Chapter 8: You know you're gonna break that couch.
Right first things first, I'm sorry to all Randy's fans (if they exist) but I just plain had to do this. The ideas come from coffeevixen84's forum thread 'Which would be more fun?'
Big thanks to my boyfriend who got me motivated to write this despite the fact he doesn't really watch the show and isn't reading this fic. If you want to thank him (and I will be very happy if you do) just go find dsmith141 and R&R. He's got three stories all for the fandom Buffy. There great, especially if you're a fan of the big bad blondie bear! I'll know if you do.
I don't now why it keeps being silly with the underlining, however I seem to have found a pattern and that should mean I've stopped it. If not I have a plan B for the next chapter.
This chapter has come out ridiculously long because I couldn't find a place where I wanted to stop it. So never mind.
This is for Pylea, was this what you had in mind?
And for the first scene. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Refer to the reason for no baby as an answer.
Jackie leaned against the wall in the shower letting the hot water run down over her body. She was worried now, about what this meant. She knew she didn't want to get back together with him, or she knew she shouldn't get back together with him. It was too much of a risk, he'd broken her heart so many times. She wasn't going to put herself through that ever again. She was going to be smart no matter what she wanted.
To make sure that she could do this she was reminding herself of all the pain she'd ever been through because of him when she realised that wasn't what she was feeling right now. She remembered kissing him at the party and feeling as though her insides were ripping themselves apart. She wasn't numb, that cold feeling she'd felt wasn't making an appearance and she wasn't terrified of seeing him again. Granted she hadn't felt like that the second time but she'd been careful to push down her feelings first and to concentrate on the purely physical sensations. Afterwards there had been a couple of nights when she'd lay alone in bed and her heart would twinge when she thought of him. The real pain would hit at the thought of that blonde bimbo lying next to him, then the anger would come. Whenever the pain became overwhelming it would change into rage, rage at him and her and the whole situation. Angry that while she was alone and wracked with guilt he was with his fucking wife and not even thinking about her. Now the situation was fair, there were no circumstances and obstacles to consider and all she felt was the glow. Mixed with confusion.
She began rinsing conditioner out of her hair, thinking about what made this time different had made her realise that they could be together. That was what he wanted, that seemed clear. Jackie didn't doubt that he loved her. He was never like Michael, just telling her what she wanted to hear. If he said it, she could be sure that he meant it. And the fact that he was saying it now must mean that he wanted to make it right again.
She shook her head, she was not doing this. Either everything they did would be tainted by what happened or they'd go back to their old problems. Her begging for commitment and him not willing to decide what he wanted. Things might be better now. He'd said that he was miserable without her so and maybe they could work it out this time. But it was Sam that made him decided what he wanted. Why couldn't Jackie herself be enough to make him fight to keep her? She could never forget this and she knew that one last chance would turn into thirty more. God knew that she loved him but they didn't work as a couple, it would end in tears. Steven couldn't see that yet and he probably never would, even if he did he had the ability to ignore sense if he didn't like what it meant.
She began massaging vanilla cream over her skin, the scent soothing her. Her skin felt great and despite the heavy thoughts that followed she was still on a high from sex. She'd miss that. She'd miss everything intimate from their relationship, just little things like pet name. Being able to sleep next to him in the basement when she didn't want to go home.
She sat down under the stream of water with a sigh. Somehow deciding that she could never be in a relationship with him again left her feeling, empty? It was a feeling she couldn't really describe but it wasn't pleasant. Not painful, it just felt a little bit wrong. Like something was out of place. Jackie tipped her head back to face the water, not caring that her make-up would be running like crazy. It wasn't like they wouldn't see each other, that was one of the things she could pretty much be sure of, good or bad they'd keep seeing each other. But the problem was that the two of them had never be friends. They drove each other crazy and they had nothing in common, nothing on the surface. They understood each other underneath but by being just friends that deeper connection would be lost, no question. She knew him.
She wanted some kind of relationship with him. She was being strong right now but that wouldn't last. She'd screamed at him to get out less than an hour ago. Resolve to end things was easy when they were in separate rooms but the closer she got to him that harder it was to resist. The temptation to give in to temporary happiness was impossible to ignore.
Part of her was almost considering the potential for a meaningless sexual relationship with him. Laurie had loved her life and had never cried over a guy. Maybe the stupid whore had it right all along. Everyone had talked about her behind her back but Laurie had never gave a damn what anyone thought about her. Even Jackie had to admit that was admirable.
