Chapter 39
Obligations
In the fourth year of Cylon occupation, a study was quietly published in the Caprican Medical Association's journal The Antyllus detailing falling birth rates among several of the lower socio-economic segments of Caprica's population. The study inadvertently became a unifying tool of both polytheistic and monotheistic fundamentalist religious groups who claimed that the drop in births was due to an increase in abortions. No such correlation was ever found since statistics showed a fall in the abortion rate with each passing year.
-Bartell, History of the Second Cylon War
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Lee woke up slowly with Kara's body nestled against his. She was still asleep, her breathing soft and even. He tried not to think about his desire, satisfied completely not too many hours ago and about what he again wanted to do. He lifted his head slightly and looked past Kara at the bedside clock. Nearly 9:00 in the morning. He didn't think John and Laura would be back anytime soon, but despite John's seeming understanding, Lee didn't want to take the chance on what would happen if he caught Lee in Kara's bed.
Knowing about them in an abstract way and seeing the reality would probably be two entirely different things.
Slowly and carefully so as not to wake her he slid out of bed, went into the bathroom across the hall and closed the door. He turned on the shower and stepped in as soon as the water was warm. Relishing the feel he placed his hands against the thick glass-block shower wall and leaned against it, closing his eyes as the spray pelted his neck and shoulders.
He wasn't the least bit surprised a few moments later to hear the shower door open and feel Kara's arms close around him from behind. He turned.
"I hear you do it in the shower a lot on a battlestar," Kara said.
"I never did."
"But you know how."
"In theory."
"I'll bet if you call my dad, he can tell you," she teased.
Lee kissed her. "And how should I start that conversation? 'Hi, John, I hate to bother you, but Kara and I would like a detailed explanation of all the ways you can make love in the shower…theoretically speaking, of course.' How fast do you think he would get back over here and kick my ass?"
"He gave us his permission."
"True, but I don't think he gave us his blessing. Permission…blessing…two different things. It probably wouldn't be smart to rub his face in it."
Kara grinned. "I was just kidding about calling him anyway. I think together we can figure this out…with the right motivation that is."
He groaned. "I'm already motivated. Can't you tell?"
Thirty minutes later the water was beginning to get cold and they had found several ways that worked just fine.
Thirty minutes after that when Lee had shaved and gotten dressed, he checked the voice mail on his mobile phone.
"My dad," he told Kara. "He's at the office today and wants me to meet him at 11:00 for brunch at L'Escargot."
Lee called his father back. "Hey, Dad, how are you?…No, I must have been in the shower when you called." He grinned at her. "I'd already asked Kara to go to lunch with me before I got your message. Is it all right if I bring her along?...Okay, we'll see you in about an hour."
"Coffee?" Kara asked. "I can make the real stuff since Laura isn't here. The smell makes her sick."
"Coffee sounds good. Have you got something to eat? Maybe a bag of chips? I'm starving."
"I think we've got some oatmeal cookies. Laura won't let her housekeeper buy chips. She says they're not healthy. She's all about healthy foods now."
"I can go with cookies."
"So how should I act around your dad?"
"What do you mean?"
"Am I just a casual date or what?"
"No, you are not a casual date."
Kara was surprised. "You don't mind him knowing about us?"
"I'm not going to tell him we're sleeping together. It's none of his business."
Kara shrugged. "Okay, fine, we're just good friends." She walked into the kitchen.
Lee followed her. "Did I hurt your feelings?"
"No. We are good friends."
"He knows you're sixteen. He would think you're too young for us to be sleeping together. Besides, my dad and I don't discuss our personal lives with each other. We never have."
"What do you talk to him about…his plan to get rid of the Cylons?"
"You can't mention that. It's probably the biggest secret on Caprica. Tell him about the night Tom Zarek hijacked your dad's ship. He'd like to hear all about that, especially since Zarek is working for him now."
Kara got a bag of cookies from the cabinet and handed it to Lee. "I don't know if I want to talk about that. Zarek is the reason my dad and I were separated for three years."
"If it hadn't been for Zarek hijacking his ship, then John wouldn't have been on the Galactica. He and I would never have met. You wouldn't have been delivering meds on a motorcycle either."
"You're right. I never thought about it like that."
Kara sat down at the kitchen table. She thought about her destiny and how she was beginning to see a pattern emerging. Everything had been leading her to this. She had to go back to see the Oracle. She needed to take her father with her. She knew the Oracle would have something different to tell her this time.
"Do you think your dad could help me get into the Academy?"
"I don't know, Kara, maybe."
"Okay, if he can't help me get in, do you think he would talk to my dad about letting me go if I pass the entrance test?"
"All you can do is ask."
An hour later when they got out of a transport outside of L'Escargot, Bill was waiting for them. He was wearing his blue duty uniform. In the daylight Lee noticed how tired his father looked, how much he looked like he had aged in the last year or so. He also noticed the bloodshot eyes. Too much paperwork or a hangover?
"Dad, you remember Kara."
"I met her last night, Lee. My memory's not that bad yet." Bill smiled. "How are you this morning, Kara?"
"I'm fine." She wasn't sure what she should call him. Bill sounded too familiar and yet Commander Adama sounded too formal.
They entered the restaurant and Bill asked to be seated outside on the terrace with its view of the bay in the distance. "How's Mom?" Lee asked.
"She was still asleep when I left early this morning. I had breakfast with the President."
"Wow," Kara said. "You say that like it's nothing." She imitated Bill's casual tone of voice, "'I had breakfast with the President.'"
Bill smiled. "It's become routine to me now."
The restaurant's hostess seated them outside on the terrace in the shade. The late April day was warm. Kara could see the faintest line of darkness to the west far out over the bay. When she and Karl had lived at the little stone house and later in the camp, she had gotten good at predicting the weather by the sky and by the feel and smell of the air. It was harder to do in the city, but she was still right most of the time.
"It's going to rain this afternoon," she said.
"Weatherman says not until tomorrow," Bill commented.
"When you ride a motorcycle for a living, you learn to recognize the signs."
Lee smiled. "You never worry about the weather when you're on a battlestar "
"No," Bill answered him. "Not like we do here." For a few long moments he stared into the distance. The he looked at Kara. "Lee tells me you want to attend the Academy this fall."
"I want to be a Viper pilot like my dad. He doesn't want me to do it this year, but last night he said we would talk again if I pass the entrance exam next week and get accepted. He was probably trying to shut me up. I give him a lot of grief sometimes."
"So you not only want to go to the Academy, you want to wear the wings as well," Bill said in an amused tone. "And John doesn't want you to."
"Not this year, anyway. Next year when I'm eighteen I won't need his permission."
