Edited: 5/6/2015

Beta's:

'Author! Where is my tea and my homemade granola bars!?'

The scared author points to the ginger headed man stuffing his face by the window, 'He did it!'

The almighty Beta points her finger at the figure, 'Defenestration!'

The redheaded man found himself blasted through the window and sent screaming into the night in an unmanly high-pitched voice several hundred story's to his death.

'Wait. Who was that?'

'Ron Weasley Mistress…'

'Oh good, no one important then. I am going to the movies now. When I come back there had better be homemade granola bars and tea waiting for me.'

'Yes Mistress Polgara.'

Lady Polgara walked out of the room muttering. 'How anyone expects me to complete my next chapter in Black and White without homemade Granola bars is anyone's guess…'

Chapter 3: Holy Crap, It Worked?

Harry chuckled to himself as he folded the last of his letters. It was good to finally get that out of the way. If nothing else, no one could say he didn't try. Hermione's voice rang through their room from shower. It still amazed him she did that. He never would have pictured Hermione as a shower singer.

Sliding the pile of letters to the side Harry picked up the packet of photos they had taken over the last few days. So far their trip around the world was going better than he could have ever hoped.

Harry guided the motorcycle along the old road to their first destination, Newgrange. He wanted to see it, and it was as good a place to go as any. After a moment, he parked the heavy bike and waited for her to climb off the back. He slung his leg over and started taking off his helmet while Hermione stretched her legs to get the numbness out. They had been driving for a while now and neither of them were seasoned veterans to this type of travel yet.

He took a moment to take her in. The wind was lightly brushing her hair over her shoulders and her eyes were focused on the five thousand year old structure and the tourists who were gathering about. She had her head up high and her arms to each of her sides as far as they would go while she stood on her tiptoes. Harry smiled. She looked so focused and yet carefree at the moment.

"Harry, how long can we stay here? Can we do the tour?" His lover asked him once she had finished stretching out her muscles. She knew he had only wanted to see this place since he had been dreaming of it for the last couple of days. Though neither of them could understand why. He looked down at his arm to check the time before he realized his watch didn't work. He really needed to replace it one of these days.

"Honestly Harry, I don't know why you still wear that thing. It hasn't worked since the second task our Fourth year." Harry looked up and smiled sheepishly.

"Habit, I think. It's the only watch I ever owned. Had to nick it from Dudley when his arm got to fat for the band." He looked around. "Yeah, we can do the tour. I'd like to know what the deal is with this place. You can feel it, can't you?" Harry knew there was…something in the air. Hogwarts had a similar feel, just not as strong as this. It was slightly different, yet the same.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, I can. I wonder if there are any runes mixed in with the all the astronomical equations inside. It will be fascinating to compare them with modern methods, don't you think."

Harry smiled fondly as she reached into the saddlebag of the bike and took out a notebook and pen. He had it made just for her a couple of days ago, and it had 'Hermione Potter' on the cover. The bookbinder he bought it from guaranteed it would act the same as a family Grimoire or family spell book. It would allow her to take all the notes she could desire or jot down all the idea's she had while they were visiting sites like these and yet keep all her secrets as well as any other such book. Harry felt his eyes glaze over at remembering her 'thank you' that night. With a goofy smile that not even Riddle could Avada Kedavra off his face, he reached over placing his arm around her waist and walked up with the rest of the tourists and prepared to head inside.

They listened to the guide talk about how it was built by Neolithic farming communities; the passage tombs had clear astronomical alignments such as the Winter Solstice Sunrise at Newgrange and the Equinox Sunrise at Loughcrew. Harry listened to the tour while his love took down notes on the astrological, spiritual, religious and ceremonial importance of the place just as attentively as she would her history of magic classwork. Much as present day cathedrals are places of worship where dignitaries are laid to rest so was Newgrange.

After the tour was over, they decided to make for Knowth and then Loughcrew to repeat the experience. Hermione had taken massive notes on the runes they could see and was scribbling ferociously as they explored the sites. He was so glad he got that feature that allowed for near infinite paper in the book.

