Chapter 6 – Emotional Rescue

Connor and Murphy slowly approached Mary's house. They hadn't said a word to each other since they decided they'd speak to Caelan, even doing the dishes in silence. Now they were suddenly on Mary's doorstep, and they still had no idea where they would even begin. Connor raised his fist to the door and knocked hard.

This was it.

It didn't take long for Mary to come to the door. Her face showed relief and anxiety when she saw them. "Come on in guys." She said as she opened the door, allowing them inside. "Wait here for a minute, would ya?" The two nodded in silence as she headed towards the kitchen.

Caelan sat at the table in her usual chair, casually reading the paper. Her focus moved to her friend when she entered. She was suddenly concerned when she saw the look on her face. "What is it?"

"Your brothers are here."

"Both of em'?"

"Aye."

She looked back down at the paper. "Tell them to go."

Mary bit her lip. "I can't."

Caelan looked back up at her, suddenly irritated. "What do you mean you can't?"

"I can't stand seeing you this way, Cae. You have to talk to them." Mary grabbed her keys from the counter and her coat from the back of her chair. She bent down and kissed Caelan on the cheek. "I'm gonna go run some errands. Just do me a favor and try not to break anything valuable while I'm out, ok?"

She exited quickly before Caelan had a chance to protest. Murphy and Connor turned to face her when she reappeared in the hall. "She's in the kitchen, and you guys are on your own. Good luck." With that Mary took her leave, quietly closing her front door behind her.

Connor and Murphy tried to give each other a reassuring look before slowly heading towards the kitchen. Once they were there, they stood in the doorway and quietly watched Caelan. She sat at the table wearing a baggy sweatshirt and boxers with one leg propped up on the table, the other curled beneath her. It reminded Connor of their childhood. She always sat like that, but instead of the funny pages and bowl of cereal that used to sit in front of her, they were replaced with an ashtray and the New York Times. Caelan had grown up, but there were still traces of the little girl they used to tease and protect. He noticed she had a tattoo on her ankle. It looked like a bird of some kind, but her sock covered half of it. "When'd ya get that?"

"Last year…My 25th birthday." Even though the paper was blocking her view of them, Caelan knew exactly what he was talking about, and she answered quickly. She couldn't believe it. She gave herself an odd look before folding the paper and placing it on the table, and then removed her sock. "It's a phoenix holding a shamrock in its talon." She pointed to the parts of the tattoo as she described them.

Her brothers moved towards her to get a closer look. Murphy curiously tilted his head to the side and she suddenly felt herself fighting tears. She caught Connor's gaze for a moment, but she looked away. Her eyes were sad, but it did nothing to lessen their intensity. It used to scare him sometimes when she would glare at him when they were little. "It's really a nice piece, Cae." He finally said.

"Thanks." She replaced her sock and moved her legs so her feet were flat on the floor. She lit a cigarette, trying to keep her hands from shaking. "So what do you want?"

"We just want to talk to you." She heard Murphy's plea. More tears sprang to the surface, but she fought them. "Can we sit down?"

"Fine." Connor sat down in the chair beside her, Murphy moved to the other side of the table and did the same. He pulled his cigarettes from his pocket and lit one, then passed the pack to Connor who then passed it to Caelan, not even noticing that she already had one lit, it was just something they had always done. She almost lost it again. The three sat in silence for a moment when Murphy finally spoke.

"I wanted to tell you that I was sorry." He started.

Caelan scoffed. "Do you even know what you're sorry for?"

"A lot of things, but…You called me once, and I never called you back."

Connor and Caelan looked at him confused, "When?"

"Awhile ago. You called because you were lonely, and I was too busy to talk. I didn't even stop to consider what you were saying. You needed me and told you to get over it. Then I said I'd call you back and I never did…And for that, I'm sorry."

His words hit her hard. She didn't think he'd ever remember something as small as that conversation, she barely remembered it herself. She closed her eyes tightly and a small tear escaped.

"I'm sorry too, Cae." Connor's turn now. She braced herself for whatever he was about to say. "I'm sorry that you had to hear about our lives second-hand. That Ma was the one to tell you Da was alive, and that you've been hurting for so long, all alone.

Caelan couldn't fight it anymore. Her face twisted into a painful expression and she held her head in her hands. Murphy put his hand on her shoulder as she sobbed, but she just shook her head. "God! Why can't I stay MAD at you!?"

