Chapter 8: Opposition
Spock lay on his back in Nyota's bed, his arms behind his head, eyes closed. Nyota was curled against his side, her head resting on his chest.
"Spock, what is it?" she asked, speaking for the first time in almost half an hour, tracing the thin trail of hair on his midsection that led below the sheets with the tips of her fingers. "You've been really quiet tonight. And you haven't even opened the link."
She was worried about him. He had been distant all evening, even when they had made love.
"I have been quite...distracted." Spock admitted. He placed an arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer.
"Distracted by what?" Nyota asked. She moved so that she was partially laying on top of him, her arms crossed and resting on his abdomen. She rested her chin on her arms and looked into his face as he opened his eyes to look at her.
"I would prefer to tell you at another time. Please, Nyota, allow us to enjoy this peaceful moment." he replied, raising a hand to stroke her hair. She sighed and turned her face away.
"Spock, the last time you said something like that, it caused a whole lot of problems for us." she said. Her post-lovemaking glow was quickly dissipating. She knew something was wrong.
He was silent for a moment, and his fingers stopped threading their way through her hair, instead resting on the nape of her neck.
"You are correct." he murmured. He paused, before continuing. "I contacted my father today to inform him of our bonding."
"And?" Nyota asked, wondering why this would trouble him.
"Perhaps I should show you in a meld." he said, and placed his fingers on her temple. "May I?"
"Go ahead." Nyota said, leaning into his warm touch.
It really wasn't that much different from when Spock entered her mind using their link- only much more powerful. With their link, they could converse or feel one another's emotions, but in a meld everything was accessible.
Spock showed her the conversation between himself and Sarek. When it ended, she was in shock.
"Spock...what exactly was that all about?" she asked when he had withdrawn. "I mean...why was he so angry? And why didn't you tell me about this before?"
"I have much to explain." Spock replied. Nyota rested her cheek against his chest.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere." she said firmly. "So tell me."
Spock closed his eyes, and one of his hands began to slowly stroke her back. She relaxed against him, and then he began to speak, his chest vibrating as his voice washed over her in calm waves.
"I explained Vulcan bonding and marriage rituals to you on the night we bonded." he began. Nyota nodded against him, even though it had not been a question. "But I did not explain the importance placed on them.
"Vulcan mates are chosen by the heads of the families. My father is the head of the S'chn T'Gai house. It was his responsibility to find my mate, which he did when I was seven years old- I was officially bonded to T'Pring, as I told you when we first began our relationship 7.8 months ago. The bonding ceremony, while unnecessary, is the Vulcan way of declaring the family's sanction for the match and an elder must be present for it to prevent any mishaps. No marriage is to be made without the head of house's permission.
Nyota tried to speak, but she felt a finger press against her lips.
"I am not finished, ashayam." he said gently. He pulled his finger away and she sighed, pressing her cheek against him harder to urge him on. "The marriage ceremony is equally important to the family. It represents their continued support for the match- as there is usually several years in between the bonding and marriage ceremonies. It also affords the female their only chance to declare koon-ut-kalifee. But my father's main reasons for his disapproval are none of these.
"The Vulcan marriage customs date back thousands of years, to when Vulcans were beings of passion. They have been a part of our culture for so long that even once converted to the ways of Surak, the rituals were kept. Every family- even the poor families, and the few Vulcans of passion- still observe the ancient marriage rites, even after the destruction of Vulcan. It is expected of every Vulcan couple to undergo the ceremonies. To not do so is considered a severe offense against our ancestry, indicative of disregard for our ancient culture. Very, very few Vulcans have ever bonded without the proper ceremony. And none of those were members of my lineage.
"What we have done is, as I stated in my conversation with my father, an elopement. Yet my father is also correct- it is much worse than an elopement. For humans, an elopement may be looked down upon, but for Vulcans...it is one of the very worst things you can do to shame your family. A bonding without familial consent and proper overseeing by a respected elder indicates that it was not logical. If it were logical, the family would have consented to it. Which means that the Vulcans in question acted upon passion.
"To summarize...my father is angry about several things. We did not seek his permission before bonding- which is required in Vulcan marriages. We did not observe Vulcan traditions when we bonded. The bonding itself may have been dangerous for you- I risked your health by not having an elder present. I have acted illogically. I have shamed my family- and so my father will not acknowledge our marriage."
He fell silent. Nyota turned her head to press a kiss against his stomach.
"But we are still considered married, right?" she asked, afraid of the answer. Spock stopped stroking her back, and cupped her cheek with his hand.
"We are." he replied quietly. "Nothing can change that. But my father will never acknowledge you as a member of his family."
