This was actually quite emotional for me to write - so I really hope you enjoy!

Thank you all again for reading my work, it's really amazing, I love any feedback - reviews please :)

I remember being in the back of the ambulance

I tried to speak

The medic smiled at me

I remember wondering why they weren't telling me about Ziva, even though they had, several times

But I had temporary memory loss

So I would forget

And start to panic, again

I felt so sad and empty

There was a thick fog coming over me and it was hard to breathe

But that was because I kept ripping off my breathing mask

I think the medic was holding my hand, trying to stop me from moving

And, I had this hole in my stomach that I'll never forget, oh, it ached – it was unbearable

I wanted to go back, I needed to see her face

There was this part on the recording of someone screaming.

The only way that I can explain it, is one of absolute panic, anger, um, I suppose desperation.

Different to the previous cries

You can really hear the pain, which was the worst part

Despite my injuries, I managed to rip off my breathing mask, again

I thought I had said her name again

But those screams I mentioned before, it was just me:

Gasping and sobbing and screaming

I can't actually make out any words

But at the time I swear I was saying her name clearly

You can hear the medic securing my breathing mask, again

Man, he was patient

And he repeated for probably the 9th time where Ziva was, which was in the other bus

But I would forget that

And I would forget that she was thrown on top of me in the crash

And I would forget that her blood had soaked my shirt

And I would forget that my blood had soaked us both

I would just lie there for moments and then it would start again, the panic…

I guess they got tired and eventually just made me a sign, did you know that?

Anyway, I kept it – it told me where she was, and where I was, and why

I guess we arrived at the hospital, hospitals have that smell – I hate it

I needed to see her

I felt inanimate and stupid and alone

I wished so much that they would just take me to her and I would just stop with this

But they didn't, and I didn't stop

I was reliving the same nightmare every five minutes – the whole accident would flash back to me as if it was happening at that moment

And with every memory I became more hysterical

All I could see were masked strangers who told me that they would make it okay if I could just count back from 10

By make it okay, I thought they meant 'take me to her' – which they didn't

But their advice did work, the pain had stopped and I was unconscious while their hands sifted through my broken body