She snapped her attention back to her brothers, "You hurt me…You both hurt me so badly." Her sobs were choking her, but she continued. "For the better part of three years, three years I didn't hear for either of you. Not one phone call, not one letter, nothing. And then Ma tells me that my father is alive and well, and living with you in Boston. It was like someone stabbed me." She held her hand over her heart. "Right here." She took a long pull from her cigarette, calming herself down a bit.

Connor and Murphy gave no response, they just listened. "I had planned this trip home to see Ma and Mary for a long time, but when I heard you were gonna be here…I almost canceled it. For the first time in my life, I didn't want to come home."

Her cigarette was burning down to the filter, so she took a deep breath and finally put it out in the ashtray. She suddenly noticed how hot she was from all the emotions running through her, so she pulled her sweatshirt off. She wore a black tank top underneath. Over her heart the word ferocitas was tattooed in jet-black, it matched the tattoos Murphy and Connor had on their hands. Around her neck she wore a silver cross. It was celtic in design and bore a real shamrock encased in acrylic at its center. They recognized the symbols immediately.

"That cross…" Connor started.

"Your tattoo…" Murphy cut him off.

Caelan looked down at her chest. She lightly touched her cross, "Yeah. We had some good times together, the three of us. "Remember these? Remember what it was like for us all those years? The things we did together? Memories that I always held close to my heart…Memories I thought meant something…"

Murphy suddenly grabbed her and held her close to him, Connor followed suit, moving behind her to wrap his arms around her and Murphy. Caelan didn't fight it, she didn't pull away. The three were reunited, and she felt like she might finally be ready to forgive them. They stayed close for what seemed like forever, but Caelan eventually broke out of the hug.

"I can't breathe." She grabbed the cigarettes that Connor had placed in front of her earlier and lit one. Connor chuckled.

"You can't breathe, so you light a cigarette?"

"That's another thing. Mary wanted me to yell at you two. I've been so stressed out about this trip that I started smoking again." She held her lit cigarette out with two fingers.

"Does Mary mind ya smoking in her house?" Murphy asked.

"Surprisingly, no. Strangely enough she said that it reminds her of her parents. They used to smoke..." Her voice trailed off as she glanced around the room.

"Right. Car accident. Ma told us." Connor said as he lit another cigarette.

"Poor Mary." Murphy shook his head and looked down at the table. Caelan and Connor exchanged glances.

"So Murph, are you seeing anyone back in Boston?" Caelan asked.

Murphy looked up at his brother and sister. He noticed they were both smirking at him. "Oh you two are so fuckin' predictable. The fuckin' mention of Mary's name and you're all over me. I fuckin' feel bad for her cause' her parent's died. What the fuck?"

"I'm sorry, Murph. We were just playin' around." Caelan gave his arm a squeeze.

Murphy gave her a sideways glance. "But since you brought it up…Is Mary seein' anyone?" Connor and Caelan broke into hysterical laughter. The tension finally broke in the room and even though Murphy tried to keep a straight face, he eventually joined them.

"Well, Ma just told me Mary stopped over and picked up Maggie. Guess she took her out to dinner." Connor said as he hung up the phone.

Caelan shook her head. "Unbelievable."

"Why's that unbelievable?" Murphy asked.

"Well, a few years ago it would have been very unlike her to take initiative like that. She just met Maggie last night for all of two seconds." Caelan propped her feet up on the faded ottoman in front of her. The three had moved their conversation to the more comfortable locale of Mary's living room. "I'm just surprised. You remember how shy she used to be." Murphy shrugged and Caelan rested her head on his shoulder. "So much has changed."

Connor regarded her. "Well, Cae, people change."

Caelan took a deep breath. "Tell me about him."

Connor and Murphy exchanged a nervous glance. Connor repositioned himself in the recliner. "What do you want to know?"

Caelan sat up. "Well, for starters, how was it that Da ended up living with you? All Ma ever said when I asked about him was that he left when we were little. She never spoke badly about him; I mean nothing to suggest that he left on bad terms. I guess I just assumed he died."

Murphy turned his head towards her. "He was in prison, Cae."

Caelan sat up and gave him a confused look. "Why?"

Connor shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Are you sure you want to talk about this now?"

Caelan looked him straight in the eye. "Yes, Conn. I have to know. If not now, when?"

Murphy lit two cigarettes, handed one to his sister, and then tossed the pack to Connor. "He was in prison for murder, sentenced to 25 years to life." Connor started.

