A/N: I just wanted to say that two of the pranks I'm using in this chapter came from reviewers so I want to say a special thanks to Skavnema and Depressing.Love.Songs for their wonderful suggestions.
Last time:
"Because we are very lovable." Fred finished with a chuckle, "So, I guess you called us here to plan?
"Indeed" Draco replied, " Snape gets it too this time."
George and Fred beamed, " Good old Snapey poo."
Now:
Severus Snape, Potions Master and Professor of Hogwarts was pissed. Actually, pissed was to light of a word for how he felt and he was sure he knew who was causing all of his misfortunes. He plopped down in his chair by the fire after checking it for booby traps and took a long swig of his whiskey. As the liquid burned on the way down, he thought back, replaying the day from hell over in his head.
When he woke up this morning, his stomach was in a terrible mess. It felt as if he had swallowed an entire caves worth of bats that were playing double dutch with his intestine. He quickly left the bed and ran to the bathroom with his butt cheeks squeezed together to avoid a mess he did not feel like cleaning up.
He plopped down on the toilet seat, unaware that his very normal action of going to the bathroom was also a trigger for the awful things he had experienced that day. He knew something was up when he sat down and felt something gooey hit his skin, unfortunately for him, he was in no condition to stand up and check to see what the problem was and continued on with his task of releasing the jump roping bats.
It took almost half hour before he felt confident enough to leave his bathroom. He reached over to the toilet paper and quirked an eyebrow, something was wrong with it. He tried and tried to pull the paper off of the roll but it wouldn't budge. The roll was seamless and had no ending. He tried to just rip into it but the paper, all though soft, had the strength of steel and would budge, effectively leaving him stranded on the toilet.
"I've got to shower anyway, I'll just wash off real good and be done with it." He thought to himself, proud that he was able to come up with a solution so quickly.
He kicked off his sleeping pants that were pooled around his ankles and went to stand but soon found himself unable to because he was stuck to the seat.
"I'm going to kill them" he yelled through out the bathroom, furious that he had been duped so bad in just a matter of minutes. He berated himself for another twenty minutes about his stupidity, after all, he was a spy for years and now he had been bested by his godson and girlfriend.
He finally accio'd his wand and tried to separate himself from the seat but had very little luck. Growing even more pissed then he already was, he waved his wand again, separating the seat from the toilet. He managed to stand but was in an odd question mark shape as the seat was not only glued to his ass it was also glued to his legs. Cursing loudly, he made for the bathroom door, unclean, naked and unable to stand up straight. He walked through the door and cursed again as he felt the pull of a port key take hold... "I'm really going to kill them." he roared.
He closed his eyes and prepared himself to be humiliated, he just knew he would end up in the streets of muggle London naked and glued to a toilet seat. He felt himself drop and fall to the floor, unable to set himself down gently like he normally would due to his extra body part. He slowly opened his eyes and screamed like a girl as no more then twenty feet away was a freshly showered, completely naked Minerva, who screamed at the top of her lungs as well.
"Severus Snape" she shrieked, "How dare you invade my quarters."
Severus wasn't listening, he was trying to figure out the best way to stand without been seen while clawing his eyes out at the same time.
"It's not my fault and for the love of Merlin put on a robe." he shouted back, still trying in vein to crawl away.
"How is this not your fault? YOU are in MY rooms, naked and... dear Merlin is that a toilet seat glued to your ass?" she asked with a laugh.
"You think this is funny? I ought to scoot my ass across your carpet like in itching dog." he hissed, "Those... those brats have been torturing me all morning."
"Who Severus? There are no students in the school?" She asked while throwing a sheet over the slithering potions professors body.
"Draco and Hermione, thats who... Draco has access to my rooms... they must have snuck in while I was sleeping." he answered.
Just as Minerva was getting ready to reply, Severus let out another girlish scream and started flopping back and forth, trying to get away from the discarded pair of granny panties that were on the floor no more the two inches from his face.
"What on earth?" She asked while running towards Severus. She spotted the knickers and plucked them up, "It's just undergarments." she hissed
"That.. is not the point. The point is where they more then likely were not so very long ago." he replied with a shuddered.
"Really Severus... grow up."
"It that what I have to look forward to, I will be creating an age reducing potion as soon as I get the chance."
Minerva finally had enough and pulled a still naked Severus to his feet. She cast a cleaning charm on him and transfigured her other pink bathrobe to a larger size, keeping the color pink for spite. He left her rooms and walked to the hospital wing looking every bit like very confused transvestite.