"Your dad was a hell of a Viper pilot. I've seen his combat record."
Kara smiled. "I'll be just as good as he was, maybe even better."
The waiter arrived and took their drink orders. Bill asked for a Bloody Mary. Kara ordered tea. Lee asked for water. The waiter told them to help themselves to the brunch buffet.
Kara didn't think she had ever seen so much food in one place in her entire life. They could have lived on that much food in the camp for weeks.
"What?" Lee asked as they moved down the long table and chose from several dozen items.
"Nothing," Kara said. She knew that she'd come a long way in the last year…from eating canned meat barely a step above dog food in the camp to one of the best restaurants in Caprica City.
When they were seated again, she asked the commander. "Do you think you could talk to my dad about letting me go to the Academy this year?"
Bill smiled. "Your dad may not appreciate me meddling."
"You need pilots, don't you?"
Bill looked at her a little warily.
"What Kara means is that we always need pilots," Lee said hastily.
"Yes," Bill sipped the Bloody Mary and gave Lee a hard look. "We always need pilots."
"We're going to get rid of the Cylons and I'm going to be part of it," Kara said. "It's my destiny. I've known it for the last three years. I've known it ever since my dad got me off Picon. That's why I want to train to be a pilot, so I'll be ready whenever it happens."
"That's…interesting," Bill said.
"I believe in fate…in destiny." She looked at him and then glanced at Lee.
"So it's your destiny? What does John say about that?" Bill finally asked.
"He doesn't believe in destiny. He says we make our own destiny." She looked directly at the bloodshot blue eyes. "What do you believe?"
Bill rubbed his chin. "I don't believe in the gods."
Kara was shocked. "None of them?"
"I don't either," Lee said.
Bill smiled slightly. "One thing my son and I agree on."
Kara thought about what he had just said. She knew that talking about religious beliefs was not the best topic of conversation at a meal. Her mother and Dreilide had taught her that much. Her mother believed. Dreilide didn't. Kara didn't want to get into an argument with the commander before she'd even gotten to know him. She changed the subject.
"Lee said you want my dad to teach the Mark II simulator at the Academy."
"I'll make a bargain with you, Kara. Pass the test and talk your dad into teaching that simulator for a year. If you do, I'll talk to John about letting you go to the Academy this year. If you're good enough to be a Viper pilot, Conrad Burgher will let us know. And your dad would be able to teach you himself. That might be an added incentive. That might ease his fears."
Kara grinned. "You've got yourself a deal."
Outside the restaurant after the meal, Bill told them that he was expecting a communication from Zarek that afternoon about the mining operations on Tauron. He left them and walked back toward the Capitol Building and his office.
"I thought you were going to betray the secret I told you," Lee said as soon as his dad was out of earshot.
"I wanted him to know I'm going to play a part in it."
Lee sighed. He knew better than to argue with her. Kara believed in fate and destiny, beliefs he didn't share.
"What do you want to do this afternoon?" He asked.
"I should go back to the apartment and study."
"Is that what you want to do?"
"No. I'd like to go out to the Academy? Can you show me around out there?"
"Probably. My military ID should get us through the gate."
Thirty-five minutes later at the Academy's gate, Lee showed his ID. The guard asked him who he was going to see. He needed to verify an appointment to admit him to the campus since Lee wasn't currently a student. Lee thought quickly and said, "Colonel Conrad Burgher. We don't have an appointment, but I hoped we might get to see him since we were out this way. Kara wants to see the campus since she's applying for admission this fall."
Kara had to fill out a visitor form and show her new driver's license. The guard issued them both temporary passes after he contacted Colonel Burgher and the colonel gave his okay.
As they walked toward the buildings several blocks away, Kara said, "There's a lot of security involved in getting into this place. Armed MPs and everything. Isn't that overkill for a school?"
"Some people view the Academy and the military as being Cylon sympathizers."
"Some people? As in the resistance?"
"I'm glad you're out of that. John, too."
"You know why we blew up Baltar's lab that night, don't you?"
"John told me. I'm not sure I believe it. My dad didn't know anything about it until Laura told him, and the President tells my dad everything about stuff like that."
"Maybe the President didn't know."
Lee shrugged. "I find that hard to believe."
"They succeeded. Baltar and his group succeeded but only once."
"Succeeded? Are you saying they created a half-human, half-Cylon baby?"
"That woman my dad used to live with sent him a letter while he was in the hospital. She said they'd gotten a human woman pregnant with a Cylon baby."
"I wonder if my dad knows," Lee said.
"I don't know. I think my dad has met him for lunch once since we got back to Caprica City from Sovana, but I don't know if he told him."
"I'll mention it to him. Has your dad told Laura?"
"I doubt it. He probably will now that the wedding is over and she doesn't have so much on her mind. He was trying not to do anything to add to her stress."
"Do you believe it?"
Kara shrugged. "My dad does, so I guess I do, too."
They walked between two buildings and Lee stopped. They were standing at one edge of the main part of campus. Even though it was a Sunday, dozens of cadets were on the sidewalks. Lee pointed. "There's the quadrangle. That's where you walk off demerits."
Kara snorted. "I'll bet you didn't get a single demerit while you were here."
"No, I didn't.
"It figures. How many did Zak get?"
"I didn't keep track."
"You think I can make it without getting any?"
"I doubt it. Not with that mouth of yours. The building beside us on the right is the Language Arts and History Building. That's where your friend Hugh Connelly will teach. You'll probably spend a lot of time in that building."
Kara gave him her best dirty look.
"Next is the cafeteria and beside it is the Library. Across from us is the Admin Building and on our left is the Math and Sciences Building. The simulators are in the basement."
"Can we go see them?"
"We'll have to go see Colonel Burgher first. Since the guard had to call him, he's expecting us."
Lee led the way. They had to use their visitor passes to get into the building. Lee showed her to the stairwell, and they climbed two flights of stairs. Colonel Burgher's office was at the far end of a long hallway. Lee pointed to the door on the other side of Burgher's office.
"Three flights down and you're outside the simulator rooms. Burgher keeps in shape by running three flights of stairs umpteen times a day."
Kara took a deep breath. She could feel excitement beginning to build in her.
Lee tapped lightly on the colonel's door. "Come in," they heard.
Lee opened the door and stood back for Kara to enter. Colonel Burgher looked up from a stack of papers. He reminded Kara of a thinner, shorter Jack Fisk.
He stood. "Lee Adama. Is it still lieutenant?"
"Yes, sir. I'd like for you to meet Kara Thrace. Kara is John Gallagher's daughter."
Burgher smiled at her. "I might have guessed that even if Lee hadn't told me. You look a lot like your dad…or rather like his picture. So what brings you two out here today?"
