The next morning was awkward. Dean wanted to touch and feel and kiss Cas and explore this new aspect of their relationship, but he knew that today was the day they were planning to go to Balthazar's grave. He felt like an ass for being able to think of nothing but a thousand dirty things he wanted to do with Cas. He resigned himself, though, to be the awesome supportive friend today. If only Cas hadn't just come out of the shower in nothing but a towel. Really, it was his own fault, right?
Dean couldn't resist any longer and walked up behind Cas and sucked a trail of water from the back of his neck, snaking his arms around the man's chest. Cas shivered and turned around in his arms and kissed him long and slow, a promise of things to come. Dean broke the kiss before it got out of hand and smiled, slapping Cas on the ass as he turned away.
They found the cemetery and Balthazar's headstone and Dean hung back to give Cas a moment to himself. Castiel walked over to the marker and noticed that it was simply a name, birth and death date. His gut turned as he thought that this simple memorial was so insufficient, just a name and some dates. How can this represent what a person was, who they loved, what they laughed at, the lives they had touched? What a pitiful echo, he thought, of what was once a human life.
He took a deep breath and began his final goodbye, "Hello, Balthazar. I'm sorry for taking so long to come down here. I guess I haven't really been ready. I wanted to come for your funeral but, you know Raphael. I guess I should have told him to fuck off and shown up anyway but I didn't want to cause problems for your family. And they had just discharged me and I was pretty much a wreck.
"It's taken me a long time to be able to say goodbye to you. I think it isn't even just you, but everything that I lost when you died. I loved being an officer and the camaraderie I had with my team and flying and then suddenly it was all gone. I was so lonely. You know I haven't even flown since then?" Castiel's eyes had misted over as he remembered the anguish of losing everything so such as small period of time. He quickly wiped away a tear, as glanced back at Dean waiting for him by the car.
"But things are different now. I met someone and I think you'd really be happy for me. He loves your car, he even helped me fix it. You should see it now. It's even better than before. But don't worry, we kept the original design, just like you liked. In fact Dean insisted on it. We even kept that silly replacement handle you put on the glove compartment after that time you knocked the original off trying to stand up while I drove. God, I thought you were going to get yourself killed. Dean said that sometimes it's the blemishes that make things more beautiful. I think he's right.
"I didn't think that I would find love again but I did, Balthazar, and I really do love him. This will probably be my last visit here. I need to say goodbye and let you go and I really want to do that so that I can be whole again, with Dean. Thank you for everything you did for me. You will always hold a special place in my heart. You are the best of my past. I hope Dean is my future."
Castiel turned around and saw Dean, leaning back on the car in the sun, legs crossed and his hands in his pockets. This was his future. This man who had helped him heal in every way. It was like the car. Dean had helped him heal the wounds, smooth over the scars, restore him without feeling the need to change the original design and all the while respecting that his blemishes contributed to his worth.
What Cas didn't know was that Dean had sent his own silent prayer to the man he had never met. Hey, Balthazar, just wanted to say awesome taste in cars… and men. Don't worry, I took good care of your roadster, she looks like new. And I'm gonna take care of Cas, too, 'cause I'm pretty fucking crazy about that guy so you can, I guess, rest in peace knowing that he's with someone who really cares about him now. Uh, Dean Winchester out?
Castiel walked back to Dean and was pulled into an embrace full of love, acceptance and comfort.
Castiel felt lighter already. He couldn't have imagined just a few weeks ago that he would now have closed the Balthazar and Army chapter of his life and would be driving along the shore, top rolled down, radio blasting the Rolling Stones, with the man he loved sitting next to him singing along.
Dean looked amazing. He was relaxed back into the passenger seat, one elbow casually resting on the open window with his other hand resting on Cas' thigh. He seemed so peaceful with his sunglasses on, the wind blowing through is hair and the sun shining on his face highlighting every freckle. When he looked over and smiled, Castiel wondered if there was a way he could freeze time.