Over all, it was a wonderful day full of new experiences, playful banter, and expounding on what it all meant. In full lecture mode, she explained to Harry that a great deal of the current practices used by modern Wizards and Witches traced their origins to those inscribed on the walls in these locations.

The big surprise, and it really was a big surprise, was finding a rune inside Newgrange that looked a lot like the symbol on the Potter Crest. A crossed sword and wand. Hermione was excited about it, telling him he must have had an ancestor who was a part of the building. Harry ended up walking away with a whole new perspective; almost positive that this was why he was dreaming of these places. Hermione had taken his picture with him pointing to the rune smiling. Harry spent quite a bit of time also taking pictures or trying to get other tourists to take their picture together and doing the same for others.

Harry heard the shower cut off breaking him from his thoughts. Dobby had already moved his letters to storage for him to send off later. Harry smiled. The little guy was really starting to grow on him. Taking the towel that was around his own shoulders off, he lightly tossed it to side while making his way over the large trunk that sat in the middle of the room. When Hermione opened the door and walked in from the loo he found himself just watching her for a moment.

He dared anyone to blame him for it. There in front of him, was a vision of beauty. The thing he loved the most was that she was not beautiful in the traditional sense. She was not anorexic thin; she had womanly curves in all the right places. They fit together perfectly. She was…well…she was Hermione. Pure and simple, and really, nothing could compare to her perfection in his eyes. And here she was wearing nothing but a towel draped about her torso. Her long hair fell about her in wet lanks. She was valiantly trying to get the tangles out with her brush as she sat in front of the large mirror. After a few moments, she stopped brushing and looked at him with a funny expression on her face.

"Alright there, Harry?"

He gulped and took in a breath. He hadn't even realized he had completely frozen to watch her. He must have been doing so for some time now for her to notice. He nodded still a bit dumbstruck. "Yeah. Just…sort of taking in the vision before me."

Her lips twitched slightly, but it was her blush his eyes fell on burning along her upper cheeks. "Thank you, that was very sweet." She whispered back. After blinking a few times Harry got back to what he was doing.

"Anything from the Library you wanted before we set off, love?"

She stopped a moment before shaking her head. "I already packed the ones we got from Flourish and Blots." Harry nodded as he pulled a key ring from his pocket. After taking a moment to look at the initials in the old keys he fitted one into the lock on the trunk and twisted.

The Trunk was a replica, sort of, of the trunk that Moody had during their fourth year. It had seven compartments and was currently loaded with everything they needed for their World Tour. Currently, it was set at the first compartment, which was a general storage section or typical trunk space.

Once he twisted the key in the lock a second, third, and fourth section popped up. Harry looked down and into the deep pit, which comprised the mostly empty library stacks down three walls. It descended about thirty feet. Currently, the only books on the shelves were their old school books, a few others they had picked up here and there over the years, the thirty or so Hermione had said she wanted the other day, and a modest collection of Muggle books which still only occupied a small fraction of the three stacks.

"Are you sure the Library is big enough love?" he couldn't help but query for the thousandth time.

Hermione replied, "Yes Harry, as its mostly just empty space."

"For now…" Harry mumbled. In a month, maybe two, she'd have them full of books. Maybe I should have bought that other trunk anyways. I suppose I could always get us a library trunk later after she fills this one…

"What was that, Love?"

Harry chanced a quick glance at her through the mirror and noticed she was glaring at him with an eyebrow raised. He quickly and clearly said, "Nothing dear." She continued to stare at him a moment before she nodded and started brushing her hair again. Harry quickly collected the few books they had lying about, descended the long ladder, and put the books on their designated shelves according to the parchment she had stuck to the wall. Once it was all in place he rose out of their library, selected another key and turned the lock to the second section of the trunk.