Some how these thoughts led her onto a totally different train of thought. Why was it that, although she and Donna had been disgusted by his behaviour, Michael could get way with sleeping with whoever he liked? But Laurie was called a whore and looked down on, it wasn't fair. Double standards. One of Donna's favourite phrases, maybe feminists were on to something, being equal to men. She was pretty sure that those hairy legged chicks were referring to was being able to do the same jobs and have men be criticised for sleeping around. Donna would hate her for thinking it but Laurie was pushing for feminism in a much more realistic manner.
Jackie stood up and began exfoliating. Screw what Donna, feminists or anyone else thought. She wanted some kind of relationship with Steven, one where she wouldn't get herself hurt. For some reason her mind kept bringing up the thought of sex. That was the part of their relationship they didn't argue about. The simple part, for most of the time. This whole Steven thing was started by lust and a boring summer, maybe ending that way was best. She didn't think that she'd want him forever, unless of course, she couldn't have him. Let things run their course and they could, quite possibly, come to a natural, pain free end.
The idea was very appealing, the easiest part of the past three years and no chance of being disappointed by him. If she kept things non-committed, just physical then their was no way she could get hurt. If she began to crave commitment then she'd figure it out then. She'd accepted that she wasn't ever gonna get that from him, even though he seemed to be offering her that now. Somehow she didn't believe that it was possible for them. She'd accepted that, so keeping things non-committed was definitely possible.
Jackie groaned at her own thoughts. She was using feminism, an idea she didn't think was ever gonna take off, as an excuse to act like a whore. She turned off the shower deciding that she wasn't thinking about this anymore. This was what she wanted and as long as she could justify it to herself, then screw the rest.
She wrapped a towel round herself and cleared the mirror. Yep mascara and eyeliner all down her face. She cleared the make-up off thinking about the problem she would have to face next. Steven. He wanted to get back together with her. At least that's what she thought, there was a chance that she was wrong. A slim chance, a very slim chance. Slim to none, without the slim. The more likely situation was he thought they were already back together. Oh God! Did he really think that? Eric had thought that once. But Steven was more realistic, jaded really. Okay so before anything else she was going to have to make sure that they were both on the same page. Damn this day was turning out to be much more stressful than she thought.
She combed through her damp hair and got dressed. Peeking into the bedroom she saw Hyde lying on the bed. He'd pulled the sheet over his legs so he was covered up to the waist but he wasn't dressed. If she was right and he thought they were together, she wasn't going to like herself by the end of the conversation and he was going to pretty much hate her. He looked so peaceful, for once. She wasn't sure if he was awake or not, his eyes were closed but he was smiling. She'd forgotten how sweet he looked smiling. He shifted slightly, mumbling softly. She sighed and walked into the room, taking that as a sign he was asleep.
She made to go to the mirror put her make-up back on. As she walked past the bed Hyde, conveniently, 'woke up' and pulled her down next to him. She tried to say something but before she managed to get her balance he'd silenced her with a kiss. She tried to pull back but he had his arms wrapped firmly around her. Jackie rolled her eyes and kissed him back, winding her arms around his neck. After a good half hour of making out she managed to back up enough to speak. "Steven, we need to talk." She managed to get out with him continually pecking whatever part of her face was directly in front of his mouth.
"Mmm, ok." He answered rolling onto his back and pulling her with him so her head rested on his shoulder. Jackie closed her eyes, desperately wishing she could skip this conversation. She sat up reluctantly three times before he stopped pulling her back down. It was so hard to have a serious conversation with him when he was in a silly mood. She just wanted to leave him like this. But seeing the look on her face his own smile slipped and he frowned. "What's wrong, baby?"
She started talking at super speed, not looking at him. "It's about what just happened. I know it sounds silly but I need to know why it happened and what it meant and if it's going somewhere because I'm not…" He silenced her with another kiss and pulled her back down onto his chest. She groaned, god he could be infuriating sometimes. "Steven." She whined. "Are you listening to me at all?"
"Yes. Now shush." He chuckled, pressing his lips to her forehead lightly. "I meant everything I said. You know I'd never say it if I didn't." He closed his eyes for a minute before continuing. When he spoke again he sounded ashamed. "Most of the time I wouldn't say it even when I did feel it. Or when I should've. I'm sorry for that." He added quietly.
"Steven please." She whispered thickly afraid that she would lose her resolve if he continued.
