A/N: This chapter is a little diversion looking at Snape's past. Don't worry, we'll be back to the main plot in the next chapter.

I do hope you enjoy this nonetheless, and am dying to hear what you think about this chapter! Please do review!

Severus Snape had returned to his house in Spinners End for the week-end. He rarely spent time here, it never really felt like home, but this Saturday he had felt the need to retreat from Hogwarts to spend a few hours in silent reflection. There was a restlessness, a disquiet, nagging at him, and he did not know how to quell it. He did, of course, know the cause of it.

Samara Ravenhood had grown on him more than he could initially admit to himself. For some time, the evenings spent in her company at St. Mungo's had been something he looked forward to during the endless hours of classes. And now that he had not seen her for two weeks, it left a void that made the rest of his life feel even more desolate than usual. Was it possible that he actually missed her? Him, the man who had always regarded the company of other people as some form of torture

But this woman was different. Not only was she smart, talented, and knowledgeable, she had such a positive attitude, despite her troubled past, such a thirst for life, an almost naïve determination to fight for the good - to his embittered and disappointed heart, she was as refreshing as a morning breeze. She was attractive, too. He closed his eyes, and tried to visualise her face, her smile, those sparkling blue eyes, and the soft, rosy lips. What would it feel like to kiss them? The realisation that he desired her dismayed him. How on earth could he have slipped to allow himself to entertain such highly inappropriate thoughts?

No doubt, it was that damned dance at Slughorn's party. The only reason he had given into it in the first place, was because for once he had wanted to be a little civil, because he didn't know how to refuse her without being unduly rude, something he felt she didn't deserve. How could he have known that it would affect him like that? After all, he never had danced with a woman before.

Allright, he had spent days, weeks, practicing, determined to ask Lily to the ball and out-do Potter on the dance floor, to thwart his efforts to take her away from him. And as with anything to which he put his mind, he had striven for perfection. But by the time he had found the confidence to ask her, Potter had beaten him to it. Maybe she still would have danced with him, but seeing her waltzing with that twit, smiling at him, had sickened him so much he had left the ball, and spent the rest of the evening sulking alone in the Slytherin common room.

So how was he to know how sexy it felt, their bodies being separated by only a few layers of fabric? And that it was impossible to avoid brushing with his thigh against hers? It was incomprehensible to him how women seemed to enjoy dancing for the sake of it. Surely, to her, it had been no more than a pleasant social pastime, completely unaware as to the primal, predatory instincts she aroused in him. It had been such a long time since he had last held a woman in his arms, so warm, so soft. Something was starting to swell between his legs. No! He was determined to quench those feelings, and banish them from his mind. Apart from the fact that he would only earn himself rejection and ridicule, it would be highly irresponsible to even dream about her.

Would things have been any different, if he had met her before, before he made the Unbreakable Vow to Narcissa? At the time it had seemed irrelevant, but now it was effectively a death sentence on him, for there was no doubt that he would have to break it. No matter what Dumbledore wanted him to do, he would not kill him, not now that they were so close to finishing the potion, and it would no longer be an act of mercy but murder. In fact, he would do everything to stop Draco. What sort of death would it be, to break an Unbreakable Vow? Would it be as quick and painless as Avada Kedavra? For a moment, he was tempted to browse through his Dark magic books to find an answer to that question, but then he thought it was better not to know.

Should he have refused to make the vow? It would have been awkward in the presence of Bellatrix, and would have confirmed her mistrust of him. It would have weakened his position, and made it much harder to get access to the Dark Lord's inner circle. And back then, he had not promised anything more than what Dumbledore had already asked of him. But Severus knew this was not the whole reason. Narcissa – it was not the first time she had turned to him for help.

His thoughts wandered back to that evening many years ago, when he had been a young man, barely out of school. It must have been about a year after his mother died. He would never forget the date, because it had been the week after Lily married James Potter. He had come across the wedding notice in the Daily Prophet, which was not a surprise of course. But to see his greatest dread confirmed in black and white was still enough to plunge him into a very foul mood, a mixture of resignation, desperation, and anger. He had been sitting on this same threadbare sofa, brooding, just like now, staring into the flames in the fireplace, which were the only source of light in the dark sitting room.

