Authoress' Note: Thanks to all the regulars who have reviewed. I read every single one, and they mean the world to me. Especially since this is my first real Star Trek fic. Getting these characters right is tough! By the way, I'm going on a mission trip with my church for the next 5 days; so don't expect any update for a while after that. This is a looong chapter though, so it should tide you over.

Nightmares Revisited

"Hailing frequencies are open, Captain," says the young man stationed at the communications station. He presses his earpiece in a bit more as he waits for a response.

Kirk grits his teeth and decides that there is way too much testosterone on his bridge. He'd give anything to have Uhura back right now. In fact, he wouldn't mind her sarcasm and snarky comments at all. If anything, he would welcome them. He turns in his chair, which to his delight swivels along with him, and nods at the man in acknowledgment.

"Thank you, Ensign . . ."

The young man, who can't be much younger than Kirk himself snaps to attention. "Ensign Nelson, Sir!" he exudes with excitement at finally being noticed after having spent several days at his station being ignored.

"Yes, yes, at ease, Nelson."

Kirk lifts his foot up and his chair swivels back around to face the view screen.

"This is Captain Kirk from the USS Enterprise. Is it safe for us to beam down?"

Static crackles in and out before going dead. Kirk takes a deep breath, preparing to raise his voice, "This is Captain Kirk-"

"I don't think anyone is there, Captain," Ensign Nelson pipes up. "All I'm getting is static and dead air. That doesn't sound like a problem with the comm system."

Kirk ignores the grating Ensign and turns toward Spock instead. "Status?"

Spock glances up from his station. "Ensign Nelson is correct, Captain. There is no malfunction in the communications system. Although sensors indicate that there is humanoid life on the planet."

"So, they're choosing not to respond," Kirk says, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Spock moves to stand closer to the Captain. "Not necessarily, Sir. Perhaps they are unable to get to their communication system."

"Yes," Kirk drawls, staring beadily at the view screen where a small brown and blue planet floats in space before them. "Well then, let's not sit around guessing about what's going on down there. Spock, you and I will beam down and check things out. If it looks too big for the two of us to handle then we'll beam back up and get a larger landing party together. Let's get this over with. Sulu you have the con until I send Mr. Scott up here."

The two exit the bridge and take the turbolift down to the transporter room where Scotty is already waiting for them.

"Jus' the two of you, Cap'n?" he asks, handing them each a communicator and a phaser.

"For now, Scotty," Kirk replies, strapping all his equipment on, "You've got the con on the bridge. Keep communications open so we can keep you updated on what's going on down below."

"Aye, Sir, will do."

Kirk and Spock step onto the pad simultaneously.

"Energize," Spock says, and the familiar tingling sensation sets in on the two of them.

Seconds later, the pair find themselves in the middle of a neatly manicured garden surrounded by paved walkways on all sides. Not too far away, a monorail line, much like those used in the 21st century, cuts across the skyline of a magnificent city. The gardens and park around them stretch on for some distance before melting into the skyscrapers and towers beyond. On the opposite side, an outcropping of residential houses sit cloistered in groups of four to each block. The lawn they can see nearest to them is just as meticulously neat as the garden they are standing in now.

Something feels severely out of the place, Kirk thinks, as he takes in their surroundings with astonishment. The city feels much too quiet, and Kirk suddenly realises, upon closer inspection, that the gardens and lawns are not as perfect as he thought them to be. The grass has grown up tall in some places, and ivy has already begun to grow up the sides of a few dwellings. Kirk turns toward Spock for an explanation.

The young Vulcan almost looks just as surprised as he is. "It would seem," he says slowly, gazing around, "that it is uninhabited."

"Yes, but what happened to them?" Kirk asks, bending down to look at a few overgrown plants, "There isn't any record of them leaving or of a natural disaster occurring."

"They must be on the planet, Captain. My sensors indicated a large amount of humanoid life."

Kirk furrows his brow and takes out his communicator. Flipping it open, he says loudly and clearly, "Enterprise come in. This is the Captain. Enterprise can you hear us?"

