This Ain't No Fairytale Chapter 12: Singalongs Are for Kids, Then Again, a twilight fanfic

Holy shiz nit! this is one freaking long chapter... that i just wrote... in like... half and hour... i can't believe i just pulled all that out of my butt... that's great... HAHAHAH! this is one hell of a funny chapter i must say... A little slutty... but that's why we all love it... right? haha... anyway... here you all go... oh, and i don't own any of the Twilight characters...=P -Mooch

Sing-Alongs Are for Kids... Then Again

Leah phased first and I stood a little ways into the forest so that I didn't have to see her... again...I phased as soon as she was out of the forest and we walked across the meadow and into the Diamond's house without a second thought. It was dark outside finally, the sun completely behind the hills and trees and the stars were just beginning to com out.

"Hello?" I called into the house. Shawn bounced up to me.

"Hey Jetta! We thought that Leah ate you..." She said to me and I snickered.

"Do I really give off that impression?" Leah asked with a fake pouty face.

"Yeah... Sorta..." Shawn sighed and then started towards the living room.

"Where's Seth?" I called after her.

"Up in Trace's room.... Emmett, Jake, Quil, Trace, Embry, Jasper, and Edward all wanted to help him with... male bonding? I don't know... It sounded gay to me." She said as I saw her plop her butt down in front of the T.V. with Danny and Gibbs. I looked at Leah and shrugged, then started towards the stairs.

"Jetta! There you are! What's going on?" Slater asked me as she came up with Makayla.

"I'm not to sure... Shawn just made it sound like all the guys were having a vamp/werewolf male bonding experience." I replied.

"Sounds gay." Slater said, and I nodded and continued up the stairs towards Trace's room.

"They're gonna hear us... they have super sonic hearing like us you know." Makayla said behind me and I shushed her.

"So? That doesn't mean we can't crash their man party." I said back to her and she shrugged. As soon as we got to the second door on the right hand side I put my ear up to it. Leah crouched down below me with Makayla and Slater stood next to me, we all pressed our heads to the door to hear clearer.

"So, Seth. Any questions?" I recognized Trace's big voice.

"Uh... No not really..." Seth's voice rang out, and my stomach felt all warm and tingly. Dammit stomach! Don't do that!

"Are you sure?" Quil's voice asked with a smile in it.

"Well... Actually... Do you think if I call it mating, then she'll get mad at me?" I heard Seth ask again. Slater started shaking with laughter and I looked down to share a horrified expression with Leah.

"Well you are mammals..." Said Emmett loudly. "Which reminds me..." He continued, and then it was quiet. I heard a few footsteps, then a small clicking noise. And then someone else was speaking... out of a speaker. Oh Lord above, please help me.

Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about

The door slammed open and we all fell onto our faces on the rug. I picked up my head to see all of the guys without shirts on, with bandanas around their heads with fake wolf ears over them, and chains around their necks. Trying to look like wolves/rappers... And failing epically. Edward stepped forward and started lip synched the first words.

I'd appreciate your input

The beat continued and then Emmett stepped forward and started lip synching.

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

All of the guys started to dance and thrust their hips while making gestures to fit the words in the song.

Embry and Quil stepped up and began their part by lip synching.

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"

They continued their amazingly suggestive dance, and Shawn, Danny, and Gibbs had all joined us now. While Slater, Makayla, Leah and I were on the floor laughing. But at the same time I wanted to go and die in a hole. This was so not the welcome I had wanted from Seth. Jasper and Jacob started to lip synch.

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammalsSo let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Seth stepped forward and continued his suggestive dance as I stood up with the girls, threatening to erupt in laughter again. Seth started to lip synch and I couldn't help but sing along. The song was just so damn catchy...

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

The song finally ended and I just looked at Seth, then when I heard the laughs from the Cullen boys, Diamond boy, and the rest of his pack, I looked around his tall frame to glare at the others.

"What the frig was that?" I asked finally.

"That's what you get for eavesdropping on our male bonding." Emmett said while he tried to adjust his bandana.

"You guys did not just plan that spontaneously. I'm thinking that it had to take you at least a half an hour while we were gone to plan that whole shenanigan." Leah said to her brother and the other guys.

"So what if it did? That was so worth it. Guys? When I imprint, can we do that too?" Embry asked the other guys.