Then suddenly there had been a knock on the door. He had been surprised. No-one ever came to see him. Hardly anyone even knew where he lived. He had been debating whether to go and open the door, but eventually curiosity had got the better of him. He had been even more surprised to find Narcissa Malfoy standing outside, her delicate figure robed in an expensive green velvet cloak with fur trim around the hood.

***

"Madame Malfoy! What brings you here?"

"Severus, I have to talk to you. Can I come in?" Her voice was shaking. "And call me Narcissa, please..."

"Talk about what?"

"Please, let me come in." She seemed afraid.

Severus stepped aside, and allowed her to walk into the dark sitting room, closing the door behind her.

"Severus, I have to ask you a favour, a service."

"A favour?" the young man asked in disbelief. What could rich, beautiful Narcissa Malfoy possibly want from him?

"I know this must sound strange, but please, Severus, I beg you, can you make a fertility potion for me?" The pale blue eyes looked at him pleadingly.

"A fertility potion? I suppose all that pureblood inbreeding can be quite a hindrance to progeneration?" he sneered.

Narcissa blushed. "Please, can you make one?"

"Of course I can, that's not the question. I can make any potion ever conceived," he replied, a trace of swaggering in his voice. "The difficulty lies in obtaining Chamelirium root, a rare and pricey ingredient."

"I will pay you of course. Here, I have no money, but I can offer you this."

She reached into a pocket of her cloak to retrieve a ring with a massive gemstone, which she handed to him.

"This should be more than enough to cover the cost."

"I take it Lucius does not know you're here then?"

"No, and you must not tell him, please!"

Severus nodded and took the ring, holding it up to his eyes to examine it. It was a very large, oval sapphire, dark blue, and perfectly clear, set into a simple, unadorned silver ring. He imagined it would be worth hundreds of galleons. The idea of being paid for making potions was very alluring. His mother had not been able to leave him anything, apart from the derelict house; and a childhood spent in utter poverty had taught him the unfortunate necessity of money.

"Very well, I should have it ready in two weeks."

"Oh, Severus, thank you, thank you so much. May I come here to collect it?"

He nodded and let her out the door, watching her disappear down the dimly lit street like a startled animal.

***

Severus reached into his robes for a small leather pouch where he kept his valuables. The ring was still in his possession; he had never sold it. He had been able to obtain the Chamelirium root by other means, by taking some Felix Felicis potion, and going to look for the plant in the wild. At first he had saved the jewel for a time of greater need, and later his Hogwarts teacher's salary more than covered his modest expenses. He took it out, and watched how it refracted the light of the twitching flames, throwing a myriad of blue reflections onto the ceiling. It probably possessed some magical qualities; the cut of the stone was unusually deep, as if to focus the bearer's magical energy. He put the ring away, and his thoughts wandered back to Narcissa.

***

When Narcissa visited the second time, he invited her to sit down on the sofa and handed her the bottle with the finished potion. Narcissa pulled out a bottle of wine from under her cloak. She set it onto the small table, and conjured two goblets with her wand. Her delicate white fingers pushed back the velvet hood to reveal her platinum blond hair.

"Let's have a drink to celebrate," she said, pouring the wine.

Severus sat down beside her, uneasy and unsure how to behave, and accepted the goblet of wine she handed him. As he brought it to his lips, he detected a characteristic smell, which he immediately recognised.

"Love Potion! Narcissa! You, of all women, should not need one. What is this supposed to mean?"

She blushed. "Severus, I'm sorry! I wanted to seduce you. Please don't be mad!"

"Wh-what? Wh-Why? What about your husband?" Severus stammered. His thin, pale face flushed with embarrassment.

"Lucius? He would never find out. He doesn't love me anyway. He only married me for my beauty, and because I'm a pureblood," she said with bitterness in her voice.