Static crackles over the airwaves, and Kirk snaps it shut with a sigh. "Does the tricorder indicate any kind of power source around here?"

"Negative, Captain. My tricorder has ceased all functions."

"What?"

Kirk takes the small black box from his companion and turns a few of the knobs. No sound comes out, and nothing flashes across its miniscule screen. He shakes it a few times, but to no avail. Looking at Spock again, he says, "Well, this is a fantastic way to start out our first mission. Both the Captain and First Officer stranded together."

"I fail to see what is so 'fantastic' about this situation, Captain."

Kirk stifles a laugh. "It's called sarcasm, Spock. C'mon, let's at least take a look around this garden and that residential section over there."

---

Just as the sun, or whatever solar body the planet revolves around, is going down, Kirk and Spock make their way back to the garden in between the city and the residential district. Their exploration was fruitless, yielding no signs as to where the inhabitants of the planet could be and giving no clue as to where a power source could be located. The two trudge back into the garden as night falls around them.

Kirk gathers sticks and other brush for a fire, and then decides to test his phaser to see if it can spark a flame. The phaser clicks a few times, but nothing happens, and Kirk throws it aside with an exasperated noise. He takes two rocks then, and strikes them together until he can get a flame going, thankful all the while that he had been forced to take a wilderness survival course back at Starfleet. It was finally coming in handy.

Spock sits cross -legged about the blazing fire staring into its depths as though he were meditating. Kirk does so as well, until his eyes hurt, and he turns them away to look at the horizon as the last sliver of light slips underneath and out of sight. He shivers involuntarily and rubs his hands together for warmth.

Suddenly, there is a rustle in the tall grasses behind them. Spock hears it first as he lifts his head just slightly and turns his ear toward the sound. Kirk watches him intently thinking a thousand things at once. He notes to himself the ways he could fight off a man without his phaser and is again thankful for Spock and his Vulcan nerve pinch.

The rustling continues for several agonizing minutes. Kirk licks his lips and swallows hard, his dry throat scratchy. Then a figure appears, looming out of darkness. They cannot see the figures face, but the silhouette suggests it is a woman. Her hair is caught by a breeze, and the dress she is wearing ripples in the wind also.

"Spock . . ." she says, her voice no more than a sigh.

Spock draws his eyebrows together. He has heard that voice somewhere before, in a dream perhaps. He squints, trying to take in more of the mysterious figure. Kirk stands up and Spock follows suit, though the lone figure remains still.

"Show yourself!" Kirk cries, and Spock can hear the panic in his voice.

The silence stretches between them pulling at Kirk's taught nerves. He attempts to take a step forward, but Spock catches him with a tight grip around the arm. Kirk's heavy breathing echoes in his ears as he searches the darkness before him frantically, waiting. There is another rustle as the woman takes a step forward into the light. Kirk lets out an audible gasp as her features become clear.

"Mother?" Spock asks, lessening his grip on Kirk's arm. He steps forward, his eyes wide with shock. He puts out his hand slowly and makes to touch her outstretched hands, but Kirk throws his arm out to stop him.

"Spock! Don't do it! That can't be your mother! She's dead!"

Spock shakes his head, ignoring the Captain's words, and takes the woman's hands in his own. She smiles warmly at him and brings his hands to her lips, kissing them gently. She brushes her thumb against Spock's cheek, and Kirk realises that he is crying.

"Spock . . ." Kirk pleads, looking on helplessly. "This isn't right."

Suddenly, the ground begins to shake underneath them throwing them to their knees. Spock reaches instinctively for his mother's hand as they fall to the ground. Kirk stumbles to his hands and knees and finds himself face to face, not with the green grass of the garden, but with solid rock.

He stands up slowly, his mouth agape and utters one word, "Shit."

He runs a hand through his hair and turns to look at Spock, who is helping his mother up. Vulcan trembles beneath them again as rocks crumble around them. The earth groans beneath their feet, and before he can take in anything else about the situation they are pitched forward again.