"Wait." He breathed deeply, steadying himself. Jackie recognised the look on his face. He rarely spoke about his feelings with harsh honesty and she'd begun to sense when he would. Normally it excited her but now she wanted to run away. "I missed you ok. I didn't know what I wanted, but now I do, and I'm not letting you go again, not this time." There was silence for the next few minutes. Jackie closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. She enjoyed the feeling of his fingers tracing circles on her arm gently. After a few more seconds she managed to drag herself away and sat on the stool in front of her mirror. She looked at her reflection then turned around to face him. He sat up in bed to face her properly. "Tell me what's wrong." He spoke gently.
Jackie raised her head slowly, determined to face him throughout. "Steven we've broken up like four times already. Why would things be any different this time?"
"It just is Jackie. I'll make it different. Look, I'm not gonna be an asshole this time." He wrapped the sheet around his waist and moved to sit at the end on the bed.
"But did you ever plan on being an asshole?"
"Jackie, can you just take my word on this? There's no good reason to I know but… I dunno. Give me a chance, just one."
"I want to but one chance will turn into twenty. We don't work together." She forced out.
"Yes we did. Why else did we keep getting back together?" Steven asked beginning to get angry now. He looked so confused, almost hurt. He really thought that they'd started again.
"Yeah we worked, but only at the beginning. As soon as something happened we'd fight and fall apart." She spoke calmly but with a slight shake in her voice. "It doesn't matter what else is going on. We just don't work."
"We just worked four times for God's sake Jackie!" He looked like he regretted yelling as soon as his mouth shut. "Right, that was pretty stupid."
"But true. That was how we worked. The only way that we always work. No matter what else was going on." She blushed. She was never going to be able to do this. It was an all or nothing situation. She shook her head at the stupidity of the whole mess.
"You mean that?" He was staring a her disbelievingly, but other than that his expression was impossible to read. "Jackie are you serious? Do you really think that we can have a just sex situation together?" His voice was getting louder and his eyes flashed with fire. There was a dreadfully long pause. "I can't stay here!" He got up and started pulling clothes on.
"Steven please, I didn't want this." Jackie felt her voice begin to crack and felt like she was going to cry. She desperately wanted to stop him, but felt like couldn't move.
"We're not doing this." He snapped before storming out of the apartment.
Fez returned to the apartment to see Hyde tearing down the hallway, whilst yanking his t-shirt back on. Entering he heard Jackie's sobs. For some reason he found himself wishing that Eric was home. Despite Eric's astounding ability to screw his own love life up, he seemed to be the glue that held the group together and the balance that stopped other people screwing up.
******************************
Eric stepped into the car park of the airport and immediately spotted the ugliest coloured car with the angriest bald man in the drivers seat. "Daddy!" He shouted with a giant sarcastic grin as he clamoured into the passenger seat.
"I thought we were getting rid of you for a year! It's only been six months." Red grunted trying to get out of the car park without causing a major pile-up. A task more suited to a calm man who'd never had a heart attack.
"Well least just say I missed my loving family so much." Eric dropped the cheeriness when Red growled. "I think I'm too much of a dumbass to be a teacher."
"Well now I could've told you that. You had to go all the way to Africa to figure that out?"
"Why Dad if I didn't know any better I'd think you missed me." Red growled again. "Well they're still giving me a $2000 grant." He paused. "After everything I saw over there, I couldn't teach about the founding fathers. I want people to know what it's really like over there. I'm writing a book."
Red rolled his eyes and muttered. "Dumbass."
Eric sighed happily. "It's good to be home."
Half an hour later Eric walked into the basement. Hyde was sat on the chair. "Hey Forman." He said in a normal tone.
"Hey Hyde, did you notice my not being here for six months."
Hyde smiled and got up. "Welcome back man." They shared a quick hug. "So they finally kicked you outta Africa huh?"
"Guess so." Eric laughed. "Still got $2000 out of it."
"You serious man? God that could buy a huge bag."
"Or it could convince my Dad not to kick me out. So what's the chances of you getting out of my room?" Eric asked hopefully.
"I'm in Laurie's room. As for the chances of getting your Mom's sewing room back… Can't help you there." He grinned.
"Well thanks anyway mate."
"Mate?" Hyde asked. "Thought you went to Africa?"
"English room mate." He explained. "You'd like him."
Hyde sat down on his chair. "Sure I would've." Eric dropped into the couch.
"God I missed this place." He looked to Hyde in the silence. "So are you gonna tell me?" Hyde raised his eyebrows but kept looking at the screen. "Jackie, man?"
"Not happening." He snapped. "End of." He added quietly.
