I do not own twilight…all belongs to stephanie meyer.

IT'S THE MOMENT THAT YOU ALL HAVE ANXIOUSLY BEEN WAITING FOR! PREPARE YOURSELVES... things are really starting to heat up! I can't wait to read all of your lovely reviews! I hope you all love it!

Much Love,

~Dazzler 916~

Chapter 9

Critical; My relief, my worry, our breakdown

(Ella's P.O.V.)

It didn't take long for me to drive up to his house.

My foot was pretty heavy on the petal...so I got there in less than a minute.

Personally...I HATE when someone calls me and says "hey I have to tell you something" and then they totally gyp you and say "I'll tell you later" or "some other time" blah blah blah.

Seth promised me no more secrets.

He promised me alot of things.

As of right now I fear that he might have broken one of those promises.

HE KNOWS that I hate when people do shit like this. HE KNOWS IT!

And that is exactly what he's doing right now.

Ugh!

This better not ruin my day.

Even if it does...there will be some major issues with him and I in the future.

Very quickly I parked my car in the grass.

I sat there for a moment trying to think of all of the very possible things he could have done that would make me mad at him.

...

...

...

...

Looking back at our past when he told me about werewolves and imprinting, I honestly don't think it could top that.

Then again I live in a world that is not even close to what everyone claimes it is.

Seth Clearwater, I hope you didn't do anything that could possibly make me avoid you for long period of time.

I'm not the type who hold grudges, but if it's necessary...oh trust me, I will.

I got out of the car and walked straight up to the door.

I knocked.

A few seconds later...Seth answered the door.

"Okay! I'm here! Tell me now!" I demanded folding my arms.

Seth didn't answer, he just gestured for me to walk in.

"So tell me! What's so important...I've got all day...so shoot." I shrugged.

"It's about Sasha." Seth put his hands in his pockets.

I don't like this already.

How lovely.

"Well what about her?" I asked sounding very irritated.

"Remember the night of the homecoming dance freshman year?"

I just nodded.

Then it all started to come back into my very vivid memory.

"All too well." I shook my head.

"Then the night you got hit by that car."

"Okay is there a reason why you're starting to bring up really screwed up incidents...okay well that one resulted with us being together but still...what's your point?" I asked him.

"You've always said that she keeps coming back to your head...like she's haunted your memory." He said.

"O...kaay." Now I'm a little concerned.

"Then it was almost a month ago...the missing poster we saw in Port Angeles."

"Seth...you know how I am about this...what do you have to tell me? Are you hiding something?" I said still throwing a bunch of questions at him.

He let out a heavy sigh and then came over to sit right next to me on the couch.

"I promised that if I ever lied to you...it would be for your own good." He told me.

"I know." I nodded.

Okay now I'm scared.

"I haven't really told you everything...there has always one thing I've been keeping from you and right now I'm not sure if what I'm about to tell you is gonna make you happy or if it's gonna make you very upset and you could hate me...for a while." Seth stammered.

"Seth, you're scaring me." I whispered.

"I'm so sorry." He trembled.

"Oh Seth!" I wrapped my arms around him.

Okay so this is serious...very serious.

I think he's afraid to tell me.

"You can tell me...you can tell me...I love you..." I assured him.

"Sasha's not dead...she's alive...she's a vampire...she's been one for a while now." He whispered into my ear.

That's when it hit me.

I pulled back from him.

"What?" I wanted to make sure I heard him right.

"When I had to leave you at homecoming that night because I had to take care of something?...All of those times that you've claimed that you saw her...that night you got hit by a car. You could have been killed but she saved you...or else you would have easily been killed that night...all of those times you thought you were just seeing things you weren't...you never were...it was all her...your sister...Sasha...that's what I've been keeping from you." He explained.

I feel as if some just punched me in my chest to point where I'm gasping for air.

5 years...of pain...anguish...suffering...5 years without her...

And it really fucked me up...

3 years of being here...

And he knew...

THIS WHOLE TIME?

He knew.

He never told me.

He just acted like he didn't know anything.

Suddenly I feel so stupid...so dumb...why am I such a fool?

I just sat there.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Taking it all in.

Letting it simmer.

"All this time...you knew...you knew...you knew...you knew...YOU KNEW...and YOU never told me?" I said in shock.

