Samara sat on the sofa in her living room after breakfast, finishing her coffee and looking out of the window into the garden, enjoying the mild warmth of the winter morning sun. The last of the snow had melted, and the daffodils were starting to pop their heads above the surface, still a little unsure as to whether their time had come. The trees seemed to sense the approach of spring, too. Their buds were swelling, ready to open up into showers of white blossoms at the first spell of milder spring weather.
As usual, it wasn't long before her thoughts turned to Severus, wandering back to that fateful December afternoon, recalling the soft glint in his eyes, as they stood there in the hospital store room, before he had turned to jump out of the window with the elastic movement of a large black jaguar, landing softly in the courtyard below. She recalled his angular figure striding away from the building without looking back, a casual flick of his wand whipping up a whirlwind to blow away his footprints in the snow, just as he Disapparated. That had been the last she had seen of him, and weeks later, despite all her efforts, she could never banish him from her thoughts for long.
Samara was pulled out of her reverie by Melissa, who had appeared from the kitchen, a mug of coffee in one hand, and a slice of toast in the other.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Miss Ravenhood!"
"Oh no, is it really?" Samara replied wearily.
Normally she was always painfully aware of Valentine's Day, when female colleagues received huge bouquets of flowers and pink cards, or left work in high heels and little dresses to go on a date. But this year it had apparently fallen on a Saturday, and she had only too happily forgotten about the occasion. Being thirty-five, single, and lonely was not something one needed reminding of.
"So, did you get any cards then?" she asked Melissa.
"No. Last year I did, but he left me for another girl.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I don't want him back. I wonder why it even bothers me to think that he'll be spending today with her... I don't know if it's the humiliation of being dumped, or because he has someone else and I don't."
"Hmm."
Samara didn't know what to respond. She wasn't exactly an expert on relationships.
"So...you didn't get any cards then?" Melissa asked hesitantly.
Samara shook her had.
"And, if you had remembered, is there somebody you would have written one?"
"No." She shook her head again. "Well, the truth is, there is somebody I'm very much in love with, but I wouldn't have written him a card," she added after a moment of consideration.
"Why not? Maybe he likes you." Melissa suggested.
"He... I don't think he would appreciate a card... And he's not available."
"Oh... Is it someone I know?" Melissa was unable to restrain her curiosity.
"Hm, possibly." Samara was quite sure that Melissa would have been taught by Severus while at Hogwarts.
"Someone from St. Mungo's?"
"No."
There was a finality in Samara's reply that told Melissa she wasn't going to play guessing games. Melissa sighed.
"You know what I think? We two lonely hearts should do something together, go out and drown our sorrows or something. What do you think?"
"We have work to do," Samara frowned.
"Oh, come on, a few hours won't hurt. Besides I'm starting to feel really claustrophobic, I have been confined here for months."
"Yes, and for good reason. It's too dangerous for you to leave the estate."
"We could just go into the Muggle village, nobody knows me there. Oh, please, Miss Ravenhood!"
Samara thought about it for a moment. Melissa was right, the Muggle village would be safe.
"All right, there is a little tea shop in the village. We can go there in the afternoon and have some cake," she finally gave in. "But first, I want to make up another formula I've put together."
After several hours of work in the cellars, Samara and Melissa left their steaming cauldron, and headed into the village. It was a pleasant walk, the light breeze was refreshing, and the sunshine did much to lift their mood. Samara realised she had been spending way too little time outdoors lately. The little village could get quite busy with tourists and day-trippers during the summer months, but now was decidedly quiet. Samara wondered if the tea shop would even be open, but then Valentine's Day was a business opportunity no shop or restaurant would miss. Finally they reached the lovingly preserved thatched cottage that hosted the tea shop and entered. The only other customers were two young couples, Muggles, no doubt. Samara and Melissa found a cosy table by the window and sat down. Soon, an elderly woman with short grey hair and laughter lines came to take their orders. Samara went for traditional cream tea, while Melissa ordered a hot chocolate and carrot cake.
"Aren't you glad we came out here, Miss Ravenhood?" Melissa asked, leaning back in her chair with a sigh.
"I am. And I think it's time you stopped calling me that. I'm no longer your boss, we're just house mates now, so please call me Samara."
Then the friendly lady brought their drinks and cakes, and the two women tugged in. Melissa took a sip of her hot chocolate and closed her eyes.
"Hmm. Who needs a man if you can have this? It's like a hug in a mug."
"A what? Merlin! Melissa, this is it!" Samara exclaimed.
"What do you mean, Miss Raven – I mean, Samara?" Melissa blushed.
