Chapter 5: Severance
"You look a lot better." Dr. McCoy said with a smile as Nyota walked into sickbay- actually walked, not limped. The pain in her ankle was gone, and she was coming in for her final checkup.
"I feel better." It wasn't a complete lie- she did feel better, physically. Mentally, however...
"Thank God for modern technology. Can you believe that just a few centuries ago it could take as long as six weeks to get out of that cast?" McCoy asked as she sat on the edge of a biobed. "Imagine that! Six weeks instead of only ten days!"
"I look forward to the day when it will only take ten hours." Nyota said as she propped her leg up. "Examine away, Doctor."
McCoy took out his medical tricorder and scanned her ankle, before moving around to scan her back.
"The fracture is completely healed." he commented. "And the lacerations are closed. The bruises have mostly faded. Looks like you're good to go."
"So I can go back to work early?" Nyota asked hopefully. McCoy shook his head slowly and wouldn't meet her eyes as he set the tricorder down.
"No...I don't think so, Uhura." he said apologetically. "I didn't order three weeks off just for your physical recovery. In fact, I may extend the time."
"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously as he started to cut the cast off her leg.
"If the Chief Medical Officer- that's me- thinks you should undergo therapy, you'll be required to have at least one session with the ship's psychiatrist. If the psychiatrist thinks you require more than that, you can't return to active duty unless you're undergoing regular treatment."
"And do you think I need therapy?" Nyota asked reproachfully.
"Uhura, you went through a traumatic experience. More traumatic than a lot of members of Starfleet have ever encountered or ever will. I want you to have at least that one session." McCoy said gently, resting his hand on her shoulder. She gave him a strained smile. McCoy sometimes seemed almost fatherly to her, even though he was only ten or fifteen years older than her. He would never have admitted it, but he cared.
"I didn't even know the Enterprise has a psychiatrist." Nyota replied.
"He doesn't get a lot of work. Dr. Adams spends most of his days watching holo-vision and pretending to have something important to do." McCoy said bitterly. "Psychiatry...I can't believe they consider it a branch of medicine. That's not medicine."
"You don't seem to think too much about Dr. Adams or psychiatry, so why are you insisting on it?" Nyota asked, stretched out her now-bare leg.
"Oh, don't get me wrong....Adams knows what he's doing. He's had fifteen years of experience with trauma patients. And therapy does help most people get over trauma. I just don't think it's medicine when all they do is listen to you talk and give asinine advice."
"Are you sure I have to do it? Really, Bones...I don't think I need therapy. Once I get back to work, I'll be just fine. It'll take my mind off things."
"I'm still recommending your case to Dr. Adams, Uhura." McCoy replied firmly. Nyota sighed and stood, slipping one of the shoes she had brought with her onto her now cast-free foot.
"If you insist..." she said with a shrug. She really didn't think it would help. She didn't need to talk about what had happened to her with a complete stranger. What she had needed was to talk about it with Spock...but he didn't want to hear about it. Nyota's jaw clenched as she shoved him out of her thoughts.
"I know you don't want to go to therapy- hell, most people don't. I wouldn't, either." McCoy said. She turned to look at him, arching one of her eyebrows. He smirked. "You know, you remind me of Spock when you do that."
The eyebrow abruptly fell and Nyota's lips pressed together, her jaw clenching and her eyes darkening. McCoy seemed to notice something was wrong.
"Oh, come on...I already know you two are a couple. After Scorpius Three, there's no doubt in my mind."
"Well...that's where you're wrong, Doctor." Nyota replied stonily as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"There's no way I'm wrong!" McCoy said in disbelief, his eyebrows rising high on his forehead. "I saw the way you two fought to get to each other...I saw Spock's determination to get you back...and then you were obviously upset when I said he hadn't visited you! How could there not be something going on?"
"You misunderstood me. I said we're not a couple. Not that we never have been. I don't have to worry about getting found out anymore...you're right, there was something going on. That's over now." Nyota picked up the tricorder that she had brought in with her. McCoy hadn't even seen her set it down. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment in the brig."
"The brig?" McCoy repeated, his voice rising on the last word. "What the hell are you doing in the brig?"
"The woman who beamed aboard with me." Nyota clarified. "I'm meeting the captain there in a few minutes to discuss what to do with her. Apparently, she absolutely refused to be sent back to Scorpius. Not that I blame her."
"Uhura, you're on sick leave...which means you can't do any sort of Starfleet-related work." McCoy said slowly, as if speaking to a child. Nyota rolled her eyes.
"I know that." she replied in the same tone. "I'm not working, exactly. Kirk stopped by yesterday to tell me that he plans on dropping her off at base, like Starfleet Command suggested. I asked him to reconsider, and he agreed to meet with me there today to talk about it. He wants me to record her language, since we didn't get a chance before. Which, I remind you, isn't officially Starfleet business, before you start in on me about that. I'm doing it as an expert xenolinguist, not a Starfleet officer."