"What happened?"
"Drop it Forman." Hyde growled.
Right at that moment Fez came into the basement. "Eric?" He said in surprise.
"Hey Fez."
"Eric! You are home! I was wishing you would come home and now you're here!" Fez yelled in delight, pulling Eric to his feet to embrace him very enthusiastically. "I wish I had $1,000,000." After a few seconds he sighed. "Ai it was worth a try. Oh Eric everything has gone crazy with Donna and Randy and Jackie and Hyde! Ai you wouldn't believe it!"
"Fez how did you know about that?" Hyde stood up and Fez started to back away. "Fez." Hyde moved towards him. Fez darted around the couch with Hyde chasing him. "Fez, stop it! Come here, now Fez!" Hyde eventually jumped over the couch and grabbed the foreign kid round the waist. A couple of seconds later Fez was sprawled across the couch with Hyde sat on his back. "Stop squirming!"
"You know you're gonna break that couch." Eric said, sitting in the lawn chair smiling. Nothing really changed.
"Let me go!" Fez whined.
"First tell me how you found out."
"Ai!" Fez yelled thrashing wildly. "Fine, Jackie told me"
"What?" Hyde yelled. "Why the hell did she do that."
"Because I found the prefugalally…" Fez trailed off into nonsense.
"The what?" Hyde asked. Fez mumbled incoherently. "What did you find Fez?"
"Her pregnancy test." Fez said like a child that had been caught being naughty.
"Oh God." Hyde muttered, stumbling back to his own chair. "Oh God, oh God, oh God." Hyde continued repeating himself while the colour drained from his face.
"Fez." Eric leaned forward towards Fez who looked afraid to get up. "What was the result?"
"Negative!" Fez shouted as though he'd just realised it. "It's was negative."
"Oh God!" Hyde yelled and began breathing normally again. "When was this?"
"Just before we sent Eric's last package. Before Sam left." Fez said, finally sitting back up.
"She should've told me." Hyde whispered, more to himself than the others.
"Right. You two catch me up on everything." Eric demanded, confused by the whole thing, yet again. He'd been rather optimistic on his way home, expecting the unholy union of Hyde and the devil to be back on track. Fez explained as much of the situation as he knew, which was a lot, with Hyde reluctantly filling in the gaps and correcting any mistakes. Causing lots of offence to Fez by revealing that he'd told Red. "So you don't know why she was crying?"
"No she couldn't stop long enough to tell me. I see Hyde storming down the hallway, pulling his shirt on and when I go in Jackie is hysterical!"
"Man, what happened?" Eric asked looking to Hyde.
"Doesn't matter." Hyde snapped ripping open the freezer and opening up a 'puddin' pop' rather violently. "We're not getting back together. She doesn't want that so lets just forget it!"
"Wait. So Jackie doesn't want to get back with you? Oh man, I'm sorry. Wow, that really sucks." Eric said, not sure how to respond.
"But why?" Fez asked with wide eyes. "Jackie still loves you though. Doesn't she Eric?" He gazed at Eric with wide pleading eyes. Eric gave Fez a confused look and considered asking why Fez was looking to him now. He looked to Hyde who was staring at the floor with his zen expression fixed in place.
"Yeah. Yeah Fez she does." He said quietly.
"What the hell!" Hyde yelled. "Look neither of you were there so how do you know? I thought we were back together but then she says that it's not happening. We just don't work together apparently. With the exception of sex."
"She said that?" Eric asked, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline. He sat back in his chair. "So, you and Jackie are… Erm." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "S-sleeping together?" He cleared his throat a couple of times.
"What? No Forman." Hyde scoffed. "I'm not doing that! No way, she doesn't want me then that's it."
"So what are you going to do now Hyde?" Fez asked. "Are you going to try to be friends?" He suddenly started clapping. "Oh oh are you going to make lots of grand gestures with flowers and chocolate until you get her back?"
"No Fez. I'm not doing anything about it. Guess we'll just stop seeing each other."
"But you want to be with her."
"I don't care Fez."
"Yes you do."
"Fez."
"You do!"
"Whatever." Hyde rolled his eyes.
"Come on mate." Eric said. "You know you want to be with her so are you really just gonna not see her at all?"
"Stop calling me mate and I guess so." Hyde started chewing on the inside of his cheek getting more mad at the conversation.
"So what you're just gonna sit in the basement being pissed-off?"
"Unless of course you don't shut up. In that case I'll drag you to the airport and ship you back off to Africa. Keep quiet or you'll be joining him, Fez."
