Disclaimer: What, we're at chapter 42 and I still need to tell people that these characters aren't mine, they belong to JKR and Warner? Well, okay… if it helps…

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Chapter 42: The Best a Man Can Be

Luna had to go to meet Ginny to do some work on a joint project for Arithmancy. Harry had to go and bust down the barrier and run Voldemort's Blockade to get to Honeydukes and buy Luna chocolates. And chocolates for Ron for telling Luna where to find him. And chocolates for Hermione so she didn't feel left out. And chocolates for Draco so he didn't feel left out either. Hell, Harry would spend every Galleon in the vault on chocolates for the entirety of Hogwarts – red and white roses, too (blue ones if Luna wanted them in Ravenclaw colours and if there were no such things as blue roses Harry would invent them on the spot), and a full-size statue of Simon modelled out of dark chocolate with matching silver shoes – if it would make Luna kiss him again. But breaking the barrier and emptying Honeydukes would have to wait: Luna was worried about Simon's blanket chafing at his chest.

Harry might have asked Luna to wait while he checked Simon and walked back with her, but she was already late and, frankly, Harry didn't want to go back to the castle yet, not when Luna was going to be busy with someone who wasn't him. So he untied his scarf from around Simon's head, waking the horse who didn't seem upset over being blindfolded, and walked out with Luna into the rain, leaving the horse in the shelter so that Simon didn't take offence at any public display of affection she might care to share with him. That was a fortunate decision, because she said, "You're getting wet," and kissed him quickly before turning and slipping away back into the darkness, leaving Harry alone in the rain with his scarf hanging from one hand, dangling unnoticed in the mud. He didn't mind about the rain so much – all of a sudden, Harry loved the rain. Rain was the most beautiful thing in the world. Luna had kissed him in the rain and rain was perfect.

"The only one who wants to kiss me these days is a Dementor."

Harry jumped at the hoarse voice, but, turning, saw it was Sirius. "You're going to catch your death out here." The Animagus jerked his head towards Simon's shelter. "Luna's not here now. Will that crazed beast of yours attack me if we go in there?"

Harry shrugged. "Possibly not."

Sirius peered into the darkness doubtfully. There was a low, rolling snort as something within peered back at him with equal dubiousness. Simon wasn't quite threatened enough to come out into the rain, however. "I've met him in canine form. He tolerated me… only as long as Luna told him to behave, though. And he went for Remus."

"That was when he was a werewolf."

"No, he was human then."

"Oh. Right." Harry had forgotten. Things before Luna's kiss were a little hazy. He cudgelled his drifting mind back into working order. "He… drew his wand. Simon thought he was attacking me."

"He didn't just think he was attacking him? It? And since when does a horse know that a wand is dangerous?"

"Simon tried to push me away from Lupin, and put himself between us. And he had a lot of old curse-fragments lodged in him from the battle. Lupin tried to touch one of them, even when I told him not to, and Simon… reacted."

"Don't pull out a wand. Check. Well, no wand on me at the moment anyway… Don't prod old scars. Check. Rain turning to sleet. Check. Come on – I'm getting soaked. Wet kisses might be the best for you and that Lovegood girl, but it's bloody freezing out here."

Blushing, Harry led him into the ersatz stable.

Simon's eyes gleamed in the darkness. Other than that, the only way to make out his form was by the paler blanket covering him, which Harry needed to check.

There was another low, rolling snort as he examined Sirius. By the noticeable lack of screaming and trampling by an enraged stallion, Sirius must have passed inspection. Harry caught the headcollar and took out his wand. "Lumos."

The blue caught in highlights on the black hide and in Sirius' wet hair as horse and Animagus eyed each other. A flick of Harry's wand sent a blob of light slowly rising to the roof, where it hung, some five feet above Harry's head. "Doesn't seem too upset over magic."

"He knows me. But at first I wouldn't have dared come this close to him with a wand out."

Sirius frowned in the thin light.

"Don't stare at him," Harry advised. "He doesn't like that. Oh, and don't stand square on to him like that. It makes you look like you're trying to boss him around."

Sirius dropped his gaze and turned to Harry, a small smile flickering at the corners of his mouth. "Far be it for me to boss a farm animal around."