They found a beach with miles of soft white sand and dragged their towels and cooler down to an open spot near the water. Castiel was like a child. He felt freer than he had in a long time as he threw off his t-shirt and ran for the waves with abandon. Dean hung back and stood on the shore, t-shirt still on, with the water lapping over his feet as he buried his toes in the soft wet sand. Castiel bounced up out of the water, breathing deeply and shaking the water out of his hair when he noticed that he was alone.
He walked over the Dean, ready to tackle him into the water but noticed that he looked pensive. "What's wrong? Don't you swim?"
"It's just, the scars. I don't know. I guess it's stupid."
Castiel understood immediately. Dean felt self-conscious about being so exposed, the skin on his shoulder wrinkled and pale against the smooth skin that covered the rest of his body. "Dean, you are beautiful, inside and out. I don't care that you are scarred. You saw past my scars. I may not wear them on my skin, but they are there nonetheless and you have helped me heal."
Dean nodded his head and the corners of his mouth quirked up into the smallest hint of a smile but he stayed silent.
"Why did we leave the mismatched handle on my car's glove compartment? Why do you have army men stuck in the door handle of the Impala or Legos that rattle in the air vents? It's not just cars, Dean. It's the blemishes that make people beautiful too." Dean locked eyes with Cas and a small melancholy smile began to uptick the corners of his mouth.
Castiel huffed, "Fine," and in one movement so fast Dean didn't have time to react, he leaned down, grabbed Dean around the waist and threw him over his shoulder, turning run back into the waves, throwing him into the water and diving in after. Both men came up laughing. "Dean, half of the women and a few of the men on this beach have been checking you out since you stepped onto the sand. Trust me, your scars do nothing to detract from how gorgeous you are." Castiel leaned in to whisper low and seductive in Dean's ear, "And I can't wait to get you back to the room and show you how much I mean that."
Dean flung his head back and laughed, tackling and dunking Castiel back under the water. Onlookers forgotten, the men wrestled and splashed in the warm waves like children. The afternoon at the beach was just what Castiel needed after an emotional morning. He and Dean swam and drank beer and ate ice cream. Dean put sunscreen on Castiel's shoulders while whispering suggestively in his ear. They joined a game of volleyball and fed popcorn to the seagulls, enjoying the perfectday until a storm rolled in, chasing everyone from the beach.
They gathered up their gear and began heading back to the car, rain soaking them through. As Castiel reached for the trunk with his keys out, he was surprised by a pair of strong hands that gripped him tightly around the waist and swung him around. Dean pushed Cas up against the car and smothered his mouth with a hot kiss. The kiss tasted like the rain that was drenching them. The sky was darkening and lightning was flashing in the distance and neither man could bring themselves to care. They were both drowning in the pleasure of that fantastic kiss.
Dean brought one hand behind Cas' head and pushed forward until Cas' lay back on the small round trunk of the car, Dean's hand acting as a rest for his head. Cas felt the heat of the car's metal, which was still warm from the summer sun against his back and the cool rain dripping off of Dean onto his chest and arms and legs and the sensation was so unique and sensual that he let it surround him and carry him away as Dean kissed him senseless.
A very close and loud clap of thunder and lightning pulled them out of their trance and they laughed as they looked at each other and at the same time said, "hotel."
Dean fumbled with the room key card as Cas did his very best to distract him, lining his body up behind Dean's, kissing the back of his neck and warming his cold, wet hands under Dean's shirt. Both men were soaked to the bone and shivering as the temperature dropped with the darkened skies. "Damn, you're freezing," Dean hissed as Cas' cold hands shocked his torso, "Come one, let's get in a hot shower."
Dean finally got the damn green light to come on, pulled down on the handle and the two stumbled through the door, hands and arms and legs and mouths tangling. Dean pulled Cas to the bathroom and started a hot shower as the two quickly stripped out of their wet clothes. The hot water was shocking at first against their cold skin and Cas gasped as he clung to Dean, who really didn't mind at all.
