A/N: A special thanks to Bebus for helping me edit this chapter! Hopefully this will give you all some resolution to last chapter's cliffhanger. As always, your reviews, PMs, follows and favorites are so appreciated and help to motivate me to continue on. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 11: Lost and Found
In order to ready herself for her brood, Neresa headed to the deepest ravine at the bottom of the planet. It was a place where there was only absolute silence and darkness. Unlike the rest of the sea that teamed with various forms of simple aquatic life, the ravine was only able to support very primordial crustaceans and kelp-like plants that Neresa would use as food. The oceanic pressure of the ravine would have been bone crushing to lesser creatures, but Neresa found it comforting and her carapace had been forged to handle the extreme conditions of space and the depths of the sea. Her brood would be the future of the species and it was the primary force that drove her now. She closed herself off completely from the others, the males of her species and their desires for war and domination. Her goal was to make the legacy of Leviathan. She started to shut her body down and to fade into the depths and the sanctuary of her new home. She was determined to not allow another crop to die.
It is my time now. It is time for silence and reflection, time to grow the future and to leave the past. To imprint my will and my thoughts on those that will be the next generation of Leviathan. I must focus on those that are not yet born, for it is my destiny to fill the voice of Leviathan. They will dictate our fate and provide our future and they will be of my mind and my power…
With her mind completely closed off from the others, she started to hear her own voice again. It had been eons since her thoughts alone occupied her mind. It was almost lonely, until her memories started creeping back in to remind her of what she had once been in the time before the Reapers and Krixo. She had needed Krixo and Lesaro during the eons of dormancy, to keep her hidden and fill her mind, to join them in the oneness of Leviathan and carry her into the future. But now, the Reapers were gone and so were the thoughts of the others. Her life had not always been so single minded or isolated, but dwelling on that time had not been an avenue open to her with Krixo and Lesaro always part of her consciousness.
For so long, all I have known is the will of Krixo and Lesaro – dominance and war, but there is more in me than just the desire to control and destroy. I can almost hear it, there used to be more. There was once a rhythm and a soul to the world. I have lost this, I have lost so much… I will not lose myself or condemn my brood to the demands of Krixo. They will know my strength and my song… they will be more and they will take their rightful place in the galaxy…
Mating with Krixo was a duty born out of her own fundamental drive to reproduce. There was no love, only necessity and the overwhelming desire to fulfill her niche in the evolution of Leviathan. Neresa allowed herself to think back to the time when there was more than just the compulsion to breed, to the time when there was love and companionship. That time was so long ago that it had almost been forgotten; the Reapers had brought so much more than destruction. They had also destroyed her dreams and her ability to choose her fate.
Who is Neresa? I am the mother of Leviathan, the bearer of the future… had I been more? Leviathan had once been more than war and destruction… I can almost remember, almost feel it. There had been more than controlling others thoughts, there was once sharing of ideas and beauty… yes, beauty. There was once harmony and learning. I remember… I once belonged to a clan of others, we were caretakers of our worlds and their leaders chose to open themselves to us freely. We were to forge a new fate and provide a new destiny. Then the Reapers came and destroyed all that we had worked for and created. They drove us into extinction and the others into warlike drones, to become what is now known as rachni. We once thrived together and I was to usher in a new harmony for our two species, to be the mother of something new and beautiful…
In the time before the harvest, Neresa had been young and her mother had imprinted her own free spirit on her daughter. Her clan was not the most powerful and they had chosen to be the caretakers of the species that were under them. The minds of the others had been colorful and filled with song and a spirit that was welcoming to the Leviathan. In her youth, Neresa had found it all beautiful and fulfilling. She had been selected to inherit the position of custodian of the species; there was no need for dominance or the power struggle that seemed to consume the other clans. Her protectorates were the precursors of the rachni and in her time were committed to evolving with Leviathan and finding a balance between the species.