Harry snorted and let go of the headcollar to slap Simon on the neck affectionately, then unbuckled the chest strap. He relit his wand to examine the hide carefully. There was a patch of hair on the point of the shoulder that was wearing thin. Harry spelled the lining of the cover thicker and softer. That should do it, he thought as he redid the strap, but resolved to check it again tomorrow morning. No – better yet, he'd have Luna come up with him and check it. And then they could blindfold Simon again… Harry realised his attention was wandering badly and he hadn't answered Sirius. "Some farm animal. I went for a gallop the other evening – it was like riding the Firebolt for the first time!"

"Shame you're not allowed to ride your broom," Sirius said sourly. Harry could guess why he was irked – Sirius was the one who'd given it to Harry, and he'd drawn some unwelcome attention to himself when he'd made the Gringotts withdrawal.

"When all of this is over, it'll be back to Quidditch. Same old, same old…" Harry ruffled Simon's mane. The horse snuffled at Harry's pockets, ever hopeful that peppermints might magically come into being. "Sorry, old boy; no peppermints today," Harry told him. "I think we've run out. I'll see if I can find you some carrots or something next time I'm by the kitchens."

"Doesn't seem too wild," Sirius said.

"He's not. Just easily put on the defensive," Harry said, feeling a little on the defensive himself. Simon must have picked up on that, because he lifted his head and gave Sirius a harder look.

"Hmm. Do you think he'd let me pat him?"

"Can't hurt to try…" Harry quickly rethought what he'd just said. "Can't hurt if you're ready to move really fast. The only strangers he's instantly liked so far have been Luna, Dumbledore and Flitwick. He was edgy around me and Draco until he got used to us."

"Ah. A discerning breed of horse." Sirius held out his hand, palm down. "This works for me when I'm Padfoot," he told Harry with a sly grin. "For some reason if you hold your hand up it makes Paddy – me – suspicious."

Robert Python had written something similar about horses. Harry was curious to find something crossing over to dogs – even if it wasn't a real dog. He took hold of the headcollar again as Simon lowered his head just enough to touch his nose to Sirius' hand.

Sirius humph'd with satisfaction and rubbed his hand up and down the length of the horse's nose, scratching the broad space between the eyes and then around Simon's ears when Simon lowered his head. "Seems friendly enough."

"He's not unhappy about attention… he's just got a few issues with trust."

"Don't we all," Sirius muttered, pulling at Simon's ears. Harry frowned, wondering if Simon was going to object – or, more correctly, with what degree of violence Simon was going to object. But to his surprise Simon seemed to enjoy it. "There… I love that when I'm a dog. Might be nice as a human, but people seem less inclined to pat me when I look like this, let alone pull my ears. Although old McGonagall might be tempted to box them on occasion." He flashed a grin at Harry. "Don't know why – I've a wonderful personality and it's not like I'm not housebroken."

Harry couldn't help smiling, although he wondered how much of the conversation Sirius had overheard between him and Luna, not to mention the monologue to Simon. He didn't want to relax with Sirius – there was still too much they hadn't dealt with. But it was hard to resist. Although maybe he should, given that Sirius didn't seem to know the signs of Simon about to go ballistic…

"Um. I don't know if you should do that."

Sirius was flicking at Simon's lower lip. "What?" said Sirius, tickling the lip until Simon twitched it. "Look… I could be a ventriloquist… What is your name? My name is Mister Horse…"

Sirius was just trying to amuse Harry, but Harry could see that Simon wasn't interested in being part of this show. He couldn't tell how he knew – there was something about the ears and a slow arching tension along the crest of the neck. There was the silken hiss of a tail being swished. "You're annoying him."

"No, I'm not. He loves it. Don't you? Yes, I do, Sirius… I – Argh!"

Simon bit Sirius.

Sirius drew back his fist.

With a blast of red light, Harry threw Sirius into the wall.

Simon moved in for the kill. Harry grabbed the headcollar just in time.

Almost.

Sirius moved like lightning, drawing up his knees to his chest: one front hoof struck out and thudded into the straw where Sirius' shin had been. Sirius gasped. "Merlin, Harry… that thing's a murderer!"

"Simon! Bad horse," Harry scolded. "Settle down."

Simon grudgingly stepped back as Harry tugged on the headcollar.

"Simon. No! You heard me… Behave yourself. You all right, Sirius?"

Sirius nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on the horse. "Harry, Remus was right. That beast is too dangerous for –"

"Oh, don't you start. I told you you were annoying him. But did you listen? Not a bloody hope. And now I've got to tell him off for attacking you…"

"What, like you should praise him for attacking me?" Sirius' expression warred between disgust and hurt.