Severus believed every word of that. He remembered Narcissa and Lucius from his school years. They had been a few years above him. There was a rumour amongst Slytherins, that Narcissa and Lucius' marriage had been arranged by their families even before they came to Hogwarts. Lucius had shown Narcissa off like a trophy. None of the boys in Slytherin ever dared to talk to her, for fear of provoking his jealousy.

"You are mad!" He made the wine vanish with a swipe of his wand.

"Am I? Severus, you don't understand! Lucius and I have been married for almost five years, and I'm still not pregnant. He blames me, of course, but what if it is him?"

"Then you taking that fertility potion is not going to help," he remarked dryly.

"Exactly! All he wants is a son, an heir. If I can't give him one, he will get rid of me." Her voice was almost hysterical when she finished.

"You want me to father your child? For fear that he will divorce you?" Severus asked incredulously.

"Divorce? Oh, no, he would never. The shame of it! These old pureblood families have other ways to end a marriage, Severus. Don't you see, my life is in danger!"

"Why me? If it looks anything like me…" he protested, shocked about those allegations. But he didn't put it past Lucius Malfoy to see to it that his wife died of some illness. Fragile as she always looked, it would be quite plausible.

"My sister has dark hair; it would just be the Black family blood coming through. Please, Severus, you're different. You're not like the other Death Eaters. You don't take pleasure in the atrocities; you have a good heart. Please, make love to me, just this once. I will make it worth your while." Tears dwelt in her eyes and her expression was desperate. "Please, please!"

Severus felt sorry for her. He hated seeing a woman cry. He had never been able to bear it when his mother did; for some reason it always made him feel guilty. He put his arm around her shoulders, and stroked her hair. It felt so soft and silky, and her body was so warm. Why shouldn't he? At least to prove to himself that he couldn't care less about what Lily and Potter where doing in their newly-wedded bliss. He had never been with a girl, and like all young men, it was something he craved to the point of obsession. Narcissa was very beautiful, and the idea of crossing the threshold of manhood with her was very enticing, if a little scary.

Narcissa swallowed and wiped away her tears. She started to undo the buttons on the front of her cloak with shaky movements, and shrugged it off, revealing a short, pale green silk robe tied up around her waist. Severus suspected that she was wearing nothing underneath that. She had obviously planned this. Nevertheless, she looked ravishingly gorgeous. He admired her slim long limbs, her perfect ivory skin, the shape of her small breasts and erect nipples pressing against the thin fabric. He felt a tingling in his crotch as his body responded.

Narcissa moved closer and kissed him, her lips warm and soft. Then she looked him in the eyes, and said, "Take me to your bedroom."

His heart was thumping, and his knees felt a little wobbly, but without a word, he obeyed, and she followed him up the narrow staircase and into his small unadorned room with only a simple old bed and a small desk. The sheets were still crumpled up the way he had left them that morning, and he hastily tried to straighten them out.

Narcissa stood before him. She looked like an angel with her waist-long silvery blond hair falling down her back. She unbuttoned his shirt, and stripped it off him, followed by his trousers. Severus felt a little embarrassed about his old, greying briefs, but Narcissa didn't seem to care. She took him into her hand to caress him, and the intensity of the sensation made stars dance in front of his eyes.

"It's nice, Severus, so big," she whispered.

He blushed. Evidently he was better endowed than Lucius Malfoy.

He untied the ribbon around her waist, and brushed the garment off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He had never before seen a woman naked, and the sight took his breath away. Narcissa reclined onto the bed, and taking his hand, pulled him towards her. Now he was kneeling between her splayed legs, his arousal sticking out in front of him like a flagpole.

What was she expecting him to do?

He ran his hand over her small round breasts, squeezing them gently, and she closed her eyes and sighed, arching her body towards him. His hand slid down across her stomach, towards the triangle of blond hair. Mesmerised, he cupped his hand around the little mound, sliding the flat of his thumb between her wet folds, stroking her gently. Her soft moan told him to continue, and he let his finger slide around with circular movements, while his other hand caressed the soft inside of her thigh.