"I'm showing Kara around. She's hoping to be admitted for the fall semester."
"Let me guess," Burgher said. "You want to be a Viper pilot?"
Kara liked him already. "You're a good guesser," she smiled.
"Would it be all right if I showed Kara the simulators?" Lee asked.
"I've got a student coming in a few minutes to make up a session he missed last week. I'll have to go with you. We keep the simulator rooms and the amphitheaters locked now. I guess you noticed security is tighter than when you were here?"
"Yes, sir."
"We had an incident recently. The MPs caught two young men dressed as cadets in the building. They had a small amount of tylium fuel and a detonator. If they'd made it to the simulator room they would have destroyed everything, possibly burned down the building as well. One of them had managed to disable the sprinkler system before they were caught."
"But they weren't cadets?" Lee said.
"No, they weren't cadets. We never learned their identities."
Kara was certain that blowing up the simulators at the Academy would not have been a sanctioned mission of the resistance. She knew her dad would never have approved anything like that.
"What happened to them?" Lee asked.
"The MPs turned them over to a special civilian task force. That was the last any of us heard about it. Colonel Winters tried to find out, but he got stone-walled. He finally gave up. Let's go downstairs. My student should be waiting. You two can watch from the amphitheater."
Burgher waited until they exited his office and locked the door. They went through the next door and down the three flights of stairs. Burgher's student was pacing outside the door to the simulator room. Burgher unlocked the door.
"Go ahead and get into the simulator, Cadet Quartarao. I'll be right with you." He went to the next door and unlocked it for Lee and Kara. This door will lock behind you, so if you leave, you won't be able to get back in."
"Don't worry," Kara said. "We're not going anywhere."
The small amphitheater was dark, the one aisle going down the middle lit only by tiny amber lights. They went to the front row. Kara found she was sitting on the edge of her seat leaning forward with her elbows propped on the low partition that separated them from the area where the simulator was sitting.
"You can't talk," Lee whispered to her. "Burgher doesn't let anyone disturb a student flying a sim."
"Don't worry," Kara whispered back. She watched in rapt silence as the cadet made it only part of the way through the simulation before his Viper was destroyed by a Raider. Burgher let him make three unsuccessful attempts.
The cadet climbed out of the simulator. He was clearly upset. Burgher talked quietly to him for several minutes before he walked with him to the door. Lee and Kara stepped down out of the amphitheater and walked out on the concrete floor where the simulator was located. Kara walked up to the Mark II, not a whole Viper but just the cockpit in a partial shell. She touched the side reverently. Her dad had flown one of these, had launched off the Solaria over and over again and come back alive every time. The feeling she had at the moment was spiritual.
Behind her Burgher was talking to Lee. "I should perhaps have cautioned him when he picked the call sign Crashdown."
"He's not that bad a pilot," Lee said.
"No, I think he'll make a fine Raptor pilot. That's going to be the recommendation I put in his folder for Flight School. Some have the chops to be a Viper pilot and some don't."
Kara turned. "Could I try it?" She asked impulsively.
"I don't think we should do that," Burgher answered her. "You're not a cadet."
"Not yet. Could I just sit in the cockpit, then? I'd like to see what it felt like for my father. Please."
Lee watched Burgher's eyes as he relented. "I suppose that couldn't hurt."
Eagerly Kara climbed up the steps fastened to the side. She lowered herself into the seat.
Lee climbed up and leaned over her. "The main instrument panel," he pointed. "The display changes depending on what you're doing…taking off, landing, guns ups, missiles armed." He pointed to other gauges. "This is the attitude indicator, the torque indicator and the altimeter. The altimeter only registers…"
"When you're in the atmosphere. I remember that from when my dad flew us off Picon."
"And last but not least the control stick with weapons release buttons."
Kara touched the control stick, closed her fingers around it. "I wish I could try it," she whispered.
"Kara, you don't know anything about flying a Viper. You haven't been to the first Basic Flight class. This isn't some video game. This is almost exactly like the real thing."
"I can do it. I know I can," she said softly.
"As soon as you crash, you'll quit and get out?" She nodded eagerly. Lee turned around to Colonel Burgher. "Could you run the first simulation…the one with the takeoff and simple maneuvers and landing? Let her get a feel for it? We'll leave as soon as she crashes."
Maybe Burgher was simply curious or maybe he realized it was the fastest way to get Kara Thrace out of the simulator's cockpit, but he did as Lee asked. He went over to his computer and started the simulation running.
Kara surprised them but not herself. She felt the same way she had when she had first sat on the motorcycle…like it was second nature to her. She got the Viper off the ground quickly and smoothly, managed the basic maneuvers in the atmosphere and would have landed it successfully, albeit roughly, if a barrel hadn't rolled out of nowhere onto the runway. In an effort to avoid it, she overcompensated, flipped the Viper onto its side and off the runway. The sim ended. She almost expected the display console to flash, Game Over.
Sheepishly she climbed out of the cockpit. "Not so good, huh?"
Lee was staring at her open-mouthed.
Colonel Burgher said bluntly, "You've flown a ship before. Your father has let you fly."
"No, sir. I've never been in a ship with him except that night leaving Picon. We've been separated for the last three years."
"You've been accepted at the Academy for this fall?"
"Not yet. I take the entrance exam next week."
"You'll be accepted," Burgher said matter-of-factly. "I look forward to teaching you in Basic Flight."
They said their goodbyes to the colonel and didn't speak again until they were outside.
"I did horrible," Kara moaned. "That crash. It was horrible."
"Do you realize what you just did?"
"Besides crash? No, what?"
"If that barrel hadn't rolled out on the runway, you would have had a nearly-perfect first sim. I was watching the computer. Except for the take-off and landing it was deducting hardly any points. That was unbelievable."
"Really? I don't think I did so hot."
"For someone who's never had Basic Flight and never sat in a simulator cockpit, you did something amazing."
"I did?"
"Oh, come on Kara," Lee said testily. "Don't pretend you aren't proud of yourself. You impressed the hell out of Colonel Burgher."
"I told you I'd be a good pilot."
"You will be."
Kara heard something in his comment that sounded like jealousy. She didn't say what she had planned to say next, that she would be better than him. From the sound of his voice, he already knew it.
"I need to get back to Laura's. I've got to study tonight and every night until I take the test if I hope to pass."
"When are your dad and Laura getting back?"
"They're probably back now. Laura has too much going on for them to go off somewhere right now. He said in a couple of weeks they're going to fly down to his place on an island south of Delphi and spend a week. He's counting on passing his flight physical by then."
