a while. It's either busy, or it's fancy... I think we should go for busy," Natasha spoke. Tony only went to lengths of arranging something fancy if it was entirely necessary.
Soon they were back at the Tower, still quite heated from their kiss down in the garage, but Loki felt little for having to go back up there. Things would just get more and more awkward, now they'd all had time to talk about him while he was off.
"You worry too much," Tony said as they were getting out of the car. And it was probably true. Still, he had the right to worry, had he not? He might have redeemed his powers and he might not be restricted from lying, which meant he could basically manipulate anyone into thinking anything. At the same time that meant he needed to be incredibly careful not to destroy what little trust people had in him. He knew he shouldn't care about such things, but it certainly meant being somewhat at peace with Tony and that was definitely worth it.
"They all hate me, really," Loki said as they were on their way to the elevator. "At the very least they dislike me."
"It'll change," Tony replied. "I hated you too, remember."
"Yes, but you are deluded. Not that I'm complaining, but you are," Loki stated. They stepped in the elevator and it would only be another minute before they would be back where the rest was waiting for the food. Hopefully for the coming few minutes they'd be too busy eating to devote any of their time to Loki, who'd just try to stay out of as much conversations as he could.
"Just keep your snappy remarks to yourself and you'll do fine," Tony said.
"That basically means I won't be speaking all night."
"Well, if that's what it takes," Tony replied with a shrug. He shot Loki a bemused smirk, before the doors opened and they stepped into the room. All eyes were on them immediately and it was awfully quiet. Loki rolled his eyes, though didn't make any remark as he felt it would probably be very inappropriate to do so after the conclusion Tony had just made. Instead, Tony made the remark for him: "I see you've all had a wonderful time talking about me." Loki was glad he hadn't said 'us', as that would have certainly been awkward.
"Well, you always have been an interesting topic of discussion," Bruce replied, clearly trying to wave it all away and start anew with a conversation that wouldn't lead to Tony and Loki's sex life. Yes, it wasn't difficult to tell that that was where they conversation had revolved around. Thor's relieved expression at their return, for instance, was quite the cue.
They put the bags down on the table and immediately everyone was tearing them open, obviously hungry. Loki, who had been carrying the bag that contained most of Bruce's food put it down in front of him, though didn't speak a word. Just because he was being friendly didn't mean he was friendly or so much as liked these people, after all. No, it just meant that he didn't care for being unfriendly for the moment. That was exactly how it worked.
"Shoarma, really?" Clint asked, though he seemed quite amused by the given. He even shot Loki a somewhat belittling look, despite knowing better than that. Loki looked straight back at him, not in the slightest intimidated. Oh, there were so many things he wanted to say, but he kept quiet.
"I mean, you did tell him, right?" Romanov continued, somewhat doubtfully whether it was a good idea at all to mention the whole eating-shoarma-while-just-having-captured-Loki thing.
"Sure," Tony replied. "Would be mean if I hadn't."
"Right..." Romanov replied, though she didn't seem too sure about the matter. Loki, in fact, didn't care at all. Tony was quite glad to see that, as it made things quite a bit easier. On the other hand, it wasn't half as much fun. "And how exactly did you tell him?"
"Of course I didn't quite mention the many jokes we made about him being in the back of that truck, out by the overdose of anaesthetics. And the imprint he'd left in my floor. And, well, how he'd been a bit stupid and slacky to begin with."
Loki's eyes were burning as he turned to look at Tony, who figured he'd gone far enough. He patted Loki on the shoulder, before stepping towards the kitchen to get out the first few bottles of alcohol. A moment later the receiver of Loki's fierce gaze was Thor.
"I bet you were enjoying yourself," Loki sneered angrily, voice not much louder than a whisper. Thor, who'd been about to stuff his face, looked up.
"I did not pay attention to most of their chattering," he replied. "I was too busy consuming the delicious food. You should try it, brother." But surely Thor knew Loki didn't like eating with strangers close.
"Thor, if I recall correctly," Clint spoke then, not taking Natasha's warning seriously. "You made quite a few good jokes yourself." He received another good shove from Natasha, but enough had been said and Loki was clearly furious.
"Perhaps a few, but none were meant seriously," Thor spoke, looking up at his brother while chewing his food. "Sit, brother, please, you must eat this food."
"Or don't you dare?" Clint laughed and got a shove in his ribs by Natasha. Loki then turned away and went for the door. "Can't handle a little-"
"Clint!" Tony shouted, his hand slamming down on the table. "Shut up will you! And Loki, don't you dare walk out of this room," he spoke, pointing his finger at Loki. "We're not kids anymore, so Barton, stop acting like one. Don't you understand that this may be very hard for Loki?" Loki rolled his eyes, not wanting anyone to know that he may find this hard. "To all of us, Loki may still seem 'evil', but Clint, he saved you and the same goes for Bruce," he said. "If it weren't for Loki, I may be dead. I forgave him for what he did, why can't you?" Tony asked, his eyes specifically on Clint.
