You used to captivate me by your resonating light; now I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.
Angell had been with the NYPD only a few months when she and Flack had hooked up. Although against department protocol, no one seemed to have a problem with their relationship. Same as with Monroe and Messer. Everyone kept private lives private, and business, business. But now, Jessica was dead. And Flack wished he were. His dreams of sweeping her off her feet and taking her to some deserted beach for the rest of their lives had been replaced by nightmares of blood and gunfire. Sometimes, Flack found himself sitting bolt upright out of a fitful sleep, Jess's lifeless face staring accusingly back at him, and the sweat on his chest feeling all too familiar. Jess's blood had soaked his shirt the day she died. The last time he'd held her close to him. The final moments of her life.
Their relationship hadn't been a problem before. But now, it was affecting his career, his decisions, his sanity.
His shoulder holster felt uncomfortable, and he reached around to yank the buckle loose, and then stopped. Instead, he pulled out the .9 Mil service weapon he carried every day. It felt heavy in his hand, And his heart heavy in his chest. There was no way he could go on like this. This hell that he was in, deep, dark and bottomless without his Angell, was just too much. Carefully, he slid the safety back. He was a cop; he knew how to do it right. It would be one shot, and over with before he even knew it.
His hand was shaking, but he put the cold muzzle of the gun against his dark hair, pressing the metal to his scalp so hard it hurt.
"Do it, you coward!" He screamed, hot, angry tears running down his face. "You couldn't save her; now save yourself the misery."
Still his finger stayed, as if the command from his brain wasn't reaching his hand.
"Damn it, let's get this over with," he whispered hoarsely, shutting his eyes tight as he began to squeeze.