"I don't see the difference." McCoy grumbled. "You're supposed to be relaxing in your quarters."
"I doubt relaxing in my quarters is good for my mental health- which you're obviously so concerned about." she smiled as he scowled at her.
She was glad that she had gotten his mind off of Spock. That wasn't a subject she would want to talk about with anyone anytime soon. In fact...her sudden interest in the woman who had beamed aboard with her stemmed from the fact that she needed a project to keep her mind off of Spock.
A few weeks before, when she worked daily on the bridge, she would have done anything to have a few days off to relax. But now that she had that time...
Nyota had been growing restless ever since her medical leave began. That was probably part of the reason why she had blown up at Spock...while most of it was justified, a fraction of it had been caused more by her restlessness than by him. That didn't change her decision to end the relationship any...but it made her realize that she needed something to do. After catching up on several communications journals and news articles, watching five holo-vids that she had been meaning to see for months, and thoroughly cleaning her quarters, she had realized that she wasn't cut out for relaxation time.
Over the last three days, she had had far too much time to think about Spock. She had come too close several times to leaving her quarters to seek him out...if she didn't find something to do, she would find herself begging him to forgive her, even if it should be the other way around.
She didn't want to admit it...but she even missed his brief, emotionless, ten-minute visits. His complete absence from her life was...unsettling.
"Trust me, Bones." Nyota said as she headed toward the medical bay doors. "I need something to do."
________________________________________________________
"Ah- here she is!" She heard Kirk say as she walked out of the turbolift and down the corridor lined with empty cells. Nyota almost stopped short when she saw who stood beside him.
"Captain Kirk." she said, stopping before him to stand at attention. "And Commander Spock." she added. The fact that he was no longer in her personal life didn't mean that she could get away with not acknowledging him in her professional one. She kept her eyes trained on Kirk, refusing to look at Spock...even though she could almost feel his eyes on her.
"Well, here she is...we still don't even know her name. Miller came down to see her, but...I don't think she likes men, and you're the only female xenolinguist on the ship." Kirk said, gesturing toward the only occupied cell to his left. Nyota peered in through the energy field that prevented the woman from escaping.
She was huddled in the corner, still wearing furs and leaves, her thick black hair escaping from its band to frame her face. Her yellow eyes settled on Nyota, and she jumped up to come closer, speaking rapidly in her language and smiling, sharp teeth glinting.
"That's the most positive reaction I've seen out of her." Kirk observed.
"Why is she still in the brig instead of in her own quarters?" Nyota asked, turning to Kirk with a frown. "She's not a prisoner."
"Well...there was a bit of an incident when we tried to beam her down." Kirk said with a grimace. "She got violent. I'm not sure if it's just the beaming process that she was afraid of...or maybe she just knew that if she stood on the transporter pad she would end up back on the planet. Either way...she wouldn't cooperate and attacked one of the security officers trying to restrain her. She bit him pretty hard...we decided that until we can get her to the base, she should stay in a cell."
"She was probably scared, Captain." Nyota said, her brows drawing together. "Wouldn't you be if a couple of strangers tried to wrestle you onto a platform that makes people disappear and reappear somewhere else?"
"Yeah, well..." Kirk ran a hand through his hair. "This whole thing would be a lot easier if we could understand her."
"That's what I'm here for." Nyota replied firmly. "Captain...you're taking her to the base so scientists and linguists can study her, correct?"
"Correct." Kirk said, nodding.
"Then I request that instead of taking her to the base, you give me the responsibility of leading the study on her language." Nyota said, keeping her eyes on Kirk. She could feel Spock standing there, only a few feet away...she even thought she could feel the heat radiating from his body. She used to call him her own personal furnace...
"Is that even allowed?" Kirk asked, frowning a little and looking to his left, at Spock. Nyota strove not to look at him, even though she wanted to. She felt very uncomfortable...why was he even there? Had Kirk invited him? If he had, he certainly didn't know about their separation...
"Under section 55A of Starfleet regulations, it may be allowed." Spock replied. "As long as the study is recorded and properly documented, the female may be allowed to stay on the Enterprise for observation...temporarily, of course. The amount of time allotted for the study would be chosen by Starfleet, whether or not the study is completed within that time frame."
His voice was so smooth, so deep...it washed over her, calming her nerves. Nyota mentally shook herself. Damn it! she cursed.
"Well, I'm more worried that it might cut into your work time, Lieutenant." Kirk said, turning back to Nyota.
"Captain, I have just been informed by Dr. McCoy that my medical leave may be extended." Nyota said the words bitterly. "I will have time to begin the study before I return to the bridge. Once the groundwork is established, I see no reason why I won't be able to study her during my free time. It won't affect the rest of my work, I assure you."