He waited for the trunk to fit for the one he selected and looked in. It was spaced like a regular trunk, but full of slim cases in the first three quarters of the space. Twelve in total in the double six rows. The other side was in three sections loaded with galleons, sickles, and knuts flush up to the edge.

"France, Bulgaria, Turkey, China, Japan, Russia… Let's see here, India, Australia, England, Brazil, Mexico, Ah, States." Harry pulled out the one labeled for the States and opened it up to see neat flush stacks of hundreds, fifties, and twenties.

Kneeling before the trunk, he pulled out his billfold and took out the lose pounds and replaced them with a couple of thousand in dollars. He closed the case, put the pounds in the case for England, and put that one away as well.

He looked back up at his lover. "You already took care of your money pouch and purse yeah?" She nodded as she picked up her clothes and headed into the bathroom to change. He quickly filled his own pouch with gold and once again turned the lock.

Once it had set to the last compartment Harry walked away taking one last look around. He was pretty sure they had packed everything. He noticed there were six little vials sitting on the nightstand. Only one still had potion in it still. He pulled out his watch from his pocket to check the time as it was getting late and he did not want her to forget her potion. She was still healing from the Ministry fight.

The pocket watch was silver, with his house-crest engraved on the cover. Once he pressed the button to flip it open, his eyes rested on the picture inside the little door. It was Hermione and he standing just outside the doors to the Great Hall in Hogwarts. Colin had taken the picture after Harry and Hermione had finished their last dance together and were taking a breather. Both of them dressed in their Yule finest. One of his best memories. The little versions of them waved merrily at him while he looked on fondly.

The watch itself was a very complicated piece of equipment; it had twelve hands and little stars and planets all around it. After all his time in Astronomy, and having had Mr. Weasley explain how his worked when he asked him a while back, he was well versed in its use. Engraved into the center of the timepiece was, 'Always and Forever, HP/HG.' He loved it. Hmmm. Six o'clock. Yeah, time for her evening potion.

Hermione had gotten him the watch from a maker in the craft in Diagon Alley and only gave it to him this morning. She wanted it to be a Birthday present, but after their visit to Newgrange she decided he needed it now more than later. He was quite touched by it, and it quickly became his most prized possession.

"Don't forget your potion Hermione. It's on the nightstand." He called to her through the loo door.

"Thanks, Harry. I almost forgot about it." She opened the door and walked out wearing a simple blouse and jeans. Harry, for his part, took a seat at the little table by the big bay windows to keep a watch outside to make sure there was no one about.

She had just taken her potion and placed the vial back on the nightstand when Harry asked her again. "Are you sure this is going to work? I've had some harebrained ideas before, but really, this one takes them all."

Her sweet laugh rang out in the room drawing his attention to her before he resumed his vigil. "Yes, Harry. I will admit at first I thought it was barmy, and despite the fact you got this idea from a cartoon on the telly, it is still a good idea, and it will work."

He nodded, feeling a bit reassured. It would really suck to get caught now before they even had a chance to really get out there and explore. He moved a bit of the curtain to get a better view of the outside.

Once again, he pulled the pocket watch she had gotten for him. "Hermione, we got an hour before our ride gets here. You should write a letter to your Mum and Dad. You can send them a couple of the pictures we had developed from our trip to Newgrange if you like."

He looked up to see his lover frowning at him. "I wrote them a few days ago."

Harry sighed. "I know Hermione, maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but I am hoping the letters settle them down and maybe we can patch things up later, you know? They are your parents, and I know you love them. They love you too. I'm more pissed at Dumbledore for ruining everything for you than I am at them. I can relate to your parents wanting to protect you. I am pretty protective of you myself."

She sighed when he finished speaking. "If you want me to… I am still unhappy with them, Harry. I told them all about you. They knew how special you are to me. They didn't even give you a chance… Mum especially knew how important you are to me… I had been talking to her about you for the last two years."