"He's not allowed to attack people, no. I've got to make sure he knows that. But not by beating him." Harry shuddered at the thought – even if Simon didn't react violently in return, Harry would have lost him. He turned and gave Simon a stern look. "Back off, Simon. Let me handle this." He released the headcollar, firmly but not angrily pushing the horse's head aside.

Disgusted, Simon turned so that his backside was facing Harry.

"He's going to kick you!"

Harry was getting a headache. "No. He's just sulking. He does that."

"Oh. Does he usually sulk after being deprived of his rightful prey?"

Harry narrowed his eyes at Sirius' tone. "He knows I should have looked after him better. I should have stopped you when I knew you were annoying him… luckily I stopped you before you hit him –" Sirius looked down at that "– or he would have gone ballistic. That was really dumb, Sirius. Really, really dumb."

"Yeah."

"Y- What?"

Sirius stood. He was rubbing his arm where Simon had bitten it. "You told me. I didn't listen."

Harry waited for Sirius to say But…

Sirius didn't. He merely watched Harry to see what move Harry would make next.

"So… are you going to listen if I tell you that Simon isn't allowed to defend himself, so it's up to me to defend him, and if you piss him off again or raise a hand against him I'll make sure you're gone in the next second, no matter what happens to you? Because… because he's got to live in a human world where he's not allowed to behave naturally, and I won't train him to be weak and then leave him to be… to be hur… to be wrecked by other people just because they can…" Harry swallowed.

Sirius reached out a tentative hand and rested it on Harry's shoulder. "I understand."

"No, you don't."

"Maybe… not completely. But I hear you. And I'm trying to do my best. And don't you say my best isn't good enough, because it's all I've bloody well got," said Sirius in a voice that sounded too calm to carry such words.

Harry stared down at the floor.

Sirius sighed. "Right. Let's give it another try with this horse of yours."

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea…"

Sirius stopped. "Is it worth a try?"

Harry considered this for a moment. "Maybe. But if I say 'stop', then back off immediately. I won't let you treat Simon like he's a… I won't let you treat Simon like he's Severus."

Sirius stilled. Only his eyes moved, the tiniest flickering. Harry could see him trying out different words in his head, then discarding them in favour of silence.

Harry turned to Simon, hoping for something easier to understand.

Simon's expression was unreadable, and not just because the light hovering overhead was faint; Simon had his head in the corner and was pretending Harry didn't exist.

"Now look what you've done," Harry muttered.

Sirius lifted an eyebrow and stepped up to Simon's shoulder. He rested a hand there, and if he was unsure of himself or his welcome, he didn't show it. "Hello there, horse," he said. "Well, we got off on the wrong foot there, didn't we? Hoof, rather. Or paw. Let's try that one again…" He rubbed along the horse's neck, digging in with his fingertips a little, but not rubbing up against the grain of the hide. Harry guessed that was something you learned from being a dog Animagus, how irksome it was when someone tried out the phrase 'rubbed up the wrong way' literally. Simon hadn't bitten Sirius yet – that was a good sign.

Sirius stepped closer. If he didn't feel confident around horses, he was feigning relaxed assurance well enough to conceal this.

Simon twitched an ear to show he was aware of Sirius' presence. He was still sulking, but at least he wasn't completely shutting out the rest of the world.

Sirius began to scratch around the mane behind Simon's ears and, after a few moment's hesitation, those ears drooped a little.

"He likes that," Harry said.

"Mm. I can see." Sirius was scratching around the base of the ears now, following the earlier path which had worked quite well. Simon swung his head a little to get Sirius' fingers in just the right spot.

Sirius smiled. "There, now. We can be friends."

He slung an arm over the horse's neck to use both hands to rub Simon's head. Harry moved around to get a better look, just in case Simon was about to take offence. "There are advantages to being in dog form half the time," Sirius mused. "It gives you an insight into other mammals… Crookshanks took some wooing over, too. Huh. At my farce of a trial – not like I even got a trial, to be honest, more: 'That's Sirius Black. Quick, toss him in Azkaban' – they said I was clinically lacking in empathy…"

"Hmm." This wasn't the time for Harry to say that he agreed with that assessment. He hadn't even thought about it in those terms before. But was it completely true? He'd seen that Sirius could be immune to the suffering of others, could even take pleasure out of it, but right now he was smiling, seemingly genuinely satisfied that the horse was relaxing.

Simon's eyes were half-closed. His upper lip twitched as it did sometimes when someone was brushing a particularly itchy spot, and Harry said, "Uh, I think he's about to not bite you…"

"Sorry?"

Simon turned his head and bared his teeth.

