Thanks for all the feedback. This chapter's kind of angsty, but it needs to be done- these two have serious issues lol. Hopefully, things will start looking up soon, so hang in there!

Piper

"You don't want to care about me. Doesn't that say enough about us?" I told her, my voice shaking. I could tell she didn't want to answer that question. She didn't need to, as far as I knew, it was pretty much rhetorical. "It was so stupid of us to think we could go back to how we used to be. We have too much history to be... well, fuck buddies, and too much chemistry to just be friends. I mean, it's been years and we're still not over eachother, even after we've both fucked up and hurt eachother so much. There was a reason it didn't work out the first time around. Multiple reasons, actually."

I heard her scoff, "Yeah, I got too busy and we stopped traveling as much, so you got bored and ran away."

"You really think that's why I left?" I was dumbfounded and angry at the same time. "Do you even remember the last months we were together or were you too fucking busy to pay attention?"

"Trust me, Piper, I definitely remember," she said.

I shook my head, frustration getting the better of me, "So, you remember why we were always fighting? You remember that I begged you to get out of the cartel and you refused?"

"Well, how would I afford to take you everywhere you wanted without money?" she shot back with sarcasm. "I was your ticket out of your suppressive, yuppie lifestyle. You wanted to run away and then you ended up running right back."

"I was running away? Really? For fuck's sake, if anything, you were the one always running from something. What was it, Alex? Your dad? Being poor? I guess I just never understood."

"Exactly, and you still don't. I wasn't running from anything, I was living and you wanted to come along for the ride until you decided your little adventure was through and you could go back to your life."

By this point I was livid, my voice becoming harsh. I couldn't hold it back anymore. "You know what you never understood, Alex? You never saw that all I wanted was to be with you. Yes, I loved traveling, but I would've been happy just being with you anywhere, money or no money. But you treated me like I was one of your drug mules; like I was just some straight, naive, twenty-something and you were my experiment- like you had to keep traveling with me to keep me interested in you." I paused to take a breath and try to control the tears falling from my eyes before continuing, "You never believed me when I said that I loved you. Do you know what that's like? Telling someone you love them, meaning it with your whole heart, and still seeing that doubt in their eyes?" I couldn't stop my voice from breaking, it felt like I was reopening all those wounds from the happiest yet most painful part of my life. "I was so in love with you, Alex, and I tried so fucking hard to show you, but nothing worked. It just got to be too much. Do you know how much it hurts that you think so little of me that you thought I left because I was bored or because you were busy? I left because staying with you was breaking me. I felt like a fucking failure and I couldn't take it anymore. It killed me to leave and I might have picked the worst time to go through with it, but I had to. And a part of me will always regret that because I know I will never love anyone like I loved you, like I still love you."

Hanging my head, I waited for her to say something, anything. I knew Alex wasn't as jaded and impenetrable as she made herself out to be, which is why I had held back on saying exactly why I left. I hid behind the excuse that I was scared and couldn't handle her lifestyle, which was true, but at the same time, it wasn't. I hadn't ever wanted to tell her those things because I knew they would hurt her in the worst possible way. Alex was the strongest person I'd ever met but I knew, even after all this time, I was the only one who could break her. I was the only one she ever let really see her, besides her mother, and it still hadn't been enough for me. I had given up on her.

Alex

I sat there, hugging my knees tightly to my chest. My throat was aching from trying not to cry and my head and heart were pounding painfully. The sick feeling in my stomach made it hard to breathe.

I couldn't handle being in this box. I couldn't handle what she said. I couldn't get away from her, and worse yet, I couldn't get away from myself. I rocked back and forth, my eyes shut tight, trying to reign in the overwhelming feeling of despair that had seized me as I listened to her words and saw, clearly, the truth behind them. I had always blamed her for leaving, but some of the fault rested on my shoulders as well. I just never wanted to admit it.

I was grateful that she'd stopped talking. After a few minutes I was able pull myself together and move to the bed to lay down and soon the tears stopped as I laid facing the wall.

I don't know how long I laid there. I heard the lunch and dinner trays come and go without bothering to see if either meals were safe to eat.