"So you're giving her up completely because you can't have her the way you want?" Fez clarified. "But that's not what you want."
"Ok I'm gonna explain it slowly one more time. I. Can't. Have. What. I. Want. So neither can she."
"Hyde?" Eric asked cautiously.
"You are so going back to Africa!"
"But listen. Didn't this whole you and Jackie thing start with you guys just making out?"
"Yeah, so." Hyde growled.
"Well how do you know that doing it won't lead to getting together again.?" There was a long silence in the basement. "Hyde?"
"Forman you're a genius. Good to have you back. Bye!" Hyde dashed up the stairs.
"Ai Eric. I knew you would fix things." Fez threw himself on his friend for another hug.
"Yeah. Good to be back Fez." Eric said patting him on the back. The basement door opened and Donna and Randy walked in. "Oh. Um hey Donna." Eric said awkwardly. She turned and stormed off up the stairs. "So, still mad at me."
"I guess so." Randy answered flipping his hair out of his face. "So. Who are you?"
******************************
Hyde stood outside of the door to Jackie's apartment for the second time in only two days. Still not certain if he could bring himself to go inside. Eric had raised a great point, if it wasn't for teenage hormones taking control of the main frame he and Jackie would've never gotten together. Even if it didn't work out that way it seemed fitting that they started that way, they should end that way. After ten minutes of thoughts along this track he realised he was only trying to talk himself into it. "Dumbass." He muttered to himself.
If he wanted to do this so much, what was keeping him on the wrong side of the door? He began trying to tell himself that it was because this was just too weird. Casual sex very rarely worked out happily and since when could he have meaningless sex with Jackie. There was more chance of that working out between Eric and Donna. Ad she wasn't gonna give him what he wanted why should she get things her way. He wasn't some pathetic lap dog like Kelso. The real reason, of course, was pride because he really wasn't any girls lap dog and he wasn't gonna change that now.
He raised his hand once more to go in and dropped it to his side again. "Screw her, she can come find me." He muttered, leaving for Grooves.
Behind the door Jackie sighed in disappointment, taking her eye away from the peephole.
******************************
Hyde rearranged the hard rock albums just to keep his hands busy. He was starting to think that by losing his cool he'd managed to end any kind of relationship with Jackie, casual or real. Still wasn't going over there though. Although if Randy carried on yammering he was going to.
"That was Eric Forman?" He laughed. "Are you serious, the love of Donna's life was some skinny little star wars freak?"
"Yeah dude it mystifies us all." Hyde answered, finally leaving the records to stand behind the counter. "But don't underestimate him or he'll take her right back."
"Yeah right. I don't think so man." Randy said cockily. Hyde shrugged.
"Whatever." His attention was lost when Jackie walked into the shop. She saw him watching her and averted her eyes as though frightened of more yelling and tears. She strode purposely over to Randy.
"Where's Donna?" She asked simply. Hyde thought that was weird, she hardly hung out with Donna in a while. Donna's time was pretty much monopolised with Randy and Jackie still seemed stung from Donna's readiness to make nice with Sam. He glanced out the door and saw Eric dancing around outside. He chuckled and bit his lower lip to keep quiet.
"I think she's at work, why?" Randy answered, suspicious of the question combined with Hyde's warning.
"Oh I ran into Eric at the mall." She answered. "He wanted me to ask because he didn't think you'd tell him."
Randy frowned getting angry. "Well then you go tell him that he's right about that. Because Donna's with me now and he's not getting her back. And even if he ever does it'll be because I lost interest and not because he came back from Africa alive."
Jackie seemed pissed at his reaction. "Oh please like you two are gonna be together forever. There's not nearly enough room in a relationship for both your egos!" She said crossing her arms. God she was so cute like that, and in that thin dress… It was doing cruel things to Hyde's sanity. "Besides Eric isn't trying to win her back, even though he could. He's just trying to find her so he can talk to her."
"I don't care." Randy snapped.
"Hey. Shooting the messenger." She pouted. "He feels bad about the way things ended and only wants to explain himself to her so stop being a man-bitch about it."
"Oh I'm a bitch?" Randy laughed. "Rich coming from you, princess. Donna's with me now so don't you tell him where she is."
"Oh I'm so telling him now!" Jackie kicked him in the shins. Hyde laughed sharing a quick smile with Jackie as 'Mrs Lady-locks' grabbed his shin in pain. He noticed that Jackie was wearing particularly pointy shoes today.