Harry smiled reassuringly. "It's okay love. I just thought since we're heading across the pond… It might be weeks before we find the time. There are a lot of things both Muggle and Magical to look into in the States, you know?" He watched as she glumly nodded before she started penning the letter.

He was just about to get up when he noticed something he didn't notice before. Harry squinted looking across the street and down a few blocks. "Hermione… come here and tell me if that looks like an older Crabbe to you."

He pointed out the man he was looking at and waited until he heard her sharp intake of breath before he was sure he was right. "Harry, I think you're right. That's Crabbe Sr! Voldemort is on to us, we might have to change plans. I don't like this Harry…"

Harry was sat thinking for a moment before he felt a grin tug at his face. After a moment, said grin developed into a knowing smirk, one that Hermione knew full well meant trouble. She rarely saw it on his face, but when she did, she got worried. It usually meant someone was not going to be happy in a few moments. "I'll be right back love. Keep an eye on him. I just need ten minutes…" With that, Hermione watched as he scampered across the room, lowered the window on the far side and climbed out to disappear.

She sat in the chair he was using, biting her nails while keeping an eye on the Death Eater that stood a hundred yards from her, looking around. She really hated when Harry did things like this without telling her what. She breathed a sigh of relief when, exactly when he said he would be back, she heard him climbing through the window, snickering. Harry snickering evilly was usually a bad sign.

Harry for his part was doing everything to keep his laughter in at what was going to happen. As quickly as he could he ran to the truck, opened it to the first compartment, took out his Omnioculars, set the trunk back to where it was and ran over to Hermione. He shoved the magical spyglass into her hand after he fiddled with the knobs a bit.

"Here, watch. You're so going to love this." He said excitedly.

"Oh, Harry. What did you do? Why do I need to watch through this?" Hermione inquired holding up the Omnioculars.

"We both know it's meant for Quidditch, but I figured out how to record up to ten minutes of anything I wanted to without the written commentary inside. Trust me. This is prank to make Sirius jealous. Hermione we are talking Marauder hall-of-fame here. I would need to talk to Remus to see if anything they ever did is going to top this."

Hermione blinked at him a moment before she did as he asked and looked through the device. Harry knew she did not like pranks, in general, because she thought them a type of bullying. On the other hand, when it was done in retaliation, she rarely said anything negative about it. Harry never was one for pranks that she knew of, at Hogwarts, but she did know he thought about them a lot.

Normally it was with the Weasley twins to help them develop joke ideas so it was mostly harmless. She felt him turn one of the knobs, and she had a nice close up view of their target. She was positive now; he looked like an older version of Crabbe, which meant that Death Eaters were close. She had to fight to roll her eyes at the fact that Harry's response was to prank them. It was not exactly the direction she would have thought he would take, all things considered.

Curiosity got the better of her in the end, and she did as he asked her and watched what was about to happen. She couldn't help but be curious because Harry was snickering behind her uncontrollably, and it was infectious.

A few moments later she saw three…people, and she used that term loosely, walking up to their target. "Harry…is that…"

She could hear the laughter in his voice, "Yup. It's those three weird blokes that kept us up the last two nights."

For the last two nights, they had little real sleep because of those three. Like clockwork, around one in the morning, they appeared out in the parking lot laughing, joking, and drinking. They made no attempt to respect the fact other people had lives and needed sleep. She had talked Harry out of confronting them because she did not want to draw attention to themselves or their location. It was just aggravating for the two of them, but not worth getting into a confrontation when they didn't need one. Just because they chose that…lifestyle, didn't mean everyone else had to know about it, had been Harry's argument. It had made them both a bit grouchy the following mornings.

Worriedly, she asked, "Goodness Harry, what did you tell them?"

Hermione kept watching as three large men, dressed in cocktail dresses, flamboyant wigs, carrying neon handbags and wearing stiletto high heels strolled up in what they might have thought was a manly/seductive manner to the waiting Death Eater. Thanks to the Omnioculars, she could even see the wild makeup they had donned for the day.