At the gate to the Academy, they gave their visitor passes back to the guard and walked toward the subway station several blocks away. Lee took Kara's hand as they started down the steps. They rode to the station nearest Laura's apartment and began the ten-block walk. When they were still four blocks away, it began to rain.
"Told you it would rain today," Kara said as they ran the rest of the way.
They were breathless and laughing when Kara unlocked the door to the apartment.
They walked into the den. Laura and John were stretched out on the couch. Laura's head was on his shoulder. At first Kara thought they were both asleep, but her father opened his eyes and put his finger to his lips. Carefully he extricated himself and gently pulled the afghan over Laura. The three of them walked into the kitchen. John shut the door.
"She's exhausted," he said.
"And you're not? What does that say?" Kara asked teasingly.
"It says I'm not the one who's pregnant." John looked at Lee. "See what I mean about the smart mouth?"
Lee smiled. "She's your daughter."
"My wet daughter," John put his arm around her and briefly hugged her.
"Just rained on," Kara got two towels out of a drawer and handed one to Lee. She dried her face. "We met Lee's dad for lunch and then we went out to the Academy so Lee could show me around. I did the simulator." She smiled.
John ignored her. She knew it was on purpose. "How are Bill and Carolanne?" He asked Lee.
"Mom didn't make it to lunch. Dad said he left early this morning to have breakfast with the President. He looks tired."
John nodded. "He works all the time now."
"I did good in the simulator, Dad," Kara said. "Ask Lee."
"She did better than good. Colonel Burgher was almost speechless."
"You're just not going to let this go, are you?"
"It's my destiny."
"We'll talk about it later, Kara. I told you if you pass the entrance exam and get accepted we'll talk about it then. I'll keep my word."
"So will you think about teaching the simulator, too?"
Lee said, "I think it's a really good idea. You'd be good. We need to train more pilots. You know that."
"And just think, Dad. You'd be the one teaching me to fly the simulator. I'd be learning from the best."
"I don't want to give up flying, Kara."
"We're not asking you to give it up," Lee said. "We're asking you to do something to help with Dad's plan…something you can do and do well. I saw you on the Galactica. I saw how fast you built a rapport with the pilots. I saw how they listened to you. John, you're perfect for this job."
"Lords of Kobol, Lee, you ought to think about going into politics when you retire from the military. You're as persuasive as Laura when it comes to getting your way."
"I agree with Lee, Dad."
"Okay, you two. I'll think about it. The paperwork to get everything started is on Laura's desk right now. Bill sent it home with her two weeks ago. If I decide to do this, I'll go back into the Reserves with a rank of Major. I'll literally be in the military again but not on active-duty status."
"Major Gallagher has a very nice ring to it, don't you think?"
They all turned. Laura had quietly padded barefoot into the kitchen.
Kara immediately went over to the stove and put on a kettle for tea. "It gets my vote," she told them.
John pulled out a chair for Laura. "Hungry?"
"Ravenous all of a sudden."
"For?"
"Food. It doesn't matter. You pick."
"I'll call in an order to Channing's and have something delivered." John took his phone out of his pocket and walked out of the kitchen,
Laura looked at Kara. "You did all right last night?"
Kara smiled. "I did fine last night."
"As did you?" Laura turned to Lee.
"As did me." Lee smiled as he wrapped his arms around Kara from behind. It reminded him of the way he'd been behind her in the shower that morning. He tried to cut off that thought as John walked back into the kitchen. Casually he dropped his arms.
Laura broke the silence. "Bill told me last night that Dr. Baltar has succeeded in creating a hybrid, a human-Cylon child."
"We know," John said. "I was going to tell you next week when you weren't so stressed from all the planning."
"Here's something that may be equally as disturbing. Two months ago I spoke with the Secretary of Health and Human Services. I saw her again last night. She brought an astonishing fact to my attention. She has been studying reports on some of her services neediest cliental, young, drug-addicted woman. Over the space of a year, the birth rate has dropped from nearly sixty-eight percent to under twelve percent with indications it will go into single digits next year. Very few of these women and girls are now pregnant and yet there's been no indication of any marked behavioral changes. It's a puzzle she hasn't been able to solve."
"Statistically speaking that's impossible under any normal circumstances," Lee said. "Something has changed."
"I finally found out why Dr. Baltar was waiting to see the President several weeks ago. The President has tasked him with finding out what's going on. So instead of trying to create hybrid babies, he's going to try to find out why a certain group of women is suddenly not creating human babies."
"It sounds almost like someone is experimenting on a certain segment of the population," John said.
"Someone?" Lee asked.
"Okay, the Cylons. Maybe another copy of Simon and another crew of collaborators in another lab somewhere. Maybe now that they think they've got the hybrid problem solved, they can keep humans from getting pregnant and force them to bear Cylon babies…create a whole race of hybrids."
"If the Human Services people have already noticed a drop in the birth rate," Laura said, "then these other experiments started long before Baltar and his group achieved their success."
"Yes, but remember what Lissa told me. She said that Baltar had promised the Cylons a hybrid child would be born within a year of beginning his work. That was over three years ago. They may have started this other project at the same time."
"That's almost too sinister and bizarre to be possible," Lee said.
"Is it?" Laura asked. "What better place to start their experiments than on a small segment of the population…a segment that no one would care about if they didn't reproduce? A segment that many people would be glad if they couldn't reproduce. Just think…fewer babies addicted to drugs at birth. Less of a burden on society. What next, welfare mothers? And after that, human women in general? "
"How could they do that?" Kara asked.
"I don't know. That's what Baltar is supposed to find out." Laura answered.
John said. "It might be interesting to look at birth statistics in other segments of the population if that's possible."
"I'll call the Health and Human Services Ministry tomorrow and talk to the Secretary. She might be able to do that. Of course most of those who use her services are in the lower socio-economic groups. I don't know how her reports might pertain to the population in general."
"We need to get rid of the Cylons," Kara said with conviction.
"Yes, we do," Laura said with equal conviction.
Kara saw her father look at Lee. Neither spoke, but she knew that they both agreed with her and Laura. They knew about Bill's plan and now her dad was going to do something to help. Something besides blowing up Cylon labs.
...
Tuesday night before she took the test on Wednesday morning Kara could barely concentrate on all the notes she had made to review. She called Karl five times to ask questions about the test. The last time she called, he told her he was getting ready to go to bed and that he didn't remember a lot of specifics, only that the test was hard.
At 10:00 Lee called her. "I just want to tell you good luck. I know you'll do fine."
"I get sick every time I think about it."
"I always felt like that before a big test. I usually did fine."
"You're smart."
"You are too, Kara. You'll pass. I won't keep you any longer. Just remember that I love you."
