Chapter 4 – It Must Be Hell

"Murphy's been gone awhile. I wonder what he and Mary are doin' over there." Connor said.

Maggie gave him an odd look. "He went to invite her to dinner. They're probably just catching up."

"Yeah, yer' probably right." Connor leaned back in the recliner. "Ya' know…Mary used to have a wicked crush on him. Murph always kinda' liked her too, but he'd be damned before he'd admit it." He peered at Maggie through devious eyes.

Maggie put down the magazine she had been reading. "Really? Isn't that interesting…How long ago was this?"

Connor crossed his arms behind his head. "Oh, I dunno…She and Cae were 16 I think."

Maggie gave him a playful look. "Is that a fact?"

Connor looked at her in amazement. "What!? It's true! You can ask Murph when he gets back." His attention switched to the front door. Murphy had entered as if on cue, abruptly slamming the door behind him. "Murph? Are ye alright?"

Murphy stormed towards him. Connor sat straight up when he saw his face. His twin was definitely not alright. "I need to talk to you." He said sternly.

"What is it?"

"Alone."

Connor exchanged a concerned glance with Maggie before rising to follow his brother towards the back door through the kitchen. Maggie fought the urge to run after them. She didn't want to intrude. She wondered what Mary had said to Murphy to upset him so much. She glanced towards the kitchen before reluctantly picking up her magazine again, absently flipping through the pages as she waited for Connor to return.

Murphy was the first outside. He immediately lit a smoke and tossed the pack to Connor once he had the door closed behind them. "Guess who I just saw at Mary's?"

"I give up." Connor said as he lit his cigarette. He tossed the pack back to his brother.

"Caelan. Caelan is there Connor, and she was NOT happy to see me."

Connor shook his head. "Wait, Caelan, our sister Caelan?"

"How many fucking Caelans do you know Con? Christ."

"Alright. Easy…Let me think." He rubbed his head in frustration. "What's she doin' at Mary's? And why hasn't she come home yet? How long has she been there?"

"She's been there for two fuckin' days. Two fuckin' days…Right across the street." Murphy started pacing. "The way she looked at me…It was like I was a fuckin' stranger to her."

"What did she say to you?"

"She said she'd been plannin' ta come home for awhile now, it was just a coincidence that we were here at the same time." Murphy stopped and stared his brother straight in the eye. "She's apparently furious with us. She won't come near the house while we're here."

Connor was trying to piece together an answer from Murphy's jumbled statements. "Why would she be mad at us? What the fuck did we do?"

"It's what we didn't do, Connor."

"The fuck does that mean?"

"While we were crusadin' around quiet city Boston with Da, we totally neglected her. Did you even call her once to tell her that Da was alive?"

Now it was starting to make sense. "No." Connor slightly hung his head.

"Well neither did I. Now we show up here with him, and you've got Maggie…" Murphy took one last drag of his cigarette before stomping it out in the grass. "She feels like we betrayed her."

"Like she's been replaced."

"Maybe. Ma musta' told her about Da. It's the only way she could have known." He started slowly pacing again. "Why's it gotta be this way, Connor? Why can't we all just be happy for five fuckin' minutes?"

Connor scoffed. "I don't know Murph, but I'll be glad when this is all over. Poor Caelan. All the pain we caused her…Us and our thick fuckin' heads. Ma always said 'Family first. It's the only thing that matters over everything else.' And what do we go and do?"

"We gotta talk to her."

"And say what? An 'I'm sorry' isn't gonna do it this time."

Caelan sat weakly at the end of the kitchen table. She propped her head up with her hand, a tissue balled up inside her fist. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Mary was making some tea. Caelan sniffed and slowly turned in her chair to face her. "Mary, remember when I said that I only trusted me brothers with me heart and soul?"

Mary turned and placed a mug of hot tea in front of her. "Aye?" She was confused as to why she would bring this up to her so soon. She sat down in the chair beside her placing a mug in front of them both.

"That was a lie. I can trust you too."

Mary pressed her lips into a small smile. She lightly took her friend's hand. "I knew that was a lie." She winked, "I can see right through ya'." The two softly laughed and Caelan took a sip of her tea. "Are ye feeling any better?"

"Surprisingly, yes." Caelan replied weakly. "I've been holding all of that in for so long. I almost feel bad that Murphy was here to catch all of it alone."

"Oh, I'm sure Connor will have his chance soon enough." She couldn't help but smirk at the thought.

"Was I wrong?" Caelan asked, doubting herself, "Was I too hard on him?"

Mary furled her eyebrows. "No. They've hurt you. I'd feel the same way…You had to be honest with them."

Caelan rubbed her eyes in frustration. "You didn't see the look on his face…He had his back to you. I was fighting the urge to just grab him and hold onto him." A small tear had escaped. "I just wanted him to feel the hurt that I felt, that I still feel."