When Kirk looks up he is surrounded by Vulcan elders standing stock still upon the rock outcropping. They stare up at the sky in unison as though waiting for something.

"We're ready to beam aboard, Captain," the Vulcan nearest to him says in a monotone that can barely be heard above the crashing debris.

Kirk whips around to find Spock and meets his own bewildered expression in Spock's eyes.

"Spock, what's going on?" he yells out over the noise.

"I don't know, Captain!"

Amanda Grayson makes her way to the edge of the precipice and glances down over its side. The ground shakes again, and Kirk knows exactly what is going to happen before it does. He reaches for Amanda as she begins to fall, because he knows Spock will not reach her in time. Already he can feel the tingling that comes along with beaming up and knows that he is much too late.

A despairing cry rips through the air behind him, and Amanda slips from sight, her fingertips barely brushing against his own. Everything goes dark then as the tingling sensation becomes stronger. Kirk cannot see as he hits solid earth again. The grass is cool and soft against his cheek, and he wishes that he did not have to open his eyes.

"Spock?" he whispers, clenching his eyes shut.

No one answers, and the muscles in his stomach clench. He opens his eyes slowly and carefully. The darkened garden comes into view again, and Kirk pushes himself up onto his hands and knees before sitting back on his feet. He looks around for Spock and sees him curled up on the grass a few feet away.

Cautiously, he makes his way toward his fallen friend careful to tread quietly. Spock's eyes are open, but unseeing, glazed over in pain and despair. His face is blank in the light from the planet's two moons overhead. Kirk crouches down and puts a hand on his shoulder. Spock twitches slightly and allows his Captain to help him to sit up. His hands shake uncontrollably, and he clasps them in front of himself to stop their trembling.

"Are you okay, Spock?" Kirk asks, his hand still on Spock's shoulder.

Spock turns his face toward the Captain. "I am sorry you had to witness such an emotional display, Captain."

Kirk frowns. "Don't apologise. I'd like to see even the hardiest Vulcan come out of that without some emotional repercussion. You didn't answer my question, by the way."

Spock hangs his head slightly, so that Kirk cannot see his face. When he speaks his voice is low and gravelly.

"We have just relived one of my worst nightmares. Normally I am able to meditate away any dreams I might have, though this one," he shudders and closes his eyes for a moment, "is one I think I will carry with me for the rest of my life."

"It wasn't your fault," Kirk responds quietly. He understands nightmares. There are some from his childhood that still follow him around today like shadows from a long forgotten time.

"I know, yet somehow I wish it were."

"So you could keep living in your self made purgatory?" Kirk says, a slice of bitterness clinging to the edge of his voice.

"Not a self made purgatory, Jim, just survivor's guilt."

Spock shrinks away, looking out into the darkness. Kirk can't let their conversation end in such a way though. He feels as though he needs to reassure his first officer that there are other things in life besides wallowing in guilt, which if he knew anything, he thought was a rather human emotion for Spock to have. He doesn't mention that though because he thinks it would only serve to point out the young Vulcan's failings even more.

"Your mother wouldn't want you going on like this, Spock," Kirk says, sitting down next to him in the grass. The Vulcan does not move away, but he does not speak either, and Kirk goes on, "She loved you very much, and even if that means nothing to you, at least you should know that."

"I never told her I loved her."

Spock's voice is quiet in the gloom, but Kirk hears him perfectly, and he thinks of his own mother left at home with Frank. He can't even remember the last time he had told her he loved her at all. Sharp guilt stings at his heart, and he rubs slightly at his chest as though that will make the pain go away.

"We all have our failings, Spock," Kirk finally says, choosing his words carefully. "You just can't let them get in the way. You're my first officer, and I need you. More than you probably realise."

Spock nods, perhaps not altogether convinced, but Kirk is satisfied. He claps his friend lightly on the shoulder, lies down on the grass again, and closes his eyes in sleep. Spock, meanwhile, remains upright, centimeters from the Captain, whose breathing is a peaceful constant in the darkness.