"I love you, too."
"You'll be the hottest Viper pilot in the fleet one day."
"If I can just pass this stupid test," she said.
At midnight her father came into her room and sat on the side of her bed. "I saw your light still on. You need to get some sleep, Kara."
"I'm too uptight."
"Staying up all night worrying about it isn't going to make it any easier."
"I don't know why I'm even putting myself through this. You're not going to let me go anyway."
"I filled out the paperwork Monday morning and went out to the Academy yesterday afternoon to talk to Colonel Burgher. I'm going to teach the Mark II simulator for a year, maybe two. If you're going to fly a Viper, I'm going to be the one to teach you the first part. I also signed the consent form for you to attend this year."
"Really? When were you going to tell me?"
"I just did. I wanted to wait until you'd gotten through studying tonight. You've proved something to me over the last few weeks. You're really taking this seriously. Now, turn off the light and try to get some sleep."
"I've got to be out there at 7:30. The test starts at 8:00. If I'm late they won't let me in."
"I'll make sure you're up. I want you to take a transport, too."
Kara wrapped her arms around her father. "I love you, Dad."
He kissed her forehead. "I love you, too, Kara."
"I know this isn't what you want for me."
"No, but you're not a little girl any more. I can't fight you and Laura and Lee and Bill and Colonel Burgher. All of you seem to think it's your destiny. Lee was right. You made a big impression on the colonel. We had a long discussion about pilots who have natural talent and those who are still good but fly by-the-book."
"Like Lee?"
"Lee is a top-notch pilot, but he tends to over-think in the cockpit just like he does in all other areas of his life."
"So Colonel Burgher thinks I have a natural talent for flying?"
He grinned. "You're my daughter, aren't you?"
"Does that mean I have to obey your orders, Major Gallagher?" She teased.
"You're damned right you do. And don't forget who will decide if you're good enough to go to Flight School."
"It is my destiny. Next week we'll go to see the Oracle. She'll tell you."
"A trip to the Fifty-Third Street Pier so some con artist can take my cubits," he teased her back. "I can't wait."
...
Lee looked at his watch on Wednesday morning. Almost 11:30. In half an hour Kara would be through taking the test. He would give her an hour to get home and unwind. Then he would call her to find out how she thought she did.
He looked across the aisle at Ackerman's empty desk. For the last three weeks, Ackerman had been in Sovana. The city was still under the President's edict of martial law. Major Parker had sent Ackerman and four others up there to aid in the questioning of suspected terrorists.
The Monday after he had flown Kara to Sovana to be with John, Lee had gone into Major Parker's office, shut the door, and told him the whole story, or as much of it as was pertinent to the case. He hadn't mentioned that he and Carrie/Kara had an intimate relationship or that she was in the resistance. He had just told Parker that she had come to him for help because she knew he was a pilot and he'd been kind to her. He had told Parker about Ackerman putting Carrie Warner on a watch list. He could tell that had infuriated Parker. They had cleared Carrie of any possible criminal activity. Parker had immediately gone in and taken Carrie's name off the watch list. It didn't matter now since for all intents and purposes, Carrie Warner had ceased to exist. If Kara Thrace wanted to fly anywhere commercially, she would have no problems at all.
Several weeks after that, Parker had posted Ackerman to Sovana for a yet-to-be-determined amount of time. Ackerman was going to and from work every day with an armed guard. He was wearing a flak vest all the time and worrying that someone was going to step out of a crowd and toss a grenade in his direction. Lee found he didn't miss Ackerman at all. When he had told Kara of Ackerman's current circumstances, she had gotten up and danced around the room.
Lee looked at his watch again. 11:38. Time was creeping. He imagined it was flying for Kara and laughed silently at the pun he had just created.
The phone on his desk rang. He barely recognized Zak's voice. "You got to come. Now, Lee. I went in to tell her goodbye before I left for work. You've got to come home."
"Whoa, Zak, slow down. What are you trying to say?"
"She's dead, Lee. Mom is dead. She was already cold. She was…she was…she's dead."
"Mom is dead?"
"Please come, Lee, please. I don't want to be here alone."
"Have you called the emergency number? Have you called Dad?"
"She's cold, Lee. She's so cold. Her hand… is like ice. It's stiff."
"Zak, call the emergency number now. I'm on my way. I'll get hold of Dad. I'm leaving right now."
"Hurry. Please hurry."
Lee realized his hand was shaking as he hung up the phone. He went to Major Parker's office. Parker's door was closed.
"I've got an emergency at home," Lee told Parker's aide. "I've got to leave."
He used his mobile phone to call a transport to pick him up at the gate before he ran out of the building. The next number he called was his dad's office phone. It went to voice mail. He pressed End and tried his mobile number. That went to voice mail, too. "Dad, it's Lee. Call my mobile as soon as you get this message. It's an emergency."
The transport pulled up moments after he exited the gate to the airbase. In the back of the transport he used his phone again. This time someone answered on the other end.
"Hi, John," Lee took a deep breath. "I need a favor. Can you come out to my dad's house?"
"Sure, Lee. What's wrong?"
"Zak just called me. He thinks Mom is dead. I'm in a transport on my way over there now. I can't reach Dad."
"I'm on my way, too, Lee. Don't worry about your dad. I'll track him down."
The emergency medical unit was in front of his house when the transport pulled up. Lee threw a handful of cubits at the driver, far too many, he knew, but he didn't care. Zak was in the kitchen.
"They're with her now," Zak said in an anguished voice. "I touched her. She was like ice. The pill bottle…it was empty."
Lee walked over to his brother and put his arms around him. He couldn't speak. He and Zak clung to one another.
"It's his fault," Zak said in a soft, strangled voice. "All his frakking fault. Son of a bitch. Ignoring her…scribbling in those little notebooks…shutting himself in his study…letting her drink…letting her cry…staying gone."
"Dad has an important job, Zak."
"Don't you defend him, the motherfrakker! Don't you dare try to defend him! Something was always more important to him than us…than her. Our whole lives something was always more important. She knew it. Damn him!"
Lee could feel his brother trembling.
The paramedics came back into the kitchen. One of them came over to Lee and Zak. He shook his head. "I'm sorry. There wasn't anything we could do. We've called this in. I know what it looks like…but we've notified the police. It's just a formality in cases like this. Were you the one who found her?"
"That was me," Zak said.
"Someone should be here shortly. It's a coroner's case now. A detective will probably have a few questions for you."
Lee looked up. John walked in the back door just as the paramedic left. Lee didn't have to say anything. John knew just from the look on his face.
"I'm sorry," John said.
