After Priority: The Citadel II
She almost didn't take Kaidan back into her crew. On Horizon and Mars, she'd been furious at his accusations, but when he'd nearly been killed by Dr. Eva, Melanie had found it hard to hold on to that anger. During her visits with him in Huerta Memorial, she really thought that their relationship had been re-built, that Kaidan trusted her again. The Cerberus coup on the Citadel shattered that illusion. The two human Specters had ended up facing off at gunpoint as she tried to convince her former crewmate that it was not her but Councilor Udina that was the traitor. It wasn't the first time something like that had happened with a member of her team: her stand-off with Urdnot Wrex had apparently become a STG legend. This time had been different though; Wrex had been trying to save his people while Kaiden just hadn't been willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Despite the fact that she'd ultimately talked him down, she'd come seconds away from having to gun down someone she'd once considered a friend and after a moment like that, it was hard to imagine Kaidan rejoining the Normandy. She'd only considered it because he'd said all the right things afterwards: that he was angry with himself for distrusting her, that he promised he'd never do it again, that he come back to the crew.
Even that might not have been enough if Shepard hadn't also been worried for him. He'd been made a Specter, but he couldn't really operate as one, on his own, unless he had faith in the choices he made. Time and again, whether accusing Saren, taking the Normandy to Ilos, working with Cerberus, or curing the Genophage, she'd had to trust that she knew what she was doing even if not everyone else agreed. She'd made mistakes, sure, but they never took away her confidence the way that Kaiden had lost his. He'd recover it in time, but until then, he'd be better off in her crew. Anyway, it would be good to have him back in the fight with her; whatever had happened, he was still a skilled soldier, and maybe in time, a friend again.
It was the strain of that day that caused her to do something that, if she'd thought about it, she would have realized was a bad idea. She'd always found Samantha Traynor to be adorable, and based on some of the things Sam had said, she suspected that the communications officer had a more-than-professional interest in her. Normally, those would be good reasons to spend time with her, but given her feelings about Liara, Shepard didn't want this to go anywhere. After the day's events though, she just needed the distraction of relaxing with an attractive woman.
When Sam got up to her cabin, Melanie realized relaxing wasn't going to be the right word to describe her evening. The specialist's first comments were on the size and luxuriousness of the commander's shower, and while she felt it would be rude to deny her a chance to use it, Melanie could already feel her mind going to an inappropriate place. As she heard the soft sound of Samantha's clothes hitting the bathroom floor, Shepard tried not to picture what was being revealed a few feet away and when she heard her start talking about having a date, or maybe more, with someone special, it was pretty clear that Melanie could do more than just imagine if she wanted to.
It's not like she wasn't tempted. It had been too long since she'd been with anyone, not since Sha'ira three years ago, and her body could badly use a release from the tension of the war. Specialist Traynor was cute, smart, and feisty; the kind of girl she liked. A part of her wanted to throw off her uniform, get into the shower, and fuck Sam until the communications specialist's knees buckled.
But there was Liara. When Shepard had heard Admiral Hackett say the archeologist's name when he sent her to Mars, when she saw Liara standing in front of her after killing those Cerberus troopers, Melanie had dared to believe that, in spite of the Reaper invasion, the chance that she'd feared had passed wasn't lost. Since then, she wasn't certain what was happening between them, the weight of the war making it hard to think about anything else, but sometimes, it seemed so close to possible. The night that Liara had told her about her "beacon" project, the things the scientist said about her, the way they just sat together afterwards in the darkness of her cabin, Melanie couldn't help but feel there was still hope and she wasn't willing to give up on it.
To let Samantha save face, Shepard pretended that she didn't take her meaning about the date, lost a couple of games of chess to be nice, and told her good night. After Sam left though, Shepard was still a little wound up, having trouble taking her mind off of what she'd just passed up. In the hopes of getting a distraction from her distraction, she told Diana Allers to come up for the interview she'd been requesting, a seemingly sound strategy that backfired when the reporter made a pass at her as well. Diana was certainly pretty enough, although if it came to a choice, Melanie would definitely take Samantha to say nothing of Liara, so she politely declined and though Ms. Allers laughed it off as a misunderstanding, they both knew better. As the doors closed behind the reporter, Shepard found herself glad the she had that big shower, because after the night she'd just had, she needed a long cold one.