A/N: Ah, good catch JosieRevisited, I must start editing properly for a change. I shall strive to do better, my friend. I'm glad you are enjoying the humor. It's hard with these two. I'm trying not to fall into the trap of Shepard being the funny one and Miranda being the hard ass, while also keeping Miranda herself. I think she would lighten up over time, but for now, slow steps.

Anywho, Are you guys ready? I did warn you this would get awfully silly…

When morning arrived, and Miranda had spoken with Hackett, Shepard was left with feeling nothing but unease. Something was wrong, and the Alliance didn't want her knowing about it. For her part, Miranda just seemed vaguely confused by the whole line of questioning. Hackett wanted answers that she didn't have, and was inquiring about things that shouldn't have mattered.

Where she had been at certain times, who had been involved in what assignments, what investors had backed certain projects. All things Miranda couldn't reasonably be expected to remember, and she didn't know the location of the magical secret data cache that the Alliance seemed to be so desperately looking for.

It didn't take long for Hackett to gather he wasn't getting what he needed, and before even an hour had passed, he was gone. Miranda and Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, sizing each other up.

"Do you think this is something we should be nervous about?" Shepard finally asked, not quite sure she wanted to know the answer.

"Do you?" Miranda countered quickly.

"I asked you first."

"I think we should always be cautious, about everything," Miranda finally admitted after some deliberation.

Shepard sighed, "I wanted you to answer as if you were a normal person, not be all Miranda-y and paranoid."

Miranda crossed her arms resentfully, "Fine," she put on her best impression of Shepard's voice, "Everything's fine and everyone's immortal all the time. This is the best day ever, nothing could possibly go wrong. Ever. In my entire life. Everything is perfection-"

"Okay," Shepard cut in a bit defensively.

"Nobody can ever get hurt because everything is rainbows-"

"We get it."

"I love everybody and there will be galactic peace for all until the end of time just because I say so."

"Alright, I'm sorry!"

Miranda and Shepard quickly found that they had quite a few guests who were hoping to stop by the new apartment. Their old friends and crewmates were getting back on their feet now, and many had hoped to make an appearance soon and check up on Shepard.

As the place was small, it was quickly determined they would be hosting no wild parties anytime soon. In the end, Shepard had suggested they respond to Oriana first. She was nearby, had not seen her sister in over a month, and seemed to be looking to stay a few nights to catch up.

Miranda consented and soon Oriana was explaining to her understandably hesitant parents that she would be spending the weekend with her sort-of-ex-terrorist-but-not-really estranged sister and the legendary Commander Shepard who not a few days ago was rumored as deceased. It went over pretty well, all things considered.

Shepard, who had gone out for a walk around the neighborhood to give the sisters some alone time, hood drawn and shades on of course, quickly regretted her decision to return so soon immediately after she passed through the doorway.

"Ori, that's incredibly dangerous, not to mention irresponsible," Miranda's voice was raised, though she appeared to be more alarmed than angry.

Oriana sat on the couch, arms crossed, "It was one time!"

"That's all it takes for something to happen," Miranda countered easily.

Shepard, who had by now gathered what the conversation was about, tried to slip by unnoticed. She wasn't eager to start giving seminars on the importance of safe sex to troubled teens.

The plan was unsuccessful however, as Miranda caught sight of her, "Ask Shepard, I'm sure she agrees with me."

"Woah now," Shepard put her hands up, "I want no part of it, thank you."

Oriana, who took Shepard's lack of involvement as support for her side, smiled gratefully. Miranda wasn't amused, "This isn't a joke. Look, I'm not trying to beat up on you here, but this is really serious. It can't happen again."

With a forced laugh, Oriana glanced away, "Well it kind of did…already…it was, uh, twice. Two times."

Miranda looked like she was about to explode, so Shepard begrudgingly realized it was about time to step in, "Hey, take it easy there, Miranda. She's a kid; they're supposed to be stupid."

"Hey!" Oriana cut in, clearly offended.