"Dude... Only if you're imprint isn't a three year old like Claire was..." Seth turned around to laugh at Embry. Embry opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut, and the other guys laughed. I sighed and shook my head and Seth turned around to look at me with a wide grin on his face.

"So? How did you like it?" He asked.

"Yeah, and speak truthfully!" Emmett called and wiggled his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes.

"And if you don't, I can always tell them what you were thinking later..." Edward smirked at me. Something dawned on me.

"Where the hell are you're wives? Would they approve of this?" I asked aloud.

"They are hunting... but actually....Alice actually came up with the whole idea..." Jasper smirked at me. I rolled my eyes. I was going to kill that damn pixie...

"I heard that." Edward said to me and I threw him a glare.

"Very good Edward. I'm pretty sure that we all know that you can read minds. You're a very special boy. Now stop being a show off." I replied to him and the boys started laughing, Edward frowned at me and I rolled my eyes.

"So you liked it then?" Embry asked.

"If you define liking, as, thinking that it was possibly the funniest and most suggestive thing that I have ever seen in my life. Then yes. I like it." I replied, then sighed.

"But you guys aren't going to see what we have coming. And you can just thank Seth for eavesdropping on mine and Leah's talk... Everyone say Thanks Seth!" I smiled at them all and the all groaned.

"I knew that was a bad idea Edward." Seth said to the vampire who just shrugged.

"Wait... Edward helped you?" Leah asked.

"Well duh... Since we all can hear each other, I had to be far enough away from you guys so that you wouldn't hear us." Seth replied and I noticed how he was standing very close to me. His warm body seemed very inviting for a second. But I snapped out of it again, and then walked over to Leah and Slater, and put my arms around their shoulders.

"Well... I think that we are going to head back to our shack for the night. Leah, would you like to come?" I asked her and she shrugged.

"It's better than sleeping on dirt or in a cloud of vampire stink... Trust me." Danny pipped up and I nodded in agreement.

"Sure... Why not... Are you guys going to be in the forest?" Leah asked Jake.

He nodded, "Yeah... We'll follow you guys over the line..." Jake said and I nodded, then let the girls all go out of the room. Seth started to follow me out the door but I stopped him with a hand on his chest and pushed him back into the room. He gave me a questioning look.

"Put on a shirt first... I don't want to be looking at that baby fat all night." I told him and the other guys started to laugh.

"You just got DENIED!" Emmett called at a blushing Seth. I laughed as well, and he looked up at me, and saw that I was only kidding, and then started to laugh as well.

"Meet you down there." I said and turned to go down the stairs after the girls. We all met up out front of the Diamonds house. I sat on the grass next to Gibbs and Shawn.

"So what's with the total withdrawal of annoying-ness? It's sort of creeping me out now." I asked them.

"Who knows... Maybe the vampire stink is making my head foggy. I do seem to be able to think clearer out here..." Shawn sighed and Gibbs nodded.

"Okay... As long as you aren't turning into a cover without us..." I said and I heard Danny laugh.

"Yeah right... They wouldn't be able to start a coven... They would fail epically." She snorted.

"Very true." I called out. Gibbs frowned.

"You don't think we can take care of ourselves?" She asked and I snorted.

"I know you can't." I replied and then heard the front door open again. I looked over and saw the guys come out... Fully clothed.

"Finally!" Leah groaned out and we all stood up and started towards the forest.

"Shut up! It wasn't that long." Quil said to her and we all rolled our eyes at it. I bolted into the forest ahead of them all and as soon as I was through the brush I phased into my pure white furred wolf form. I heard other growls and all the other girls joined my mind.

Okay... So now what? Danny asked.

Uh.... We go home? What else? Slater rolled her eyes at her. I turned around to see the girls and then I saw Jake's pack. Seth trotted over to me and panted in my face.

What the hell does that mean? I asked them in my head.

I think he's trying to tell you that he thinks you are the reason that he is feeling all hot right now... Makayla laughed and the girls all chuckled. I shook my head and sighed.

You guys are such perverts. I said to them.

So what? It's not like we'll be like this forever. Shawn said.

Unless we all become pedophiles and go into the forest and steal little wolf children and screw them... Danny said. We all looked at her.

What? I'm just saying... she said

Yeah, well you've said enough. So shut up. I replied and she shut her mouth. I heard Seth whine a little and I nodded to him then started running through the forest towards the shack on our side of the line.

.:*:.

A sudden loud banging startled me out of my sleeping.