"Theobroma cacao – the Cruciatus potion! It's so obvious, I don't understand why I didn't think of it before! Eat up quickly; we need to get to the shop before it closes."
***
Back at home, Samara rushed down to the lab with the cocoa she had bought on the way home. The contents of the cauldron, various flowers and herbs infused in milk, were still hot, and she sprinkled a good amount of the dark powder into it, adding a few spoonfuls of sugar for good measure. She stirred until it was all dissolved and then handed Melissa a goblet of the brown liquid to try.
"Mmh, this must be the most delicious potion ever made!" was Melissa's verdict. "The chocolate goes rather well with the rose petals and vanilla."
"Well, bottle it up then, I'll take it to the hospital on Monday to test it."
Samara was strangely confident, and couldn't wait to give the potion to a patient. And so it was not inconvenient that on Monday morning there were four people, suffering from Cruciatus syndrome, sitting in the hospital waiting room in order to see her. She treated them with the new potion, and in each case the effect was astonishing. The symptoms ceased immediately, and, with a drink of Revitalising Potion, the patients could be sent home an hour later.
Melissa had been awaiting her return with curiosity and anticipation, and as soon as Samara walked through the door, she came running up from the lab.
"Tell me, I'm dying to know, what happened?" she exclaimed.
"It worked... Perfectly every time!" Samara beamed. "We did it!"
"We did it?" Melissa's eyes widened with astonishment and awe.
"We did it!" Samara confirmed.
And then with a shriek of joy, Melissa jumped at her and hugged her, and then the two danced around the dinner table, singing and rollicking until Trixie came out from the kitchen to see what the racket was about.
When they had all calmed down, and sat down for dinner, Samara got contemplative, and gave Melissa a serious look.
"You realise, this is probably the culmination of our careers as potioneers, and yet we can't tell anybody about this. I didn't tell any of the other Healers at the hospital how I helped those patients, and didn't put anything into the case notes either. If anybody asks, all they got was Revitalising Potion."
"Do you think if the Death Eaters found out, you would be in danger?"
"Most definitely. And I wouldn't trust the Ministry with this either. But the only way I can help those patients is by continuing to go to work and keeping this secret."
"Gosh, I never really thought about what would happen if we actually succeeded," Melissa admitted.
Samara nodded. "But I promise you one thing, Melissa. When all this is over, if You-Know-Who is vanquished, we will publish our work in the Practical Potioneer, and it will have your name on it."
"Me?" Melissa said incredulously, "but Miss Ravenhood -"
"Call me Samara."
"You don't have to do this, I'm only your assistant."
"No, we both worked on this. And I'm sure, when the time comes, I will be able to convince the panel that you deserve the title of Potions Mistress, despite the fact that you couldn't continue your apprenticeship at the hospital."
"Oh, I hadn't even thought about that, I mean, it hardly matters now."
"One day it will matter, we need to continue with your education. Now that the research on this potion is done, I will give you a different assignment each day, so that you will be well prepared for your exams."
***
Apart from the promised assignments, Melissa spent the whole week brewing up large stocks of the potion for St Mungo's. The lady who ran the village shop had given her a worried look when she had bought a whole pallet of cocoa and several packs of sugar, and had warned her about the effect this could have on her figure.
Despite her insistence on secrecy where the new potion was concerned, there was one person Samara very much wanted to tell, but she had no way of communicating with him, nor would he be pleased if she tried. But then surely there was nothing wrong with going to Hogwarts at the week-end to supply Poppy with a few bottles of the new potion. Of course, she could have sent Trixie, but the temptation of being close to Severus, fuelled by the hope that she might walk past him in the castle, was too strong. So instead, she had sent an owl to Poppy alerting her of her planned visit.
Dear Poppy,
I will drop by this Sunday to leave you a supply of a new healing potion we have developed. I trust you will find it useful, but would rather not send details by owl.
Love
Samara
***
On Sunday morning after breakfast, she packed four large bottles of the potion into her small medicine bag, which, with the help of an undetectable extension charm, was able to host a whole cupboard of potions and medical supplies. She slipped into her warm winter coat, and called out for Godric as she stepped out into the garden. The stallion came trotting down the gravel path from the gardens, greeting her with a soft sniggering sound. She climbed onto his back, and he galloped off, pushing off into the air as he gained more and more speed. Below them the Devonshire coastline was disappearing into the distance as they headed north, flying over Muggle towns and hills dotted with trees and farm houses. An hour later, she could see Hogsmeade appearing in a valley below them, and the mighty towers of Hogwarts Castle. The sight of her old school from the air never failed to impress her. Samara decided it would be best to land by the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and leave Godric with Hagrid. Godric touched down a few hundred yards away, and proceeded towards Hagrid's hut at a leisurely trot. Samara jumped off to knock on the door. A few moments later, the door opened, and Hagrid appeared at the threshold. When he recognized Samara a big smile lit his bearded face.