Zak's legs suddenly gave out and he sagged against Lee. Together he and John got Zak to a kitchen chair. Zak put his face in his hands and began sobbing.
Lee saw John put his hand on Zak's shoulder and squeeze. He looked up at Lee. John was struggling with his own emotions. Lee knew John's mother had done the same thing. He knew Carolanne was a friend.
John asked, "How are you doing?"
"Right now…I don't know."
"I got hold of your dad. He's on his way. I didn't tell him. He seemed to know. As soon as I said that he needed to get over here, he asked me if it was Carolanne."
The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Lee said. He opened the front door to a man who didn't need to show the badge he was holding out for Lee to know who he was.
"Detective Andrews, may I come in?"
Lee saw the coroner's vehicle pull up in front of the house. "Could you have him pull up in the driveway?" Lee asked.
The detective turned around and motioned to the driver before he entered the house. Together they went to the kitchen and waited for the medical examiner to get there. "Could you show me to the deceased?"
"I'll do it," John said. He led the detective and the ME out of the kitchen.
Zak's face was wet with tears and his nose was running. Lee got a paper towel and handed it to his brother.
"How could Dad not have noticed?" Lee quietly asked as Zak mopped his face and blew his nose.
"He's been sleeping in the guest room for months now, maybe a year. I don't even frakking remember how long it's been."
"Damn," Lee said and also sat down in a kitchen chair.
"I shouldn't have told her I was moving out. I should never have mentioned it."
"Zak, none of this is your fault. Don't even think it. This is not your fault."
Lee looked up. His father stood in the doorway. He didn't seem to want to cross the threshold.
John walked into the kitchen from the hall. "I'm sorry, Bill."
Zak launched himself from his chair toward his father. "It's your fault! She did this because of you. You…you…"
Lee and John both grabbed Zak. It took a long time for Zak to stop struggling.
John said, "Come on, Zak, let's go outside. Just you and me." John kept his arm around Zak as they went out the patio door. John closed it behind him. Zak sat in a patio chair and put his face in his hands again. John sat down beside him.
Lee looked at his father. Zak was right. His father should have done something.
"Have you seen…?"
"No," Lee said. "Zak found her. He said she was already cold."
"Lords of Kobol," Bill sagged against the kitchen counter. "How?"
"Pills and booze, like the last time. Zak said there was an empty pill bottle by the bed."
"This was my fault," his father said in a broken voice. "I knew she was depressed. I knew she had started drinking again. I knew. I tried…"
Detective Andrews walked into the kitchen. "Mr. Adama?"
Lee looked up. "His title is commander. Commander William Adama and he's the senior military advisor to the President."
"I understand the need for discretion," Detective Andrews said. "I still need to ask you a couple of questions, commander. You, too, lieutenant. I need to ask all of you a few questions."
At least his father was smart enough to not to repeat his self-proclaimed assertion of guilt to the detective.
...
Kara let herself into Laura's apartment at 12:55. In the back of the transport on the way home from taking the exam, she had called Lee's mobile phone. It went to his voice mail. She left him a message.
"Hi, it's me. The test was hard just like Karl said, and I don't have a clue how I did. Call me when you get a chance."
She could hear the vacuum cleaner running. She looked in the den and then on the terrace and in the kitchen. Her father was nowhere in the apartment. She finally asked Jennet.
"He left right before lunch. I had fixed something for him and he said he had to leave. He was in a hurry."
"He didn't leave a message for me?"
"No, Kara. No message."
She was still such a bundle of nerves from taking the test that she changed into a tank top and a pair of shorts and went out for a run. She loved running in the historic district even though it encompassed an area of only a dozen blocks in every direction. The streets were tree-lined, the sidewalks nice and even. She ran a ten-block square, stopped at Channing's and ordered a glass of raspberry tea. Her father and Laura had taken her to Channing's several times. She felt like the little restaurant was special to them. They got take-out from there a lot, too.
She wandered down some of the nearby streets and looked into the shop windows and waited for Lee to call her back. She wondered why he hadn't. She hoped nothing had happened to take him out of Caprica City again. Finally close to 4:00 she returned to the apartment.
She heard Laura's voice as soon as she opened the door. "We should have done something, John. We both saw her. And we did nothing to help her."
"Laura, you cannot blame yourself for this…or me either."
"Dear gods. I can't believe it. We just saw her…"
Kara walked into the den. "What's wrong?"
Laura's face was red and tear-streaked. "Tell her," she left the room. "I'll be down the hall in my office. I've got to make some calls."
"What?" Kara said.
"Let's go out on the terrace," her father said.
She followed him. "What?"
He closed the door. "Carolanne Adama is dead. It looks like she washed down too many sleeping pills with too much booze. Lee called me right before lunch. I went over there. I just got back."
Kara sat down hard on one of the chairs. "Oh, gods. What about Lee? What about Zak?"
"Lee's holding it together like he always does. Zak's pretty torn up. He found her."
"Poor Zak. We talked about his mom while I was dancing with him at the reception. He said she'd started drinking again."
"She's had a problem with alcohol since I've known her. It's apparently gotten a lot worse lately."
"What's wrong with Laura?"
"Laura thinks we should have done something after we saw how Carolanne came to the reception drunk."
"Done something? Like what?"
"I don't know. She's not being reasonable right now. About six months ago, before I even started dating Laura, I was over at Bill and Carolanne's for dinner. Carolanne was so drunk that she'd burned the meal. I tried to talk to Bill a few days later. He told me it was none of my business."
"And now Laura thinks you should have done something…or she should have done something?"
"Laura's hurting for Bill right now. She'll eventually come to terms with it."
"You don't think Laura and Lee's dad…" Kara couldn't finish her question.
"No."
"I left Lee a message. I haven't heard from him."
"There was a detective with them when I left. We all had to answer a few questions. He was still talking to Zak. I'm sure Lee will call you as soon as he can. How was the test?"
"Hard."
"How do you think you did?"
Kara shrugged. "I guess I'll know in a couple of weeks."
...
Laura lay in bed beside her husband listening to his even breathing. Despite everything he'd been through that day, he'd gone right to sleep. She didn't understand how. They hadn't even made love. He had an uncanny ability to know when she did and didn't want to share that with him. Tonight was one of those rare times she didn't. He'd just pulled her to him briefly and kissed her forehead before he'd settled into sleep.
Knowing she shouldn't do it, she turned her head slightly and looked at the clock. It was 3:52. She hadn't slept. At least she didn't think she had slept. She couldn't get the day's events off her mind. Lee had finally called Kara at 6:30 that evening. Kara had gone into her bedroom and they had talked for a long time. When Laura had asked later, Kara had said there were no details yet about any funeral arrangements.
