A/N- Thank you all so much for the positive feedback. I do hope you do continue to find this story humorous and entertaining. This chapter contains some more verbal sparring; enjoy.
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"Hey, kid!" Emma called to Henry as he exited the doors of the school with his head down. She waved frantically and he came rushing toward her.
"What happened to my mom's rules?"
"She told me to come pick you up."
He pulled back from the embrace and looked at her suspiciously. "Why would she do that?"
"Who cares?" she ruffled his hair. "Want a milkshake from Granny's?"
He gave her a duh look and she tickled him mercilessly.
When they got to the diner and had ordered, Emma looked across the booth at him seriously. "Was school good today?"'
"It's school." He shrugged. "It's the same every day."
Emma stifled a grin. He was a lot like Regina in a lot of ways. But he was also like her. This made her extremely happy. "Well, better than yesterday anyway, right?"
"Why? What happened yesterday?" He frowned up at her from where he had been licking the whipped cream from the milkshake.
"That kid, that called you a name. Remember, silly?" she laughed at his forgetfulness and then sombered at his still confused expression.
"I get called names all the time." He shrugged. "That's what eleven-year-olds do: they're mean." He was still regarding her curiously as Emma's brain shot straight past confusion, concern, and alarm and straight into panicked paranoia.
"Yeah, but you asked me about a certain name last night." She said, praying that her son was going to suddenly realize that she was right.
But Henry just sat with a quizzical look. "Umm...are you sure? Because I don't remember asking you to define a word." The boy delivered the hesitant response with a tone that implied Emma wouldn't be his first choice for giving a vocabulary lesson.
Realization dawned on her and she nearly choked on the spit that suddenly flooded her mouth as a response to her body's fight-or-flight mode. Regina! I talked to Regina last night! Shit, shit, shit! She verbally assaulted herself and mentally applauded the mayor's ability to fool her. Damn that was slick.
Emma looked back at Henry and realized he was waiting for her to respond. "Right, sorry, I just got confused." She bumbled and he smiled and patted her hand.
"We learned today that the older you get, the more likely you are to forget stuff, it's ok."
But she missed the accidental insult because she was contemplating the information that had come to light. Henry rattled on about a comic he was reading at the moment and how the supervillan was especially evil because he felt pressured by his father to be a great evil genius. Emma nodded and commented in all the right places as her brain whirled.
Why was Regina acting like Henry? That one was easy, because she is Regina and does whatever the fuck she wants to do. How much had she read of our other conversations? Emma had no way of knowing this and dread bubbled in her stomach. However, she reasoned that it was probably only the previous conversation or she would have heard from her before now. With a jolt, the blonde came to the conclusion that she really had no way of knowing when she was talking to her son and when she was talking to Regina. The woman had been so convincing. Emma knew Regina was a great liar, but this was scary.
Her stomach dropped as she remembered the comment about having two moms and about Emma looking at her as she was in the supermarket. She groaned internally. How did she know? She wondered. Her back had been turned at the time, obviously, or Emma wouldn't have been able to admire the exact way her calves strained or the way the material stretched over the perfect slope of her entirely grabbable-
"Emma?"
The blonde jerked around and looked at her son. "Sorry, kid. Sheriff stuff I was thinking about."
"Well, it's time for my session with Archie. I'm glad we got to hang out."
"Me too."
"I don't know what you did to put my mom in such a good mood, but maybe if you keep her happy, we can see each other more."
"Right." Emma was sure that if Regina was truly in a good mood, she herself, would be rolling in misery.
Regina checked her watch. It was six fifteen and there was no sign of the blonde. She rolled her neck and stood from her desk; moving around the chair to stand with her back to the door. The window overlooked her courtyard and the apple tree that had traveled great distances with her. She wondered vaguely if the sheriff had figured out that it had been she with whom she had spoken online the previous night.