"Miss Samara!! Good to see ye, wha takes ye to Hogwarts?"
"Oh, Hagrid, I can't believe I have been away for so long. I'm just down to see Poppy with a new healing potion."
Hagrid's eyes had wandered towards where Godric stood, and his pupils widened in amazement.
"Wha beautiful creature ye have there, Miss Samara! Tha could be an Ipterripus if the were not extinct."
"He is an Ipterripus, Hagrid, I found him in Sweden, but that's a long story I'll have to tell you over a cup of tea sometime when things calm down. Look, you wouldn't mind looking after him for me, while I pop up to the hospital wing?"
Hagrid's face positively glowed with delight now.
"Of course, he needs some hay and water. Come ye beauty, I have something nice for ye". He only had eyes for the horse now, walking slowly towards him, and patting him on the neck. Samara smiled, Hagrid was in his element.
"I'll be back in a couple of hours" she called as she waved, and turned to walk towards the castle.
The corridors where completely deserted, as the students where still in classes. But somehow the silence was dismal, like the heavy fog that lay over the grounds smothering out all happy thoughts. She was relieved when she reached the hospital wing, and finally came upon a living soul in the form of Poppy Pomfrey, who had been waiting for her. Their greetings were heartfelt, and Poppy cried out in amazement when she heard that Samara had a cure for Cruciatus syndrome.
"You're a genius, Samara. I would never have thought that I would need such a thing, at Hogwarts, out of all places, but times have changed. In fact, I have a patient here right now to try this on. A poor fourth-year Hufflepuff, who aroused the anger of our new Muggle Studies teacher."
"What?" Samara cried in anger "Death-Eater staff torturing students at Hogwarts? And what does your headmaster do about it?"
"Pah, he's one of them, isn't he," Poppy spat. After a moment of contemplation, she lowered her voice and added, "But then at times I get the impression he is trying to restrain them, as if there was a little decency still in him. Maybe it's gratitude towards Dumbledore. The truth is - things could be much worse here, given the circumstances."
Samara wished she could have said something, but instead she suggested they treat the Hufflepuff boy. Again, the effect of the potion was instant, and quiet astonishing. These were the best moments in her profession, when she was able to help somebody, and see the relief in their eyes. She accepted Poppy's offer of a cup of tea, and the two Healers chatted and exchanged gossip and news.
An hour later Samara left the hospital wing again, and walked towards the main buildings. The thought that Severus was so close, the possibility that she might see him around the next corner, almost made her stomach turn with excitement. As she walked past the Great Hall, where students and teachers were now taking lunch, she caught a glimpse of the staff table through the half-open door, but the headmaster's chair was empty. What could possibly be wrong with going to see him in his office, now that she was already here? She walked down another corridor towards the staircase that led up to the headmaster's office. The same stone gargoyle as always guarded the passage, and Samara was overcome with the strangeness of Severus now occupying the space she had always associated with Dumbledore. As her eyes rested on the gargoyle, she realised she had no hope of getting past without knowing the password.
"I better ride home to Ravencroft" she murmured to herself, when suddenly the gargoyle sprung to the side to let her past.
Puzzled and hardly able to believe her luck, she proceeded to climb up the long spiralling staircase. Her heart was racing, when she slowly turned the brass knob to open the heavy oak door and peeked inside. There he was, sitting on a bench beneath the window, his face buried in his hands, elbows perched on his knees, and his hair falling over his face in an entangled mess. He did not appear to have noticed her presence, which was very unlike him.
"Severus!"
Now he raised his head and glanced towards her. He looked awful. His face was ashen and hollowed, and his hair was greasy and unkempt. He looked like he might have slept in his clothes, or not slept at all. His black eyes glittered with agony and mad raging anger.
"What are you doing here? Get out!" he hissed.
Ignoring his words, she walked up to where he was sitting, and crouched down in front of him to look up into his eyes. She reached out to touch his face, but he flinched and turned away.
"Leave me alone!" His voice was hoarse, almost a whisper.
Samara immediately recognised the symptoms of Cruciatus syndrome, and had never been more pleased to possess a remedy. What surprised her was that Severus was normally exceptionally strong, and able to resist the effect of the curse. Either this had been a particularly bad Death-Eater meeting, or the weight of the responsibility that rested on his shoulders was finally wearing him down. It pained her to see him like this.