She thought about Bill, about what he must be going through. John had told her that Zak had put the blame for Carolanne's death squarely on Bill's shoulders.
Quietly she got out of bed, managed to find her heavy winter robe in the closet without turning on the light, and went to the terrace door. As she opened it, she saw movement and realized that Kara was sitting outside on one of the padded lounge chairs. She had an empty drink glass in her hand.
"I couldn't sleep either," Laura said and sat down in the chair beside her.
"I was thinking about my mom," Kara said.
"Do you miss her?"
"When I first got to Caprica I did. A couple of times Karl and I cried because we missed our families so much. He was really close to his mom and dad…and to his little sister, Marie."
"Were you close to your mother?" Laura asked gently.
"Not really," Kara said. "My mom was a Marine first. I don't think she wanted me all that much. Did my dad ever mention Dreilide Thrace?"
"He told me your mother was married to him."
Right before Dreilide left, I heard them arguing about me. He told her a cat was a better mother than she was. She told him she was a better mother than he was a father. They fought all the time."
"Do you think he knew about John?"
"Probably. He wasn't stupid. My mom taught me a lot about being tough. One of the reasons Karl and I survived was because of the things my mother had taught me." Kara laughed softly. "That and being too young and stupid to realize what a mess we were in."
"I'm sure a lot of adults would have given up had they been faced with what you and Karl were faced with."
"Lee started crying while we were talking on the phone tonight. I didn't know what to say to him. He's hurting."
"Sometimes there's nothing you can say."
"I wish I could have been with him."
"I'm sure he wishes you could have been with him, too."
"He spent the night here last Saturday night. We slept together. But please don't tell my dad."
"Your father isn't stupid, either, Kara. I'm sure he already knows your relationship has a strong physical component. Are you taking care of birth control? You don't want to find yourself in my predicament."
"Lee took care of it at first. I'm taking care of it now. I asked Jack's secretary at work, and she gave me the name of her doctor. I'm going to the Academy…I hope. I'm not about to take any chances. Are you sorry about the baby?"
"After I got over the shock, I'm actually happy about it. I never thought I'd have a child. I'd given up on that part of my life. And now I've got a husband and a daughter and I'm going to have a baby, too."
"My dad loves you. You're going to stay with him, aren't you?"
"I thought we'd settled this," Laura said coolly.
"Carolanne Adama is out of the picture now. The commander is a free man."
"Bill and I talked earlier tonight. He's very distraught."
"I'll bet he was." Kara almost sneered. "Zak said his dad ignored her all the time."
"That was a very unkind thing to say about Bill. You don't know their circumstances."
"His dad told Lee it was an accident. Lee said she must have swallowed a dozen pills with half a bottle of ambrosia. You don't do that by accident. Commander Adama isn't facing the truth or he's ashamed of what she did if he said it was an accident. Lee told me she'd done it one time before and his father always called it an accident."
"You shouldn't be judgmental."
"Who are you making excuses for? Him or her?"
"Carolanne has had problems for years. And Bill has a huge weight on him right now, a very heavy burden."
"I know. He couldn't be bothered with his wife because of his big plan to get rid of the Cylons."
"You know about that?" The shock was evident in Laura's voice.
"Oh, crap," Kara said. "Lee's going to be so mad at me."
"Are you angry at Bill because Lee is angry at Bill?"
Kara shrugged. "Zak is the one who's hurting the worst. Zak found her dead. Zak found his own mother dead. I can't imagine what that must have been like for him."
Laura clutched her robe together at her throat and shivered. The night air was colder than she had anticipated.
"Zak never had Lee's ambition or his intelligence. He's always lived in Lee's shadow. John has told me a little bit about what Lee went through growing up. How he took care of Zak and his mother, too. He's always been the responsible one."
"I feel sorry for Zak. And even I can tell he's jealous of Lee."
They heard the terrace door open behind them. "What are you two doing out here at 4:30 in the morning?" John asked.
"I couldn't sleep," Kara said. "Laura is keeping me company."
"Neither one of you needs to be sitting out here in the cold and damp."
Laura got up. John put his arm around her. "Kara?"
"Coming," she sighed and got up too. She was cold. For once she didn't resent being told what to do.
She slept until almost 9:30 the next morning. When she got up and wandered into the den, her father and Lee were talking. He glanced up with eyes that were still puffy and red. Even though Kara was wearing her pajamas, she went over to Lee. He stood up and without a word they hugged tightly.
"I'll be back in a minute," she whispered to him.
She was back ten minutes later dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with her hair brushed and pulled back into a ponytail.
"How long have you been here?" Kara asked him.
"Half an hour. John told me that you and Laura were out on the terrace talking at 4:30 this morning."
"I couldn't sleep. How's Zak?"
"I convinced him to spend the night at a friend's place. I stayed over at the house with Dad."
"Zak's hurt and he's angry right now," John said. "He feels guilty, too. He feels like there was something he should have done."
She saw Lee and her father exchange a look. "What?" Kara asked.
"A long time ago my own mother did the same thing," John said. "I know where Lee and Zak are coming from right now."
"You never told me that."
"It wasn't important until now."
"Somebody needs to talk to my dad," Lee said. "He's refusing to make any arrangements. I don't want to do anything without him, but people are asking. Last night there were so many calls that he pulled one of the phones out of the wall. I turned off the ringers on the other ones so he wouldn't do the same thing to them. Dad has shut himself in his office. He won't come out. I don't know what to do."
"I don't know if he'll listen to me," John said. "We had words a couple of months ago over your mom's problems."
"I think he'll listen to Laura," Lee said softly.
"You're welcome to ask her if you want," John said.
"Ask me what?" Laura said from the doorway. She was wearing a pair of jeans and one of John's shirts. Her hair was brushed, but her eyes were still puffy from lack of sleep.
"Would you talk to my dad? He won't listen to me. He won't make any plans for the funeral."
Laura looked at John.
"Someone needs to talk to Bill. You may be the only person on Caprica who can get through to him." He looked at Lee. "Have you gotten in touch with Saul Tigh?"
Lee shook his head. "I didn't even think about Colonel Tigh."
"I'll take care of it. You take Laura over to your father's house and bring her back. But first she's got to eat something."
"I'm not hungry this morning."
"Are you feeling sick?"
"Not right now."
John smiled at her. "You're feeding two now."
He got up and took her hand and led her toward the kitchen.
Left alone in the den, Kara asked Lee. "What's wrong with your dad?"
"I don't know. Guilt…obsession with this plan of his…maybe he's going as crazy as she was."
"You think your mom was crazy?"
"I don't know. Do sane people wash down a dozen sleeping pills with half a bottle of ambrosia?"