-Day Three...-

I must've drifted off at some point because soon another tray was dropped through the slot. I opened my eyes slowly; they were burning from the dried up tears. The uncomfortable feeling was the only thing that motivated me to get up to go to the sink and splash water on my face. Piper must've heard the faucet turn on because she called my name through the grate. I stared at it for a minute before returning to the bed. I wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't think I ever would be and I knew that pretending like nothing happened wouldn't work this time.

Instead, I laid back down and tried to think about anything but her. I let my mind drift and wondered what the other inmates were doing.

It might have been pathetic, but I was actually missing being there with them. Yet, I guess it wasn't that ridiculous; prison was my life now and it would be for years to come.

I wondered if Gina had gotten back from the hospital and if Gloria was still refusing to serve Red in the cafeteria. Had Pornstache's suspension been lifted yet? And which unfortunate woman was now bunking with Leann?

Of course, thinking about Leann only led my thoughts to Pennsatucky and then to Piper. I hoped that Doggett woke up, for Piper's sake. If she didn't, I was sure there wouldn't be a way to avoid extra time added to Piper's sentence. Even under the guise of self-defense, that would still be involuntary manslaughter. I told myself that the only reason I cared about Piper's sentence being extended was because I wanted her to be out in a year so I wouldn't have to see her anymore. So I could do the rest of my time in peace.

Then again, we had both been assigned laundry duty. Maybe when we got out of here, they would change that. Then I wouldn't be forced to see her everyday for the next year. And what if they assigned us to the same block after this?

I pushed those thoughts away. If Healy had been serious and I really was going to be stuck here for two weeks, maybe Piper's injury would be healed enough so that she could go back to being a repair man or whatever.

Were the guards here even aware she had been stabbed? Were they giving her antibiotics and making sure the bandages were changed? Wasn't becoming malnourished a bad thing when you were recovering?

I couldn't help but worry about these things, and after a while of nothing to distract me from these thoughts, I started to panic. It had been my bright idea to stab her. I had weilded that cross and I had felt it tear through her skin and muscle. And now, I had not only guilt but a bad case of PTSD as I relived that moment over and over.

-Day Four...-

Piper

I was going crazy. How long had I been in here? It felt like months but when the tray hit the floor, I tried to remember the number. Was it eleven? That would mean it had been four days. Only four days. I really had fucked up this time. I had been banking on Caputo and O'Neill to get me out of here so much sooner, but apparently Healy had finally gotten them on his side. I expected that anytime now, he'd be at my door to gloat about it.

I had a temper and it had landed me here and also drove away my only reprieve in this place. Alex still wasn't speaking to me. I wished I could take back what I'd said. It was all I could think about besides my gnawing hunger.

The prison loaf residing on the tray was starting to look edible. The past few meals I had skipped, opting to fill up on water from the sink on top of the steel toilet. It tasted like copper and made my stomach hurt but I tried not to think about the reasons for that. At least I could keep it down.

I sat by the door, right next to the grate, and inspected the block of mashed food. Maybe if I held my nose and swallowed little pieces without chewing. Maybe if I did that and chased them with water from the sink. I mentally prepared myself. This was survival. I could do this.

After I thoroughly searched the food for mold and maggots, I got up and set the tray on the bed, picking off a small piece and then going to the sink. On the bright side, if I did get sick, the toilet was conveniently situated.

I turned on the faucet for quick access to water before squeezing my nose, popping the bite into my mouth and swallowing before I could taste it, then cupped my hand under the stream to bring the water to my lips.

I waited a few seconds after that, fighting the urge to gag, then repeated this process several more times. My throat started to get an irritated, itchy feeling, so I stopped halfway through the loaf. I was kind of proud of my accomplishment and the first thing I wanted to do was tell Alex about my newfound method.

Pushing back my anxiety, I approached the grate. "Alex?" I called hesitantly, my voice sounding odd even to me. No answer. "Alex." I said it louder this time and put my ear up to the opening, straining to listen for any movement.

It was a while before I heard anything, but I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, so I repeated her name again.

"Yea?" she answered and my heart sped up. God, I hoped I wasn't just imagining that. But at this point, it didn't really matter whether I was or not. I quickly explained the process to her and waited for a reply.