"Has he tortured you again? Why?" she whispered softly.
She reached into her bag, pulled out the last bottle of the new potion, and poured some into a goblet.
"Drink this," she said as she held out the goblet towards him. He didn't move, but gave her a questioning look.
"We managed to find a potion against Cruciatus syndrome, and I thought you might like your own supply. Try it, it will help you."
"You really did it?" he asked. His voice was husky, and the look he gave her was soft, almost sad, but with a peculiar intensity that made her stomach flutter. She wished she knew what went on behind those black eyes.
He took the goblet, and downed its content, pulling his face into a grimace.
"Urgh, it's sweet!" he croaked; but then his features relaxed, he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, almost a sigh. She put the potion bottle on the table beside him, wondering how he could down the most disgusting potions without batting an eye, and then complain about one that tasted like chocolate.
When he opened his eyes again, he looked at her with what seemed like regret, taking her hand in his, and holding it for a moment, before slowly standing up, still visibly exhausted, and pulling her up with him.
"You must go," he said, his voice suddenly firm again. He put his arm around her shoulder, almost as if to support himself, and started to walk her back towards the door. She didn't want to leave; she longed to be close to him. The warmth of his hand on her shoulder made her ache for his touch.
"Please, let me stay, just for a little while," she asked, while tuning to face him and wrapping her arms around his waist.
"No. Have you forgotten your promise?" He pushed her away, his expression now hard and unyielding.
"I just came to see Poppy," she replied defensively.
"Are you really that daft or are you just pretending?" he spat. "I have enough on my hands trying to protect students, who don't know what's good for them, without you wandering about the castle as well! You will stay away!"
"You can't ban me from seeing my godmother!" she protested.
"I can, and I will!" he thundered, eyes flashing. "You are not to set foot on Hogwarts grounds again!"
He took a few steps towards the door, seemingly anxious to get her to leave. That's when she noticed he was limping.
"What's wrong with your leg?"
"Nothing. Go!"
"Severus, don't try to fool me, I'm a Healer; I can see something is wrong."
"If you must know - I was attacked by a hippogriff. Even the creatures in the forest seem determined to make my life difficult. Anyway, it's just a scratch."
"Hippogriff injuries don't heal by themselves. Sit down and let me have a look," she ordered, motioning him back to the bench. To her relief, he complied, and sat down as he was told. She pulled up the leg of his trousers, exposing his calf. He had bandaged it, and Samara started to remove the dressing, revealing a deep cut. When she saw the angry, inflamed wound her breath caught.
"Merlin, Severus, this looks awful. Why did you not see Poppy?"
"She's just waiting to poison me, can't wait to be rid of me like all of them."
"Nonsense, she would never consider such a thing. Alternatively, you could have come to see me at St. Mungo's, you know you can trust me."
"Didn't have time… It was nothing," he mumbled defiantly.
Samara shook her head. "It was very negligent; you could have lost the leg."
She reached into her medicine bag, and pulled out a bottle of potion together with a large muslin square, which she soaked in the liquid, and wrapped it around his injured calf.
"Gnnh!" He moaned through clenched teeth, digging his fingers into the upholstery.
After a few seconds, Samara removed the linen. The wound looked now clean, and the skin had returned to a normal colour. She moved her hands over the cut, which instantly closed under her touch, leaving behind only a faint scar.
"You can do wandless magic?" he asked as he watched in amazement.
"Only healing spells. That's what my mother's ring is for. Anyway, it's just you men who are obsessed with your wands." She smiled at him. "There, that's sorted you out. Now don't tell me you are not glad I came to see you, you were a mess."
"Perhaps a little," he grumbled. "Nevertheless, I must insist that you leave, and do not come here again. There are Death Eaters at the school, who wouldn't think twice before shooting a killing curse your way. If you leave right now, you are unlikely to run into anyone, they are still at lunch. We must not be seen together."
He got up, pulled her towards him, and squeezed her against his chest in a brief hug.
"Be careful, won't you?" he whispered into her hair.
She buried her face in his chest, inhaling his masculine scent, a trace of burnt wood, feeling the heat of his body through his shirt, and was overwhelmed by the rush of feelings flushing through her. He released her, and fighting back the tears that were welling up in her eyes, she turned towards the door, grabbed her bag, and hurried down the stairs.
As she got back to Hagrid's, she found Godric munching on a pile of hay and treats that Hagrid had lain out on the grass for him, visibly enjoying himself. She jumped on his back, and, waving and shouting good-bye to Hagrid, who was working in his vegetable plot behind the hut, she galloped off. As Godric soared into the air, she buried her face in his mane, and abandoned herself to her tears.