Being able to please a woman like that gave him a sense of pride and confidence. He continued his caresses until she cried out, and a shiver went through her body. Seeing the pleasure on her face aroused him even more. His erection was throbbing and demanded relief. He braced over her, fumbling around between her legs awkwardly, until she reached down to guide him in. They both gasped, when his tip pushed into her. She was so tight, he was afraid he would hurt her.

"Come deep inside me, Severus," she whispered.

It felt wonderful when he pushed all the way in, better than anything he had felt before. His body demanded more. Entranced with his pleasure, he slid in and out with slow rhythmical movements. Narcissa's fingers dug into his back, and her long legs wrapped around his hips. He kept watching her face; her eyes were closed, and she seemed to be enjoying what he was doing to her. It wasn't long until he climaxed, and was hit by the powerful tidal wave of his release, that washed all thoughts from his mind. Breathing hard, he sank onto the mattress next to her.

"Severus," she whispered, her delicate hand caressing his chest, "I have never before enjoyed it like this."

He planted a kiss onto her forehead, and wrapped his arm around her. They lay silently together for a while. Severus savoured the feeling of holding a woman in his arms. Her body was so soft compared to his, so delicate, like a beautiful, fragile flower. Eventually, she got up and slipped into her robe.

"I'd better go now," she said, blowing him a kiss, before she left the room.

A moment later, he heard the front door click, and knew she had let herself out. For the first time in years, his heart felt quiet. Even though he wasn't in love with her, it had been nice, his very first sexual experience, and he had not thought about Lily and Potter for hours.

Narcissa came to Spinner's End regularly over the following weeks, and Severus accepted her without a word. Each time they would go up to his room and make love, and then Narcissa would quietly leave after a few hours, sometimes while he was asleep.

She showed him how to touch her, and they explored each other's bodies, trying different positions and techniques. Severus felt he was getting better each time, and the fact that the beautiful young woman sought his company did wonders for his self-esteem. Pleasing a woman was a wonderful skill, not unlike playing a musical instrument, a skill he was keen to master, and Narcissa was a good teacher. Neither of them made any pretences about this being more than an indulgent affair, but they both derived a little solace from those moments of tenderness and intimacy they shared.

Then, one day, Narcissa's visits ceased, and Severus knew it was over. At the next Death Eater gathering, she was absent, and a boastful Lucius announced that his wife was finally going to give him the long-awaited son, who would carry forth the noble house of Malfoy. Severus wondered whether it was the fertility potion or his semen that had impregnated her, but suspected that neither of them would ever know with certainty.

***

Years later, sat at the staff table in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, Severus had watched the sorting of the first years with unusual trepidation. For that year's intake of students brought to Hogwarts not only Harry Potter, Lily's son, whom he had pledged his life to protect, but also Draco Malfoy, the boy whose conception he had contributed to in one way or another.

He had imagined that he might know, once he finally met the boy. But, unlike Harry, who reminded him painfully of his father, Draco was the image of his mother. He was a handsome boy, tall and slim like Narcissa, with the same platinum blond hair, watery blue eyes, and fine pointed nose. But whether there was any resemblance to Lucius, or to himself - Severus could not tell.

From the first day, Draco and Harry seemed to share an animosity much like James Potter and Severus had in their youth. Reminded of how James had always taunted him, he felt compelled to take sides. Over the years, however, he had to concede that Draco was not like him, and was never going to be more than a mediocre wizard. He might have been talented enough, but had never learned to work hard. Spoiled and used to other people following his orders, the boy had been raised to believe himself superior by birth, and was arrogant and complacent. Yet he felt protective of him; for he knew that, despite his privileged upbringing, he would not have had a happy childhood, and was set down a path by his father that could only lead to making the same dreadful mistake that Severus had in his youth.

***

And now that same protectiveness had led him to make such a grave mistake. He recalled the day Narcissa had come to Spinner's End, her abhorrent sister in tow, and wondered if she knew, if she had turned to him because Draco was his own flesh and blood.

He knew he would have to die, in order to save Dumbledore. How much time did he have left? A few months, to the end of the school year at most.

Miss Ravenhood's lips – he really had to get them out of his mind.