The two men took their time and washed themselves and each other. It was a time of comfort, relaxation, and discovery. Dean and Cas explored one another's bodies, learning the shapes and curves, memorizing muscles and marks, and finding sensitive spots. Once both men were clean, warm and relaxed, they dried off and Dean grabbed Cas' face, pulling him in for a kiss and walked him backward towards the bed until his knees hit and he fell backwards.
Dean straddled Cas and kissed down his neck, eliciting a sinful moan from the man. Dean looked up and saw the raw desire in Cas' eyes that were moving over his form, taking in every bit of him, hungry for more. God, the way Cas looked at him should be at the top of the deadly sins list. Cas' blue eyes were a dark indigo in the dim lighting of the room, occasionally lit by flashes of lightning from the storm raging outside of their window.
"Damn, Cas. You are so fuckin' sexy." Dean leaned down to take Cas' mouth with his own. He licked over the man's lower lip and Cas sighed and opened for him, inviting Dean's tongue to touch and taste. Cas' hands threaded through Dean's hair and gave a small pull and Dean thought to himself that, yeah, that is obviously something Cas likes, which is pretty freaking awesome. So he reciprocated by carding his own fingers up and running fingernails gently across Cas' scalp then giving a hint of a tug that had Cas moaning his name.
"You like that, Cas? Tell me what you want me to do to you." For emphasis, he rolled his hips, loving the increase in friction where their bare erections were already rubbing.
"Dean, I want you inside of me," Cas rumbled in that low gravel of a voice and Dean closed his eyes and groaned at the reaction that voice brought out in his body.
"Anything you want, angel," Dean whispered right into Cas' ear and smiled when he could see that his voice elicited its own reaction when Cas whimpered and thrust his hips forward.
Dean sat up, thanking God that he remembered to stop at the convenient store that morning and grabbed the lube he had tossed in the nightstand. First, he applied a generous amount to his hand and grabbed both of their cocks and began stroking, spreading the lube in long steady strokes. He was so hard from just this he felt like he could come right there. Cas was under him arching his back, gripping fingers into his thighs, and downright growling his name, slow and sultry. And damn, Dean thought, Cas might just be the sexiest thing he had ever seen all coming apart under him.
But there was more, so much more, that he wanted to do with Cas and he forced himself to slow down and relish every moment of this. With Cas' head thrown back in passion, Dean couldn't resist leaning forward and taking that long neck into his mouth, licking a path from the base of his neck, all the way up under his chin to finally capture that mouth, those soft pink swollen lips, and the searing wet heat of Cas' tongue.
Dean repositioned so that he was between Cas legs and watched in fucking awe as Cas so willingly spread his legs for him, splaying himself out so vulnerable and Dean didn't think he would ever get enough of making love to this man. He applied more lube to his fingers and slid them slowly down to swirl around Cas' tight opening, teasing and testing. When Cas cried out, "Dean, please!" he slid one finger in just to the first knuckle, giving it a teasing wiggle that had Cas writhing and begging for, "more, Dean, please."
And Dean could do more. So he took Cas' cock into his mouth at the same time that he pressed his finger in further. Cas, sucked in a sharp breath and immediately had his hands carding through Dean's hair again as he whimpered in ecstasy.
Dean worked his finger back and forth gently massaging Cas' muscles loose and he could feel Cas relaxing into the comforting movement. His head was bobbing in time with his fingers as he added a second and curled the tips to find that perfect spot. And Cas was perfect as he pulled his knees to spread himself out wider, inviting Dean in.
Dean pulled off Cas to sit up and take in the sight of Cas and the men locked eyes as lightning continued to flash across the sky seemingly in time with the electric buzz that could be felt between the men in the hotel room. And Dean was ready, he had worked Cas open with three fingers and had a perfect view of his fingers working his lover and the sight made his cock positively hum.
He pulled his fingers out and with a slow and steady glide, slid into Cas. "Oh my fucking God, Cas!"
For a moment his vision went white and he couldn't even think of anything but the tight pressure surrounding him. He closed his eyes and hitched a breath until he felt two steady hands on his face and Cas' voice from somewhere miles away pulling him back, "Dean, look at me."
