You all are so fantastic with your reviews please keep them coming...

I don't own any of the NCIS characters etc etc etc :)

Warning: Things get a little heated

The feeling of asphyxiation had possessed my body and I had woken up suddenly gasping and coughing. I looked down to her and noticed she was asleep at the other end of the couch, her chest effortlessly rising and falling with each breath. I got up and placed a blanket over her, her feet were always cold regardless of the weather. I sat back down on the couch and she spoke words that didn't quite make sense:

"Do you remember me, Tony?"

"You awake?" I whispered

"You will forget… Again"

I patted her hair and exhaled

"I couldn't forget you even if I wanted to"

"But you have…" She opened her eyes and peeled herself up to a seated position

"You will realize, Tony… You will work this out.. And this will all make sense to you…"

"I gotta tell ya Ziva, you're not making a whole lotta sense.. How much wine did you have?"

She looked at me and smiled

"Too much, I suppose"

I stared at her longingly, hoping that I didn't give myself away, hoping that I still portrayed friend rather than hopelessly in love.

"Are you tired?" she asked rubbing the side of her head

"Not really anymore…you?"

"No…"

She placed her hand in mine and sat there and slowly let her eyelids fall until they were shut

"Do you ever think about, when we danced…in Berlin?" She asked and squeezed my hand gently.

"Every damn day…"

She turned her head so it was facing me and opened her eyes

"So do I… I never said thank you for that…"

I nodded and looked down at her hand, and wondered how many have been touched like this, how many had really felt the warmth of her heart in one simple touch.

"I might get some water" I looked back up at her

"Sure…"

I stood up and made my way to the kitchen and could feel her behind me, I turned around and saw her leaning against the counter, I reached for two glasses and filled them with the jug from the fridge.

"Here" I handed her the glass which she sipped and then placed next to her.

I realised I was standing way too close; I could feel her breath against my skin but I couldn't move away, I was transfixed on her curious eyes, looking at her perfect mouth all of which excited and scared me at the same time. I filled my lungs with every part of her and exhaled every piece of me, I wanted to tell her that I was so god damn in love with her but I just stood there, incapable. I leant forward and placed my hand on the bench outside of where she was standing and she gently touched my fingers with hers, I moved in closer and put my other hand outside of her and we froze. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pulled her close to me and kissed her, hard. Our lips crashed together, she lifted her hands and rubbed them through my hair until reaching my back which she clawed into, I put my arms around her and lifted her onto the counter, her legs wrapped around my waist, and I kissed her, harder. Her lips moved to my neck and she reached back around and undid my tie, then my shirt. I lifted her off the counter, her legs still around my waist; I could feel myself growing against her. As I carried her toward the bedroom I pushed her against walls, her lips assaulting my neck, biting my shoulder and thrusting against me. Our breath was quick and hot. I felt myself losing control; we continued to crash into walls until we finally made it to my bedroom.

I threw her onto the bed and kneeled over her, she pulled off my shirt and pulled me onto the bed and rolled on top of me, she took off her shirt and bra and pressed her bare torso against mine. She reached down to my pants and undid my belt and my pants were ripped off. I unzipped hers and pulled them off, pulling her closer to me, our panting, sweaty bodies pressed against each other, I couldn't get enough. Eventually I entered her and she buried her face into my neck sucking, and biting and moaning my name. I couldn't stand it; I rolled over so I was on top of her thrusting myself deeper into her. Her nails scratched all the way down my back and she clawed into me further, panting. Sweat was dripping off me, causing our bodies to slide against one another with ease. It was pure ecstasy. Her whole body tensed and I released myself into her as I groaned, I could feel her climax, I was moaning her name in between my shortened breath and she collapsed onto my chest. I could feel our hearts pounding against each other, fast. We stayed there for a while until she rolled off and interlaced her fingers with mine.

The whole room was still and we remained silent, I breathed slowly and she turned her head, looking directly at me

"What is that face, Tony?" she squinted her eyes

I didn't reply and she rolled back over onto her back

"I'm in love with you" I said it slowly and yet had not control of my words.

She remained on her back and spoke to calmly "I know… but you should not"

I looked at her confused

"Tony, I love you…"

I was waiting for the "but" yet I couldn't ignore the wave of relief that washed over me, cleansing me of all paranoia, apprehension and a plethora of other emotions.

"You know this…" she looked at me "You have heard this before…"

"Heard what?"

"At the hospital... I told you…"

I looked at her in disbelief, screaming at my brain hoping to break every bit of amnesia I seemed to have. I thought that this would be the one thing I remembered.

"How?" I asked her

She was still lying on her back looked at the ceiling.

She spoke slowly "I went down to see you… I was not there for long… You were still asleep… and then nothing…"

"Nothing?"

"Well…you….you….died, Tony…" Her voice shook and she closed her eyes momentarily "Right in front of me… out of nowhere… You looked fine and then… I have never…" she paused and inhaled deeply regaining her composure.

"I screamed… Gibbs was um at the door… and then the Doctor's came… and I was still screaming… I could not stop… Gibbs grabbed me… like he um… He put his arms around me from behind… And I kept kicking… So he lifted me up and dragged me out of the room… I fought like hell to stay in there.. But they shut the door in my face… They were telling Gibbs to get me out… to um control me… but he just… said nothing… occasionally… he said my name…But I could not stop."

"Eventually they stabilized you…I think…. You had one of those things in your mouth….I think it helps you breathe…It was taped there… And I came in and I crawled into your bed…And I just…I told you I loved you and you could not leave me… and I um, I just stayed there…for the longest time… and I kept saying it… and eventually you came back to me… And that was that I suppose"

I squeezed her hand in mine, signaling that I was okay now, that I was alive… Signaling that I was sorry that I wasn't strong enough to live for her… That I had caused her so much pain, that she had to momentarily live through another loss in her life. I needed to be better and stronger, I didn't deserve her, and she didn't deserve this pain

"Hey, I'm here now" I said

She remained still, staring at the ceiling

"Yes, but am I?"