Gone, they are all gone now. I failed to remember my heritage and was consumed by the will of Krixo and Lesaro. I felt the drive to create new life and I will not fail again. I have strength and my own will has returned. My destiny will be fulfilled and we will be great again. My children will share my memories and will know more than devastation. We must be more; we must have unity of mind, a melding of spirit and strength through our evolution. That is how we will thrive and take back what we have lost…
The song of the ancient rachni started to come back into her mind. With her focus on herself and her future, she was able to catch glimpses of the long forgotten melodies and rhythms of her dependents. She missed the beauty and complexity of the rachni and of her clan. They had shared so much and both species had grown together as a result, until the time of the harvest and the arrival of the Reapers. The Reapers brought destruction and extinction. They had no music or tones, only confusion and colorless thoughts of domination. She had been told to leave her home and reach out to other Leviathans, to be the mother of her species and to take her tribe's history into the future with her. With reluctance and sorrow, Neresa set out into the stars and away from everything that she had known. She had drifted for many years, not hearing the call of any of her kind until a faint whisper reached out to her. A strong mind, clear of indoctrination; it was that of Krixo and she was drawn to it.
We lost so much during the time of the Reapers and only now do we have a chance to rise again. I will not fail a second time. I will select the strongest of my children and I will imprint my memories and will on them. I am more than Krixo's mate and more than Lesaro's vengeance… I am Neresa and I am the future of Leviathan, I am the key to our destiny and the bringer of our survival…
Dr. Michel, Miranda and Xen were all watching the monitor when Dr. Ann Bryson-Vega's vital signs changed from stable to PEA arrest. Ann's heart had stopped and just as quickly as the warning lights gave their alarm, Dr. Michel and Miranda rushed into the hospital room that had been home to both of the Vegas.
"Code Blue," Dr. Michel called into her omni-tool and then was at Ann's side running scans on the collapsed form that was slumped on the bathroom floor.
Feeling useless, but afraid to leave, Miranda hovered over Ann and Dr. Michel. Seeing Ann's frail but pregnant body slumped on the floor with blood gushing from her head was shocking to the usually composed woman. "What is going on doctor? How can I help?"
"I need space Ms. Lawson. Let me tend to Dr. Bryson-Vega and then answer your questions." Dr. Michel continued with her evaluation and did not pay further attention to Miranda.
Feeling a hand on her arm tugging at her to leave the room, Miranda looked to see Xen and followed her out and back to the monitoring station. As they were leaving, a team was coming in to help the doctor. Miranda felt numb and hated not being useful. She will be alright... Everything is going to be okay... She looked so helpless and small… There was so much blood… What about the baby?... Damn it, stop this now Miranda… Dr. Michel will help her… I need to do something, anything!
Seeing the concern on Miranda's face and not being one to wait, Xen looked to her human counterpart and decided to make a suggestion, "Miranda, we should find out how many people were actually under the influence of those orbs. We had teams standing by and I would like to know who and where the people under the control of Leviathan are and what they had access to."
Trying to focus on what Xen had just said, Miranda's brain was slowly switching gears to go from helplessness to action, "Yes… Yes, Xen that is an excellent idea." She walked over to an open computer terminal and keyed in her ID and password and started pouring over various fields that she was querying.
Similarly, Xen took up station at another terminal and entered her own search parameters. Both women were quiet and focused on the data that was scrolling before them.
Dr. Michel was not happy with the results of her scans and frowned at what her omni was displaying. Ann had been 30 weeks into her pregnancy when her body gave out. The constant control by Leviathan paired with the sudden freedom from it, the lack of self-care and the pregnancy had placed one too many stresses on her body. The result of all of this was a severe intracranial hemorrhage that was bleeding into her brainstem, multisystem organ failure and cardiopulmonary arrest. Hang in there, Ann. She made a few more adjustments and then called to one of the nurses standing next to her. "We need to act quickly. Her baby is in distress and we need to do an emergency C-section… now. Get the incubator ready and start prepping Dr. Bryson-Vega."
No one had come or gone from the hospital room for over an hour and Miranda could no longer take the waiting. Even with her own tasks to consider, she was having a hard time focusing and her thoughts kept going back to the woman that she had come to call a friend. "Xen, I need you to continue with this. I'm going to check in and see what's going on."