Mary held her hand again. "This was just step one, me friend. It isn't going to be easy from here on out." Caelan nodded her agreement. "But you're the one in control here. They play by your rules when you're good and ready."

Caelan slowly stood from her chair. "I think I want to lie down for a bit." Mary nodded silently and watched as her friend slowly left the room.

"Come on Mary! Just have a beer with us. This is our goin' away party." Murphy nudged Mary with his shoulder. Caelan winked across the table at her friend.

"Well, alright. We're not even 18 yet." She said as she reluctantly took a sip.

"This is our Uncle's place, Mare. We've been drinkin' here for years. Don't sweat it." Connor added. Mary just shrugged and took another sip. A small hiccup escaped just as she set her glass down. The three laughed and Mary did too once she stopped blushing.

Caelan always felt bad for Mary when she went out with her and her brothers. Mary always had a crush on Murphy and it seemed like every time she was with his she'd somehow embarrass herself. Caelan tried over and over to reassure her that the embarrassment was all in her head, but it was no use.

Caelan glanced around the room, looking for no one in particular. It was pretty busy that night; it always was on a Friday. She glanced over at the bar and accidentally made eye contact with the sleaziest looking man in the place. She quickly looked down at her beer, nervously taking a sip. 'Please don't come over here' she repeated over and over to herself. Connor noticed her sudden unease.

"What's the matter?" He leaned in close.

"There's this guy over at the bar. I think he was staring at me…I'm afraid he's gonna come over."

Connor carefully looked over at the bar. "Who? The greasy blonde with the beer gut?"

"Yes. That's the one."

"He's comin' over this way."

"Shit. I knew it."

"Want me to intercept him?"

She sighed. "No, I'll take care of him myself." Caelan looked up from her beer in just enough time to see the man reach their table. He was even more gross-looking up close.

"Good evenin', me lady." He slurred his words as he spoke. "Would ye fancy a twirl around the floor?" Connor was glaring at him. Murphy and Mary had just become aware of the situation.

Mary couldn't help but cringe. The man had dark blonde hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in a week. He wore a plain white shirt that had been splattered with various food stains. He was so drunk he didn't even look like he could stand in one place without falling over. Murphy was about to stand and physically remove the man from their table when Caelan finally spoke.

"What's yer' name?" She asked.

"John. John Darby. And ye must be Angelica."

Caelan furled her eyebrows in confusion for a moment. "Uh, no. I'm not Angelica."

"Really? Cause' you look pretty damn angelic to me!" He laughed slightly at his line. Connor and Murphy were both sneering at him and Mary watched Caelan for a reaction. "So what's it gonna be, doll? Dance?"

Caelan rolled her eyes slightly. "Sure. One quick spin." She started to stand from the table, Connor snatched her hand. "I'll be right back." She gave him a reassuring look before accompanying Mr. Darby to the dance floor. Mary shook her head.

"You see that? That's why everyone love's your sister. She's one of the kindest people I know."

Murphy turned back towards Mary. "Yeah well, she just became Saint Caelan, patron Saint of the homely drunks in my book."

Connor watched his sister carefully. He could see Caelan doing her best to smile and look like she was enjoying herself. Connor took a quick sip of his beer. He watched John's hands wander a little bit south of his sister's waist, but Caelan was quick to replace them. The song was almost over so he turned back to Murphy and Mary, still glancing behind him every few seconds. Mary noticed.

"The song's almost over. Don't worry, Connor."

"Yeah, I know. That guy was just so damn nasty." He poured himself some more beer and as soon as his eyes were off the pair, John grabbed Caelan by the waist and pulled her closer. She tried to push away from him but it was no use. Soon he had her in a tight hold and was attempting to kiss her. Caelan resisted and was finally able to push him away. She slapped him hard across the face once he was at arms length.

Connor turned back just in time to see his sister stomping back towards their table. He watched as John Darby grabbed her by the wrist, jerking her backwards so the two were face to face. Connor watched in slow motion as John wailed his sister across the face with his open palm. As soon as his hand met her face, Connor was on his feet. He practically vaulted over a nearby table and ran to the couple.

Murphy snapped his attention to Caelan. He saw her standing across from Mr. Darby, her hand gripping her cheek, and then Connor ran past him. It didn't take much to figure out what had happened. Connor got to them first. He grabbed John by his filthy shirt and roughly threw him backwards. Murphy quickly made sure Caelan was alright before joining his brother. "What the fuck do ya think you're doin'?" Connor yelled.

John struggled to steady himself. "Me? Fuck you for pushin' me. What, is that whore your girlfriend?"

"She's our fuckin' sister you fuckin' scumbag." Murphy said pointing at him.