"Maybe because you fell in love with him and we didn't," Clint sneered, his voice sounding fierce, aggressive. Tony's eyes narrowed and he turned towards Barton. "Don't pretend like it's not true, Stark. You fell for that loser and now you want us to do the same."
"If you don't stop right now, Clint, the party goes on without you," Tony said and from out of the corner of his eye he could see how much difficulty Loki had with having to contain himself.
"Tonight is about bonding," Bruce spoke. "Nobody expected it to go well from the start, but we're expected to behave reasonably," he spoke, defending both Clint and Tony, and thus Loki too.
"I believe it is still my choice whether or not I bond with someone," Clint spoke, giving Bruce a look that clearly stated he wasn't amused. Loki hadn't moved away from standing close to the door, though at least hadn't made another move towards leaving, probably knowing Tony would get sufficiently angry if he did.
"Of course," Tony replied, annoyedly, "but at the very least you can shut your mouth about what you think of him, so we have the freedom to form our own opinions." What was this even about? Hadn't they all agreed to give this a try from the moment they'd arrived here? Tony understood that Clint would have his grudges towards the God, but that didn't mean he needed to act like an asshole, when the God was the reason he was here in the first place.
"Don't tell me he actually cares what I think of him," Clint said, talking about it as if Loki wasn't even there in the room with them. "He doesn't care about anything. You know, he'll only end up hurting you."
"That's a blunt assumption to make," Loki spoke up suddenly, voice sneering and tones sharp and intimidating. His words followed by a silence and Loki took the opportunity to slowly step back towards the table, eyes never leaving Clint's, who stood up from the table in a second. "As I recall it, Barton," Loki started, voice calm and certainly thrilling, "it was you who explained to me your story and the makings of your mind, not the other way round. You might wish you have come to understand me in that little time we shared, but this is not so. I would've been a fool to entrust information to one I knew could end up running back to his friends."
"Don't speak to me as if you know everything!" Clint spoke. "Whoever you've spoken to, it was not me."
"No, I agree to that," Loki spoke and a moment later he was smirking. "But they certainly had your past and your stories. Your heart, your feelings."
"Loki-" Tony started, though Clint interrupted him.
"You are sick and so very unworthy of our friendship. You should be glad you have Tony and enjoy every second of it, because you will ruin it. You will make a stupid mistake and lose him. That's what your kind does, right? You get arrogant and sloppy and you think the world is yours."
"How dare you make assumptions about me?" Loki sneered, his eyes narrowing. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I am here for all of you. I don't want to be here, I don't want to have to prove myself worthy, for I don't care what you all think. But apparently it is important, so I've made an effort to come here and provoke as little havoc as possible. All you do it try to make me look bad," he sneered. "But it's easy for you, because you're already safe in this game. You are an Avenger, you have your life laid out for you."
"Don't make me feel sorry for you," Clint replied. Tony was looking at the both of them, his eyes turning to Thor, then to Bruce. He let out a soft sigh, rubbing at his temples, not so sure what to do.
"Shut it!" Steve suddenly shouted, slamming his hand down on the table as he spoke. "Clint; sit. Loki; you too. No more shouting, you sound like bickering teenagers. Stop it," he spoke and, being the Captain Steve was, everyone listened to him and Steve stayed upright. "We all have our differences, our problems with each other. I don't like Loki, or trust him for that matter, but that does not give me any right to treat him in a disrespectful manner. Clint, you are a reasonable man; act like one. And now to all of us; just eat," he said, sitting back down. Silence fell and slowly everyone was eating again, well, again counted for all except for Thor, who'd never stopped eating. "Thank you," Steve spoke when everyone was finally silent. He saw how Tony turned towards Loki.
"If you don't want to eat, we can save it for later," Tony spoke softly, his hand moving to Loki's forearm, squeezing it softly. Now Clint had already made the assumption that Tony indeed was in love, there was little point in hiding it.
Loki tried not to be affected by it and hoped that no one had actually understood what Tony had said. It was a relief though, knowing that Tony didn't expect him to eat with these people here. Sitting at their table already was sufficiently awkward enough to provide him with for a lifetime.
Everyone had started to drink, but few of them were notably affected by it. Tony, who drank most of all, was soon happily talking away with Bruce, which meant that Loki truly had no distraction. If only he could have Tony to speak to, he might not come across so weirdly. Not that he truly cared. He just wanted this to be over with.
"Brother!" Thor spoke up joyfully from across the table and Loki's eyes shot up to meet his, annoyance clear in them, yet this was easily ignored by Thor, who didn't seem to be bothered by it at all, let alone change what he was going to say because of it.
"Do you remember the Battle with the seven-legged monsters in the realm of Vannaheim?" Thor asked. "The way they kept coming and coming, but we, as proud Asgardians, fought them all one by one!" Thor cheered, his drink slopping over the edge of his cup, for he had demanded a cup and didn't want a glass like Tony had given all the rest of them.