"Probably should've warned you about her doing that." He said with a satisfied grin.
Randy looked livid. "Was that from him too?"
"No, that was all me. But I think he would appreciate it." Jackie smiled. Randy stormed towards the door.
"Where the hell is he?" He roared tearing open the door to see a very twitchy Eric standing outside. "Oh you are looking for me to kick your ass dude." Randy yelled pushing Eric against the wall.
"N…No man. Really I just wanna set everything strait that's all." Eric flinched.
Hyde and Jackie had followed them outside and Leo came wandering out from the store room. "Hey look it's Mr Red's son. Cool, I thought you died man." He smiled happily.
"God Randy let him go you jerk!" Jackie yelled clearly getting annoyed at Randy's alpha-male attitude. Something she'd always found attractive or sweet until now.
"Shut up!" Randy yelled before turning to Eric. "Look Eric. Donna is with me now so give it up. You missed your shot!"
"I mean it I just want to talk to her." Eric held in hands up in surrender. "That's all seriously!"
"God you're really stupid!" Randy pulled back a fist to punch the scrawny guy. Hyde was about to throw a punch of his own when there was a loud crack and Randy passed out cold. The three teenagers still standing looked to Leo who was holding a 2x4.
"Wow Leo." Jackie laughed grinning.
"Nice!" Hyde nodded. Leo ignored them both looking to Eric.
"Donna's in the store room guy, you go get your girl!" Eric walked into the store room and walked back out.
"Radio station." He said raising a hand in goodbye. Leo wandered back into the store and fell asleep on the couch.
Jackie nudged Randy with her foot. "Should we wake him up or something?" She asked.
"Nah! No blood he'll wake up in about an hour with a killer headache, that's all." Hyde shrugged.
"Suits me. He was being a jerk anyway, totally deserved it. "
"Can't argue there." An uncomfortable silence fell. "I can't believe you kicked him in the shins." Hyde laughed, glad when she laughed too.
"Well, he deserved that too!" She laughed. "And these shoes were expensive, this only proves they were worth it!"
"Yeah, I bet the designer had shin-kicking in mind when they were made."
"Well she should have." Jackie stated, completely serious. "So… Do you wanna go listen to Eric making an ass outta himself?"
"Definitely." Hyde grinned, aware of how close she was as they walked into the storage room. She gave him a curious look when he locked the door behind them. "If it's not locked people come in here looking for service, it's weird." She laughed softly. The room was dusty, only dimly light from a tiny window. They both breathed an audible sigh of relief when the song ended and Donna's voice came out of the radio that Leo must've been listening to. "That was Pink Floyd with Sorrow. This is Hot… Um. It seems we have a problem with a scrawny moron in the station. So here's Free Bird, this is Hot Donna," Her trademark bacon sound fizzed "about to kick ass."
"Damn. Well that was disappointing." Jackie said pouting. Lord why did she have to be so tempting today. "I thought we were gonna get screaming and such."
"While the screaming and such is amusing, it doesn't sound as good as Skynyrd." He said with a smirk. They settled back on an old sofa and listened to the sweet melody. "Kinda proud of Forman, for not barrelling in their like road runner on speed. Not like him at all."
"Well, maybe distance was good for them." She said smiling. "So how long before they're back together?"
"I don't know. Things aren't as certain as they seemed to be. I used to think that Forman would be around forever but he up and went to Africa." He looked at her sadly before adding quietly. "I thought other things were certain too." There was an awkward silence in the room, Steven knew she'd understood what he meant.
He had thought that they were a certain thing. Not for the first three years of their relationship. Then he'd been expecting it to end at any second, for any reason. He was too jaded to trust anything that good to last. Yeah, they were good, she was good. They argued everyday but they understood each other and they were good for each other, he made her think and she made him less cynical. Not by any amount that people could see but inside he was beginning to think that maybe he could trust her. He'd only began to believe that they'd always work out as he drove to Chicago with a ring in his pocket. If anyone asked he couldn't say why he was doing that he just knew he was.
He hadn't thought of any reason other than he didn't want her to go. He'd bought the ring before going to the warehouse, his decision was already made but he was afraid that he wasn't ready. He was right of course, no way was he ready for marriage at eighteen. Part of him hoped that she would tell him that she couldn't leave him anyway. He'd thought about proposing when he saw she hadn't left but he was being stupid again.