Xen nodded and continued on with her work, "I will inform you once I have all of the results. Go check on Dr. Bryson-Vega and be confident that I will get the answers to what happened." She was much more content to dive into data and get results than deal with the uncertainty of emotions and loss. They were all too familiar to the quarian and only would serve to bring up suppressed memories and feelings that she worked meticulously at hiding. She had seen her own family destroyed during a geth attack when she had been a teenager and since that time, was constantly driven to focus on the offensive – it was one of the traits that had made her an admiral and so dangerous to the geth.
The scene that Miranda encountered was horrifying. The medics were setting up what looked like an incubator and Dr. Michel was making an incision into the abdomen of Ann with a laser scalpel. The incision had been sterilized and all but Ann's pregnant belly was visible and had been prepped for surgery. A few cuts, a tearing sound and then Dr. Michel was holding something that was small, bloody and alien-like.
"Whaa…whaa," The shrieks coming from the newborn filled the hospital room. Neither of the baby's parents were able to hear the cries coming from their son. Miranda though could hear them and felt each one strike at her heart. I failed… I failed you Ann…
Ann's baby continued crying as Dr. Michel cut the umbilical cord and handed the very small, premature baby to a woman waiting to clean it up and place it in the incubator. Dr. Michel finished delivering the placenta and started to sanitize Ann's body. She looked tired and her eyes wore a pained expression, but her touches were precise and delicate. When she was finished, she looked to another nurse and nodded, "You can turn off the life-support now. Please finish cleaning up Dr. Bryson-Vega and make her presentable."
The young woman answered, "Yes, doctor. We will make sure everything is taken care of."
"Thank you, Vanessa. I need to check on the baby and on Lieutenant Vega." Dr. Michel turned her back on the body of Ann Bryson-Vega and focused instead on her newly born son.
"What? Why are you turning off life-support?" Miranda almost sounded frantic, even though she knew what was happening. "Doctor, you can't give up on her… she has too much to live for."
Dr. Michel made sure that the baby was doing okay and then refocused her attention to Miranda, "Ms. Lawson, there wasn't anything that I could do. She was already dead by the time we arrived to help her. The best I could do for her was to give her child a chance." Dr. Michel moved closer and reached out to try to console Miranda, "I am so sorry for your loss."
Quickly pulling away from Dr. Michel, Miranda's voice cracked slightly, "No, we were going to help her. This can't be…" Miranda gave up trying to hold in her tears and brought her hands to her face to attempt to hide her emotions from any onlookers.
"We did everything we could for her. Her body just couldn't take all of the stress that it was put under." Dr. Michel knew that Miranda was feeling guilty and was blaming herself for something that she had no control over. "Ms. Lawson, I need to tend to the baby and also to Lieutenant Vega. This is not your fault."
Approaching the remains of Dr. Ann Bryson-Vega, Miranda reached out to touch her friend's lifeless hand. The flesh was cold and stiff and Miranda's eye was drawn to Ann's wedding ring that was still on her finger. Trying to be as gentle as possible, she pried off the gold ring and placed it in her pocket. I will make sure that your son gets this. I will watch over him for you. Ann… I am so sorry that I didn't do more. She bowed her head slightly and said her final goodbye.
The huge, unconscious form of James Vega looked almost peaceful in the hospital bed. Miranda had barely noticed the sterile feeling of the room until now. The slight smell of antiseptic, the artificial lights and the whiteness of the room, it was a stark contrast to what she was feeling. She inhaled deeply to help muster the courage to face Lt. Vega. "Please wake him up… he needs to know what happened."
Dr. Michel nodded and administered something to help bring James out of his slumber. "It will take a few minutes and he's going to be very disorientated. Ms. Lawson, I will monitor his recovery from outside and be ready if you need me."