Shepard shushed her, "You've given her a lecture, she won't do it again, I'm sure. You can't change what happened by yelling at her."

Empowered by Shepard's verbal support, Oriana put in her two cents, "Yeah, and besides, Danner said it wouldn't be a problem because-"

"Oh stop right there," Miranda interrupted, "I don't even want to hear whatever story you fell for." She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, "What a bloody mess."

Shepard couldn't help but laugh at that, "Yeah, Oriana, you better knock it off or she's gonna hop onto her kangaroo and leave."

Miranda cut off her laughter with an icy glare, "Oh, shut up."

Shepard sobered quickly as she felt Miranda's attention shift to herself.

"And would you stop wearing that ridiculous outfit? People are going to think we're drug dealers."

Besides that one slight hiccup, the rest of the weekend passed by in a happy blur. Oriana was pleased, as Miranda seemed content to drop the topic for the time being. Miranda was pleased, as Oriana seemed to be enjoying her stay immensely. And Shepard was pleased because there were still some leftover potato chips.

Miranda had spent the morning at the store, picking up some milk, as Shepard apparently had an affinity for it and they had run out rather quickly. Shepard had refused to join her now that she had been banned from wearing what she referred to as her 'protective gear', and Oriana had stayed behind to keep her company.

When she had returned from the brief outing, Miranda wasn't prepared for the state of the living room.

"What the-" Miranda was floored. How on Earth could two people make such a mess in so little time? That's when she noticed the third person. A young boy sat beside Shepard, a happy grin along his features.

Shepard's cheerful face popped up over the couch at the sound of her voice, "Why hello there! Come see what we did."

Reluctantly, Miranda took a few steps closer for a better look. Shepard and Oriana sat with the boy around a mess of objects. Towels, pans, pillows, books, bags, and the odd cardboard box were strewn about in a peculiar fashion. The coffee table was turned on its side, and Oriana seemed to be attempting to hide behind it.

"We made a town for Space Hamster," Shepard explained with her arms outstretched proudly.

"Oh my god."

"I tried to stop her," Oriana squeaked apologetically.

Shepard huffed, "Says the girl who made the swinging bridge. Look," She moved forward and pointed to a couple of boxes, "this is the library. And this over here, this is the school."

"Uh huh," Miranda cut in, "and who is this?"

"Hmm?" Shepard looked confused, "Oh, right. Miranda, this is Kyle. Kyle, Miranda."

"Hullo," He said shyly, offering a small wave.

Softening a bit, Miranda tried to answer warmly despite her annoyance, "Hi, Kyle."

"Kyle lives a few doors down," Shepard explained, "his aunt had a bit of an accident so his mother had to leave for a few hours. She saw Oriana and I throwing the trash down the chute and I guess she recognized me from the one of Allers' interviews, figured I'd be a safe bet on short notice I suppose."

Miranda's eyes drifted to the makeshift village, where she noticed Space Hamster sitting in a little push toy car that must have belonged to Kyle. It appeared as though Shepard had loaded it with treats to make him stay put, as the boy very gently guided him around.

"And what's that there?"

"Ah, that would be your be your bath towel."

"I see, there's a little something extra for me I guess."

"Yes, well, that would, uh…that would be a pee stain. Hamster, of course."

"Right, thanks. I got that, yeah."

Shepard seemed rather unapologetic about the whole affair, so there was no battle to be won here. Biting her tongue in front of the child, Miranda simply turned on her heels and stormed into the kitchen. The milk was getting warm.

At first, Shepard's brief ventures in babysitting had seemed a relatively inconsequential event. Kyle's mother returned before eight o'clock as she had promised, and thanked all three women profusely while offering a modest amount of credits for their time. They refused the payment of course, and the two left, as did Oriana the morning after. Miranda oversaw Shepard's demolition of Hamsterville, as they had taken to calling it, and soon everything was back to normal.