He still had the ring, in the back of the top drawn in his room. She used to keep her stuff in there, a mirror, hairbrush. Just silly things that she liked to have access to. Some of her stuff was still there, the most significant thing she'd left was her diary. Jackie had insisted on keeping it there because she didn't trust Donna not to read it. A stupid reason since she read Donna's regularly. It wasn't until he came back from Vegas that he decided to read it. Turned out he was right in thinking that there wasn't a thought in her head she didn't voice out loud. Every single page was about her hair, her lip gloss and him. That was the reason he'd never gotten rid of it. She'd told him everyday how much she loved him but it was a comfort to have it written down when she didn't say it anymore.
The diary was still there, along with flannel pyjamas that had never been moved out. Changes of underwear and socks. For the first few nights at Donna's she couldn't sleep and had ended up creeping into the basement. He usually woke up as soon as she got into bed. He'd open his eyes long enough to whisper "Welcome back." and peck her on the cheek before drifting back into sleep. It had become an odd reoccurring dream now.
He kept things she'd given him in there too. Fluffy toys and cute things he's hated. Some were in pieces from when he was angry, but they were there. There was one thing that he kept there for no reason he could justify. The Led Zeppelin t-shirt. A few days after Sam arrived he'd came into the basement to see it folded on his pillow with a note. She's with you now, this is hers. He'd never been so glad that Sam wasn't there. That t-shirt would never belong to Sam, it wasn't even his anymore. He kept it in the draw. Bought himself a new one so she wouldn't know.
No one ever saw inside that draw. Except for once. When they moved up to Laurie's room Mrs Forman had opened the draw, seen a picture of Jackie and closed it. Hyde was standing in the doorway at the time, frozen as soon as she touched the handle. Kitty knew he'd seen her looking but it was never mentioned again.
He came back to the present as the song ended. It spun in silence for a few seconds. "Do you think Donna's standing on his head?" Jackie asked smiling weakly. They heard some slamming before Donna's voice came out of the speakers, sounding utterly furious. "Led Zeppelin! In Through The Out Door!" The bacon sound sizzled again before the music began. Jackie shook her head, "He's not gonna make it to the end of this album."
Steven laughed. "No he's not." They lapsed back into silence, both darting glances at each other.
"Steven about, yesterday…" She babbled before he cut her off.
"I'm sorry for shouting at you." He said quietly, taking off his sunglasses and not looking at her. Jackie was leaning so close he could smell her again. "I was hurt and… I am really very stupid! Reoccurring theme I know." He said with a half-hearted laugh. She took his shades out of his hands and put them next to the radio. Hyde swallowed thickly. "Can we just forget everything I said?" He barely whispered.
"Are you serious?" She'd barely spoken the words but their faces were so close now it was clear as a bell. Hyde nodded kissing her deeply as she lay back on the couch taking him with her. He grazed his lips along her cheek bone to tease her ear with his teeth.
"I mean it, God I want you so much. I'll take whatever I can get." They kissed for an eternity in the dark dusty room and somehow Jackie had never felt so special.
She tugged Hyde's shirt up over his head as he slid her underwear down her legs and off only to be replaced by his hand. He pressed the heel of his hand against her pubic mound and circled his fingers on her clit making her quiver and pant. He plunged two fingers deep into her causing her to let out a strangled gasp.
"Steven." She whimpered into his mouth, fumbling with his belt until it came undone then pushing his pants down his legs. They shifted positions until she sat straddling him. Hyde watched her eyes close and her mouth fall open as he slid into her wet core. He buried his face in her neck and they stayed still for a few seconds. Hyde pulled back to lift that damn dress above her head and drop it on the floor. He held her close to him as they rocked together. His hands caressed the back of her neck softly and she moaned softly in response, the hairs there standing up. She arched her body tilting her head back moaning his name again. He placed a hand under her chin and drew her face down so he could look into her eyes. They were glazed over with pleasure.
Their lips brushed together as their movements grew faster and their moans louder. "Oooooooo, Steven!" She gasped. "I'm so close, so close."
"Oh yeah." He grunted, clutching her tightly. "Come with me baby." He felt her walls pulse and tighten around him. A few deep thrusts later and his cock twitched as he exploded into her with a low moan. She fell forward on him, resting her head on his shoulder, breathing heavily. He stroked her back lovingly with his fingertips. "Feel good, baby?" She nodded murmuring nonsense. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lowered both their bodies down to lie strait with their legs tangled. She was unusually quiet in his arms. "What are you thinking about?" He asked sleepily.
"The first night I stayed with you." She yawned almost asleep. Hyde smiled into her hair, maybe it was going somewhere.