"Why should I hand this over to you instead?" Kirk asked, smirking, folding his arms over his chest. Nyota knew he didn't mean that he thought she was incapable...he was challenging her to convince him that she could do it.
"Captain, I am fluent in more known languages than anyone you've ever met." Nyota said, straightening, rising to the challenge. "I am the most qualified xenolinguist on this ship. I am also Chief Communications Officer, which gives me the authority to head a linguistics study on this ship. But besides my professional qualifications, I have a few personal ones as well. This woman saved my life. I was the first to come into direct contact with her on Scorpius Three, and it appears that I'm the only person she responds to in any positive way. Also..." she hesitated, unsure if she wanted to say this in front of either Spock or Kirk. "I need closure. I need to understand why what happened...happened. She has my answers, Captain, and I want...no, I deserve...to be the first human in this universe who knows her language."
Kirk's eyes slid sideways to Spock again. "Well, what do you think, Spock?" he asked quietly. "Do you think I should recommend this to Starfleet?"
Despite her desire to pretend he was not there, Nyota finally looked over at him. She couldn't help it.
She caught him looking at her, his face completely unreadable, but he immediately looked away, to stare at a spot on the wall as he responded. "Captain, I concur with everything Lieutenant Uhura has said. She is, without a doubt, the highest-qualified xenolinguist to undertake this study, possibly in all of Starfleet. Both with her professional and personal qualifications."
"Is that your unbiased opinion, Mr. Spock?" Kirk asked, with a teasing note in his voice. There was a short silence, during which Spock continued to stare at the wall and Nyota looked down at the floor.
"It is, Captain." Spock replied softly. That was when Kirk seemed to finally realize that something was going on that he was unaware of, because he looked at Spock, then Nyota, and then Spock again, his expression calculating.
"Is there something wrong with you two?" he asked. Nyota's eyes darted back to Spock long enough to see his shoulders slowly stiffen.
"Captain, our private affairs are none of your concern." Spock replied. "I would appreciate it if you did not ask personal questions."
Kirk still looked between then, frowning slightly, but he didn't say anything more about it.
"Lieutenant, please commence with the recording." Spock said, still not looking away from the wall. Nyota tried to stop herself from regretting the end of their relationship at that moment...although it was not visibly evident, Spock was in pain. She could almost feel it radiating off of him with his body heat. He had agreed that she was the most-qualified for the study, when he could have easily suggested that the study would be better conducted on base. She didn't care that it was logical...the compliment warmed her immeasurably, and while just moments before she wouldn't have taken him back even if he crawled on his hands and knees and begged her, she began to consider otherwise...
Damn it damn it damn it! She cursed. No...she couldn't take him back! She couldn't even consider it! He had already caused her so much pain...even though she did still love him, she couldn't trust him to be there for her. What kind of relationship would it be if she constantly worried that she would be alone in her pain and torment? What if something happened to her in the future and she had to go through all of this again? No, it wasn't at all acceptable...she pushed these thoughts away and turned her attention back to her tricorder.
"Captain, could you please let down the barrier long enough for me to join her in the cell? I think this would be easier if I was a little closer." Her professional demeanor was snapping back into place, her mind too occupied with her work to wander back to Spock, who she was sure was watching her again. His eyes almost seemed to burn her.
"Are you sure?" Kirk asked, a little nervous. "Maybe you should take a phaser just in case."
"No, I'll be fine, Captain." Nyota said, and turned toward the cell as Kirk punched in his code. The woman, who had watched their exchange silently, backed away and watched Nyota as she entered and the energy field went back up behind her.
"Hello." Nyota said, raising her hand in the universal sign for greeting. The woman tilted her head in a way that reminded her of Spock...she pushed that thought away as soon as it surfaced.
"Hall-o." the woman repeated, mimicking her gesture. She smiled, her sharp teeth showing white against her dark skin. She then said something in her language. Nyota shook her head slowly to show that she didn't understand. She pressed a hand against her chest.
"Nyota." she said, and then gestured toward the woman, who tilted her head again, puzzled. Nyota repeated the action, gesturing first at herself as she said her name, and then at the woman. Her yellow, inhuman eyes widened in comprehension. She pointed at herself.
"Remaja!" was what it sounded like. Nyota smiled. Now they were getting somewhere.
____________________________________________________________
She was beautiful.
That thought was the only one that filled Spock's head the entire time he was in her presence. The only coherent thought. The rest was a jumble of desire, pain, sorrow, and anger at himself. He was unsure why he had accepted Kirk's invitation to accompany him to the brig. He had no reason to be there. Perhaps it was because he knew he would not see her again off the bridge.