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Malfoy Manor was not a happy place either that morning. Draco and Hermione were perfectly content hiding in his room with a very strong protective ward on the door. They could hear the cursing down the hall and they sympathetic, yet laughing voice of Narcissa trying to calm Lucius down.
"I will not calm down woman. I actually comforted the girl last night and now I get repaid with this?"
"Lucius, it is not that bad."
"NOT THAT BAD?? I"M GLUED TO THE FUCKING TOILET SEAT." he shouted
"Well at least you have the toilet seat... I really, really have to go." she shouted back
"Then use one of the other toilets." he replied
"I..CANT..MAKE...IT..THAT...FAR." she seethed.
Despite the predicament, Lucius let out a laugh as his wife bounced around.
"You know... I cant wait till that baby is born." Lucius stated, "When that child gets old enough to understand, I am going to train him up good."
"It could be a her." Narcissa reminded.
Lucius waved his hand in dismissal, "The child will be male... all first borns from Malfoy's are male."
"Hmmf" Narcissa said as she turned away from him, "Is it really so bad to want a girl?"
Lucius squeezed his eyes shut, he knew where the conversation was heading and really didn't want to have it while glued to a seat.
"Can we talk about this once I'm free?" he asked
Narcissa turned around and smirked, "You know... I think I'm going to leave you there until you decide to give me what I want."
Lucius pouted, honest to god pouted, he knew she wanted to have a daughter more then anything and was now in the position to demand him to comply. He let out a sigh, was having another child really so bad? Wouldn't he do anything to make his wife happy? He rubbed his hands over his face and relented.
"Get me off of this seat and we will talk about the next Malfoy."
Narcissa shrieked in happiness before calling a house elf to have her husband removed from the seat. Once he was free, he dressed and ran straight across the hall to Draco's room, Blasting the door off the hinges despite the wards.
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Hermione and Draco were still in the making up part of their little tiff. The knew Lucius was glued to the toilet so they knew they had time, not to mention he had put wards on his door to prevent anyone from getting in.
Draco had pulled Hermione into a snogging session that quickly turned into more heated affairs. He flicked his wand at some point, vanishing their clothes from their bodies leaving them in the bed, skin against skin. He kissed his way down her neck and to her chest, placing little love bites as he went before moving to her breast that were slightly more sensitive then normal due to her condition.
Hermione let out a moan of appreciation for his talents as he pulled one of her nipples into his mouth, sucking and flicking his tongue against it as he went. His hand traveled down between her legs and started to gently rub her, making her moan a bit louder.
"Draco" she moaned, "stop teasing me" she said with a whimper.
Draco smirked and moved his body into position, placing himself at her entrance. He pushed in slowly not wanting to hurt anything as he didn't know what was allowed and what wasn't when it came to a pregnant person.
"You can move faster" she said in a matter of fact tone.
"I don't want to hurt anything."
"You wont... trust me." she replied
He leaned back down to kiss her again and started to pick up his pace. Hermione wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in deeper as he moved faster. Hermione was getting close so she clenched her muscles around him, wanting him to cum at the same time she did.
He grunted as he felt the muscles tighten and pumped harder, wanting to get the release her body was promising.
Hermione arched her back as her orgasm swept through, pulling Draco along with her. They were still in position, finishing their release when the door suddenly flew open and an irate Lucius walked in.
"DRACO... DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?" Lucius yelled
Hermione was trying her best to get under the sheets while Draco looked confused.
"I'm pretty sure I've done this a time or two." he replied with a quirked eyebrow.
Lucius, who was not paying attention to the bed suddenly groaned when he realized what he had walked in on.
"Do you two have nothing better to do?" he asked while turning around.
"Umm, father... can you leave for a minute." Draco asked as Hermione continued to burrow further under the sheets.
"I will leave in a minute, but not before I tell you what you have done."
"Uh – okay, what did I do?"
"You trapped me... you glued me to a toilet seat and I was cornered. I'll have you know that your mother is demanding a daughter from me and in order to gain my freedom I had to comply."
Draco froze.. the idea of his parents doing that was too much but Hermione poked her head from under the covers.
"You mean I'm not going to be alone in this?" she asked happily
Lucius sighed, "Apparently not."
Hermione squealed happily causing both Draco and Lucius to groan.