"All of this just because we didn't go through a few stupid ceremonies?" Nyota asked. "What difference does it make? The result would have been the same no matter what we did. We would still have been bonded."
"That is true, but Vulcans are very proud of their culture. Nothing is worse than failing to observe an ancient Vulcan custom." His tone was somewhat dry and sarcastic.
"This still makes no sense." Nyota said, propping her chin on her arm again. "And..." her voice faltered. "It's my fault. I insisted that we bond right then and there without even discussing it further."
"This is why I did not tell you before I spoke to my father." Spock said, and she thought she detected censure in his tone. "I did not wish for you to blame yourself. Nyota, you were unaware of the strict views on Vulcan marriages. It is entirely my fault for acting upon my emotions without considering the consequences."
"Well, you wouldn't have bonded with me if I hadn't suggested it!" Nyota said, frustrated by the fact that he was trying to place all of the blame upon himself.
"I do not regret it, my adun'a." Spock said, pulling her up along his body so that he could kiss her. "My only regret is that my father..." he trailed off, but he did not need to continue. Nyota had felt the sorrow in the meld. She knew he hadn't opened the link that night because he didn't want her to have to feel it, too.
"I don't want to be the cause of a rift between you." Nyota said quietly. "Is there anything we can do to fix this?"
"I do not know." Spock replied. "I believe the damage has already been inflicted."
"Spock, I know you've wanted your father's approval all your life." Nyota said, and she felt tears stinging her eyes. She blinked them away. She hated to cry in front of him, and she had done it too much lately. "I've ruined that."
"He may learn to forgive me over time." Spock said, but she knew he was just as sure as she was that that wouldn't happen.
"I'm sorry." Nyota said, tightening her hold on him.
"You will never have anything to be sorry for, my Nyota." Spock said, both of his hands now stroking her back soothingly.
Nyota rested her head against him. She felt sadness settling all over her, seeping into her heart and chilling her. The last week and a half had been indescribably happy. But now reality was beginning to sink in once more. For every action, there was always an equal and opposite reaction. It was one of the basic laws of physics, but it applied to pretty much every situation in life.
"It does seem that we are always facing some sort of opposition." Spock said, and she realized that the link was open again. He had heard her thoughts.
"We never get a break, do we? If it's not one thing, it's another. Every time we're happy, something ruins it. Why can't the universe just leave us the hell alone? " Nyota said.
"Is it not worth the fight, Nyota?" Spock asked, and she met his eyes.
"Of course it is." she replied. "That's why we have to keep fighting. And we're going to fight together."
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Nyota stared down at her tray, moving the lasagna around with her fork, her mind in a completely different place.
It was her fault. She had been so overcome with Spock being in her head and feeling all the love he held for her, that she couldn't stop herself from insisting on the bond. And now Sarek was furious. Why couldn't she have been more patient?
What she had said the night before was true. It seemed that she and Spock were always facing some sort of invisible adversary in their relationship. When they had first kissed, the adversary had been their professional relationship, and Spock's insecurity about 'meeting her emotional needs' (which, by the way, he had been partly right about). Then it had been his duty to his people that tore them apart. Recently, it had been miscommunication between the two of them, and their own pain that held them back. Now...it was the fact that they had both been impatient and caught up in the moment.
There has to be a way to fix it, she thought. She just wasn't sure how. She couldn't be the cause of more sorrow between father and son. There had been enough of that for the both of them.
Nyota was startled out of her reverie by someone sitting down on her left. She looked up, and saw Kirk.
"Is there something you need, Captain?" Nyota asked, before taking a sip from her glass of water.
"No. I'm just sitting here to eat." Kirk said, and Nyota saw that he had a tray in front of him, full of several different dishes. She wrinkled up her nose in disgust. It always amazed her how much Jim Kirk could eat in one sitting.
Nyota looked up towards the entrance just as Spock entered the recreation area. His eyes immediately fell on her, and she gave him a small smile, opening up the link so that she could feel him. She was surprised when he made his way over to them, and sat on her other side.
"Spock?" Kirk said cautiously, his eyes darting between the two of them. Nyota repressed a smile as she lifted the salad from her tray and slid it toward Spock.
"Nyota, I am quite capable of getting my own food." Spock told her across the link, eying the salad.
"You haven't eaten since breakfast." she said teasingly, reminding him of his words from two days before. "And you need nourishment. Besides- that's not replicated lettuce. It's the very last of the fresh produce we picked up from that class M planet a few days ago."
Kirk watched in astonishment as Spock began to eat the salad without a word. Nyota looked back at him.
"What, Captain?" she asked innocently. He was still looking between her and Spock.