"What the hell is that noise?" I asked groggily.

"Jetta Sparks! Open this stupid door now!" Came a familiar voice. Alice freaking Cullen. Almost drunkenly, I stumbled out of the hammock, narrowly escaping falling on my face in the process. I made my way to the door in the dark shack and opened the door to see a very smiley Alice Cullen.

"What the frig do you want?" I asked her with a yawn.

"I can't believe that you didn't come up with this on your own. Come on... Get the girls up! Let's go. We have to go make your man pay for what he's done." She smirked at me.

"Oh damn. That doesn't sound like something I really want to be doing right now... Let's not and say we did." I replied and tried to shut the door in her face. She held out her hand and stopped the door in it's tracks. I groaned loudly again.

"I'm not going to get out of this... am I?" I asked her.

"Not at all... now come on... Rose and Bella area already getting ready!" She squealed happily.

"Umm... Okay? Girls! Come on, we're going on a field trip..." I went back into the shack and shouted at them all. Including Leah. They all groaned and turned over in their beds. It took another good ten minutes, a lot of my yelling, and some of Alice's persuasive use of the fact that Edward would make them the best cinnamon rolls in the entire world that finally got the girls out of bed. Then we followed Alice out of the house and into the silent forest of the early morning to go... God only knows where, to do... Alice only knows what....

.:*:.

"There is no fucking way I'm wearing that." I said.

"No way in hell am I doing this." Leah growled.

"Oh... Come on guys, It'll be fun." Alice sighed.

"Fun for who? Us? Or them? Or you?" Makayla asked angrily.

"Just trust me on this... I know things will work out.... It's going to be so priceless..." Alice giggled. I groaned.

"I'm going to kill you one day Alice Cullen. I swear." I muttered and she just smiled at me and began her work on all of us.

.:*:.

"I still can't believe I'm doing this..." I muttered under my breath as I tugged at the denim mini skirt that Alice forced on me. Slater glared at me.

"I can't believe that I'm doing this. The kid isn't even my damn imprint. You so owe me." She spat at me as she adjusted the straps of her insanely short white sun dress. I held back my snickers and Alice came back into the house.

"The guys will be here soon from hunting and the pack is on their way... They all should be here in about... three minutes..." Alice said with a blank face on. I rolled my eyes.

"And just what is this going to prove?" I asked her.

"It's going to prove, that you know how to give out payback... In a non-violent way..." Alice corrected herself when I raised my eyebrows at her.

"So dressing us up like sluts and making us dance is going to be payback? Why don't you just send them to a Playboy mansion?" Danny asked as she looked down at her self. I looked at myself as well. Alice had indeed made us look like sluts... Of course, Alice, Bella, Gemma, Leah and Rosalie all looked like goddesses... but we sooo didn't...

Gibbs, Danny and Shawn, all had on extremely short shorts, and tight low cut t-shirts on, that you could see through to their brightly colored, and new bras. Makayla had on a pair of tight jeans that looked hard to breathe in, quite honestly... As well as a low cut, baby doll tank top. And Slater had on a tight white sun dress that just barely managed to cover her ass.... while I was in a denim mini skirt, that I found it excruciatingly hard to keep all of my butt covered. And a tight, light blue, see-through tank top.

"F My Life." I said to myself.

"F MY LIFE!" Makayla glared at me. I rolled my eyes and Alice shushed us.

"Okay... Are we all ready?" She asked us all with a smile as we tried to re-adjust our clothing.

"No... but fuck this. Let's get it over with." I sighed, and she giggled. She darted across the room to press a button on the Diamond's gigantic stereo and I looked out the window and saw all of the guys coming out of the forest in one giant pack of vampires and wolves. They all paused as the music grew louder. Alice smiled at us all and then opened the door and led the way to our freaking death.

All the guys watched us as we walked out onto the Diamond's front porch and Alice, Bella, Rosalie, and Gemma started to lip synch and dance suggestively. We all followed suit, only a few steps behind them.

Haha
Its Mr. 305 checkin' in for the remix
you know that S 75 Street Brazil
Well this year gon be called Calle Ocho

Que ola cata, Que ola omega
and this how we gon do it

The song got more intense and we all started to roll our bodies and swing our hips. The guys started to walk towards us... Their faces were absolutely priceless... just as Alice had said.