Mary had joined Caelan. The two watched in disbelief as the scene unfolded. Caelan sneered at him. She couldn't believe what she had heard. She stalked over to them, pushing past her brothers to stand face to face with Mr. Darby. "How dare you call me a whore." She started. "I took pity on your sorry ass and danced with you, then you try to cram your disgusting tongue down my throat and you have the gall to call me a whore?"

The bar had fallen silent, everyone was watching the scene. John looked around nervously. Connor and Murphy watched him carefully, waiting to see what he'd do next. "Yeah, well this bar fuckin' sucks anyway." He sneered at her. "Too bad, baby. You coulda' had me, fine stud that I am."

Caelan laughed out loud. "Yeah. Keep tellin' yourself that." Everyone in the bar laughed with her, and John was so embarrassed that he practically ran to the door. Once he was gone, everyone resumed what they had been doing. Murphy turned to face her.

"Are you alright, Cae?" He said, carefully taking her chin in his hand, turning her face to examine where she had been hit.

"Yeah, I'll live," She said, batting his hand away.

"Ya shoulda let us kick his ass." Connor said.

Caelan shrugged. "He was drunk. It was better that he just left."

"You did a fine job of hurting his pride, though." Mary said.

"Yeah. It didn't take much." Caelan nodded back towards their table. "Come on, next round's on me."

Maggie jumped as the kitchen door swung open. She returned her magazine to the table and stood, nervously watching as Murphy and Connor entered. Murphy stalked out of the kitchen, towards the stairs. He didn't even look at her. "Are you ok, Murph?" She asked cautiously.

Murphy swiftly turned to face her. "Mind yer own fuckin' business." He sharply turned away from her and ran up the stairs towards his room. Maggie shuddered when she heard the door slam.

She turned to Connor, who had rejoined her in the living room. "What the fuck was that about?" She snapped at him.

"Our little sister has been home for two days and she won't come near us. She's staying at Mary O'Neill's house for the time being. Murphy talked to her when he went to invite her to dinner."

Maggie stared at him, concern clear in her face. "Oh…I'm sorry, Connor."

Connor pulled out his pack of cigarettes, lit one, and then slid down into the recliner. "Yeah'. It's not a good situation."

"Why is she so mad at you?" Maggie asked. She couldn't imagine anyone being that mad at Connor and Murphy, especially their own sister.

"Murphy and I…Well, we kind of forgot about her. I haven't spoken to her in two years…at least."

Maggie gave him a confused look. "What do you mean you forgot about her? You and Murph have always said how close the three of you are. How could you go that long without speaking to your own sister?"

Connor looked down at the ashtray. "I guess we just got used to the idea that she'd always be there for us." He rubbed his eyes in frustration. "Everything was happening so fast when we were in Boston. Our friend Rocco died, then Da was back, then I met you when we were in New York. Somewhere in the thick of everything, Caelan was forgotten."

Maggie listened quietly. She felt sad for Connor and Murphy, but she felt worse for Caelan. She glanced up towards the stairs.

Connor noticed and shook his head. "Don't worry bout' Murph. He's always been the emotional one. Don't take it personally."

Maggie shook her head. "I just wish there was something I could do to help."

"Just saying that means a lot." He smiled at her and then glanced behind him, towards the kitchen. "Where's Ma? I haven't seen her for awhile now."

"She went to the market to pick up some things for dinner tonight. Your Da went with her."

"Ello'?"

"Murphy?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Caelan."

"Caelan! How are ya? How's the big apple?"

"Not bad. I haven't heard from you guys in a long time. Thought I'd call ya and check up."

"Yeah, sorry about not callin' ya. Boston keeps us busy."

"So how are things?"

"Can't complain."

"That's all I get? A two-word response?"

"I'm sorry, Cae. I was kind of in the middle of somethin' before ya called."

"Oh, well is Connor there?"

"Nah he's out."

"Oh. Well, I miss you guys."

"Aw, we miss you too, Cae. Ya can't feel that way, make some friends, get out and have fun."

"I have friends…I just…I feel lonely."

"You'll feel better soon. Listen, Cae, I gotta go. I'm sorry about not bein' able to talk longer. I'll try to call you back soon."

"Right."

"Love you."

"Love you too, Murphy."

Murphy lay on his back in his old bed, his arms crossed behind his head. He couldn't get the conversation out of his head. His sister had called him once to tell him she was lonely, and he was too busy to help her or even acknowledge what she was saying. He kept thinking about the sadness in her eyes. The way Caelan looked at him now, it really scared him.

He rolled onto his side. She had been angry at them for so long, and she came home to see their Ma, for some rest and peace, and he had gone and upset her further when he showed up at Mary's house. It was like pouring salt into an open wound. He found himself wondering what to do next. Would she ever forgive them? Would the three of them ever be close again?