"When did you two...?" he trailed off.
"One week and six days ago, Captain." Spock replied.
"Shows how observant you are." Nyota said, picking up her fork again. Then she looked over at Spock, who met her gaze.
"Why are you sitting beside me, Spock? Isn't that a bit suspicious?" she asked.
"Nyota, we are not entirely alone." he replied. She felt slightly disappointed...she had hoped for a moment that he might have changed his mind about keeping them secret.
"Discrete, Nyota." he corrected, but his voice in her head was soft, and accompanied by a stream of comfort.
"Why are you two staring at each other like that?" Kirk asked, obviously uncomfortable. He then mumbled something under his breath that Nyota couldn't hear.
"Why do we need to 'get a room', Captain?" Spock asked, confused. Kirk rolled his eyes.
"Never mind, Spock." he said, then he grew serious. "Listen...if you two ever decide to get married...I can perform ceremonies, you know."
At the mention of ceremonies, Spock and Nyota exchanged glances. The guilt within Nyota became stronger.
"I have told you not to blame yourself." Spock said gently. He sent another wave of comfort, and it was like a caress to her troubled mind. She felt herself calm down, the guilt burying itself once more.
"There will be no need, Captain." Spock said out loud, turning his attention back to his salad. "We are already bonded."
"Bonded? Doesn't that mean you're connected by your minds?" It was not Kirk who spoke- it was Dr. McCoy, who had just sat across from them. Nyota saw Spock tense up, and felt his immediate discomfort across the open link.
"Yes, that is what it means." Spock replied.
"Last I knew, you two were split up." McCoy said, getting started on his lunch.
"You're behind the times, Bones." Kirk said. "Apparently they're back together.
"Well...I'm not sure why she would prefer a computer over a real man." McCoy said with a shrug. "But...whatever floats her boat."
This was the first time McCoy had ever made one of his comments while she was linked with Spock. She felt his anger and hurt at the comment. "I am not a computer. Computers do not have emotions or souls." she heard him think. It was not directed at her, but she heard it nonetheless.
"I know better than that, Spock." Nyota said, and now she was the one sending him comfort and affection across the link.
Dr. McCoy was now looking at Nyota. "How's your assignment going?"
"It's going just fine." Nyota said. "I'm still not sure that four months will be enough time, but I'll have to make do."
They discussed Remaja for the remainder of the meal- or at least, Kirk, McCoy, and Nyota discussed it. Spock was strangely quiet. Then Kirk had to go on bridge duty and McCoy reported back to medical.
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"Are you okay?" Nyota asked when they arrived at Spock's quarters. She did not come here often- they usually met up in her quarters. Spock did not immediately reply, and instead placed his hands on her waist, pulling her closer to him.
"I am well." he replied, resting his forehead against hers and closing his eyes. The link was still open.
"Spock..." Nyota hesitated, and he opened his eyes. "I was thinking...maybe we should take the captain up on his offer?"
"Are you referring to his offer to perform the marriage ceremony?" Spock asked, and she felt his incredulity.
"Yes." she replied, snaking her arms around his waist, pressing herself against him as she rested her cheek against his chest.
"That would not be logical. We are already married." Spock replied, pulling away to look at her again. "Why would you suggest a second marriage?"
"Well..." Nyota bit her lip. "I'm Terran. I want a Terran wedding ceremony. We already messed up by not having a proper Vulcan wedding...so why not have a proper Terran one?"
"Terran weddings are nothing more than signing a marriage certificate." Spock said, and she felt his disbelief washing over her. "They are meaningless. Bonding is much more meaningful. We are more married than any human couple could ever be."
"It's not meaningless!" Nyota said indignantly, now completely pulling away from him. "Don't insult my culture! My family has had those 'meaningless' Terran ceremonies for hundreds of years!"
"And my family has had their marriage traditions for thousands of years." Spock replied coolly. The link abruptly ended, and she knew he was again experiencing frustration, sorrow, and anger because of the situation with his father. "Yet we did not observe the customs of my people."
"So that means we can't observe mine?" Nyota asked angrily, crossing her arms over her chest. Spock turned away, and began to organize the data chips on his desk. Nyota's jaw clenched.
"Don't turn away from me, Spock!" she said. "You always do that when we have issues. That's the biggest reason why we almost didn't get back together! When you're hurting, you clam up. When are you going to let me help you?"
"I do not require help, Nyota." Spock said, turning back to her and also folding his arms over his chest. "The issue between my father and myself is entirely personal. While our bonding is the cause of it, it still does not concern you."
Nyota stared at him, eyes flashing. "Doesn't concern me?" she repeated icily. "But it does, Spock!"