Preferably Loki had already left this 'feast' before Thor tried to string some weird conversation about their past into this for the sake of telling the others more about them, which Loki certainly didn't want. It was now, however, way too late.
"I wasn't there," Loki spoke, his eyes glued on Thor's. Thor already had had his mouth open to continue his story, but he shut it now as Loki spoke.
"Don't be silly, all descendants, relatives and friends of the Allfather were present! All the strongest warriors!"
"I wasn't there," Loki spoke again, his voice firmer this time. Thor just frowned, then turned back to Steve and continued his story:
"We wiped out the entire race!" Thor spoke, "all the residents of Vannaheim were saved, all because of the Gods of Asgard! It was so very glorious! You should have seen the feast we had afterwards."
Loki just sighed, looking down. Ah, again his presence didn't matter. He didn't matter, for Thor didn't even know whether he had been there or not. This again proved that he truly was worthless and he took this moment to disappear to the bathroom, for he didn't want to be faced with all these people who he didn't matter to, who didn't matter to him.
He stared at his reflection for a while but found that he knew himself even less than before he'd retrieved his magic once more. Perhaps it would have been easier if he had died. No, no, he'd had to save Tony and he had done. Yet, now that they were here and Loki felt so very distant from whatever it was that motivated them to do their good, he figured it might be a good idea to reconsider.
This magic, it would help him in taking back all that had been taken from him, but it would not help him to get back what he truly wanted to have. He wanted Thor to recall memories which they truly had spent together. He wanted Thor to speak of them just because of that reason, because it made him think back of good times. Times that weren't glorious or special or grand at all, but simply good, because they had been together and had enjoyed each other's presence. Loki knew that it wasn't Thor's fault that he never spoke of these things, as it was Loki that had ruined the memories for him. It was Loki who had changed for the worse.
And now he was back here again, his magic restored and just as ready as ever to use it for all the right things, with all the good intentions he had on his mind. Yet, there was no way he was going to succeed. So, the only reason he'd redeemed his powers was to have them be stripped away again or to die having fallen once more.
He was immortal again, which meant he could not even decide over his own life like he had done all this time. He could not be with Tony as equals, for they were no longer equals. Fear struck him fair and square and he could feel the remains of the wound he'd caused, although no longer visible, in his chest. It stung with regret, regret that he'd done it in the first place and then regret that it hadn't worked out, that he hadn't seen this through to the end.
He stepped back from the reflection, listening to the voices outside. Voices that reminded him so much of when he was younger and still welcome in Asgard. But that was the funny thing, wasn't it? He'd never been a part of anything. Just like he'd always been back then, he was an outsider now and he did not even dare step back through that door and face them once more. They knew he didn't fit in and they tried nothing to change it. Why would they? They were perfectly okay without his company there. In fact, it was probably a relief to not have him around.
They were childish thoughts, a lot of these, but they were the truth. Some things were fundamental and it didn't matter how many days you'd lived, how much experience you had dug up, it was always the same: people liked to be amongst similar minds.
But there was one thing now that was not the same as it had been back then and that was that he had found true love in one of the people he'd first seemed to hate. He felt regret in having said yes and not having continued to deny Tony what he wanted, but he couldn't. He had been selfish to take Tony and let him show Loki that there was love for him. He was always selfish and like Barton had said, he would break it, as nothing he ever held dear remained in one piece.
"Loki?" Thor's voice sounded at the other side of the door. Loki sighed softly, disappointed that it wasn't Tony that had come for him. "Loki, are you alright in there?"
"I don't want to talk," Loki replied with a sigh.
"You don't have to talk," Thor spoke, to which Loki let out a sigh.
"It's a feast, of course we have to talk," Loki replied and as Thor knocked again, Loki opened the door and let him inside. He didn't like how he'd done that, but Thor seemed to be in a reasonable mood.
"I heard a lot from Heimdall, what you have done and what you have been going through... and I want to say that I am proud of you," Thor said, his large hands clasping onto Loki's shoulders. "Not necessarily because you have redeemed your powers, even though I am proud of you because of that too, but because I know that you have found something you never have before," Thor spoke. "And you have opened yourself to it."
"And what's that?" Loki asked, though knew what he was going to say.
"You have found love where you believed there was only hate and misery. You have seen the light somewhere you thought there was none. You have done well and been well," Thor spoke, "apart from some slips..." Thor's eyes moved down to Loki's chest, then up to his eyes again. "I do not forgive you for trying to harm yourself, for I care for you a lot, my dear brother," Thor smiled. "But I do want to say that I am proud that you have found yourself a companion."
"I wouldn't exactly call him that," Loki muttered softly, still annoyed with the fact that Tony hadn't come for him, but also annoyed by the fact that Thor had been spying on him. Well, it couldn't have been any different, could it?
"He is a good man," Thor added, patting his brother on the shoulder. "Now, come through, please, we all have something for you."