"Babe—"

"No don't baaabe me. All this time. Ya knew? This whole time? The only reason I'm repeating myself so much is because it gets even funnier when I say it aloud even more...Wow...I'm so stupid...what the hell was I thinking? My sister...MY sister...has been alive this whole time...and NOT ONCE did you bother to atleast tell me? Do you have any idea how much stress I could have easily dusted off my back? Do you have any idea how much that whole situation has been screwing me up mentally? My God—you don't even know the half of it—that's just—wow—I mean that's just great." I shook my head in disbelief.

"I don't know what to say anymore Seth. To be honest there isn't much—b-but why? Why Seth? Why?" I asked him.

Seth just sat back down and took a few deep breaths and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I was just trying to protect you Ella." He sighed heavily.

Really?

Really?

"I was just trying to protect you Ella?...I was just TRYING to PROTECT you? Is that the best you've got...are you shitting me? Are you really shittin' me?" I was on the virge of crying now.

I felt the sudden urge to hit him...but it's not use...he wouldn't feel anything.

"Wow—I seriously want you to explain why you thought it was such a good idea to keep this from me? You honestly thought you were protecting me? Sasha's my sister...like that it isn't obvious. Did it ever occure to you that I would KILL to see her again even if it was just once. Even if was just for a minute...maybe even for an hour or two. You've come to know me all too well but now I'm starting to think that you really don't understand atleast HALF of what my brain goes through everyday. Damn it Seth I'm mentally scarred if that wasn't obvious. My whole family is. If you really knew what it's done to my family as a whole...You're always helping me, always trying to make it all better, always telling me how much you—love me. I have gone through so so so so soooo much in the past 5 years and it all leads up to this? You could have told me y'know...YOU could have told ME."

"Ella I know but—" I quickly cut him off before he could even bother to finish that sentence.

"But you could have told me. Then we wouldn't be talking about this now...and yet you claimed that you love me?" I yelled.

"May, you know I do. I always have." He said.

I began to chuckle lightly to myself.

"Really? You love me?" I asked him in disbelief.

Seth just looked at me with apologetic eyes and nodded.

"Well you know what? I'm starting not to believe that anymore...because if you really loved me...you would have told me straight away...if you LOVED me...you wouldn't have just stood there letting me suffer like I'm sort of sick animal that's never gonna get well again...if you LOVED me...you wouldn't have kept this from for so long...if you LOVE me...you would have never kept my sister a secret from me in the first place. You knew how I felt about this. You knew how much it was hurting me. You knew how sensitive I was about the situation in general. You have watched me cry and do absolutely NOTHING but talk about her...my memories...I've told you so much and I feel like you just walked all over it and lied to my face...Who the hell am I kidding—THAT IS EXACLTY WHAT YOU DID...and you CLAIM that you LOVE ME?" I cried.

Seth didn't say anything...

He just stood there.

Looking like he was about to cry.

"I bet you've actually talked to her and have seen her LOADS OF TIMES? Right?...Am I not right?" I asked.

...

...

"ANSWER ME!" I screamed.

He didn't even have the guts to look me in the eye.

Seth just stared down at the floor and nodded.

"And I wonder what she says to you...There's no doubt that she was angry that you wouldn't tell me...If Sasha's been a vampire for a while then there is no telling what she's hasn't tried to do...it's like you said...vampires are fast...Lord knows what hints she could have easily try to clue me in on...and then there was you...convincing me that people were being complete assholes trying to piss off all the wrong people for no reason...they were her...they must have been her—Oh my God that day when I came over your house and you had to get your freaking arms relocated because you claimed that you got in a nasty fight with a newborn vampire? She did that to you...didn't she?...that's what I thought...there must be a very logical reason as to why MY SISTER did that to you. You must have really pissed her off...not that you probably have pissed her off enough but I know my sister...and she has her limits...either way I'm sure you deserved it—yea I said Seth and you know it's TRUE!" I said right to his face.

"What were you thinking?" I cried.

"Ella—" Seth grab my hands and folded them gentley into his.

"No! Don't touch me!" I protested before going over to sit on the couch.

I placed my head in bewtween my knees and started taking deep breaths.

This is what my body needed.