Caelan went pale, her eyes wide, "Murder?"

"Believe me when I say it's not as bad as it seems." Murphy looked at her again

"Cae, do you read the papers at all? Watch the news?" Connor asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know…I guess. Sometimes. Why?

"Ever hear of the Saints of South Boston?" Murphy asked.

"I think so. I kind of remember hearing about them. They're the ones killin' all those mob guys, right? It's a trio if memory serves. What does that have to do with Da going down for murder?"

Murphy leaned in closer to her. "We're the Saints of South Boston."

Caelan's gaze switched between her brothers. She started to laugh and subsequently choked on the last drag from her cigarette. "You can't be serious!" She said between coughs. "There's no way! The only people you two ever tried to kill were each other…and me on occasion."

Her brother's faces were serious. Connor's was looking more stern. Caelan's laughter had slowed to a slight chuckle when she finally realized they weren't joking. She shook her head in disbelief. "You blurt it out just like that? It…It just doesn't make any sense."

"You said you wanted to know." Murphy said with a slight shrug.

Caelan felt a cold chill down her spine. "I don't believe this. You two are the Saints of South Boston. How is this even possible?" She started to raise her voice. She stood from the couch and started pacing around the room. "I assume our father was in on this…You said there were three of you. So how many people have you killed so far?" She stopped pacing to face them.

Murphy and Connor regarded each other for a moment, each silently adding in their heads. Caelan gawked at them in shock.

"You have to think about it?" She resumed pacing, she wrung her hands tightly to try and stop them from shaking, all the while muttering something incoherent in Gaelic.

"Caelan, calm down." Murphy stood from the couch and reached out to her, his hands firmly griping her shoulders.

"Murphy. I don't understand. You're…you're murderers. Both of you." Connor stood and moved to stand beside Murphy. She looked at her brothers in sheer terror.

"We can explain everything."

Caelan shook her head and eased out of Murphy's grip. "I need to get some air. I'll be right back." Connor moved to follow her, but she stopped him. "Let me be alone for a minute, alright?" He hesitated for a moment before nodding his understanding.

Caelan's legs were shaky as she left the room. She made her way towards the kitchen, towards the back door. Before she exited, she grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. She put her sweatshirt back on and left through the door.

Connor, Murphy, Caelan and Rocco all sat at the bar inside McGinty's. Actually, Murphy and Caelan were sitting on the high stools, Rocco and Connor stood behind them. Doc was behind the bar, pouring them another round of drinks.

"Hard to believe something so pretty could be related to the likes of you two FUCK! ASS!"

Caelan propped her head up with her arm. "Aw, thanks Doc…I think."

"No, seriously. Doc's right. You are the most beautiful woman." Rocco slurred.

Caelan looked at him curiously, one eyebrow was arched upward. "Rocco, you can just stop that right now. Your flattery isn't going to get you anywhere." She ended her statement by taking a shot of whiskey.

Connor and Murphy erupted into hysterical laughter.

"Psh. Your loss." Rocco downed his shot. "Should've known a sister to these two would be a stubborn ass. Just like your brothers."

Caelan's attention suddenly snapped to the old juke box in the corner. "Oh my God! I love this song!" She jumped from the stool and ran to the source of the music. "Doc! Turn it up!"

Doc did as he was instructed and Caelan pushed through the crowd towards an empty spot on the floor. She started moving to the music, not caring a bit that she danced alone. Rocco leaned towards Connor and Murphy. "Does she always do this when she's drunk?"

Connor laughed at the question. "She does this shit fuckin' sober, Roc."

A few people had joined Caelan on the "dance floor" and those who stood nearby clapped and cheered her on. Caelan was in her own little world, singing along with the song as she danced and spun.

Eventually the song ended, and everyone applauded her performance. Caelan laughed and took a bow.

It had gotten dark outside, and the air was cold. She wasn't sure what to think, what to feel. Her brothers were murderers. She knew that…At least in her mind she knew that. But somehow in her heart she was finding it hard to judge them, or even be angry with them. She was sure that her feelings couldn't be right.

Her hands were still shaking as she unscrewed the cap from the bottle and took a long sip. She didn't even flinch as she swallowed. Caelan absently touched her cross as she tried to process what her brothers had told her.

She reluctantly re-entered the house and slowly made her way back towards the living room. Murphy held his pack of cigarettes out to her as soon as she entered. She accepted one, but took a seat on the opposite end of the couch from where he sat. She lit it and took another sip of whiskey. "Ok. I'm a little calmer now. Start from the beginning."