Except it wasn't, because Kyle's uncle was very fond of his nephew and inquired as to his whereabouts. Kyle's mother explained how the most incredible happenstance had occurred; Commander Shepard herself lived just a few doors down and had quite willingly offered to look after the boy. Now, Kyle's family happened to be very respectful and private people who would never gossip about such things. Unfortunately, by chance, the young nurse Nicole, who was in the hospital room tending to Kyle's aunt when the information was reveled, did not share those qualities.

The first thing Nicole did when she got off her shift was tell her boyfriend, Brian, that she was taking care of somebody who's family was friends with Commander Shepard. When Brian's mother called the apartment the next day to check up on him and ask if anything exciting had happened to him recently, he happily shared that his girlfriend knew somebody that knew somebody who knew Commander Shepard.

Of course, as soon as she arrived at the office, the first thing Brian's mother told her friends was that her son was dating someone who knew someone who knew someone who knew Commander Shepard. And the news spread through the building like a wildfire, quickly seeping out into the streets and onto the tongues of everyone who was willing to listen.

Yes, Shepard's brief ventures in babysitting most certainly should have been an inconsequential event, and yet just three days later Miranda found herself being woken up obscenely early to the sound of incessant chatter creeping up from the street below and through their bedroom window. As she turned towards the noise, she saw that Shepard was already up, and peering through the curtains nervously.

"Shepard," Miranda sat up, pausing as a yawn escaped, "what's going on?"

It was near impossible not to laugh when Shepard turned to face her, the woman looked dangerously close to deranged, "They're everywhere, Miranda. It's too late for us."

Miranda shook her head as she untangled herself from the sheets and made her way to the window, she peeked out to discover a sizable crowd had gathered just outside the door to the building. She found herself grateful for the fact that non apartment owners had to be buzzed in.

"Oh, well we knew this would happen eventually," she said with a sigh, "We'll just have to wait it out, I suppose. We can stay inside today, Shepard. They'll lose interest and wander off before nightfall."

Shepard gave her a rather pathetic look, "What if they don't?"

Laughing at her dramatics, Miranda placed a gentle hand on Shepard's back and guided her towards the kitchen, "Don't flatter yourself, you're hardly that interesting. Come on, I'm hungry."

Despite Miranda's soothing assertions, Shepard was on edge all afternoon. Confined to the house, they had to begin to search for ways to amuse themselves and pass the time. Space Hamster's tank had needed cleaning, as it was beginning to smell, so that was first on the list. For awhile after that, they lazed about and spoke for a time. When conversation faltered, they had lunch and tidied up the apartment. Afterwards, Miranda felt as though a shower was in order, as they had closed all of the windows to keep out the noise and things were getting a bit stuffy.

Miranda had always had an almost odd feeling of contentment while showering. Even at times in her past went she felt the most alone, the isolation it brought was welcome. She was able to think whatever she thought, feel whatever she felt, and bask in the warmth of the knowledge that for a short while she did not have to answer to a single person. Of course Shepard destroyed that peace, only being able to wait patiently on the bed for all of twenty seconds before she invaded the small space, "Hello."

"Can you seriously not be alone for ten minutes?" Miranda sighed, glaring at the smiling face that was poking through the curtain.

"Not when you're naked," Shepard responded in sing-song as she tried to scoot inside.

Miranda shot a hand out to bar her entrance, grimacing as the cascading water rolled down her arm and onto the bathroom floor just outside the curtain, "No. Stop. You are not coming in here with your clothes on, you'll make a mess."

Shepard brightened at her words, pulling off her shirt in one swift motion, "Okay."

"Wait, no," Miranda panicked, "that's not what I meant. I didn't mean-"

But Shepard was already inside, her lips immediately finding Miranda's. Miranda wrestled with her emotions as she tried to convince herself that she wanted the woman to leave, that she wanted to be alone. But oh, how she didn't.

"Wait," she started breathlessly, but Shepard had her against the wall, sneaking her legs in between Miranda's expertly.