"Well… you know… stuff. Alright! I told them that I saw this guy dressed in a robe, and I was wondering if he was part of their…lifestyle. They got all interested when I pointed him out, and then, I came back here to see what would happen."

"Harry you shouldn't have. Crabbe Sr.'s a Death Eater. He'll kill them! They were annoying, but I don't want them dead!"

Harry snorted. "Unlikely, love. Look at the size of those guys! Hell, that one in the front has arms bigger than my thigh! I just wanted to run him off so we don't miss our ride to the States. If three transsexual Muggles hitting on him don't send him running for the hills, then maybe I did him a favor, and he'll still be too busy to notice us before we leave."

Now it was Hermione who snorted while blushing at his word choice. She purposely did not think about what he was implying might happen. She watched the three walk up to the Death Eater and start to flirt outrageously with him. She felt a chuckle escape her as she watched his expression run from horrified to disgusted while the three 'girls' rubbed up on him, touched up on him, and flirted. She gasped though when he seemed to have enough and struck out, knocking one to the ground.

"O my…"

Harry chuckled darkly. "He should'na done that." In a perfect imitation of Hagrid when he said something he was not meant to.

Before the body hit the floor, the other two reacted vehemently. Both of the watchers were reduced to tears, gales of laughter, and pains in their sides within moments of that event.

The dusky skinned one in the lime green dress reared back and kicked out with his foot, directly into the Death Eaters naughty bits. Said minion of the dark was dropped like a felled log after which, he proceeded to get the beating of his lifetime.

They kicked, punched, wailed, stomped, scratched, gouged, and pummeled the prone man. The most viscous of the attackers was the one that got struck, Harry would later have to view the footage, but he could have sworn he had a brick in his handbag, said handbag was used against the beaten man over and over and over again while they screeched and screamed in high pitched voices blokes were never meant to hit.

The two teens watched with tears streaming down their faces as those three cross-dressed men beat the stuffing out of the Death Eater. Hermione was watching and trying to keep the spyglass as still as she could, but she imagined she was failing miserably. A few moments into the savage, one-sided battle another figured moved in, brandished a wand, and shouted something. What it was they never heard, nor did he finish it. As soon as he pointed the wand at the men beating his ally, one of them pulled a can of mace and sprayed him in the face. Even from where they were hidden, they could hear him screaming in agony. Then they took turns beating one man and then the other.

They sprayed mace into their faces, used tazers almost continually, and never stopped with the physical assault in the slightest. Hermione could almost swear one of them had brass knuckles on his hand as he laid into one man, and then the other.

By now, a crowd of onlookers, all laughing hysterically at the antics of two robed men and three transvestites, had gathered. They got all they could on the device holding onto each other to support themselves and tried to calm down. It didn't work very well, as when they looked back up they saw the pale cross dresser in the flaming orange wig that reminded them of Ron's hair, was holding one of the Death Eaters in the air, spinning him around before tossing him through a window.

It was too much, and they dissolved in tears again. Before they could look away, a break in the crowd showed another man in a dress throw himself in the air and landed with his elbow into the prone man below. What had started as an innocent prank to bide time had quickly turned into a battle royale between Team Death Eater and Team Transvestite. It was rather sad to see that Team Death Eater was not only losing, but also losing spectacularly to the amusement of the mundane population around them.

They started gathering up their things. Still laughing, and wiping tears from his eyes, Harry turned to Hermione, "We need to find a way to duplicate that. We need to send that to everyone we know. Hell, I'll even send a copy to Dumbledore just for the giggles. Oh, Oh, and the Prophet. We absolutely have to send copies to the Quibbler and the Prophet just to see what happens. Don't forget Fred and George, and Remus. We must get a copy to Remus." Hermione only laughed more at his rambling antics, but she had to admit, it was a great prank. It couldn't have happened to better people. There was something about a Pureblood Wizard who was part of the Pureblood Supremacy, getting his arse handed to him by three Muggle blokes of a different sexual orientation.