******************************
1978
"Steven!" Jackie giggled trying to get to her clothes which were in a pile a few feet away. Simple, apart from the fact that Steven was determined to pull her back down onto the bed every time she tried to move.
"Hush hush!" He taunted. "It's past midnight." He reminded her, rolling on top of her. She giggled lightly as he started licking and biting her neck. She pushed on his shoulders and tried to wriggle free. "Not helping there, Snootie Little Cutie." He said laughing. Jackie burst out laughing at the pet name he started using a couple of weeks ago, after she'd walked in on him singing Sinatra. He'd never let his friends know he said anything that corny and she'd kept it to herself, grudgingly. Also it was the only way she was gonna get away with calling him her 'Puddin' Pop.'
She stop squirming and lay back on the bed, until he moved to lie next to her. "Exactly, past midnight I need to go home." She said sadly and managed to make it half way to her clothes before he grabbed her wrist. She sighed, suppressing a giggle. "Steven you have to let me go home." She tried to pull her wrist back but he kept tugging her towards the bed until she starting laughing again. She loved it when he was in a silly mood, it was adorable. "Let go!" She laughed, finally breaking free. He grumbled but let her go. She pulled her underwear on slowly, very reluctant to go back to an empty house despite knowing that she had to. She was about to pick up her jeans when she felt him wrap his arms round her from behind. She let her head fall back onto his shoulders. "I thought I won."
He shook his head, after a couple of seconds he said. "Stay here tonight. Your house is empty and you're here so much I don't think they'd notice." She was silent for a few seconds thinking about it, she didn't want to go home alone but she'd been too proud to ask for help.
"Maybe just for tonight." She said sheepishly. She felt him grin into her hair.
"Mwahaha!" I win." He laughed. "You wanna get a shirt to sleep in?" He asked gesturing to the draws, starting to get ready for bed. She starting opening draws looking for something to wear. She might only be sleeping in it but she wanted something nice that didn't have any stupid band logos on. "Jackie what are you looking for?" He asked after a while.
"I want something nice to sleep in." She answered, frowning when it seemed all he had was old concert t-shirts.
"You're crazy." He said with a chuckle. "I think there's a white shirt in the bottom draw." He said slowly as if he couldn't remember, Jackie knew that was probably because he couldn't. She bent down to look and found it buried right at the back, not even folded properly, she pulled it out and put it on. It hung baggy on her but it was the only thing there that cost anything close to any of her clothes. She got into bed and he scooted back to give her room winding his arms around her, holding her close. "You want me to drive you home in the morning so you can get changed and stuff?" Jackie nodded quietly relaxing against his bare chest.
They lay in comfortable quiet for a while, Jackie couldn't sleep though, staying here felt like admitting that everything was screwed up. Her Mom had never been around much and Daddy was busy with work but he noticed when she was around. She spoke to him way more than her Mother who only ever noticed if Jackie wore something that made her look fat. Jackie was feeling so stupid for expecting her Mom to come home and look after her now Daddy was in jail. She missed him sometimes and it was so difficult seeing the faults in her, one time, hero. Just going to that horrible building was awful, having criminals leering at her while she tried to believe that everything was gonna be ok. She lied to her Dad too, he thought her Mom had come home ages ago. She wasn't ashamed to tell him but he had so much to deal with anyway, so it wasn't really fair to burden him with something he couldn't fix. All the thoughts swirling in her head got heavier and louder until she started crying softly biting the edge of the pillow to stay quiet.
Hyde heard her soft sobs and turned her gently to face him. She wrapped her arms round his neck and buried her face in his chest, sobbing heavily. He held her tightly, stroking her hair. He didn't know what to say to make her feel better so he just let her keep crying on him. She was so fragile and vulnerable, curled up against him in the dark. His chest felt like it had increased in weight by about a ton. It was like his ribs were being crushed by an invisible weight and there was a tearing sensation on the inside. His heart felt uncomfortably stretched like it was straining to break out of his chest. If this was giving your heart to someone else, it was agony and completely involuntarily. But even if he could he wouldn't stop himself. He bent down to her ear and whispered to her. "I love you, Jackie." Her sobbing subsided over the next few seconds.
"I know. I love you too Steven." A few seconds later her tears dried up and they both drifted into slumber.
There we go my longest chapter yet. Drop me a line to say whether you like it at this length or preferred it before. Keep telling me what you want and please don't kill me. More returns next chapter and one very welcome goodbye.
Night night sweeties. xxx