Author's Note: Sorry for the hiatus, guys. I kind of had to rethink the plot line for the story a little, so it took longer to update this time around, but it should be more regular now. I also wanted to let you guys know that I'm working on another OITNB fic and already have a few chapters, about Piper and Alex meeting under different circumstances when they were younger, so that'll be up in the coming weeks. Anyway, thanks for reading and sorry again =)

Piper

I don't know how long we stood there just holding each other. I didn't want it to end, though. I felt the tears escaping my eyes without trying to stop them. But there was this underlying sense of dread that filled the area of my chest where my lungs should be. As if sensing this, Alex stiffened, her arms slowly dropping from around me as I let her go and stepped back.

It was weird, seeing her face. The days in SHU had made it seem normal to speak to her, but now, it felt as if there was something holding me back, making me nervous. It was ridiculous to feel this way after all we had said and admitted. Yet, maybe the reason we had owned up to those things was because we didn't have to look at each other and see the disappointment and hurt we caused.

We stood there, staring and not knowing what to say. I wanted to tell her how much I had missed her voice, but I knew by saying that I might confuse this situation further. I knew what I was supposed to say. I was supposed to have made a choice by now and I hadn't. I was too afraid to look her in the eye.

Alex wasn't stupid, though, and it didn't take long for the realization to hit her. It was her turn to look away, now. She used her sleeve to wipe underneath her eyes and then adjusted her taped glasses as I swallowed back the tears in my throat and watched her.

Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't I just make up my mind and be done with it? At that moment, I imagined it was Larry standing in front of me instead of Alex. And like I had done for the past few days in SHU, I compared my emotions. Right now, my heart hurt more for Alex, but I couldn't be sure if that was just because she was the one physically standing in front of me.

The truth was, I had tried to picture what it would be like if I did choose Alex. It was all I had really thought about since she told me how long her sentence was. I kept trying to imagine what we would be like, outside of Litchfield and five- or possibly eight- years down the line, and I couldn't. I couldn't see our future. I couldn't calculate it or envision it like I could with Larry.

But being able to see my future with Larry wasn't necessarily a good thing. I wasn't the only one who had changed since being in here; he had, too. And honestly, I wouldn't say we changed so much as revealed who we really are inside. I felt like I didn't really know him and he sure as hell didn't know me. Which is why, at this point, the future I saw with him seemed incredibly bleak.

"Are you okay?" she finally asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. She had regained her composure in the seconds of silence and her features held a look of stony resolve, her walls were back up and her eyes were guarded. It was amazing, yet unnerving, how easy it was for her to shut off emotion. She'd always been able to do that, ever since we'd met.

"I… I'm fine." There was no point trying to explain myself. It wouldn't get us anywhere.

She nodded and walked past me, busying herself with the laundry. It felt like I was having a bad case of déjà vu as I watched her. We really were terrible at communicating with each other.

"So, what have you been up to?" I asked in a lame attempt to start some kind of dialogue.

"I've gotta get this done," she explained without looking at me. "They put me in the Spanish block and I'm trying to get on my new roommate's good side, so I offered to do her laundry."

"Really? They put you in there?"

"Yea."

"Well, at least you don't have to deal with Leann anymore."

"Except for the fact that she works here, too," Alex pointed out.

"Right. I forgot about that…"

"It's not a big deal. She's terrified of you so if you do start working here, she might just stop showing up."

I was sure that her remark was a way for her to gage whether I was still assigned laundry duty. "Then I guess she won't be here tomorrow."

Alex froze and glanced at me before continuing to fold her roommate's clothes. "Guess not."

I sighed, feeling awkward and tired of the mutual avoidance of the major issue between us. "I hope that you meant what you said about not rushing this. I really do need time, Alex."

When she didn't say anything, I shook my head and turned to leave.

"Piper, wait," she said and I stopped, turning to face her again. "I did mean it. I just… I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

I gave her a small smile, "At least we're on the same page in that aspect. I'll see you at dinner, okay?"