"Seriously? You ate that?"

I smiled at her surprised tone, "I did."

"Nichols was right; you would eat a pillow."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

She didn't say anything more, so I pressed, "Are you gonna try it?" I heard her sigh. "C'mon. If I can do it, you definitely can."

"Fine."

"Remember; small pieces and don't chew. And make sure there aren't any maggots."

"Yea, I got it."

I waited, hearing the faucet turn on. After a few minutes, I asked her how it was going.

"It feels like my throat is swelling," she said, then coughed.

"Yea, mine did, too. That's why I only ate half. It's not so bad now."

"You only ate half?"

"Yea, why?"

"Well, fuck."

"You ate it all, didn't you?" I almost laughed, but I didn't want to piss her off.

"Yea, 'cause I thought you did, and you're obviously still breathing." She coughed again.

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

"You have to eat the rest now."

"What? Why?"

"Because you tricked me into eating it all!" she called back.

"I don't remember telling you to do that."

"Well, I don't remember you telling me my throat was going to swell shut."

"Okay, that was a mistake on my part, but you're overreacting. You'll be fine. And besides, if we're both asphyxiating, who's going to call for help?"

"Good point, but fuck you."

I did laugh at that. "I'm sorry."

She was quiet except for the occasional cough. I sat there, feeling the initial air of carefree bantering turn to awkward silence and becoming uneasy. I wished it didn't have to be this way, but it was my fault it was like this. "I really am sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have said those things to you. I was just angry."

"You meant them, though, didn't you?"

I caught myself before I asked if it mattered, because I already knew the answer. The best thing I could do was just be honest. "Yea, I did."

"Then I should be the one apologizing." She cleared her throat a few times before continuing, "Piper, I... I don't really even know what I'm supposed to say. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I never realized that I was doing that. I was just so afraid of you leaving me that I guess I... I don't know... I pushed you away, and all this time I thought I was right to do that, because you did leave. But now I see that I was too fucked in the head to understand that was part of the reason why you didn't stay. Does that make any sense?"

I swallowed and nodded, then remembered she couldn't see me and spoke up, "Yes."

"You remember how, in those months before we broke up, I was always with Fahri and it pissed you off?" She let out a chuckle, "You even went so far as to accuse me of sleeping with him?"

I smiled at this, because looking back, I saw just how ridiculous that was. "I remember."

"Well, the real reason I was spending all that time with him was because we were looking for my replacement."

"What do you mean?"

"I was going to leave, Piper. I was going to do a few more drops so I had enough money to make it while I searched for a job and, I don't know, maybe went to college."

Tears stung my eyes and I tried to keep my voice steady, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You know how hard it would be to get out. I didn't want to get your hopes up, I didn't want to tell you until I was completely out of it. I was lucky that Fahri was actually helping me and I was so fucking stressed because I knew how it could turn out if anything went wrong during those last few drops; Istanbul was one of them. And, I guess, since I thought it'd be one of the last and I couldn't think of any other options, I asked you to help even though you'd said you'd never do it again. It was wrong of me to do that, but I had justified it in my mind because I was getting out and it would make you happy. I mean, I thought that it would be the real beginning of our lives... together."

My heart felt like it was breaking all over again as tears of sadness and anger fell from my eyes. "Then why didn't you tell me when I was leaving? Why didn't you get out, Alex?"

"Because I was stupid and I was pissed and..." her voice broke as she trailed off. "When I came back for my mother's funeral and I had to go through all that shit by myself, the only person who was really there and who took care of me was Fahri. I had lost the two most important people in my life in the same day and I was wrecked, Piper. So, I stayed. I stayed for the money and so I could keep busy, and keep running. I even started using, something you know I would never do before then. I wasn't an addict, really, but just being that low... I never thought that would be me."

"Jesus, Alex..." I didn't know how much more I could stand to hear. I wanted to hug her and punch her at the same time. Why did she have to tell me this now? How had we both come to this? Was this supposed to be closure? I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, but I... I just need time to process this." It was for the best to end this conversation now so I could collect myself and I didn't want to lose my temper again and make things worse. "I'm gonna go lay down."