"Nyota, you are not acquainted with my father. This does not directly affect you." Spock said. He reached out to touch her, but she drew away- just as she had done the first time he tried to touch her after the Scorpius incident. He slowly lowered his hand.
"You're hurting because he disapproves. It concerns me when you're hurt, Spock. I don't like to see you in pain- just as you don't like seeing me in pain." Nyota said.
"Nyota, can we please not discuss this now. I would prefer our time in the evenings to not be tempered with negative emotions." Spock said. This did not diminish the anger now welling up within her.
"There you go again, trying to postpone our issues! Spock..." Nyota shook her head. "We're bonded now. You can't postpone things. I really think you should try to talk to Sarek again."
"That will hardly improve anything, Nyota." Spock replied. Nyota glared at him.
"You're not even trying to improve anything. You're just pitying yourself."
Spock's eyebrows shot up. "Nyota, I am not-"
"And you never listen to my advice!" Nyota said, interrupting him. "We were supposed to sit down and discuss the smaller problems in our relationship, but we haven't yet. We've been too afraid of spoiling our happiness to have that discussion. Well, guess what- our happiness was spoiled for us! So it's time to have that discussion we've been meaning to have for two weeks. First things first- your penchant for pitying yourself instead of doing something to change the situation! Tell me- when you stopped outside my quarters every night during our separation and debated about whether or not to enter- were you ever going to actually decide on it? If you hadn't heard me having that nightmare, would you have ever tried to get me back?"
"I do not know." Spock replied, somewhat stiffly. "What matters is that I did, and we are here now."
Nyota took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "That's not the point. My point is that if you hadn't had your mind made up for you by those ancient Vulcan instincts you're so ashamed of, you would be alone in these quarters right now, and I would be alone in mine. Because you wallow in self-pity and don't do anything to change it."
"Nyota, you are acting illogically. When you have calmed down, we will discuss the issues you mentioned. You are correct that we have postponed the discussion too long."
"I'm not going to calm down anytime soon!" Nyota snapped. She wasn't even sure why she was mad. Perhaps it was just her frustration from Spock's unwillingness to have a Terran wedding with her. Could something so small really be the cause of the anger within her? "Maybe I'd better just go." she muttered, turning toward the door. "I think I need to be by myself tonight."
She left his quarters, fuming as she walked down the corridors to her own rooms. She really wasn't sure why she was angry. Maybe it was just the fact that the problems in their relationship that had seemed so small two weeks ago, now felt so huge. Spock's habit of shrinking from their problems. Spock's determination to protect her from his own pain. He was back to his old habits.
She loved him- and she knew she wouldn't stay angry long. But she was frustrated and didn't want to take it out on him any longer. He didn't deserve it. A night alone should be enough for her to cool down. Then she would see him tomorrow and they would be able to sit down and have that long-overdue talk.
She suddenly realized something as she entered her quarters- this was their first argument as a married couple.
The honeymoon was definitely over.
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Nyota had only been in her quarters thirty minutes when her door chimed. She had just stepped out of the shower, so she wrapped a towel around her.
"Who is it?" she asked. She felt a gentle nudge in her mind, and she sighed. "Come in, Spock."
She hadn't expected him to come after her- especially not so soon. It seemed he was learning.
He came in, and stood there before her.
"Nyota, it was not my intention to anger you." he said. It wasn't an apology, but it was close enough to one. Nyota felt her anger and frustration leave her, and she smiled.
"I'm sorry. I think I'm just upset over everything, too. I'm handling it all wrong."
"You are correct that we must discuss our issues. Shall we do so now?" Spock asked. Nyota shook her head slowly.
"We can discuss it tomorrow. Just come here." she said. He came towards her, and she wrapped her arms around him. "I know you're sad because of your father. I think we should both talk to him. Together. We should see whether or not there's something we can do to make everything right. I said we have to fight together- and I meant it. We have to fight to get over this hurdle, too."
He opened the bond, and flooded her with admiration and love. She smiled against his neck.
"I love you, too." she said, and drew away. "And there's a custom married humans have for whenever they have a fight."
"What is it?" Spock asked. She tilted her head and rose an eyebrow suggestively. She moved one hand to loosen the towel- it dropped to the floor.
An hour later, when they lay together on the bed- Nyota decided that fighting was worth it, just for the make-up sex.
A/N: I'm not sure that I like how this one turned out. I had a lot of problems writing this chapter. I have some things planned for future chapters, but I got some minor writer's block with this one. So let me know what you think- all honesty is greatly appreciated. Don't be afraid of hurting my feelings.
Oh- and I hope I made it a little more clear about why Sarek is upset. If not, I apologize.