"Okay."

I left the room, feeling slightly better about our situation but still weighed down by all the thoughts in my head. I took a deep breath, trying to clear them, and made my way towards the dorm I'd been assigned. Dinner was in an hour, so I figured I could hide there and avoid everyone until then.

Unfortunately, my plan was foiled when I saw Nicky right outside my room.

"Chapman, you look like a fucking Ethiopian." She smiled wide.

"Uh, thanks?" I walked past her and went to sit on my bunk. The other woman who shared the room and hadn't said anything to me when I first arrived was laying on top of her bed, facing the wall.

Nicky stayed where she was by the doorway, "Listen, we need to have a little talk. Mind if I come in?"

"Sure." I didn't know what to expect. The last time I had spoken to her was when I pretty much yelled at her to tell me where Alex was the day I got thrown into SHU.

She walked in and sat down next to me, then reached up and scratched her head before saying, "You gotta stop this shit."

"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this thing with you and Alex. It was kind of entertaining at first, all the high school drama and unrequited love bullshit. It was like being in an episode of 'the L Word'. And in here, there's rarely anything to break the monotony, you know? But you can't tell me that you don't see what you're doing to her."

I frowned and shook my head, "I don't see how what's going on between me and Alex is any of your business."

"It's my business because Alex is my friend and you have no idea how messed up she was when you were in the hospital," Nicky said with an aggressive edge in her voice. "I don't know what the hell really went down between you two- back then or now- but I do know that you are seriously fucking with her head and you need to cut that shit out, for both your sakes."

I stared at her, wondering when she had become so protective of Alex. I had thought that Nicky and I were sort of friends, but she was definitely picking sides here. She was always flirting with Alex and I assumed that, even though it seemed in jest, Nicky did have some feelings towards her. I couldn't imagine that Alex returned them, though. I knew Nicky wasn't her type. At least, she didn't use to be. But it had been eight years since I'd been completely sure of Alex's type.

I started to feel a little sick. Had something happened between them?

"Did you and Alex…" I couldn't even finish the question.

"That's not what this is about, Piper," she said in a softer tone. "And even if something did happen, you don't own her, as much as you try to."

"Wow," I whispered and smiled, though I'm not quite sure why because inside I felt like someone had replaced my stomach with a led boulder. I knew I didn't have a right to be upset, but I was hardly in control of my emotions these days. "You should leave now, Nicky," I told her calmly.

Nicky sighed and stood up, "Don't make this a big deal, Chapman. Shit happens. I'll see you around." She walked towards the door and called back, "Oh, and happy New Year," before disappearing.

That took my mind off of Alex and her for a minute as I contemplated the fact that I had completely forgotten that I missed the holiday while I was in SHU and it was, indeed, a new year. I laughed at this, realizing that it didn't mean anything to me and, for a second time now, I had spent a holiday in SHU. Fantastic.

I got up, pushing all thoughts aside and focusing on where I was going. The line for the phone was only two people deep but it felt like an eternity until it was my turn. I quickly punched in the familiar number and hoped for and answer.

"Hey, Piper," Larry said and I was relieved to hear that he didn't seem upset.

"Hey. Happy New Year."

He laughed, "You're kind of late on that. Where have you been? I was worried."

He obviously wasn't aware that I'd been in SHU, for which I was grateful. "I know, I'm sorry. I've just been taking some time to readjust and everything."

"It's okay. How's your injury?"

"It's healing. No infections or anything, so that's good," I told him and he agreed. "I was wondering if you wanted to come visit this weekend. You know, so we could talk about what you said in the hospital."

"Sure. I can come up on Friday. Is that okay?"

"That's perfect. I'll see you then."

"Great," he said and I could hear the smile in his voice. "See you soon, Pipes."

I hung up and went back to my dorm to await the prisoner count. I refused to let myself think about Alex and instead focused on what I would say to Larry in two days, as well as trying to convince myself that everything would work out for the best.