Kara got up and went to sit beside him on the couch. She took his hand. "What can I do?"
Lee said softly. "I just want to feel your body against mine. I just want you."
"After you bring Laura back, aren't you going to need to go to your apartment to get some more clothes or something? I could go with you."
Lee looked at her, and in his eyes Kara saw all the love he felt for her.
...
Laura tapped lightly at the door of Bill's den.
"Go away," the gruff voice came from inside.
"Bill, it's Laura. Open the door. Please. I just want to talk to you."
"You're alone?"
"I'm alone. No Marines. No cavalry. Lee's in the kitchen."
She heard the lock click. The door opened a crack. She took the handle and gently pushed. Even the strong sunlight outside provided scant illumination through the room's closed shutters. She had to wait a few moments for her eyes to adjust to the gloom. The room reeked of whiskey and of him. He was seated on the couch, a drink in his hand, the almost empty bottle on his desk. He was unshaven, his uniform tunic unbuttoned. She remembered how he had looked the last time she had seen him at the reception, how polished and in command. The man who sat before her with red-rimmed eyes was a far cry from that man.
She crossed the room and opened the shutters. He winced as the sunlight poured in.
"Life hasn't stopped," she said gently. "The sun came up this morning like it always does."
"You mean the Cylons haven't found a way to control the sun?"
"Even the Cylons can't stop the sun. Only the gods can do…"
"I don't believe in the gods," he said harshly. "You know that."
"Is that why you won't make the arrangements for Carolanne?"
"Lee can do that. Let him do whatever he wants to do. He was the one who took care of her all those years, took care of her and Zak, too. Let him decide. I'm through with deciding for a while."
"You can't shirk your obligations that easily, Bill. You have an obligation, made all the more so because you left all of them alone so much. Taking care of her is your obligation now. Don't put the burden on your son to take care of her this one last time."
"And then what? Come back here to an empty house? Zak's moving into an apartment with a friend. Lee's got his own place. I want to go back to a battlestar, back to the Galactica. That's my home. That's where I belong. It always has been."
"What about your plan?"
"It'll never work. There's too many pieces still missing. There's a couple of things I can't seem to work out no matter how I look at it."
"Have you ever thought about sharing all of it with someone? Maybe a fresh perspective…maybe someone who thinks along different lines, who thinks outside of the box?
"Who can I trust that much?"
"There's me and John and your own son. Lee is a very intelligent young man."
"Lee's still wet behind the ears."
"You're selling him short, Bill."
"Lee hates my guts just like his brother does."
"No, he doesn't. He's hurting, but he still loves you, and he admires you. He'd never have asked me to come over here if he didn't. He'd have made plans without the slightest regard for your wishes or feelings."
"How could she do this?"
"I don't know the answer to that question. I doubt any of us do."
"Hand me that bottle, will you?"
"No. I won't help you sit here and drink yourself into oblivion. I want you to get up and take a shower and shave and go to the mortuary with your son. I want you to plan your wife's funeral like a man, not hide behind a bottle like a coward who has given up everything he once held dear…honor and pride in the uniform he wears and belief in the government he serves. If you give up, Bill, what will happen to the rest of us? What will happen to humanity?"
In the silence that followed her words, Bill slowly stood and went to the desk. He took the bottle and poured another drink.
Laura turned to leave. "I'll do anything I can to help you, but I won't be part of this."
She put her hand on the doorknob. Behind her she heard the crash of a glass in the brick fireplace. She turned with tears in her eyes. Bill stood beside his desk, stood a little straighter than he had a few moments before.
Their eyes met only briefly. His said many things, but most important of all, his eyes said he was back…back from the despair into which he had let himself slide.
"Wait for me. I won't be long. I'd like for you to go with Lee and me to make the arrangements. Women are always so much better at taking care of things like this."
Bill walked past her and down the hall. She heard the bathroom door close and the shower begin to run.
She walked into the kitchen and wearily sat in a chair. "He's getting cleaned up. We're going to make the arrangements, the three of us."
Lee nodded. He had put a kettle of water on the stove earlier and now poured a cup of tea for her. "I remembered what the smell of coffee does to you. My dad will just have to suffer."
Laura sighed. "Your father is going to suffer whether he has coffee or not."
...
"This is a nice car," Kara said to Lee as they were on the way to his apartment.
"It was my mom's. Dad told me to take it. I don't think he wants to see it sitting in the driveway."
"How is he doing?"
"Laura talked him out of his study. We made the arrangements. The funeral is day after tomorrow."
"Zak?"
"He's still at his friend's place. I'll call him later. It's better if he and Dad aren't together right now."
She put her hand on the top of his leg and squeezed. Without a word he covered her hand with his.
He pulled the car into the underground parking garage of his building and found the two parking spaces allocated to his unit. He turned off the engine and took her in his arms. They kissed, softly at first and then as his need for her overwhelmed him, he kissed her with a different hunger than he'd felt before.
They went up to his apartment, and she let him take all the comfort he could find in her body, let him make love to her with fierceness and passion. She tasted his grief and his anger and finally she tasted his guilt.
Afterward the first thing he said to her was, "Did I hurt you?"
"No," she pulled him tightly against her. "Lee, it's all right. I'm fine. It was good."
They lay together for a long time, until Lee said in an anguished voice, "I should have done something to help her. He should have done something to help her."
"Don't let this frak with your head. It'll mess you up bad if you let it. When Karl and me lived and everybody back on Picon died…his parents and his sister and my mom and I thought my Dad had sacrificed himself to save me, it messed me and Karl both up for a long time. He's my best friend and I love him like a brother and one day we nearly got in a bad fight. We were ready to beat each other up because I shot a dumb rabbit with my slingshot. There must have been fifty of them in the garden and he went all crazy on me because I'd killed one. I couldn't understand what was happening to us. But later, in the camp I was talking to Connelly. I told him about what had happened with me and Karl and he said it was survivor's guilt. He said Karl and I felt guilty because we were alive and everybody else was dead. Don't let this thing with your mom frak with your head because she's gone and you're still here."
Kara was right, but he couldn't make himself say it.
"Let it go," she said softly.
"I don't know if I can. I look at my dad, and I think he could have done something. He should have done something. She was his wife."
"Let it go, Lee. When I told Connelly I wanted to kill Zarek, he told me that harboring hatred and anger was like swallowing rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die."
"So you just let it go?"
"Not then," Kara said softly. "But eventually I did."
"You really cared about Connelly, didn't you?"
"I still do. He was my first crush."
"Who was your second?"
"You."
Lee pulled her to him. "I hope I'm your last. I don't know what I'd do without you."