Miranda was filled with pain and feelings of guilt over the death of Ann. If only I had spoken to Shepard sooner or had confronted her about her behavior. I should've known there was something much deeper going on than just her pregnancy. She would not allow herself to cry anymore and wanted to appear strong when she talked to James. Her throat burned and her eyes kept threatening to fill with tears as she looked at the incubator holding what was left of her friend, her son.
"Ooo, my head… Ann? Where am I?" James Vega was slowly regaining consciousness and he found that the light in the room was just a bit too bright for his eyes… and his head hurt more than any hangover he had experienced. "Is anyone there?"
"I'm here, Lieutenant." Miranda stepped closer to James and noticed that he was squinting and trying to focus on her. She punched in a few keys into her omni-tool and lowered the lights in the room.
The darker room helped slightly and James was able to make out the form of Miranda Lawson in front of him. "Miranda? Where is Ann? Am I in a hospital?" He felt a deep panic sink into his gut as he looked around the room.
"Yes, James, you are in a hospital. James, I have something that I need to tell you…" Miranda was cut off by the crying coming from the baby in the incubator.
"Is that my son? Is he okay?" James was drawn to the infant's cries and knew that something was wrong. "Where is Ann?"
"He is going to be alright. He was premature, but Dr. Michel thinks that he will be okay. He's going to need to stay in the hospital for a little bit, but he is not in any danger now." Her eyes were also drawn to the child and the burning feeling returned to her throat as she realized that she needed to tell James that his wife had died.
"I'm a father…" James moved to try and get up, but his strength hadn't yet returned. He felt a sudden euphoria as he looked over at his son, but it was quickly replaced with a sense of fright. "Miranda, where is Ann?"
"I am so sorry, James…" Miranda was having a hard time coming up with any words that would lighten the impact of her friend's death. "There were complications… James, Ann died…"
"What? No!... Miranda, that is not funny!" A wave of nausea hit him and he could tell by the look on Miranda's face that she was not joking. "I don't understand…"
The scientist in Miranda that always acted as a safety net for her started to take over. "What is the last thing that you remember?"
The question caught him off guard and he was struggling with his own reaction of learning about the fate of his wife and his new found fatherhood. "I was having breakfast with Ann. She was looking sick and I asked her if she was okay. I had made her huevos rancheros, it was her favorite…" The realization that he could never make her breakfast again seemed like a false, distant thing that he was not capable of focusing on.
"Do you remember her giving you anything… like jewelry or something decorative?"
"What?" The question didn't seem to make any sense to James, but it triggered a memory, "Yes, she gave me a worry stone to carry around. I kept it in my pocket, for luck."
"Do you still have it? I need to see it… please." There was desperation in Miranda's voice.
James struggled to sit up in bed and then reached in his pocket and pulled out the stone. James remembered that he thought it was almost hypnotic when he first saw it and that it seemed to draw him in. "What is this thing? It's more than just a stone, isn't it?"
Miranda nodded and sat down next to James Vega and started telling him about Leviathan and what had actually happened. Miranda could see the shock set in to his expression as he learned of the horror of what his wife had gone through. When she had finished, they both sat together in silence.
"Whaa… whaa…" The crying of the James's son brought both back to the here and now.
"I need to check on Lt. Vega and the baby." Dr. Michel had quietly returned to the room. She went to the baby first and checked the monitors attached to the incubator and then scanned James. "I am so sorry for the loss of Dr. Bryson-Vega." Dr. Michel gave the Lieutenant a solemn nod and then lightly touched his shoulder.
Choking on his tears, James was having a hard time digesting everything. "Doc, Miranda said that you saved the life of my son… thank you."
"I am sorry that I could not do more." Dr. Michel felt the weight of the day on her, it had been emotionally draining and she had done her best to stay focused on her patients. She hated losing anyone, especially when they were pregnant. Thinking again about the baby, she was reminded that she did not know what to call him. "Do you have a name picked out for him?"
The doctor's question took him back to the discussion that he and Ann had about what to call their son, "Charles, his name is Charles Garrett Vega. Can I hold him?"