Dale
one-two-three-four
Uno-dos'-tres-cuatro

The vampire girls moved out of the way, and me and the girls all made our way to the front. Continuing to dance. We stepped off of the porch and onto the grass. The guys were now almost right on top of us. Seth was close enough to touch, and so I stepped it up a notch... Damn... I didn't know I could do that... Where the hell was all this coming from?

I know you want me (want me)
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me (want me)
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me
You know I want cha (want cha)
one-two-three-four
Uno-do'-tres-cuatro
Rumba (Si)
Ella quiere su Rumba (Como)
Rumba (Si)
Ella quiere si Rumba (Como)
Si e' verdad que tu ere guapa,
Yo te voy a poner gozar
Tu tiene la boca grande
dale ponte a jugar (Como)
one-two-three-four
Uno-do'-tres-cuatro

6 to tha clock, on my way to the top uh,
Pit got it locked from brews to the locker,
All I.P uh, big and packer,
That he's not, but damn he's hot,
label fly but Pit wont stop,
got her in the car, quit playin' with his (Como)
watch him make a movie like Alba Hitch Hock
Enjoy Me

I beckoned to Seth with my finger and he stepped up to me and started to moved with me. Moving his body closer to mine. But I kept out of his reach, just enough to tantalize him. He seemed to be a little frustrated by this, and I directed the chorus right at him this time.

I know you want me (want me)
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me (want me)
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want meYou know I want cha (want cha)
one-two-three-four
Uno-do'-tres-cuatro
Rumba (Si)
Ella quiere su Rumba (Como)
Rumba (Si)
Ella quiere si Rumba (Como)
Si e' verdad que tu ere guapa,
Yo te voy a poner gozar
Tu tiene la boca grande
dale ponte a jugar (Como)
one-two-three-four
Uno-do'-tres-cuatro

Seth finally seemed to have enough with the teasing and grabbed my waist and pulled me to his bare chest. A thrill ran up my spine and I turned around in his hands and continued to dance.

Mami got an ass like a donkey, with a monkey,
look like King Kong, welcome to the crib,
real fast what it is,
with a woman down ya shit
don't play games,
they up the chain, and they let her do
everythang and anythang hit tha thang
and they love it gettin' it in, gettin' on,
all night long

I turned around in his arms again and looked up in his face. Saying the chorus to him, and seeing that he was saying it back to me. I laughed a little but continued to dance anyway.

I know you want me (want me)
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me (want me)
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me
You know I want cha (want cha)
one-two-three-four
Uno-do'-tres-cuatro
Rumba (Si)
Ella quiere su Rumba (Como)
Rumba (Si)
Ella quiere si Rumba (Como)
Si e' verdad que tu ere guapa,Yo te voy a poner gozar
Tu tiene la boca grande
dale ponte a jugar (Como)
one-two-three-four
Uno-do'-tres-cuatro

I finally had enough with his dancing, and realized what I had actually just done... Holy shit! I was just completely acting like a slut! But he wouldn't let me go.

Baby you can get it, if you win it we can play,
baby I got cribs, I got condos we can stay,
even got a king size mattress we can lay,
baby I dont care, I don't care, what they say

He put his lips to my ear and started singing.

On the last beat I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away. He landed on his back on the ground and I found that I was completely out of breath. So was he, by the looks of it. I noticed that almost all of the other couples were dirty dancing and when they saw what I had done to Seth they guys all started laughing.

"As I said before man! DENIED!" Emmett laughed hysterically and I smirked at Seth as he got up from the ground.

"Yeah... Well... I think that I'll be able to take care of that soon enough." He smirked at me before pushing past me and going into the house. Everyone was now laughing at me, and I stared after him with what probably was, a priceless face.

"Oh yeah? Well don't bet on it! You smarmy little dog!" I yelled after him, and this only made everyone else laugh harder. I realized that I had probably just acted slutty enough to last me the rest of my wolfy life... I sighed under my breath, then went back into the house to get changed. And to find Seth... but I didn't want everyone else to know that....

the songs featured in this chapter are The Bad Touch-the bloodhound gang (The guy's song) as well as I know you want me (calle ocho) - Pitbull (the Girl's song) I thought that they did an excellent job of helping me explain the scene... Oh man..... I thought that was funny as hell when the guys started dancing... I couldn't believe that i had just come up with that... woo... ohh.. good times, goooood times... haha... anyway... Please review!!! They make me sooo happy! And thank you to all of my reviewers for the last chapter! Peace! -Mooch