For A Catastrophe

Being married to one's career produces no heirs. I love being Detective Tobias Holmes, but I've never had the chance to hold my own children. When I mentioned this to the cat, she grinned.

"You? A parent?" Felicia started laughing. "That will be the day I get knighted!"

"At least you'd be a good parent," I retorted. "You'd raise your children with the same love and care Ratigan used to raise you."

Before the cat could strangle me, Dr. Watson stepped through the door, holding something in his cupped hands.

Mr. Holmes raised his eyebrows. "Dare I inquire…?"

"I was tending a patient with a broken ankle, and I advised her to stay off her feet for a while. However, she lives alone and has no one to help with her housework, so I suggested that she ask a friend to stay with her. She thought the idea sounded reasonable enough, but she needs someone to watch her kitten until her friend arrives."

Mrs. Hudson took the kitten. "What an adorable little darling! What's your name, angel?"

"She said his name was Ralph. I believe she named him after a late American poet."

"Ralph Waldo Emerson," Mr. Holmes commented.

"Yes, that's the one."

I patted Felicia's shoulder and whispered softly enough that the humans wouldn't hear, "Congratulations! It's a boy!"

I enjoyed her baleful lower. (There are probably some things more fun than saying things to irritate a cat, but I can't think of any.)

"You're going to be nice to our guest," Mrs. Hudson informed us. "Toby, I don't want you chasing the poor kitten!"

Felicia purred and rubbed her head against Ralph as soon as Mrs. Hudson placed him on the floor. The kitten was cute and sweet…until the humans left the room, that is.

Ralph darted across the room and was halfway up the drapes before I caught him. As soon as I placed him back on the ground, he started shredding the fabric of every chair he could find. While I was trying to think of a way to keep him occupied that didn't involve him destroying the humans' property, he started pouncing on my tail. I didn't mind his game until he started using claws. Just when I was thinking things couldn't possibly get more stressful, Ralph darted out the pet door.

"Reichenbach Falls!" Felicia hurried after him.

I followed, but by the time we caught up with the kitten, he had managed to climb onto the lowest limb of the nearest tree.

"Come on down, Ralph," I coaxed.

He shook his head.

"Are you stuck?"

Ralph nodded.

Felicia sighed and muttered something under her breath, but she climbed the tree and retrieved the kitten, who then began along a fence. Ordinarily, there's nothing wrong with a cat walking on top of a fence, but one side of this fence was the yard of a large, vicious dog.

"If he slips, he's dead!" I remarked.

"My feet are too big to walk on that fence!" the cat stated.

At that moment, Ralph fell, thankfully on our side of the fence. I managed to catch him.

Felicia tried bribery. "Are you hungry? How would you like some seafood?"

It worked. The little pest followed us back to Baker Street and ate everything in Felicia's bowl. He then fell asleep on my favorite cushion.

"I don't know how Bartholomew did it," the cat remarked. "It's hard for two of us to keep track of a kitten smaller than we are. I was larger than Bartholomew, and he managed to keep me out of trouble."

After what seemed like an eternity, a human woman arrived at Baker Street and announced she was here to get her friend's kitten. I was finally free to return to spend the evening the way I wanted: having Mr. Holmes scratch my ears while I lay on his lap. I guess you could say it was a happy enough ending.

Oh yes, I almost forgot to mention the best part: The humans decided that Felicia needed a bath.

Of course, the happy ending was interrupted three weeks later when the cat and I had to watch a few puppies, but that's another story.