Harry checked his watch and noticed that they only had a few moments before they had to leave. They quickly gathered up all their loose items and making sure for the umpteenth time that nothing was left behind. Hermione walked up to the trunk and climbed inside followed by Harry a moment later. He was about to descend all the way when he stepped back up a bit, reaching down for the keys he had left in the lock on the trunk.

Hermione's voice drifted up from inside the trunk. "Honestly Harry, you really need to work on remembering things. I swear, you would lose your head if it wasn't attached to your neck." She was still fighting the laughter from earlier, and it ruined her attempt to be stern.

Harry retorted, "Bloody hell, Woman. Give a bloke a chance to get use to this stuff. It's not like I have loads of experience gallivanting around the world yet! Not all of us were born with a photographic memory or neurotic planning and control issues you know…"

Her shrill shriek exploded from below him. "HARRY JAMES POTTER! Don't call me Woman!" He had been doing it on and off since they had run off together just to get her goat.

"Noticed you didn't deny the other two…" He mumbled as he started descending again. In a louder voice as his head disappeared into the trunk, "You know you secretly love it…"

"HARRY!" Before the trunk began to close. Harry's snickers became the last thing to sound in the room before the noises of the trunk closing down, one level at a time and then slammed shut. Clicks of the various locks around the sides echoed before all became silent again.

A few minutes later the door opened and two men dressed in gold uniforms with labels of 'Putra Venture Limited' on the backs and breast pockets came in. One of them, a younger man pulled a handcart behind him while the older with salt and peppered hair carried a clipboard. Both men were chuckling, trying to wipe their eyes from the tears that had gathered there from the scene outside. They had, of course, watched the event with the rest of the crowd.

"I swear. I never thought I would see something like that on this job," came from the younger of the two. His amusement still heavily evident in his voice.

The older man, holding the clipboard, nodded while he walked up to the trunk. "Brilliant. I swear he shat himself when that bloke hit him with the tazer." He took a moment to mime the man's jerking about while being electrocuted to his partner's amusement.

"You see all kinds of things on this job, but really, that was the best I have ever seen. Better than that time I came across that wife throwing her cheating husband's things out of the window of their flat while he ran around on the ground floor trying to catch 'em. Priceless."

They shared a laugh for a moment while the younger man maneuvered the handcart into the room. "That us then?" pointing to the ornate trunk sitting in the middle of the room.

"Looks like. Bloke at the counter said the couple staying here wanted to send it off to their house back in the States. They even left us a nice tip." He looked down at the labels on top of the lid checking it against his clipboard. "Yup, matches up. James Black goin' to New York, U.S.A. Careful now, says fragile on here, and they got a good insurance policy. Boss'll get mad if he had to pay out on it."

They carefully stood the crate on end and strapped it down to the dolly and made their way through the door. The older man walking behind to make sure the trunk did not tilt or jerk on the door as they passed. "You catch that Football game yesterday?" He inquired reaching behind him for the doorknob.

The cart handler nodded with a peeved expression. "Yeah, learned never bet on England against Portugal. Lost a hundred quid on that match. Wife's gonna kill me when she finds out…" rang out as the door closed on the room once again.

Authors Notes:

Okay, Chapter Three revision is done. For those of you interested in the story instead of my drivel, by all means leave a review telling me what you think of this chapter, and then hit that 'Next' button. Enjoy the read. As always thank you to all reviews and readers. You are noticed and appreciated.

Authors thoughts on this Chapter: The trunk being shipped was inspired by various Looney Toons Cartoons I enjoyed as a kid.

The Transvestite scene was inspired by an episode of Sex in the City. An ex-girlfriend who used to live with me was, shudders, infatuated with that show and forced me to watch it whenever she could get a chance. However, that scene in the show was actually pretty funny and marks the first time I actually laughed during its airing. Got to give credit where its due and I hope I did it justice.

Fic Recommendation: The Fiance by thesiriuswriter.