"I kept it a secret to protect you...not just because she was a vampire...but it was because I knew that you weren't mentally ready for something big like that to interfere with what was slowly starting to settle into your head...acceptance. You were slowly starting to accept the fact that whether Sasha came back or not you know that things would still be differemt...alot different than you would expect...almost to the point where it just hits you and you're startled. You weren't ready Ella...you weren't ready to take it all in. I've watched you suffer way too much and if I would have told you then I feared it was just gonna mess with your mind even more. Things would be different if Sasha were plain old human like she used to be...but it's not like that anymore...and I know it would stress you out even more knowing that you woukd have to keep Sasha's existence a secret from your family. It was so hard for me to keep that from you...trust me it drove me and Sasha crazy...she knew it was gonna take some time...after a while she just got very impatient...which put in a situation that you pretty muc figured out on your own. To be honest...I thought your reactions would be a little more in a happy sense as opposed to how things have been going for about the past hour...keeping this from you was hard...but I was wrong...telling you was harder." He explained.

As much as I tried my hardest to believe...I couldn't.

Right now there is a wall that slowly starting to build its way between us.

My anger and shock is preventing me from trying to forgive...just a little...but it's not enough.

"No...that's where you're wrong." I snapped angrily while pointing my finger in his face.

More tears starting pouring down my cheeks.

I didn't even have to look in a mirror to see if my eyes were red.

I had a feeling they were completely bloodshot.

I've cried so much.

"You are wrong on so many levels that if you tried stacking each level up one by one...the entire fucking tower would fall down before you even finish putting half of them on top of each other. Who assigned YOU the role of being MY freaking psychiatrist? Huh? Since when did you decided to start making decisions for my life? But that's just it Seth! You don't know! You dont' how the hell I COULD HAVE REACTED if you would have told me this A LONG FUCKING TIME AGO! I could have had a COMPLETELY different reaction. ALL THIS TIME!" I yelled once again.

"YOU. LIED. TO. MY. FACE!" I shouted while throwing my fist continuosly at his chest.

"YOU promised me that if you ever lied...it would be for my own good...NEWS FLASH! That wasn't for my own good. IT WASN'T and it's THE TRUTH!" I spat.

"Babe...I'm so sorry...I am. You have no idea how muc—"

"Are you done with the shitty excuses...cause I don't really want to be here anymore. I can't believe I'm still looking at your face because right now, WORDS CANNOT describe how disgusted I am with you. For now you can just—okay so it's simple...right now you can just leave me the hell alone. Goodbye Seth." I said in a cold tone.

And with that...I slammed the door on my way out.

Suddenly things don't feel right anymore...and I'm scared.

I don't wanna lose him and I know he doesn't wanna lose me...

Still my mind tells me otherwise.

I feel like we've stopped breathing...we're slowlyy starting to lose ourselves.

Now I know I was right...

I was never going crazy.

It was a real...she was real...I mean she is real.

She's ALIVE!

All these years...My family has grieved her loss for soooo long. It took us nearly 7 months until we started to become ourselves again.

But I took the longest.

A year is what it took for me.

Oh trust me—I was a mess.

Didn't eat...didn't sleep...my grades were horrible...all F's and one D.

I stopped talking to my friends...people got sick of waiting so some of them just gave up on me and then the others who were very patient took the time to wait it out.

I wanted isolation...to be away from everything and everyone.

Everything changes now...Sasha was never really gone. She was close and now I have this feeling that she was watching us...she always has been.

Keeping me away from my sister never really protected me.

Sasha always has ways of getting around whether people liked it or not.

So in that case, I've seen her before...but she hasn't really changed.

If only I could see her now...

Would it make things better if I just talked to her...

Or should I wait it out and just think things over for a while.

I drove my car back to the house and left it there.

I didn't want to go inside.

I needed air...

I ran...and I didn't care if it was raining.

I need to be alone.

So then I find myself at the beach.

In a rock cave where it's nice and dry.

I feel safe.

Alone.

Yet I'm still so angry.

It's hopeless...I'm helpless.

To think that I had everything figured out.

I was wrong...so now there is ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING to do except sit here sulking in my WRONGNESS.

I feel so broken.

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW

I really hope that you all enjoyed it! It may have seemed short but lot's of drama happened in so little time. Thank you so much for reading! = D

Much Love,

~Dazzler 916~