Part 5

***

After dinner she drew herself a hot bath. It was as relaxing as she'd hoped. It helped soothe her aching muscles and she felt herself suddenly tired. That was a good thing. She enjoyed her dinner, though it was pizza and not the best meal she could have had, it was quick and easy. It also didn't involve cooking. Tonight she didn't feel up to preparing an elaborate dinner. Besides, she was the only one at home. It was different when Rachel and Ella were staying with her.

It was getting late and she flipped through the channels, not finding much of anything to watch. She didn't feel quite like going to bed just yet but there wasn't much to do on a Saturday night. That was a sad thought. She liked going out, considered finding a bar, having a drink, meeting someone but somehow it felt like a betrayal to Peter.

So instead she was stretched out, the remote in her hand. She felt her eyes heavy but she was fighting sleep.

She nearly jumped out of her seat when she heard the door. She wasn't expecting company and less had expected a knock at her door. Usually the buzzer sounded. Maybe it was a neighbor or someone had the wrong door? "Just a second!" Olivia called back standing up, heading for it glancing through the peephole finding a rather tired looking Peter. She pulled open the door, glancing him over. He didn't look drunk, just tired and----something else. She couldn't quite put her finger on it. "Hey, Peter. What's going on?"

"Can I come in?" He shifted on his feet rather uncomfortably.

"Yeah, of course," she opened the door further letting him inside. "What's wrong?" She asked glancing him over. Noticing the sweatpants and jacket he had on. He wasn't dressed like she would have expected. She glanced at the clock realizing it was already past one. She hadn't realized she'd been up so late and was even more surprised Peter was here, in her apartment at this hour. It didn't look as though he was here regarding a case.

"I just---I needed to see you." Peter breathed, "can I sit?" He gestured to the sofa.

"Yeah, sure." Olivia locked up the front door. She reached for the remote turning the television off, giving Peter her undivided attention.

"Remember how we were in Seattle, I was telling you I had nightmares as a child?" His hands were clasped together, his head bent down still recanting the dream in his mind. It felt real and it was terrifying.

"Yeah, I recall," Olivia nodded. "You had another one tonight?" She could see the haunted expression, his eyes filled with pain, something she hadn't seen before.

"I did," Peter sighed, "and I know it wasn't real but I needed to get out of the apartment. Walter was there, staring at me. He seemed less than shocked."

"Well you did mention you'd had them as a boy," Olivia tried not to make a huge deal of it. "You want to stay here tonight?"

A faint smile tugged at his lips, "that's not why I came by," though it was what he wanted. "I just needed some space. Away from Walter." He glanced at her, as she sat beside him on the sofa.

"Is there anything I can do?" Olivia offered reaching a hand out to his arm. "I know a thing or two about nightmares these days."

Peter sighed, "yeah I suspected as much." He glanced down at her hand against his skin. It was warm, comforting. It reminded him of the previous night, curled up in bed beside her. He regretted not making a move when they'd both been awake. Though he swore to himself, he wanted her to be the one to make the first move, he needed her to be ready---he also felt that maybe starting the fire would be what she needed. What they needed. "I'm not sure what can be done. Maybe that old mantra before bed again?" He gave her the weakest of smiles.

"Yeah, that might work. I have a few other ideas in mind too." Olivia smiled back at him.

"Like what?" Peter stared into her piercing green eyes. In the darkened apartment with the soft light from the lamp they were brighter than usual. He was captivated, couldn't take his stare off her.

"Turn around." Olivia smiled finding it easier to speak when he wasn't staring at her. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Besides this way another way to help him settle down. "All the way," she gestured moving her hand to his shoulder guiding him to face away from her. Once he was situated her hands moved to his shoulder, gently massaging him. She was doing her best to calm him down, take things off his mind.

"So this is your plan?" Peter smiled. "Seduce me?"

"Well there's always that," she laughed, "actually seducing you would involve me taking off your shirt, licking your neck right now. Tasting the salty skin and then---" she paused with a laugh, "you get the idea."

His eyes had closed and his head hung forward with a smile imagining her words. "No, continue, Livia. Please."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" She whispered, her breath tickling his neck. Her lips hadn't yet kissed him but they were close enough to leave a lasting impression.

He felt his body instantly responding and smiled with his eyes still shut. "No worse than what happened this morning between us." He felt her hands still. She didn't say anything. "Livia?"

"You were awake during that?" She was shocked.

"I could be asking you that too," Peter smiled. "Though I heard you enjoying it."

Her hands dropped from his shoulders. "I don't know what to say." Her face reddened watching him turn around to face her.

"You could start by telling me you liked it," Peter laughed, "boost my ego a little."

Olivia stared at him, "you were awake. Why didn't you say something, open your eyes at least?" She didn't understand. "I thought---"

"I know," Peter nodded slowly, "I figured you'd stop me if you knew I was awake." He sighed seeing the look on her face. If she hated it that much, why didn't she stop him? He knew the reason, it wasn't that she hated it at all.

"You know this is crazy, right?" She laughed weakly, feeling slightly embarrassed by it. She wasn't great with relationships. They always turned out to be a mistake. Most of the men were attracted to the badge, the gun, she was the afterthought. The few times the men knew her, wanted more than just sex, it felt wrong. Her heart hadn't been it the way she had hoped. She couldn't explain it. Like biding time. How could you tell a man that cares about you, confesses his feelings that you're just waiting for the next best thing to come? With Peter, it had all felt different, been different.

"Which part?" He smiled reaching out for her, his fingers moving along her wrist, gently up her arm as her eyes were trained down, thinking but not speaking.

"You and me. All of it, Peter. We haven't even so much as kissed and we---this morning in the hotel room." She couldn't even say the words aloud. She ran a hand through her hair nervously avoiding his stare.

"Yeah, we did," Peter nodded happily. "It wasn't typical but it was good. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it."

"That's beside the point," she felt the smile on her lips and moved her head up seeing his eyes on her. "I did enjoy it, okay?" Why was talking about this with him so difficult? She could tell him almost anything else but when it came to feelings and relationships it seemed impossible.

"So then what's the problem?" Peter asked reaching out, his thumb stroking her cheek.

"I'm terrified I'll lose you. The same way I lost Charlie or John." She stared at him. "I can't lose you, Peter. I can't go through that, not again." Maybe they were different feelings she'd had for each man but it hadn't changed the growing ache in her heart. It seemed to be getting bigger.

He couldn't make false promises. He had no intention of going anywhere but he'd seen her tossed back into this world after being pulled away. He didn't know if it could happen to him. He hoped it wouldn't but it was a thought he didn't want to have. "I'm not going anywhere, Livia." Leaving wasn't going to be his choice. His eyes locked on hers. "You asked me to stay in Boston and until you tell me to go, I'm here with you."