"He's being friendly," Harry said quickly. "You're wearing thick robes, right?"

"Winter weight." Sirius shot Harry a helpless look over his shoulder as the horse began to nip at his hip. He turned side-on quickly, just in case. "Ouch. Why is he doing that?"

Harry was smiling, although a little jealous. Simon had tried that once with him – Harry had thought he was being bitten and pushed him away, affronted. The horse hadn't tried again. Simon had had the same reaction from Draco. Luna, on the other hand, by now had had the shoulders of two perfectly good robes chewed out. He'd seen it happen: Luna would scrub away at Simon's neck with her fingernails and the horse, complete with blissful expression, would nibble at her shoulders. It wasn't violent. It couldn't be comfortable for a human, but for some reason Luna encouraged it. Sirius was looking askance at Harry, who decided to elaborate before Sirius could get upset: "The book calls it 'mutual grooming'. It's something horses do to each other when they're shedding. One horse scratches the other horse with its teeth to get the old hair out, and the other horse does the same. Luna says it's good for Simon to do this, because it makes him feel like he's got friends." He remembered that, now… and part of him writhed for not picking up on Luna's loneliness.

Was that why she was obsessed with Simon? It was obvious how fond of her the horse was. Luna – lovely, kind, unexpectedly wise through bizarre clouds of pink fantasy Luna – needed someone to recognise her and reflect the affection in her abundant heart…

"Well, if he can wait until I'm back in dog form I can see that there could be some advantages to this, but until then: ouch. … Harry?"

Sirius was talking to him.

"What?"

"Something bothering you?"

"Uh, no?" Oh yes – he'd been thinking of Luna. And he blushed – 'affection in her abundant heart'? Merlin on a broom, he'd be needing a better psychiatrist than Doctor Draco.

Sirius winced and pushed Simon's head away, but gently. Simon shook himself all over like a dog, rattling the blanket so that the centre line was over to the left of the spine, and making Sirius grin. The Animagus might have been making his own canine comparisons. "Good. I think your horse needs other horses – or company that's a little more robust than a simple, thin-skinned wizard."

"Hogwarts is a bit short on other horses at the moment. And since when were you thin-skinned?"

Sirius' grin grew. He gave Simon a final pat on the neck to show there were no hard feelings. "True. On both accounts. Speaking of skin, he's a bit oily on it." He rubbed the tips of his fingers together.

"Luna says it helps insulate him against the weather and keeps his coat in good condition. Don't you get oily hair when you're a dog?"

"A bit. Plus there's the drawback of always smelling of dog."

"Horses don't smell too bad."

"Grass eaters. Deer smell fine, too." His face clouded over for a second, then lightened again. "Ha. I must be the only dog that leaps with joy into a bubble bath. Dead give-away as an Animagus, unfortunately." He looked around and up at the ceiling, the hovering light softening the tired lines around his eyes. "It's cosy up here. If your mate here wasn't so anti canines, I might spend more time up here myself."

Harry scuffed at the straw with the toe of his sneaker. "I'm thinking of bringing a sleeping bag up."

Sirius gave him a sympathetic look. "Things still rough?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, it's not new – you should have been here for second and fourth years if you wanted to see the highlights of Harry Potter, social pariah."

Sirius put his hand on Harry's shoulder again. It felt good – someone who cared if Harry lived or died (with emphasis on the 'lived' part). "I wish I'd been here, too."

"Thanks. But there wasn't much you could have done."

"I could have bitten someone."

Harry laughed. "'Bad Snuffles! Back off there, Snuffles!'"

"Hey, I wouldn't go off and sulk like some four-footed persons I could mention… Speaking of which… Excuse me, but did anyone invite you to put your big nose there?"

Simon had definitely given up his sulk and was now checking Sirius' pockets for peppermints. Sirius ruffled the forelock. "You know my problem?" he said.

"What?"

"I forget that animals aren't people."

"And that people aren't animals," Harry said carefully, testing the waters a little.

"Perhaps. Or maybe it's more a case of forgetting whether I'm a person or an animal."

Harry frowned. He hadn't considered that. But it made sense. A lot of sense. Sirius could be impulsive and then thoughtful. He might throw a sulk worse than anything of Simon's because Remus went to supervise detention rather than sneak him down to the kitchens, and then beat Ron at chess. "Is it because you spend so much time as Snuffles?"

"No." Sirius fluffed up then neatened the silky forelock, his face shadowed under his own shaggy hair. "It's because I grew up as a Black."

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