The brunette pressed her fingertips to the cool glass and traced down the pane. She supposed that it didn't matter. The sheriff couldn't accuse her of anything without admitting to talking of the sensitive subjects they spoke of last night. Namely, checking the mayor out and admitting she found her attractive. Regina knew that Emma would rather die than confess either. This caused her to smirk.
The sound of footsteps met her ears and the brunette watched in the reflection of the window as Emma sidled into the room. Green eyes roved up and down the mayor's frame, lingering on the tight skirt. Regina smirked wider.
"You're two minutes late."
Emma jumped and snapped her gaze to eye level as the mayor turned. "Sorry, stopped to help Ruby find an earring."
"No doubt she left it in your bed." Regina didn't know what possessed her to insinuate the pairing but she was rewarded when Emma blushed.
"Yeah, she figured she left it there last night." Came the sarcastic remark.
"I suspect that is not all she left behind." Regina sat down. "Your spreadsheet, Sheriff?"
Emma passed her a zip drive and they fell silent as the mayor plugged it in and uploaded the file to her computer. Dark eyes scanned the screen and she pursed her lips in concentration. The blonde tapped her boots on the floor and looked anywhere but the brunette's puckered mouth. "How long is this going to take?" she finally asked.
"Hopefully, not long…however…" Regina squinted at the screen. "What is this category?"
Emma rounded the desk reluctantly and stooped over to peer at the screen. Regina could feel her breath on her neck and suppressed a shudder. "What?" the blonde asked.
"Hygiene?"
"Well, you would be surprised how many discarded contraceptives I found in the park."
"Contraceptives?"
"You know, condoms."
"I'm aware of what a contraceptive is, Sheriff."
"Of course." Emma smirked a bit at the affronted growl in the brunette's voice. "Well it seems that some of Storybrook's most prolific litterers are horny teens." She stepped back to lean a shoulder against the wall and Regina swiveled in her chair to face her.
"Why assume teens?"
"Because they're having sex in the park." Emma laughed. "Tell me, do you have sex in the park?"
"Of course not!"
"That's because you have your own home." Emma nodded. "And car." She looked out the window at the Mercedes. "And you have money to rent a room."
"Where are you going with this?" Regina was getting a bit warm but Emma didn't notice.
"My point is that teens don't have these options. If you were going to meet your lover, you wouldn't do it in the park." Emma paused and took in the state of the slightly flushed mayor. "Or maybe you would; I could see you as the type that gets off on the idea of being caught."
Regina turned back to the computer and typed in a few complicated formulas. "That is highly inappropriate, Sheriff." She sniffed disdainfully. "I don't have tawdry rendezvous in Storybrook Park."
"I don't suspect that your rendezvous are often tawdry, Mayor."
"I suggest you spend less time considering my personal taste and more time considering how to stop the public indecency."
"I don't see a way of stopping it. I'm not camping out every night waiting for some teens to start necking so that I can jump out at them."
"Perhaps posting signs and making trashcans more available would remedy the unwanted action?" The brunette continued scanning the report; her eyes flying back and forth on the screen. "Where did you find the largest number of alcoholic beverage bottles?"
"You mean besides behind Leroy's house?" Emma smirked when the woman rolled her eyes; unamused. "In your gutter."
That got her attention. "Excuse me?"
"It seems that people drop them outside your house."
"You're joking."
"Really?" This whole report has been a joke. "No, I'm pretty serious about my garbage." Emma deadpanned. "I'm not surprised actually."
"Well I am!" Regina tapped her fingers on the keys and more data popped up; complete with a pie and bar graph depicting percentages. Emma marveled at the woman's ability to turn a mundane collection of numbers and words into colorful data spreads. It was almost like magic. "According to your findings, the two locations that are most frequently littered are my street and the back woods of the park?"
"Yes, the teens in the park and disgruntled employees on your street."
"I'll show them disgruntled…" Regina mumbled under her breath but Emma caught it.
"Look, I've done the report, are we finished?"
"Show me your corrective measures and we can part ways."
"Corrective measures?" Emma asked nervously.