Connor rubbed his eyes. "A bar fight."

"A bar fight. What does that mean?"

"That's how it all started." Murphy provided.

Connor and Murphy proceeded to tell her of the infamous St. Patrick's Day brawl that ended with the death of the Russian mafia soldiers. Caelan listened intently, her eyes wide with amazement and disbelief.

"We turned ourselves in, and that was when we first met Agent Smecker. He helped us out a lot. He's a good friend and an even greater ally." Connor said. "He let us stay the night in the holding cell at the police station, and that's when it happened."

"What happened?"

"Connor and I…We got a message from God that night. It woke us up out of sound sleep."

"The next morning, we received our first "assignment," a mob boss that had flown in for a meeting. We had one of the Russian's pagers for that night before. It was too bizarre to be a coincidence. We knew then that that was what God wanted us to do."

Caelan shook her head in disbelief again. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous this all sounds? God told you to kill all the evil men in Boston."

Murphy and Connor exchanged a glance before nodding.

"I can't believe you two are serious about all this…This new 'job' of yours…have you ever stopped to think about how twisted and psychotic it is? Anyone you think is evil…You kill them, and you don't think there's anything wrong with that?" She could feel herself starting to get upset again.

"Evil man, dead man." Connor stated.

"It's God's will. He chose us to deliver his punishments to those who deserve it." Murphy added.

"Listen to yourselves! How can you even begin to imagine that you have any clue whatsoever as to what God wants?"

"We can't explain it, Cae. It's just the way it is. Our father was chosen just like his father before him, and his father before him. But Da got caught. That's where he's been for all these years…That's why he went to prison." Murphy said as he extinguished his cigarette.

"That's another thing…Who's side are you two on? All these years it's always been the three of us and Ma. Now Da's back in the picture after 25 years and you guys are all over him like he never left. Well, I'm sorry but I just don't see myself giving a damn about him." Caelan was getting upset again so she took another quick sip of whiskey.

"That's your decision. You have every reason to feel that way towards him. It's easier for Connor and me to understand why he had to leave. It's hard to be a family man when you're in our line of work."

"The truth of the matter is that Da wants to see you. He wants to know you." Connor said, his voice holding a sympathetic tone.

"Oh, really? Then why hasn't he come here? Why hasn't he made any attempt to see me in the two years he's been back?" Caelan crossed her arms.

"Well, we thought about dropping in to see you when we were in New York, but we didn't want to ambush you," Murphy added.

"Murph!" Connor barked.

"Wait, you were in New York? When were you in New York?" Her gaze switched between her brothers.

Connor glared at his brother. "We were there hiding out. We took out a big Mafia boss in Boston, and we went to New York for awhile while things calmed down."

"Well this just keeps getting better and better. You were actually, physically in New York on an extended vacation and didn't even bother to come and see me."

"Well, it wasn't really a vacation, it wasn't safe." Connor said, scrubbing his knuckles against the back of his neck.

Caelan leaned back into the couch. Her cigarette had burned out long ago. She covered her forehead with her hand and breathed deeply. "You guys are like a emotional rollercoaster."

"We're sorry Caelan…"

"Does Ma know all this?"

"I think she knows why Da left. She had to know, and she must've been alright with it." Murphy started.

Caelan glared at him. "What makes you think that?" "Well, why else would she never say anything bad about Da, after all these years? Ma hates everyone and she'll make fuckin' sure you know it. You think she'd be quiet about her husband fuckin' leavin' her unless she was alright with it?"

"Wow. You thought of that all by yourself?"

"Fuck you, Connor."

Caelan heard herself laugh. Caelan loved her brothers more than anything in the world and she wanted to support them, but she felt what they were doing couldn't be more wrong. In her heart she wanted desperately to know her father; to be close to him and forgive him, but she was bitter and resentful that he left her and her family all those years ago. It was as if her brain was fighting her heart, yet neither one could emerge the victor.

"Say somethin' Cae."

"I still don't know what to make of all of this…my head…it just keeps spinning…"

"Well, if it's any consolation, Da really wants to see you. He told me so himself."

"What did he say?"

"He said he hoped someday you'd forgive him."

She smiled to herself, defeated. What was the point of resisting? So much time had been lost already. "Well, how can I forgive you two and not him?"

And then her brothers smiled.