"Shepard," She tried to stay focused as the woman's hands slid from her hips up to her breasts, "I can't," she fumbled as her feet struggled to get purchase on the slick ground, and winced when a stray elbow knocked into the temperature knob, "It's too cramped in here."

Eyes alight with obvious nefarious intent, Shepard turned off the water instantly. Miranda had but a second to shiver at the loss of warmth, before she was lifted by her bottom and found herself instinctively wrapping her legs around Shepard's waist. The woman carried her confidently into the next room, stealing quick kisses along the way.

Miranda's eyes widened as she knew where they were headed, "Wait no, stop. You're going to get the bed all-" Shepard dumped her unceremoniously onto the mattress, "wet."

Laughing, Shepard pacified her concerns quickly by joining Miranda at once, "It'll dry."

It wasn't until hours later that Miranda found herself reluctantly sliding out of Shepard's embrace, desiring a shower more now than she had ever had earlier. For her part, Shepard was very polite afterwards and gave Miranda some time alone for about five minutes before she mysteriously found herself standing in the bathroom once more, completely not of her own volition of course.

"Oh are you bloody serious?"

"It's the allure, mate. It's too strong, I can't fight it."

The next day, Miranda was surprised to look out in the morning and discover that their little crowd of admirers had not dissipated. In fact, she couldn't be sure, but it may have even grown. They were visited by George in the early afternoon, their quite portly, and immensely kind, landlord. Shepard apologized profusely for the inconvenience, but the man waved it off and asked if there was any way he could help with the situation. As there obviously was none, they parted ways quickly with the women promising to get it all sorted out as soon as possible.

Two more days passed, and both Miranda and Shepard were going a little stir crazy. Shepard, whose fear of the public had dissolved into annoyance at the personal intrusion, had taken to throwing paper airplanes down to the crowd. She had once approached the window with a large pot of water, but Miranda had been there to stop her just in time.

It hadn't taken long for them to realize the crowd was made up of journalists and news reporters, once they had been brave enough to really take a good look out the window. Miranda had found a live broadcast of their building on the tiny television in their living room, and they kept it on in the background, begrudgingly amused by the media's tenacity.

At one point, Shepard thrust her head out the window and began shaking her fist in the air frantically, "Don't you people have something better to do? There are starving Salarians on hot planets!"

"Commander Shepard, tell us, what happened on the Citadel the day of the Reaper's defeat?"

"What are your opinions on the treatment of surviving Cerberus soldiers?"

"Is it true that you alone are responsible for curing the genophage?"

"There were rumors you have been in a coma for the past month, can you publicly confirm this?"

"Bah!" Shepard waved them away and slammed the window shut, "ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous."

And so the time passed, agonizingly slowly. By the fifth evening, they had begun to run out of provisions, and it looked as though they would have to bite the bullet and leave the apartment. Shepard suggested they try take out first.

They watched excitedly as the delivery boy pulled up to the curb not half an hour later. He stepped out of his car, looked at the crowd, glanced up at the building, noticed Miranda and Shepard's heads sticking at the window, looked back at the crowd, shook his head, and drove off.

"What?" Shepard called out after him, "What happened to serving humanity with honor? Do your duty!"

Miranda leaned back inside and slid down the wall with a sigh, stomach growling loudly, "Please, Shepard, just talk to them. Maybe if you go down and give them something they'll leave us alone."

Shepard sat beside her, "They're like dogs. Feed em' once, and they'll keep coming back for more." Her stomach let out a low groan as well, "I can't believe this, they are literally starving us. Aren't there laws against this?"

"Probably," Miranda laughed, "though I'm sure law enforcement is a little more concerned with rebuilding the planet. Too bad we can't give them a little scare."

Suddenly, Shepard shot forward in excitement, "Miranda, you've given me a fantastic idea."

She grabbed Miranda's face in both hands and gave her a surprisingly energetic kiss, leaving the woman a bit confused, "That's great, can I eat it?"