He watched silently beside Kirk as she spoke slowly to the woman, prompting her to speak so that the tricorder would catch Remaja's words. She was smiling her first true smile in weeks, her face glowing with contentment as she did what she did best...study a new language. He only wished that he was the cause of that smile, and that glow.
They were in the brig for nearly an hour before Nyota decided that she had enough material to take back to her quarters to listen for the consistencies in the speech pattern. She was smiling broadly as she thanked Kirk for the opportunity. She did not look at him, even once, as she left. He was saddened...but it had been expected.
"So what's going on?" Kirk asked as soon as she was out of earshot. Spock turned to Kirk, eyes narrowed ever so slightly.
"Captain, I have no intentions of insulting you...but it is none of your business, as humans say."
"Spock...I'm your friend, aren't I? Come on...whatever's wrong with you two, I'm sure I could give you some advice that will fix it."
"Your advice would be far too late, and if you had given it to me sooner, I would likely have ignored it as I did my father's." Spock replied, surprised by his own bitterness and the private information regarding his father that he had let slip. He must have been so preoccupied by the situation with Nyota that he was becoming careless.
"It's never too late with human women, trust me." Kirk said, and began to slowly walk down the corridor. Spock matched his stride, hands clasped behind his back.
"I believe I may have damaged my chances beyond repair." Spock confessed. Kirk sighed.
"What did you do? Not visit her like you did when she was in sickbay?" he asked, a tinge of disapproval evident in his tone.
"On the contrary, I visited her every night for one week." Spock replied dryly. "I believe it was my lack of discussing recent events with her that drove her to sever our relationship. I admit that I have not been as much of a comfort to her as I should have been." What was he doing? Why was he telling Kirk all of this? Hadn't he just said it was none of his business? But Spock could not seem to stop himself. "Had I heeded my father's advice upon receiving it, I may have prevented this."
"What was your father's advice?" Kirk asked curiously.
"He advised me to discuss my....feelings...with her, and ask what she needed of me as her mate." Spock replied, struggling to keep his anger at himself out of his voice.
"Your father seems to know what he's talking about. That's exactly what I would have advised." Kirk said, impressed.
"My father was married to my mother for many years, Captain. I am sure he had his difficulties with her."
"Then why the hell didn't you listen to him?" Kirk asked incredulously. "Really, Spock- what were you thinking?"
"I am not sure, at this time." Spock felt heavy again, like he had three nights before after returning from Nyota's quarters. "I seem to have been under the mistaken impression that it would be logical to wait until the end of Nyota's medical leave to speak to her about what happened. She disagreed."
He did not think Kirk needed to know all of the little details, such as how Spock had not spoken to Nyota about her ordeal because he could not handle it, not her. He did not need to tell Kirk that the reason he was afraid to hear it was because he may lose control.
"Listen, Spock..."Kirk said, and stopped right before the turbolift, turning to face Spock. "Uhura was angry when she broke it off. When women are angry, they say all sorts of things that they don't mean. Later on, when they've calmed down, they regret it. So don't give up, okay? Maybe she'll forgive you for being an ass- which is exactly what you've been during this whole thing. I'm saying this as one friend to another- you're an ass. Okay?"
Spock stared at Kirk, one eyebrow slowly rising. Kirk continued.
"If you had come to me sooner, I still would have called you an ass. I told you that you needed to be there for her. Which means emotional support. Which means talking to her about it, letting her get it off her chest. Not refusing to discuss it because, in your usual ass way, you thought it was logical to put it off. When it comes to women, what they want is more important than what you think is logical. If Uhura said she was ready to talk about what happened, you should've talked about it. Really, Spock- it's not that hard."
Kirk pressed the button to call the turbolift. He turned to say one last thing. "Like I said, you can still get her back. You should know how...think real hard about why she broke up with you, and think about how to reverse that. I'm not telling you any more, because it's not my place to fix your mistakes. This is something you have to do on your own. If you want Uhura back- you're gonna have to fight for her by yourself."
Kirk stepped into the turbolift, and Spock followed. They rode in silence up to the senior staff's private quarters, where Spock got off. Kirk continued up to the bridge.
As Spock headed toward his quarters, he thought about his captain's words of 'wisdom'. He was sure that, incredibly, Kirk was right...but how could he reverse his mistakes? They were very serious errors...
For the past three days, he had simply accepted the fact that Nyota was no longer his, even if part of his brain- that primitive Vulcan section- refused to relinquish its claim on her. But now...he felt a tiny spark of illogical hope.
A/N: Okay, folks, just one more chapter to go! The general consensus seems to be that I should continue with this fic using different story arcs, which I think will be easier anyway, so that's what I'll do.
And as for what Kirk said- I know we were all thinking it, so I just knew I had to have someone say it to Spock's face!