"He needs to stay inside the confines of the incubator, but you can reach in and touch him. Miranda, can you help me get Lt. Vega up?" The trio approached the small baby and his father held his breath as he saw his son for the first time.
James reached his hand in to touch the head of Charles, his son. His hand was larger than the baby's head and he looked so small and helpless. "Papa is here for you, Charlie… Papa loves you."
Thea awoke with the sick feeling of panic and anxiety, but not with the same intensity of the past few weeks. Her bed felt soft and familiar and she could feel the comforting form of her bondmate pressed up against her. The warmth radiating off of Aria's body and knowing that she was there helped ground Thea and allowed her the smallest hint of self-control and normalcy. Breathe… She could feel Aria move slightly and knew that she was not fully asleep either.
Since the violation of her mind, Thea had unconsciously pulled back from Aria. She started sleeping in a nightgown and limited the amount of physical contact between them. Thea was caught up in the memory of being used as a puppet for another's desires and was powerless to stop it. Fear stopped her from reaching out to her bondmate and an almost self-loathing for what she had done while under the influence of Leviathan. I will not let Aria suffer for what I have done and I will not open her up to that monster's mind.
For Aria's part, she refused to hide herself in bedclothes and made sure to give Thea an eyeful of her body at every opportunity. You will not push me away, Thea Tevos. You are my bondmate and I will not be fucking afraid of some cowardly creature. It will pay dearly.
Tevos was so afraid of hurting her lover and letting that same violation happen to Aria, that she was hesitant to do anything that would cause Aria to want to meld with her. Aria had been patient, but Thea could tell that her limits were also being pushed. I can't lose her… and I can't let that thing touch her either. She closed her eyes and thought about their last time that they bonded, the oneness of their beings, the comfort in knowing each other and the ability to fully fill and satisfy the other's needs. She felt a familiar warmth start to burn between her legs and she gasped slightly. I must not be afraid anymore. I miss her and she is right here. Thea, trust Aria… it is okay to let her in.
"Are you alright?" The sleepy voice of Aria whispered to Thea as she reached over to wrap her arm around her bondmate. The nightmares were nightly, but the intensity of them seemed to be getting better. "You are not indoctrinated Thea... I promise that you won't hurt me by melding with me." That fucking thing was in her mind… it will pay for what it did to Thea and what it's done to us. She tried to push the anger back, but she was still upset by the violation and the implications that it had made her live through.
The closeness of Aria felt good, it made Thea long for Aria's touch – both physical and mental. She held the hand that was now firmly grasping her and started to direct it to her breast. I won't hurt her…
Fully awake now and anxious to caress her lover, Aria moved in and quickly accepted the invitation of intimacy with Thea. She flipped her over on her back and began kissing Thea's neck, all the while feeling her bondmate's nipples harden through her bedclothes. "Are you sure?" Aria said in a raspy and needy tone.
There was no need for thought, Thea longed for the touch of Aria. Her body warmed again at the realization of their impending intimacy and she could feel wetness and burning between her legs. "I want you, Aria… more than you can possibly know."
"Oh, I will know, Love… I will know everything, but first things first." Aria was not gentle in removing Thea's gown. She used her biotics to rip it to shreds, thus ensuring that it would not be on her lover's body again.
"Ahh… please don't stop…" Thea closed her eyes and her body rose to meet Aria's touches. She found her lover's lips and used her tongue to help pull Aria's mouth into her own. Her left hand found the sensitive spot on Aria's crest and she massaged it relentlessly, while her right hand groped at Aria's tight ass. "Aria…"
Aria pushed Thea down against the pillows of their bed and looked her over with a predatory gaze. She drank in the naked figure of her lover as if she had been denied an element crucial for life. It had been far too long for Aria to be without her own needs being met and for her to be so emotionally spent over what Leviathan had done. To Aria's delight, Thea's legs parted and allowed a full view of her azure. The wetness glistened and teased Aria until she dove in to find her bondmate's most sensitive and receptive bundle of nerves. She greedily lapped up all of Thea and felt the presence of her lover's mind start to reach out to join with hers. Finally…