Disclaimer: See last chapter

~ "A purge to stop the gain." ~

She caught her reflection in the mirror, her eyes dull as she tried to furiously wipe away the tears that had found their way down her pale face, sliding down her dry skin before meeting her lips, leaving the slight taste of salt as she bit down on her lip.

She shook her head, willing the tears to stop falling for once, she just wanted it all to end. Her hands shook as she lifted them up slowly, reaching out for the girl in the mirror, the one looking back at her – she wanted to help her, it didn't settle in that it was her.

She let her fingers gently trace over the girl looking back at her, their eyes meeting as she tried to hold in the sobs, her body slightly shaking from the effort before she turned away, her eyes meeting with the porcelain bowl to which she had become so well acquainted with.

She bit down on her tongue lightly, her feet taking her to her destination before her mind could even consider the consequences of doing it here. She looked around, a small frown on her face, this was where she worked, her best friends were here – and look at what she was about to do. Could she do it here?

But then she knew she had to do. She had to do it; chinesechinesechinese the thoughts ran through her head, causing her to stumble a little, banging her back against the cubicle door, taking deep, shaking breaths as she tried to think of something else, anything else.

Chinesechinesechinese; she hadn't meant to have it, she didn't mean to give in, she just wanted to fit in. She wanted people to think she was normal; things were getting too hard. Her hands shook too much now as she quickly ran into the cubicle, slamming the door behind her as hard as she could and locking it.

Her eyes closed as she put her head on the cold wall, a deep sigh escaping her lips before she opened them again; her eyes wandering to that porcelain bowl that gave her so much pleasure and control but at the same time; hurt and deceit.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, mostly to herself, her feet taking her over to the bowl, her knees hitting the floor before she even knew it as she let her hand raise to her hair, brushing some out of her face and tying it back; this was for the best.

With one final shake of her head, letting out a small cry before her hands found their way to her mouth, it had to be this way. She bit down on her fingers at first, the tears pricking her eyes again as she tried to think of not doing it, this was a punishment.

DO IT JENNIFER. DO IT.

She winced at the voice in her head, nodding at the invisible person that always seemed to be with her before finally completing her task.

&Again&Again&Again&Again&Again

Doituntilit'sallgoneJennifer

You're never going to be good enough Jennifer

He's never going to see you for who you really are, Jennifer.

And as she pulls back, finally done, falling back onto the floor as she wipes her mouth – removing all evidence of what she can only describe as a crime. She realizes that it's all gone – hope, faith, last night's dinner, this mornings breakfast.... today's Chinese. Everything is gone. And she is empty; pure; clean.