And when Dean opened his eyes there was Cas, holding his gaze and his body tightly, safely, grounded. Cas pulled Dean down so that their foreheads were touching and they were a breath away and whispered, "I know, Dean." And when Cas slowly began to rock his hips upward forcing Dean in further, Dean got the message and was able to move in time with Cas.
He pulled back all the way until just his head was still sheathed and then slid forward, slowly, inch by inch in a slow drag that was pulling the most amazing sounds from Cas. He smiled, knowing that he had just found another of Cas' favorite things. He repeated this movement again and again until Cas couldn't take it any longer, "Dean, harder, oh God!"
Dean did as Cas wished as sped up, thrusting harder and faster pounding against Cas' prostrate and watching the man under him come completely apart. "Cas, I want to see you when you come. Look at me." Cas' eyes snapped opened and focused on Dean's and Dean could tell it was taking every bit of his effort to keep this focus and not lose himself in the feeling. The men were rocking their hips together in a perfect rhythm and Dean reached down to stroke Cas, causing his lover's movements to become erratic as Dean watched the tight muscles of Cas' abdomen constrict and then spasm when Cas came in wave after wave of white heat.
The look on Cas' face as he was overcome with ectacy was glorious. Cas locked his eyes on Dean as he came with Dean's name on his lips. And Dean had done this, with his hands and his mouth and his cock, he had taken apart all of Cas' control and made Cas come apart with pleasure. He felt overwhelmed by his want and affection for this man. My God, what was Cas doing to him?
Castiel wrapped his legs around Dean's back, locking his feet together and pulled Dean in tighter. Dean was lost. Between the rush of watching Cas come and the feeling of Cas holding him tighter, he could feel the pressure start to build and coil before exclaiming, "Oh God, Cas, fucking Christ!" as he released his seed into Cas' perfect ass.
The storm raged on outside for several hours but when evening came, the skies finally cleared and the setting sun shone, bathing the sky in a red glow. The storm left the swollen sea water thrashing with massive waves and the temperature drop brought gusty winds. Dean and Cas decided to take in the sight of the storm's aftermath and drove back down to the beach. It was like a different place.
That morning the beach had been sunny, hot and playful. Now it was raw nature, all power and energy. Cas stood on the edge of the raging water, the roar of the white capped waves bathing over him and the wind sending a chill through him that had him pulling his hoodie a little closer to his body. Dean saw this and moved behind him, resting his head on Cas' shoulder and wrapping his arms around his middle, sharing their warmth.
The storm had cleared out the beach earlier and they were nearly alone now as they stood against the sea. "It's beautiful like this, you can feel the sheer magnitude of the sea's power."
"Yeah, it's pretty awesome," Dean replied into Cas' ear before sucking his earlobe and placing kisses down his neck. "I'm really glad I came down here with you."
"Thank you, Dean, for coming here with me. I never imagined how it would turn out."
"Well, I imagined a lot," Dean chuckled and gave a playful nip of Cas' ear, making the man smile. "But that didn't come close to how great it's been."
Cas gave a low rumbling huff of a laugh that felt like velvet to Dean. "I guess I imagined a few things myself," Cas leaned his head back and to the side to meet Dean for a suggestive kiss, "You know, I was attracted to you from the first time you came in for lessons. But it wasn't just how you looked. That first night, when you took me to the Roadhouse, you saved me. I had been going through the motions of life, just doing what I was supposed to but not really living. Then I met you and you forced me to reevaluate how I had been living and to change that and to seize the moment. I never would have done any of this if it weren't for you."
"You've helped me too, Cas. You know dealing with that PTSD crap has really sucked. That nightmare I had last night? I used to have those all the time. But since I met you," he kissed a trail up to Cas ear and rested his lips right on Cas's flesh, causing him to shiver as he whispered low and seductive, "my dreams have become much more fun."
Cas turned around and brought his arms around Dean's neck as Dean's snaked around his waist and the men kissed, slow and long until Cas breathed, "Show me." And Dean took Cas back to the hotel where he did just that.
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
Well, I must be travellin' on now
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see
~Free Bird – Lynyrd Skynyrd