Harry could feel her body shaking in his arms as her sobs reached epic proportions. She tried to control her emotions, she tried to put her fears of Blake in the deep recesses of her mind but after seeing Matilda and the conditions she had been kept in, she couldn't stop the feeling of helplessness that were bubbling through her reserves.
She kept a strong front when she was trying to convince Matilda to come with her but on the inside, she was reliving everything. Every slap, punch, kick and name that Blake had inflicted upon her, the way he took her confidence and squashed it into the ground, it all came back to her in a flood that she was barely able to contain.
"I tried Harry. I felt the dream coming and I couldn't wake myself, I couldn't make it stop."
He pulled her closer, hugging her even tighter to show her that he was there and she was safe.
"Its alright, luv, Blake wont be bothering you anymore." He replied in a soothing voice.
"It's not alright Harry! I was scared, I didn't fight back as hard as I should have… I put up with it… I"
"No more of that. You thought you were doing what you had to do to stay alive… You did what you thought you had to do to protect everyone and when you realized that there was nothing more you could do, you left and got help."
Hermione didn't reply. She knew he was right in some respect but there was still that part of her that wondered what would have happened if she had fought back harder and left sooner. In reality, though, she knew the real reason she stayed was from fear. Blake was a monster, she realized that now, he was a man with a deranged mind and would have more then likely killed her if she had left without being fully ready. She needed that extra time, painful as it was, she needed the time to make herself realize that she could be strong again. That she could go back to being the girl she was before the first hit had ever been placed and defend herself as a survivor and not just a jaded wife.
"I'm tired Harry" She finally stated. The emotions had drained her along with the anger she felt towards Blake for making her go through this.
Harry nodded and washed her to make sure she was free of Vomit. Once he was sure she was clean, he helped her out of the tub, dried her and took her back to bed before cleaning the vomit from the floor. He then crawled into bed with her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her body so it was flush with his.
"He won't hurt you again… I will never allow him to place a single finger on you."
Hermione nodded, she believed him and knew he would do everything in his power to protect her.
"I love you Harry." She said weakly before falling asleep.
Oooooooooooooooooo
The next two weeks had passed and her dreams managed to remain neutral. Blake had not entered her mind once and she was glad of that. After the last incident, Hermione had decided to get past this…thing…With Blake once and for all. She had to take the next step in her recovery, which was to face some of her fears.
"Are you sure you can handle this? I don't want you to make yourself sick with nightmares again." Harry asked as they stood outside her and Blakes old house.
"I will be fine, Harry. I know it doesn't make sense to you… but a lot happened in that house and I need… I need to find some closure of sorts, I need to face this place and prove to myself that I am stronger than Blake or the memories."
Harry sighed and grabbed her by the hand. He was less then thrilled about going back into the house where she had been beaten, over and over again, but if she thought it would help her, he was willing.
From the outside, one could almost picture a loving couple living inside. The idea of a few children running through the yard with a dog would not seem far-fetched for an outsider, but he wasn't an outsider. He knew the things that took place behind the picture perfect appearance, he knew what the children would have gone through had Blake been their father. He knew that the possibility was great that he would have lost a best friend behind those walls had she not fled when she did and when everyone else would see the ideal house and family, all he could see was pain and torment.
"I am warning you Hermione, Any sign that you are getting overwhelmed, we will leave."
She gave him a hug and smiled, "I wont over do it, I just need to do this."
As they walked through the front door, the smell of the place instantly triggered a few memories. She had lived in this house for so long and even though she had been away for a while, the house smell remained engraved in her senses. She noticed the broken furniture but couldn't remember if it was Blake that caused that with her body or something else, none the less, she walked through and ignored it.
Harry stayed a ways behind her, watching for any signs of a break down. He watched as she crossed her arms over her chest and sighed when she would notice things. Really looking around, Harry noticed things that he hadn't before like the punch holes in the walls or the occasional blood splatter that was missed when the cleaning process began. He didn't know everything, thank Merlin, and didn't want to. He had already heard and seen enough in his life time but he would not stop her if she had to relive those things to him to banish it from her mind.
"I loved this house." She suddenly said, "Everything about it was perfect when we first moved in."
Harry nodded but didn't reply verbally, he decided to just let her talk.
"That wall over there had a garden painted on it. Flowers of every color and had the greenest looking foliage you had ever seen… Neville would have loved it."
She then walked a little further into the living room.
'This built in bookshelf made me actually jump up and down with excitement – it was the first thing I painted so it would be ready when we moved our stuff in… I organized it for hours making sure the spines of the books were lined up perfectly and that they were sorted by subject.
Until Blake pulled them all down a few months later and ripped them to shredsShe skimmed her hand over the edge of the shelf, "I had to start hiding my books though."
She continued to walk a bit further in and into the kitchen where it appeared to be mostly untouched.
"I tried to organize this kitchen to be a perfect mix of muggle and wizard. I loved Molly's kitchen and the closeness we all felt when we ate there and I wanted to create that along with the things I loved about muggle kitchens as well… I planned on having a family in this house and wanted them to have the best of both worlds."
She skimmed her hand against the counter top, avoiding the puddle of dried blood from the last night she was there. She was surprised he hadn't cleaned that up… probably wanted a memory or something.
"The window was the selling point for me. I could stand here while doing the dishes and watch my children play in the back yard. I would have been able to crack the window open and hear them laughing as the chased each other or wrestled around. This simple window was the highlight of the kitchen, letting the perfect amount of natural light shine through and provided the perfect setting for lunch and happy conversations."
"Could you picture that?" she asked Harry
"I could very easily." He replied
She smiled and continued to walk around the kitchen for a few more minutes. She walked right past the bathroom and the master bedroom. Too much had happened in those rooms and there was nothing in either one that would provided a good memory. The bedroom was a place where Blake would have his way with her, willingly or bloodied, it didn't matter to him and the bathroom is where she spent a great deal of time cleaning herself up and covering bruises.
She continued to walk down the hall and into another room.
"This would have been where my children slept. I loved this room because I could picture myself holding a baby. Singing him or her to sleep as I sat on the bench under the bay window." She let out a small laugh, "I even told myself that I would point out the constellations and teach him everything about the solar system."
Harry watched as she went over to the window and sat down, glancing out to the back yard.
"I thought this house would be perfect for me and provided everything I ever wanted… but I realize that wasn't true now."
Harry shook his head, "The house would have been perfect if not for Blake."
"Maybe." She replied simply.
Hermione continued to show Harry things about the house, reliving the good and bad memories in the other rooms. Harry couldn't believe how calm she was, especially when she would walk past a larger spatter of blood or the thing that made him sick which was a small patch of her hair hanging from a nail in the wall – he didn't even want to know how that happened.
When she was finally done, she stopped at the door once more and looked around. The house was her past, Blake was her past and looking over to Harry, she knew he was her future. She closed the door, leaving the demons behind and walked away, Happy to finally have her closure when it came to that house.